Rating: M
Summary: B is in love with his twin brother L but has always been able to hide his feelings for him, acting like nothing's going on; acting like any other sibling would. What happens though when he loses his self control one day and rapes his little brother? L's POV. BxL
Would you love me if I hadn't?
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The night my brother broke and stole my innocence is one I will never forget. But then, I've heard that you never forget your first time, so it shouldn't really be all that surprising now should it?
We were fourteen at the time and I could scarcely believe it'd happened. I didn't want to. I even thought it was a dream at one point…
--
It was a typical night, much like every other. I was off on my own, contemplating the sky, as I did often. It seemed foreboding, ominous, as black clouds gathered and thunder resounded in the distance. It wasn't just the approaching storm that was that way though; it was the feeling that came with that night as well. Unfortunately, I chose to ignore it and didn't realize that something was amiss until I was attacked from behind, knocked unconscious when something hard hit me in the back of the head.
When I opened my eyes again, was relieved, despite having a throbbing headache, to see a very familiar face hovering above my own. The person it belonged to was sitting on top of me. I looked at him confused though when I saw that he was undressed and that I was as well, feeling an unfamiliar pressure built up between my legs.
"Wh-what's going on?" I asked sitting up a little, looking up at him confused. He didn't say anything, just gripped my arms forcefully and shoved me back down, holding me there so that I couldn't go anywhere. He had a look in his eyes that I had never seen before. It was something I couldn't quite place; not… hate or anger… but… a deep longing? Not quite… but almost.
"C-cut it out, you're scaring me," I said shaking as that face inched toward my own. My eyes widened when identical lips pressed against mine, forcing my head back as he held me down despite my struggles. The naked, pale body on top of mine, forcing me down, matched my own perfectly, I thought, freezing for an instant.
No, this wasn't right, I thought. This couldn't be happening; my beloved brother, my twin, couldn't possibly be going to do what I thought he was, could he? I wondered, way past disbelief. Why was he kissing me? Why had he taken his clothes off? Why had he taken my clothes off?! I questioned, panicking and trying to make him get off of me as I forced my body to move.
He pulled his mouth away from mine for a second, claiming my neck instead. "Please stop..." I begged countless times, still struggling as I was filled with a new level of terror. He just bit my neck hard before latching his mouth to mine again as a response, pushing his tongue inside for a moment until he changed positions. Still holding me down, he forced my legs up to my chest and touched me in a place where he shouldn't have. I screamed into his mouth when two of the rough fingers pressed against me forced their way inside, thrashing underneath him as they pushed their way in deeper. Despite being identical, however, I'd always been much frailer than him, so no matter how much I struggled, I got nowhere.
He didn't stop, just kept his mouth pressed to mine so he wouldn't have to hear me beg or plead for him to stop. I was trying to even now. I was relieved when he pulled his fingers out but not so much when forced his way inside me in a way that was far worse, and despite my resistance, took my virginity. I screamed even louder. It was the worst pain I'd ever felt in my entire life. He finally pulled his mouth away from mine, crimson eyes boring into my onyx, just before he started ramming into me with bruising force, over and over, playing with my body at the same time.
He didn't say a word the entire time until I stopped screaming and struggling. I looked out the window, tears streaming as I refused to look at him. I felt as if I were being ripped apart. I suppose the blood trickling out of my body was proof enough that I was. "What are you thinking about?" He asked, noticing that I was staring out the window.
"The approaching storm," I barely managed to whisper as lightning flashed across the sky. He didn't say anything in response, just pondered the storm as I stared at it with my dark obsidian eyes. No, actually, to be correct, I wasn't just thinking about the storm, but about how the sky looked just like rape as well; so gloomy, so desolate. It looked like it could cry just as heavily as I was at any moment.
I nearly screamed when something hot and unwanted was shot deep inside me, violating me further. I winced as he pulled out, bloody from ripping me open and squeezed my eyes closed as he made me spill all over his hand and stomach.
I kept my eyes closed, breathing heavily and feeling ashamed. I only opened them again when I was given a taste of my own essence as a finger slipped past my lips. I immediately stared straight into those crimson eyes of his. It was the only thing about us that wasn't the same.
I couldn't really understand. What was wrong with my brother? Was he broken? That seemed to be the only logical answer, because this was not the B I knew. My brother… would never do that to me. Never.
