This is a repost. I took down a large portion of my stories so that when I had the time, or the inspiration, I could go through them and make corrections that I was none to pleased with.

Accidental Findings

Part 1: The Inside Out

She never saw the car, the headlights or heard the sound of a speeding car coming. She could have sworn she had a green light. First she felt the hit followed by…silence. Everything went black.

Sirens, sounds of men, words that she can't make out. Her head pounds but her body is numb. She can't feel her legs, her arms. She can't move. Just lie still and help will come. She will get out. She has to.

A short time of consciousness then the abyss follows. Silence takes over for the later part of the day or was it longer? She couldn't tell. Everything was fuzzy.

The lights hurt her. She began to open her eyes but slowly. She felt as if she were floating off the bed. The bed. Where was she? She tried to speak but her vocal cords would not work for her. Instead, she moved her hand. She could see a figure but couldn't make it out. Was it a doctor? Someone she knew?

As she began to come around, the man she saw was Elliot. Why did he look so relieved? He looked worried. What happened? Then she began to panic. Kathy. What had happened to Kathy? The baby? Her heart rate jumped. Her breathing began to be erratic. She felt tears travel down her cheeks. She wanted to say sorry. She wanted to tell him that she wanted to do something but couldn't. She wanted to ask him if Kathy was okay. The car hit her side. It hit her side. She could be dead. The baby could have died. Was it her fault? Nothing was clear to her. She wanted answers.

Elliot reached for her face and wiped away some of the fallen tears. She wanted to speak so badly but the tube down her throat would not permit her to make any sounds. It hurt to cry. It was as if the muscles in her throat were tightening up, squeezing the tub.

Elliot places a hand on her forehead and tries his best to comfort her. He tries to make her relax because if she continues, he's afraid she might stop breathing.

Before exhaustion takes over once again, before darkness consumes her yet again, she hears "Kathy and the baby are fine Liv. Now sleep…" Silence follows but not the light.

As Olivia begins to come around, she can feel every muscle in her body aching. Her head seems to want to seek revenge for what she had put it through. Whiplash did not even begin to describe the way her head jerked. As she opens her eyes, she can see a woman standing in front of her with a clip board in hand. Olivia thought it may be a nurse.

The lights were too damn bright. She wants to shout at the nurse, Laura according to her name badge, to dim them or turn them off. Once the nurse sees that Olivia has woken up, she rushes to the nurses desk and asks the desk clerk to inform the doctor.

The next thing Olivia knows, Laura is entering her room with a doctor. The doctor comes close to Olivia and sits down at her bed side.

"Hello Ms. Benson. How do you feel?"

"I…c..a…n..t…"

"Talk? Let me see if we can get the tub out. Now that you are awake I see no need for it."

He informs Olivia to lay back and relax. "I need you to be still and I should warn you that you may gag. Just try to relax okay?"

Olivia nods and did what the doctor told her to do. She could feel the tub slowly sliding out. She thought that it would be never ending until she no longer felt it. It was like a relief that she couldn't describe.

"Your throat will be soar for a few days. You may want to stick with liquids until you can gain some feeling back in there. Now if you would like to rest, I can leave you and come back later?"

Olivia shook her head yes and watches as the doctor and nurse leaves her room. As she lays back and tries to get comfortable, she can't help but think that something bad is going to come from what has happened.

She felt her eye lids getting heavy and then remembers whispers as the lights began to fade. Nightmares would be greeting her as she slumbers: flashes of sudden movements, lights, sounds, voices that could not be made out. It was like a Chinese film but without the subtitles. It frustrated her even in her dreams.

A short time passes when Olivia felt someone gripping her wrist. Her instinct as a cop was to yank it away. The nurse looks at her in surprise and Olivia felt remorseful.

"I'm…sorry…"

"It's okay Ms. Benson. I get that a lot. I startled you."

"Call…me…Olivia."

"Okay Olivia. Would you like me to get the doctor for you?"

Olivia nods her head yes. The nurse leaves only to enter a short time later with the same doctor that Olivia had spoken with earlier.

"Hi Olivia. Do you feel up to talking?"

"Please."

"Okay, well I need to let you know that you have been in and out of consciousness for three weeks now."

To say the least, she was surprised. It certainly didn't feel like three weeks. She knew that the accident was bad but she had no idea that it would be this harmful to her. It didn't even hit on her side. Kathy should have had the majority of the harm.

