Disclaimer: I do not own Azumanga Daioh. Or Alice in Wonderland.
Just another silly little oneshot. I actually wrote it a couple of months ago, but I was agonising over the title for some reason. No pairings, just a friendship (and, of course, stupidity) fic.
Anyway, enjoy!
"Hey, Yomi!"
Yomi rolled her eyes. She was NOT going to pay any attention to Tomo this time. Whatever her hyperactive friend had to say, it would very probably be stupid and/or annoying and would just increase Yomi's headache.
"Yomi!"
Nope. Not a tiny bit of attention.
"Yomi, wanna see my underwear?"
"WHAT THE HELL, TOMO?!"
Okay, so much for that. Yomi stared at the idiotic wildcat in incredulity. Her surprised yell had attracted the attention of about half of the cafeteria, but luckily, they looked away just as quickly. After all, such occurrences weren't exactly rare for the Number One Knucklehead. Tomo grinned at Yomi, one hand placed on her hip, the other apparently pointing up at mid-air.
"I bought them yesterday!" explained Tomo, as if that made everything okay. "They're awesome!"
"That doesn't mean I want to look at them!" retorted Yomi, as Osaka and Kagura arrived with trays. Yomi somewhat grumpily eyed Kagura's heavily-laden tray and Osaka's extremely light one as they approached.
"Want to look at what?" Kagura asked, setting her tray down beside Yomi, glancing at Tomo with a puzzled but expectant expression. Tomo smiled gleefully.
"I bought the most awesome underwear in the history of underwear." announced Tomo proudly, folding her arms and tipping her chin up, looking ridiculously smug for somebody who just bought a pair of pants.
"Uh...okay?" Kagura said, blinking and raising her eyebrows, but Osaka nodded, seating herself opposite Kagura.
"Ya, they really are, Kagura." Osaka told her fellow knucklehead, "I was with Tomo when she bought 'em. I think the brand's called Wonderland? They're awesome 'cause they make her the queen."
"I can't believe I'm going to say this." Yomi muttered, massaging her temples, "But how can underwear make you a queen?"
"Behold!" cried Tomo, and promptly lifted up her skirt.
Although Tomo only lifted her skirt up for a second, the second was all Yomi needed to surmise that Tomo was definitely the most idiotic person on the planet, especially when there were perverted weirdoes like Kimura-sensei in the same building. The underwear was white, decorated with red hearts. On the front, written in swirly cursive, read the words, "Queen of" in black. Below the two letters, a huge scarlet heart was printed underneath, with black glitter dripping down the sides to look like ink.
"See!" Tomo grinned, smugly, sitting down and taking a swig of her juice. "They say 'Queen of Hearts' on them! So, that makes me the boss!"
"Hello, everyone!" chirped Chiyo, who had just come to the table, flanked by Sakaki, also carrying a tray, "What are you talking about?"
"OFF WITH HER HEAD!" yelled Tomo, thrusting a finger at Chiyo and standing up at the same time. Chiyo was so startled, she tripped over backwards, landing on her back and dropping her tray, which landed on the floor with a clatter, leaking apple juice under the table.
"Oh my- Right on my goddamned shoes!" swore Yomi, jumping up. Sakaki knelt down to help Chiyo up, looking anxious.
"Be seated before your queen!" Tomo yelled, attracting even more attention, since she was now standing on her chair and pointing imperiously down at Yomi.
"All hail Queen Tomo!" cried Osaka, raising her arm as though saluting. Kagura burst out laughing, and subsequently began choking, as she had just taken a bite of her sandwich, and Sakaki had to whack her on the back to stop her coughing. Yomi glared incredulously up at Tomo, wishing there was a way to shut her hyperactive friend up without actually strangling her to death.
"Tomo, what the hell? Sit down, you're causing a-"
"We must follow the White Rabbit!" Tomo shouted over Yomi, making an arc over her head with a sweeping motion, now apparently addressing the entire cafeteria, "For only he can lead us to Wonderland!"
On second thought, strangulation was suddenly looking very tempting.
"I wanna have an unbirthday party," Osaka put in, also standing on her chair, wobbling slightly as she stood up on it. She straightened up at an incredibly slow speed, as though she was worried her spine might snap back. "An' I wanna meet the Cheshire cat, an' the Caterpillar, and-"
"I loved that movie as a kid!" cried Kagura, reminiscing, punching at the air, making Osaka lean back to avoid being bopped in the nose, "It was awesome!"
"Osaka-san, be careful!" Chiyo suddenly piped up, as Osaka was wobbling even more, the chair she was standing in twitching from side to side.
"Would you all just sit down already?" sighed Yomi, rolling her eyes. "I've had enough of seeing your underwear, Tomo."
"OFF WITH HER-"
"Waaah!"
At Osaka's startled bleat, the spacey knucklehead suddenly toppled to one side as she ducked to avoid Tomo's arm, Osaka's arms flailing as she did so. Tomo let out a cry of either amusement or surprise as Osaka went crashing onto the table, sending the food on it flying, bento boxes exploding as they hit the tiles, before slipping off the end of the table and landing on the floor with a thump.
"AAAAH!"
CRASSSSH!
"Osaka-san, are you alright?"
Chiyo rushed to Osaka, who was now sitting with a dazed expression, a bottle of lemonade soaking its contents onto her skirt. She seemed completely nonplussed at the fact she had just gone sliding across the table and had most of her friend's lunches decorating her school uniform. She even had a small leaf of lettuce stuck to her hair. People stared at Osaka, waiting for a reaction, wondering if she had simply not registered falling off the table yet and the pain would kick in any second.
"Wow. I was flyin'." Osaka muttered, staring up at the lights above with a faint smile on her face. Yomi shot a glare at Tomo as Sakaki helped Osaka up, the knucklehead apparently oblivious to her lemonade-soaked skirt and sauce-stained top.
"You see what you do? Now sit down!"
Tomo sat. Chiyo helpfully threw the cartons Osaka had knocked off the table into the bin, and the cafeteria returned to chatting peacefully. There was a small silence at the table before Tomo piped up again.
"I have a bra that matches, you know."
"Shut up."
Lingerie + Knuckleheads = A dangerous combination. XD
Thanks for reading! Any feedback would be most excellent!