C.E 71
November 29th
ORB
It was raining and she was alone. One lone woman was standing at the memorial, staring at the silver plate that listed countless names of the dead. Both innocent civilians and soldiers, names listed side by side to show the world the truth of war. No one was spared.
The woman stood there silent in the rain, a hood pulled over her head to block the rain from soaking her hair, but her thin clothes were steadily getting soaked regardless. She held a single flower in her hands, which were shivering so hard she feared she might drop it.
The pain was fresh. For almost two months she'd been able to hide all of her emotions under a mask, it was hard doing but she had managed. She knew that she wasn't fooling anyone either, her friends all knew what was happening to her. She even knew what was happening to her. It was a vain fight that she stubbornly insisted on waging.
She stared at the memorial for almost a solid five minutes, speaking no words, just listening to the sound of the rain hammering on the stone. Finally she took a deep breath, hoping that her voice wouldn't break. She spoke to no one, she didn't hope for an answer. But she talked anyway.
"It would've been your birthday today... Silly of me to come here in the pouring rain, isn't it? You never cared if anybody celebrated anything over you... It kind of weirded you out didn't it?" She took another deep breath, forcing her emotions down again so she could speak. "Two months... I can't believe its been two months since I've seen your face. It seems more like two lifetimes. The days keep dragging on, I've tried burying myself in work but it doesn't help... I still come home to an empty house and that makes things hurt again."
The rain kept falling, with no sign of letting up. She was glad that the wind had not started, it gave her some time. She placed the flower down in the only dry spot of the memorial, and it sat there without movement, seeming to grow bigger as the time passed.
"I didn't know what to bring, I felt stupid for coming at all really..." She whispered quietly to no one, her voice cracking a little at the end. "You always said you loved roses because they reminded you of me... It's a new one, just started sprouting out of Erica's garden... She gave me a few clippings so I can start my own... I'm useless at that kind of thing, Erica's going to teach me. I've always wanted to learn really, but I never had the time... Now that I do, I might as well try it again."
She shook her head, bemused by her own words. "Listen to me, prattling on about nothing. I'm hopeless."
The memorial loomed over her, silent but still screaming the names of the deceased in her head. She reached out with a shivering hand, touching the cold plate with her fingertips, resting on his name. "It's my fault. I killed you. If I hadn't been so blinded because it was Natarle out there, you wouldn't be dead. You'd still be here. With me."
The guilt was choking. It was hard to breathe through the sudden knot that tightened in her throat, that brought tears to her eyes. She hastily brushed her hand over her face, leaving it more wet than it had been before. She laughed bitterly, shaking her head, smile mirthless. "I'm such an idiot... I don't even know why I survived that blasted war. I wish I'd died beside you. Life's so meaningless without you there. I don't have anything left."
The pain grew despite all her attempts to crush it, fought its way back up her eyes and made the tears start, made it had to breathe, to think. The tears began to fall, and she made no attempt to brush them away this time. The memory of his smile, of his arms around her, it only made it worse.
She shook her head, sobs beginning to build in her chest. She couldn't control it anymore. She fell to her knees, not caring as the rain drenched her. She yelled uselessly at the sky, tossing her curses to deaf ears that didn't exist. "Why did you have to die!? How could you leave me alone like this!? What about your promise!? Doesn't that matter at all to you?! I loved you!"
Her entire body shuddered, she hugged herself to make it stop but it only worsened. The tears were flowing freely now, heedless. She shook her head, sobs wrenching through her frail form. "Damn you Mu La Flaga! You've died and left me with nothing! How could you do this to me?! Damn you!"
Her throat hurt, her body was continuously shuddering, the tears dried silently on her face, and the rain fell cold and unforgiving. She lost track of the minutes that she knelt there in the rain, long after her tears dried and the wave of emotion began to ebb. She gazed up into the dark clouds that covered the island, seeing no break for the sun to shine. The rain washed over her face, gently rinsing away her salty tears and leaving her face clean.
She got to her feet, now thoroughly soaked but somehow... The weight wasn't so heavy anymore. The aching loneliness was still there, her heart encased in pain... But even that seemed to have lessened somewhat.
She reached out again, brushing her hand along his name, touching the tiny crevices that made up the letters. She traced each one with her index finger, face a turbulent display of emotion.
"I won't ever forget you." She whispered, voice small and still weak with pain, but the promise there was firm. The tears were dry now, the rain still fell but her marigold eyes shone with a new inner strength and made her stand tall. "I'll never let go."
She turned now, walking slowly back to where her car was on the far side of the road. The rain even seemed to fall lighter now, casting only a thin mist over the area.
She reached her car, and placed her hand on the red hood, doing nothing for a long moment.
She glanced one last time over her shoulder, towards the memorial. It stood there tall and proud, outlined in the rain. She smiled weakly. "I hope... I hope you can forgive me." She got into her car now, paying no heed to being soaked, punched the ignition and drove away as the rain lessened behind her.
The taillights faded as she sped along the road, and soon they too disappeared in the light mist.
The memorial still stood there, and the rain began to cease. A crack broke in the sky, and the sun began to whisper through, casting a light on the silver plate of names.
A gentle breeze blew, ruffling the petals of the rose. A stronger gust whipped through the area, dislodging the fragile flower. The wind blew again, and the flower rolled across the ground, blown about. It rolled towards the edge of the cliff, away from the memorial.
Through the grass now, gathering rain on its crimson petals as it went, still rolling. One last gust forced it over the edge, and it tumbled through the sky, towards the ocean.
