Title: Second Chance
Rating: M (Refer to warnings as to why)
Characters: Sebastian, Blaine, Nick, Thad, Dalton Warblers, New Directions
Summary: One shot. Sebastian is having a hard time in his senior year and when it gets too much, he finds himself in a bad situation. Needing help but not wanting friends or family to know, he calls Blaine. Seblaine!Friendship. Set in season 4.
Warnings: Mentions of self-harm, suicide, depression. Graphic description of self-harm. Gore (kinda, depends how vivid your imagination is). Please don't read if these are triggers for you, I care about my followers and don't want anything bad to happen to you.
Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or its characters. If I did, Blaine and Sebastian would have back story, Blaine would have graduated with Kurt and St Berry would still be a thing :P I also don't own the song, it belongs to Natasha Bedingfield, I'm just borrowing it :)
SECOND CHANCE
Senior year sucked. Everyone was sad that it was their last year at Dalton and were freaking out over college applications. The Warblers were itching to get started for the year and auditions for new members had gone by without a hitch. Drew and Michael were great additions to the group but no amount of music or sport or distraction could save Sebastian Smythe from the sinking feeling that hadn't dissipated since the previous Regionals competition.
Reconciling with Blaine and the New Directions had been great and helping out Dave was cool too but Dave's suicide attempt had sparked in Sebastian things he had never thought he would feel again. He had known his promiscuity and overconfidence was compensation for the insecurities of his past – enough psychologists had told him as much – and he had spent the last six months trying to find a new way to prevent him relapsing into his old ways.
But three weeks into the new school year, prevention seemed worse than a cure to the ache in his wrists and the hollowness in his chest.
Sebastian planned it. He knew his father was going to Columbus that weekend and his mother always went with him to visit her sister. Chelsea was at college in Pennsylvania now so Sebastian didn't have to worry about her milling around. He would stop by the art supplies store on his way home from school and be free to engage in as much self-destructive activity as he pleased. And it would be good.
The wait for Friday was torturous and Sebastian was the first out of the Dalton gates. He picked up a pack of X-acto blades, stopped into the pharmacist for bandages and disinfectant. The cashier gave him a strange look but he ignored it – he was used to ignoring it. He sped home, almost colliding with a car as he rounded the corner into his street. He tried to seem restrained as he headed inside but he bolted upstairs once inside.
A quick shower would pull his veins to the surface, as it always did, though he wasn't sure that was exactly what happened. He'd failed biology in sophomore year and not bothered to pick it up again. The water was warm and soothing but he wasn't going to change his mind and when he was dry and in a pair of sweatpants, sitting on his bathroom floor, it began.
The pain made him gasp and the cuts stung and burned viciously. Blood slipped over the pale skin of his arms, dripping from his elbow onto the dark red towel he always draped over his knees. He couldn't figure out why he wasn't just leaning over the sink but when his fingers twitched and the cut grew deeper than he had anticipated, he remembered why. Because when the bright red blood spurted from his arm, he lost control.
Sebastian was frantic. He couldn't stop himself as he kept ripping through flesh, the blade slipping in the blood that was coming too fast to clear properly. The inside of his arm and wrist were a gory array of cuts, varying in depth and length but that just made him move to the skin above his elbow joint. He paused to admire the dark red scar that came and went before he let the blade bite down and watched as his life bloomed and fell.
He went at it for what felt like hours- when he would finally pass a clock, Sebastian would realise it had been hours. Before shakily wrapping his arm in the bandages he'd bought and stumbled – literally – to his room. He collapsed into the unmade bed and swiftly fell asleep. Or passed out, he was never sure.
When he woke, it was pitch black outside. He squinted at the alarm clock on his bedside table to see it was only ten thirty. He turned onto his back, yawning, as he tried to decide if he was hungry. However, Sebastian found himself distracted when he shifted and the mattress and sheets beneath him were wet. He reached out with his good arm and switched on his lamp, looking down to see the bed and his side covered in blood. The bandages were soaked through and as the panic began to rise, his head began to swim.
Before he could think, he hastily turned to his other side, grappling for his phone before the pain registered and he faltered. He yelled in pain and his right arm gave way where it was propping him up. He fell from the bed, whimpering and crying when his arm was jolted on impact. His phone had dropped to the floor beside him and he watched it through teary eyes before he finally reached for it.
Sebastian's fingers shook and stumbled as he tried to find someone to call – he just needed help cleaning up, he didn't need to go to the hospital. He just needed someone to help him redress his wounds and change his bed and then he'd be okay. Squinting through the now blood-smeared screen, he found the one name he knew would not only help him, but be sure never to tell anyone what had happened. He tapped the "call" button and shakily held the phone to his ear as it rang.
One ring.
Two rings.
Three.
Four.
Come on, pick up.
Five.
"Sebastian? Why are you calling? Just because Kurt's gone to-"
"Blaine, I need help," Sebastian whimpered, sniffling and hating himself for how weak and pathetic he sounded.
"Why? What's happened? Are you okay?" Sebastian could hear the faint jingle of keys in the background.
"I've just fucked up, okay? Do you remember where my house is?"
"Yeah, yeah, I'll be there in there in fifteen minutes – can you hang on that long?"
"Y-Yeah."
"Do you want me to stay on the phone?"
Sebastian paused, his mouth hanging agape before he nodded to himself. "Please."
"Okay – um, how's school?"
"It's fine, the Warblers are gearing up for Sectionals. What are the New Directions doing?"