"What…about…Kathy?"

"Is that the woman that was in the car with you?"

"Yes."

"Mrs. Stabler has already been discharged. She had a broken arm, and some cuts and bruises but she will be fine. Her son was nice and healthy. They went home about a week ago.

A son? Elliot has a son? She didn't know how to feel about the entire baby situation. In fact, she was still a bit numb about the whole thing. Knowing he had a son just felt so official. So real.

"I'm…glad."

"What I really need to discus with you is about your situation. Olivia, I am not going to beat around the bush. You suffered massive head trauma. Your head jerked back so fast from the combination of the air bag and the car hitting you that it caused some fluid to build up in your occipital lobe. Normally this would only cause blindness but the fluid has begun to spread. Therein lays the damage. I wish that I could say it will get better. But I can't."

"What…are…you…saying?"

Olivia began to panic. Was he telling her that she was dying? Was he saying that she suffered brain damage? Olivia was so worried. Her heart rate jumped and she began to sweat.

"I'm saying no one in New York has the kind of technology you need in order to treat it. I can suggest a great hospital. UCSD medical center in California has a great staff, great up to date technology and a specialist that can help you."

"I can't…afford to…pay for…that. What will…happen…if I…don't get…the surgery?"

"Your brain will continue to produce the fluid and it will most certainly kill you."

Tears began to fall softly down Olivia's cheeks. She didn't want to die. She felt helpless and alone.

"How long?"

"How long for what?"

"Until it kills me. How long do I have?"

"With the amount of time and percentage the fluid is building up? I would say a month. Give or take a week. There is no one that could help you financially? Your father? Mother? Any relatives?"

"No. There's no one. My mother… and father… are both dead…and my brother… has enough problems."

"I wish there was something I could do to help."

"You can…You can…discharge me. I want…to go…home."

"Ms. Benson I fully recommend…"

"No! If I'm…going to die…I want…to be…in my…own comfort."

The doctor shook his head and said, "Let me get the release forms. But I want to make this clear that this is strongly against my advice. I will make you a list of things I recommend you do in order to get by. I will also list some symptoms you will experience when home alone."

He left Olivia to her thoughts. Olivia sat on her bed in silence. She always used to say that she never wanted to know when she would die. Now, she was faced with a choice that she could not make. She had to face the fact that she was going to die in less then two months.

The doctor re-entered her room with a folder filled with lists of do's and don'ts. Work was at the top of the "Don't" list. How was she going to explain to Cragen that she was out of the hospital but she couldn't go to work? Should she tell him?

"I need you to know that you will experience some dizziness and may vomit as a result. It's unavoidable I'm afraid. No driving. Do you have someone to give you a ride home?"

Just as she was about to say no, someone interrupted.

"Yes, I can drive her."

The sound of her friend and co-worker rang sweetly in her ears. "Casey?"

"Well, I will leave you. I truly hope you change your mind about the treatment. In the folder I gave you, my card is inside with my cell phone number. If you have any questions, please call me any time, day or night."

"Thanks Doctor."

He nodded and left her alone with Casey.

"I just…need to get…changed then we can…go."

"Okay, I will wait outside."

Olivia smiled and then made her way to the bathroom. As she got ready, she decided to not tell anyone. She didn't want them to treat her differently. She just wanted them to remember her as the ball busting Benson; the indestructible woman that wouldn't take crap from anyone or let fear and pain take control of her senses. No one was going to know. No one.

As she slowly made her way out of the room, she noticed that Casey was no longer waiting outside. In her place was Elliot. The one person she wasn't ready to talk to. She knew that once he knew her condition, he would blame himself. After all, it was his wife she was driving to her doctor's appointment.

"Hey…where's Casey?"

"She had a 911 text message from the DA. I guess I'm your ride."

He smiled. She loved it when he smiled. It was like nothing had changed, like this was an average day and her being ridden home from the hospital was the fairytale. She knew that his smile was what she would miss the most.

"You ready Liv?"

"Yeah…let's go."

With that said, she sat in the wheel chair the nurse provided for her and made her way to her apartment along side a man she would never get the opportunity to love like she had always wanted. A man that gave her hope that one day she would be happy like never before. Now it was all falling to pieces and she was powerless to stop it.