A feather, blown by the wind as well crossed its path. The two connected, the feather caught in the flower's petals as they twisted and turned together in the air, landing safely in the dark and wet golden sand of the beach, forever entwined.
All of my memories keep you near,
in silent moments, imagine you'd be here.
All of my memories keep you near,
the silent whispers, silent tears...
C.E 72
December 1st
Exact Location: Unknown
"You are one lucky bastard." The man chuckled quietly, examining the blond soldier wrapped in bandages on the bed. He got no answer, nor had he gotten one for the nearly three months that he'd been here. The man lay there silent on the bed, eyes closed as they had been since he'd been discovered floating along uselessly in space.
"I bet he'll feel very lucky when he wakes up." The second patient commented wryly, causing the first man to glance over at her. She said nothing more, merely looked at the bedridden man before back to the ceiling, examining something particularly interesting.
"If he ever wakes up you mean, he's been in a coma for almost three months, most doc's would have pulled the plug by now." The man answered with a wave of his hand, still smiling, looking over the patient's clipboard.
"You said it yourself Commander, the coma was necessary." The patient pointed out with raised eyebrows, her voice disbelieving and subtly mocking. "If he woke up, the pain would just make his mind shut down again to protect itself. Putting him into a drug-induced coma was in his best interests."
"When did you become his nurse, Lieutenant?" The commander asked with a chuckle, looking over at her again. Her pale violet eyes were focussed on the unconscious patient again.
"When I became the only one who personally knows him Commander." The lieutenant shot back coolly, causing the commander to snort and raise his hands in mock surrender.
"Alright, alright." He laughed, shaking his head, dark eyes glinting in amusement. "I'll be back to check in on you lot later then, don't get out of bed like you did last time. I don't want to have to resew those stitches of yours, they're a bitch to redo."
"Yessir."
He walked out of the tiny ward, whistling as he went. The moment the lieutenant lost sight of him, she tossed back the thin sheet that covered her, swinging her legs over the edge so she could better look at the unconscious patient beside her. She sighed, rubbing her right shoulder gingerly.
She spoke quietly to the unconscious patient, staring at the bandages that twisted around his body, making him look almost like a mummy. "You're worse off than I am... I have no idea how you survived... To be honest, I have no idea how I made it out of there either..."
He didn't answer, but she didn't expect one. Memories replayed in her head like a video, she watched the Strike fly between the Lohengrin, heard him laugh over the speakers, casually shrugging off his fate. She heard her captain scream in denial, watched the Strike be torn apart, successfully saving his friends' lives.
Shaking her head, she watched the man breathe steadily, bandaged chest raising and falling. She sighed, and absently looked over her own wounds bitterly. "I'll never complain about pain again... Not after seeing you." She looked at him, his placid expression in sleep, the monitors tracking his brain patterns and heart rate.
"She must be in so much pain right now... Thinking you're dead... I can't imagine how it must feel..." She looked over her shoulder, half expecting to see the man who'd been personally responsible for saving both of their lives peeking in on her. She sighed in relief when she saw he wasn't there, turning back to the silent commander.
"You have a rough road ahead of you when you finally heal enough to be woken up..." The lieutenant sighed weakly, pulling herself back into the little cot, shuffling under the blankets. "Maybe when you recover completely you can go back home... Try and find her and start your life together... I'm, sure she's waiting."
She couldn't sleep, the sound of the monitors keeping her awake. She glanced occasionally out the window, but nothing would hold her gaze. She watched the clock, counting along with the second hand in her head. Nothing would keep away the boredom, and in the end she was more annoyed than ever with her condition.
She gazed balefully at the crutches that leaned on the wall, far enough from her bed that she had little chance of getting to them if she wanted to. She huffed a curse under her breath. "Damn commander."
She'd been caught red-handed with the damned things, just wandering around the small hospital and trying to find a cure for her restlessness. And she'd been quickly slammed back into the tiny room, and just to add insult to injury, the man who brought her there took her crutches and placed them mockingly at the far wall.
"Sadist." She muttered under her breath, giving the empty doorway a glare and the crutches another.
Her expression softened, drawing back to the blond in the cot. She sighed again, leaning back into the thick pillows that supported her. She spoke again quietly, a bit of pink staining her cheeks, "You know... Once... I thought maybe I had something for you... I realized that it wasn't anything though, once I was on the Dominion... I was just fooling myself because I was jealous..."
She laughed, a short bitter sound and her expression was troubled, pained. "I envy you. Even while you're lying there unconscious and wandering around in your dreams, I'm jealous. You have a home to go back to, once you're better. Friends... Family... I've got nothing."
She shook her head again, inwardly cursing herself for the irrational surge of hate she felt towards the man. It meant nothing, but she couldn't help it, the jealousy ate away at her. "I shouldn't be angry with you... Jealousy is one thing, hatred's another... I really do need to get over myself."
She swore if he was awake, he'd be laughing at her, probably attempting to tease her to get her into a better mood. She wondered how she'd react. She knew, months ago, she'd have been likely to just stare him down until he bolted, but now... She just wasn't sure. Her life was full of new uncertainties.
"Whatever the outcome... I hope you get the happiness you deserve Commander."
AN
Ja, new story, new idea and I've got no idea how it's going to work itself out. I got the random thought while reading one of my sis' stories, and it made me wonder... Now I'm going to try and write this. The song I don't own is "Memories" by Within Temptation... Yeah I have a Natarle obsession, I really like her character and I'm mad that she didn't get more screentime to explain the mystery that she is. She went through a great character change, and in the end she gets to die in a very insulting death scene. Bah. I'm, rambling. Review if you feel the need, feedback is greatly welcomed!
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