"Get off, B, or I'll tell mom and dad what you did," I whispered, warningly. I wasn't sure why that thought was only striking me now. Maybe it was because I was still in disbelief that B had forced himself on me.
I was afraid when he gave me a horrible smirk as the lightning flashed, "Oh but, L, dear little brother," he said, bending toward me, "they're not coming back."
"Want to know why?" he asked in my ear. I nodded, shakily. "Because," he whispered, "They're dead."
I blinked up at him, not wanting to believe it. "Wh-what?" I asked as he stared into my dark eyes.
"They died, L," B said, like it was no big deal, fisting my black hair and pulling me into another kiss before he got up. I felt a stabbing pain in my chest as he got off, letting me fall back to the floor, walking away, still naked. I knew that this was my chance to escape and tried with all my might to get up off the cold floor but could barely move, much less run away; my head was still pounding and I hurt everywhere.
By the time I'd finally managed to get on my stomach and had started to crawl toward the nearest exit, B had returned with a glass of something. He sighed, seeing me try to get away, wincing with every movement I made, and came up to me. I looked up at him, eyes wide as he bent toward me. "Do you want to be in more pain later?" he asked, noticing that I was bleeding. I looked away, biting my lower lip. He reached out to touch me and I immediately flinched away. "Drink this L, it'll make you feel better," he said, raising my chin, looking at me lovingly. I looked at the glass a little warily, unsure if I should take it. Judging by the way B was acting though, he wasn't trying to hurt me more, so I allowed him to turn me around and sit me up. B pressed the glass to my lips and I drank whatever it was, not wanting to be in pain anymore.
I felt strange afterward and soon my eyelids got heavy though I was panicking. What if I had misjudged B? What if he was planning on disposing of me? I knew he could tell that I was fighting. No matter how hard I tried to fight though, it was in vain and blackness approached and I couldn't do a thing to stop it, just like the rape.
The last thing I remember as my consciousness faded was the feeling of my brother's lips pressing to my forehead.
--
I awoke in my own room, dressed in the clothes I had been in earlier this evening. Everything seemed to be in order as I looked around. I froze when I saw B sitting next to me. He was fully clothed as well. He looked at me happily, coming toward me as I moved away wincing a little as I did from pain. He looked at me confusedly and concernedly, brushing the hair out of my eyes while I visibly trembled before he asked, "Lawlett are you okay? You were thrashing around in your sleep but wouldn't wake up no matter what we did, did you have a nightmare? Mom and Dad are really worried about you."
I blinked. "What? But you said that mom and dad were-" I got cut off when mom came into the room with a glass of water, looking really relieved when she saw that I was awake. I looked at B confusedly. Had the rape all been a dream? Why would I even dream something like that? It didn't make any sense. That is unless I secretly desired it. Being raped wasn't something that I'd ever wanted in the slightest though, especially when it was performed by B.
I blinked at them owlishly as B grasped my hand. Perhaps I was thinking about this too much. I should be relieved that B wasn't broken. That he hadn't done that to me. One thing didn't make sense with B not doing anything though; the amount of pain I was in. I knew that dreams couldn't do that.
"What did I say mom and dad were?" B asked, interrupting my thoughts. I noticed that mom was no longer in the room.
"Uhh, nothing," I said looking down. I was debating with my thoughts, wondering if I should question B about the rape or even mention it. He didn't seem to know what was going on. I was sure he'd feel horrible or be upset if I brought it up. Maybe he'd even be repulsed if I told him that I thought I'd had a dream like that.
"B?" I asked, staring into his eyes. No he definitely didn't look like he'd done something that horrible, "I am in a lot of pain. Do you know why?" B just shook his head before telling that he'd found me passed out and had brought me to my room. He said that he'd been so worried that he hadn't left my side the entire time.
I looked away, feeling a hint of suspicion but didn't want to believe it. I would have certainly remembered passing out, but B wouldn't have, no, couldn't have done something like that, right? No matter how much I tried to convince myself that the answer was no though I couldn't shake the feeling that he had.
--
TBC
A/N: This was brought on by a friend of mine being cheery about rape/ trying to get me to bounce along with her to some words associated with it. I refused and she kept repeating them, forcing twincest rape dialogue to pop into my head –bangs head against wall- So I wrote this to get it out of my head because it was distracting me.
I'm posting this for you, Samaloo, btw. I may continue or may not. I haven't decided. I do have a vague idea of what would come next though if I did.
Review to let me know if it was horrible or not/ if I should continue?