"We've just regrouped, we don't quite have enough members for Sectionals yet but I'm sure we'll be there. What have you guys been singing?"
"Um…" His tongue felt heavy and dumb, his head pounding as he lay on the floor, staring at the ceiling.
"Come on, Sebastian, what songs?" He could hear the concern in Blaine's voice, it was nice.
"We sang "S-Some Nights" by fun. and "Pumped Up Kicks" by Foster the People."
"Cool, we haven't done very much…"
Sebastian stopped listening to the words, only hearing the voice. Blaine was nice to listen to and as he curled up on his side, he felt himself begin to drift.
"SEBASTIAN!"
He jolted back to reality, flickering his eyelids. "Sorry, sorry, drifted off."
"You've gotta stay awake, okay? I'm just pulling up now. Can you get to the door?"
Sebastian looked to his bedroom door, took a deep breath. "I can try."
"Okay, just be careful."
Sebastian pulled himself up, bracing his arm against his bare stomach and swallowing the lump in his throat as hot blood seeped through and the bandage squelched. He shuffled into the hallway and to the stairs, Blaine still breathing into the phone. Going down the stairs took effort and concentration but Sebastian didn't fall or trip and soon he was at the door, bloody fingers slipping over the lock and handle before he finally opened the door, revealing his ghastly form to Blaine.
The other boy hung up his phone and watched Sebastian with wide, scared eyes as he took in the state of the new Warbler. He shoved his phone in his pocket and stepped inside, not taking his eyes off of Sebastian.
"Oh my god, what happened?!" he exclaimed before his eyes travelled down to the bandaged arm. His eyes widened again before he swore as Sebastian finally collapsed, reaching out just in time to catch the taller boy but Sebastian was a dead weight and Blaine dropped to his knees beside him.
"I fucked up, Blaine – I fucked up!" Sebastian cried, burying his face in Blaine's sweater.
"We need to get you to the hospital, Sebastian-"
"No! I can't go there! They'll tell my parents! I can't go through it again!"
"Seb', I've seen what happens with stuff like this, you won't last too long if you don't get help – help I can't give you."
Sebastian's chest heaved as he gulped in breath before he sniffed and nodded against Blaine's stomach. "O-Okay… Okay…"
Blaine silently helped him to his feet and out to his car. He pulled a spare cardigan from the back seat and wrapped it tightly around Sebastian's arm.
"Keep the pressure, okay? It's gonna hurt but it'll help."
Soon, Blaine was speeding towards the hospital – Sebastian didn't care which one it was so long as this ordeal was over soon with as few consequences as possible. He glanced towards Blaine, watching him before a question brewed in his mind.
"What did you mean you know what happens with stuff like this?"
Blaine took a deep breath, not looking to Sebastian. "I tried this once – before I met Kurt… I was miserable and I didn't have a way out, except for … checking out."
"I-I didn't know that…"
"Only my family and Kurt know – and I think Kurt's dad but that's okay… I kind of had a feeling this was what had happened when you called."
"Thank you for helping me, Blaine. I don't deserve it after what I did to you and Kurt…"
"Of course you do," Blaine looked to Sebastian as they pulled into the emergency lot. "Everyone deserves a second chance."
Sebastian didn't go back to school for a while but when he did; he was surprised to find the Warblers gathered in the commons. He looked sheepishly to them, knowing this would be their way of wishing him well after what had happened. The school and his closest friends had been alerted to what happened and that he was going to an inpatient treatment facility. It was embarrassing but he'd had no control over it.
From within the crowd of blue and red blazers appeared Blaine, a smile plastered across his face. Sebastian sighed heavily, dropping his bag onto one of the couches before he looked to his friends with something akin to annoyance.
"What are you doing?" he asked.
Nick stepped forward, drawing level with Blaine. "We know this has been hard, Sebastian and we wanted you to know-"
"You don't know how hard this has been! You didn't have to-"
"Sebastian, please, we know you don't want to think about this anymore than you already have to but as your friends, we want to show you that we care," Nick continued. "Blaine told us what happened and he actually explained a lot to us about what it's like to have problems with self-harm-"
"I don't have a problem with it."
"I think you and I both know that isn't true, Sebastian," Blaine said quietly. Sebastian pouted and looked away. "I came to the Warblers and suggested that we do this. All we ask of you is to listen. No one else ever has to hear it. But as Nick said, we want to show you that we care, because we're your friends."
"Fine," he sighed in resignation, falling into the couch and leaning back as the Warblers moved into formation.
Nick started them off.
I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined
I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned
Blaine and Thad joined in.
Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
The whole group sang the chorus.
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten
Blaine started the second verse before Thad and Nick joined in again. Sebastian hated to admit it but he was tearing up.
I break tradition, sometimes my tries, are outside the lines
We've been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can't live that way
Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
The group belted out the next two choruses.
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten
Blaine stepped towards Sebastian with a mischievous smile, pulling him to his feet. As Sebastian joined the Warblers, he noticed the members of New Directions appearing and joining the mix.
Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten
The rest is still unwritten
The rest is still unwritten
The last notes hung in the air before Sebastian turned to Blaine. Tears had welled in his eyes and his breath was shaky as he wrapped his arms around the shorter boy.
"Thank you, Blaine! Thank you for giving me a second chance."
Blaine returned the embrace. "You deserved it. Your human, and you deserved a second chance."
"I'm really glad I'm still alive, Blaine."
"I'm glad you are too, Sebastian."