A/N: Well, everyone else has done one, so now it's my turn. I am going to comment on the infamous- in the worst possible ways- My Immortal! Yes, I know, my sanity- what precious little of it there was- is going to be shattered irreparably by the end of this. But I shall prevail! All 44 chapters, including the hacked chapter, shall be done. Also, I now have a twitter account, under the same name as my account here. Follow me if you want to know what I'm working on, get sneak previews off upcoming work, or even suggest ideas for me to write about. Seriously, please give me ideas. I'm hitting writer's block something awful, and need help. Anyway, time to begin. *shudders*
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, or any other character associated with the series. I also do not own this...abomination, for which I am eternally grateful.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~SAVE ME~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik)(You're...goffik? What? Do you mean 'gothic'?) 2 my gf (ew not in that way) (And please tell me what exactly is wrong with being a lesbian?) raven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling.(If you exist, raven, I am coming to kill you, slowly and painfully, for even trying to encourage this...this...abomination! There's no other word for it.) U rok!(Firstly, that should be 'You rock!' Secondly, no. Neither of you rocks. I would like to drop a mountain's worth of rocks on you, but that's beside the point.) Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2!('deprzzing'? I'll assume she means depressing, but really, this is the only time-as far as I'm aware- that she references this guy, despite her 'luv' for him.) MCR ROX!(Random unrelated bullshit rocks!)
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXX
Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way(What the hell? You're parents were actually cruel enough to call their child that? Wow. Just...wow.) and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name)(1. 'Ebony' and 'black' are two different shades of the same colour. Unless you have hair like Kai Hiwatari(Beyblade character), you can't have both. Pick one! 2. How did your parents know you were going to have ebony coloured hair when you were born. I'll admit I don't remember much about being born, but I'm pretty sure we're bald when we pop out.) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears('Limpid'. Give me a minute, will ya? Here we are; limpid: (adjective) 1.(of a liquid) free of anything that darkens, completely clear. 2.(of a person's eyes) unclouded, clear. Huh. Technically it's used correctly, but I doubt that was intentional. Oh well, it's still a stupid sentence.) and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!).(Darling, I really wish I could. I mean that.) I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie.(I know it's been said, but I've gotta point it out. Being a lesbian is wrong, but incest is morally acceptable? Must live in Alabama.) I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin. I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen).(Most people who have read the books know this from canon. Surprisingly, this is actually canon. Also, you can spell Hogwarts correctly, but you can't spell 'rock'? Truly, this is a logicless universe.) I'm a goth(REALLY? Well, my dear, you certainly could have fooled me.) (in case you couldn't tell) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. For example(Never say 'for example' in a story. Ever. Just don't.) today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow.(And on this day, not a single fuck was given.) I was walking outside Hogwarts.(This was important enough to warrant a sentence of it's own. How? Please, someone enlighten me. Yes, setting is important, but still. This tells me nothing. How about this instead; I was walking along the shore of the lake, watching the raindrops fall and cause ripples to spread outwards, as the giant squid lazily waved one of it's tentacles in the air, seeming almost to be greeting me. That one sentence is much better. It gives the reader several things. One, it tells us that you were outside of Hogwarts, without explicitly stating it. Two, it gives the reader a much better sense of being involved in the story, or at least makes it seem a little more believable. Three, it tells us about the weather, eliminating the need for your next sentence.) It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about.(Several things wrong with this. First of all, snow is frozen rainwater. Hence, even in the wizarding world, I'm fairly certain the two cannot fall at the same time. Second, just because it is snowing, OR raining, doesn't meant the sun can't be seen. I'll admit that if it is raining heavily, and there are lots of dark clouds in the sky, then yes, the sun would probably be a lot less visible. Probably the same with snow. But for the most part, when it is raining/snowing, the sun can still be seen. Third, the sentence in my last comment would have eliminated the need for this sentence entirely. Hell, if you don't like the sun, here's another it to the beginning of the last one; I stepped out of the castle, and began to descend the steps, enjoying the feeling of the raindrops hitting my skin as they fell. It had started raining earlier that day, and had steadily gotten heavier as the day went by. The clouds in the sky had steadily darkened as the day dragged on, eventually hiding the sun from sight. I was glad for this, as, being a vampire, I was weakened by the sun. There. Gives a lot more detail. To link it to the other sentence, all you would have to do is say 'By this point...' and continue on. I swear, I should rewrite this bullshit myself, but translating it all would break my already fragile mind, I'm sure. It also tells the reader why you don't like the sun, and removes any other need to tell us you are a vampire. Now shut up. Those sentences took me ten seconds to think up. You took at least a day per chapter, if not more.) A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.( Again, WHY? They stared at you, so you are rude to them? That's pretty horrible of you.)
"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. Draco Malfoy!(Why the sudden pause? What purpose did it serve? Huh? It didn't serve any purpose? You're sure? So she's just an idiot? Oh okay. Satan just let me know that they've had to expand Hell itself, just to give the bitch who wrote this bullshit, Tara Gilesbie, her own personal circle. She shall spend eternity surrounded by preps and posers shouting insults at her.)
"What's up Draco?" I asked.
"Nothing." he said shyly.(What. WHAT?! Two things. One. Draco called her over. He obviously had something to say to her. Two. Draconis Lucius Malfoy is not shy. He is aristocratic to the point of being a complete ponce, a total bully to those he thinks are beneath him, easily influenced by the views and approval of his father, not that he realizes this, and despite the vitriolic exterior, he is quintessentially a fallen hero, someone who, if not so easily led, could very easily have become a driving force for the good of the wizarding world. But he is NOT shy! You bitch! Satan can have what's left of your bloody, mangled corpse! But I call dibs!)
But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away.(No comment. The sheer retardedness is impossible to comment on beyond this.)
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
AN: IS it good? PLZ tell me fangz!(You. You...something or other. This is not good. This is the epitomy of evil, the be all and end all of bad fanfiction. No one could write a worse fanfiction than this. No one. Satan himself couldn't match the sheer, raw badness that is this vitriolic piece of monkey scrotum that you call a 'fanfiction'. No TRUE fan would ever try and horribly butcher the characters this much. And we've only met one of them! I swear, if you butcher every other character, I shall hunt you down and kill you. Slowly. I'm thinking dipping you feet first into a vat of acid, but cauterising the wounds every few seconds, so you can't bleed to death before the fun is done.)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~KILL TARA~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A/N: Well, there you go. Please review if this made you laugh, or if there was something you think I missed. Or, alternatively, if you think Tara is your goddess, and she can do no wrong? BRING IT ON! I have my Flame-Freezing Charm at the ready-although I don't think I'll actually have to use it, somehow. Next up? Meet the other characters. Oh Goddess, have mercy on me.*shudders*