I own no Twilight characters. Sadly, I am not the mastermind behind all these characters, but Stephanie Meyer is.

This is a fanfic about Emmett mostly, but all the other Cullens are in it too.

Emmett sat staring at the wall. He sat like that for several minutes. Then Rosalie walked in, and saw him sitting on the bed looking at the wall.

"What are you doing Emmett?" she asked, looking confused.

He was silent for a moment, before exclaiming loudly, "Pineapple!"

Rosalie was shocked. "You've been thinking about pineapples all this time! You could have been thinking about me!"

"Not just pineapples," Emmett explained. "I was thinking, if I could be any fruit, which one would I be? I would be a PINEAPPLE!"

Then Renesmee walked in. "Nessie!" Emmett yelled, "I figured it out!"

"Really?" Nessie asked, looking impressed. "Well?"

"Pineapple!"

"Why?"

"Because a pineapple is, like, the buffest fruit there is. It's huge, and it's got pointy spiky things!"

Renesmee grinned. "I know, right!"

Rosalie, annoyed by this time, wanted to be back in the conversation. "I would be a kiwi!"

Renesmee and Emmett looked at her with wide eyes. Emmett screamed like a little girl and ran, while Nessie backed slowly out of the room.

Later that day, Emmett was found under Alice's bed, gently stroking his pineapple, whispering, "It's okay Alfred, she cant hurt you. I wont let the kiwis near you. Good Alfred."

Alice grabbed Emmett and pulled him out from under her bed. He screamed, but made no attempt to run. "Emmett scared when Alice mean," he whispered. "No Alfred, too dangerous. NO! No, Alice, run, you've made him angry!"

Alice screamed and grabbed the pineapple. In a second, it was nothing but a strange yellow mush covering Alice's bed. Emmett nodded solemnly. "It needed to be done."

Then Esme walked in. "What is all this mess?" she asked. "Emmett, clean it up."

Emmett then started bawling. "NO! It holds too many memories!" He then ran out of the room.

Carlisle sat in his office, when suddenly he saw something outside his window. He pulled back the blinds, and saw a hundred kiwis hanging by tiny threads from the roof. They all had red paint splattered all over them and very depressed/horrified faces draw on them. Carlisle slowly backed out of the room.

Then Bella and Edward arrived home from hunting. Bella saw Emmett lying on the floor, throwing nectarines against the wall. Each one splattered as it hit.

"Emmett, what are you-"

"It's the kiwis! They're rabid!" he screamed, not breaking his pattern.

"They've all turned orange!"

"Emmett," Bella said, "those are nectarines."

Emmett stopped just as he was about to throw the last one against the wall. "Oh," he said.

He whispered something to the nectarine that made Edward grimace. "Is that even possible?" he asked. He then refused to speak for the rest of the night.

Emmett whispered to his nectarine some more, the screamed. "No! She's my wife! No, no, can't do that! I did not! So your wife splattered against the wall. You act as if that's somehow my fault!"

Emmett then proceeded to throw the last nectarine against the wall.

He looked at Bella, who was attempting to back out of the room slowly.

"It had to be done," he said solemnly.