Disclaimer: I do not own Pretty Little Liars, nor do I have time to write PLL fanfiction, and yet, here I am.
A/N: A miscarriage does occur in this story. It's not graphic and it doesn't take much of the story, just be warned.
Small Bump
"You're pregnant."
Emily leans back into the kitchen chair, barely registering the phone falling loudly onto the table. She stares at it for a few seconds, before she remembers the doctor was still on the line.
She quickly picks it up, takes a breath. "I'm sorry, what did you say?"
The doctor chuckles softly on the other end. "You are very much pregnant Mrs. Fields."
Emily hunches forward, leaning onto the table. She brings a hand to her face rubbing her fingers back and forth over her eyes, trying to keep the tears from falling. "It finally took?" She asks quietly, her leg bouncing up and down.
The doctor sighs this time. "It finally took," she repeats. If you could hear a smile, Emily is sure she hears one in the doctors voice.
A choked sob makes it's way out of Emily's mouth. She tries to cover it up as best she can, pressing a hand to her mouth tightly, to no avail. The doctor offers quiet comforts, which only seem to make the sobs louder. She can't believe it.
Happy. That is the only word she can think of to describe this feeling that is taking over her body. She is totally and inexplicably happy. It finally took. After months and months of planning and trying and trying some more, it was happening. They were going to have a baby.
They were going to have a baby.
Emily smiles into her hand, shaking her head. She gives herself another minute to take everything in. Let's it sit for a while, then she clears her throat and wipes the tears from her eyes. This is not the person she wants to share this moment with. She offers the doctor a rushed out 'thank you' and 'yes, you take care too,' before hanging up.
She stares aimlessly at the clock hanging on the wall, Paige was going to be home soon. She clasps her hands tightly together and holds it between her thighs and bites her lip.
She couldn't wait to tell Paige.
They've been lying in bed for the better part of an hour, the muted TV casting a bright light into the otherwise dark room, the Thai takeout strewn somewhere off to the side (where it will probably stay until Paige cleans it up when she get's up for her three in the morning glass of water) as they bask in the comfortable silence they've spent years building up.
This has quickly become Emily's favorite part of the day. After work and errands and the occasional fights, they always came back to this. Them, together in bed. Passionate caresses or warm cuddles. Talking about their day or enjoying the quiet. Just being...together. Always together.
To think of all the dreams she dreamed up, she she doesn't know how lying in bed with one Paige McCullers wasn't one of them. Either way, she's glad it came true.
"I can't wait until you start showing," Paige says, rubbing at Emily's still very flat stomach, breaking Emily out of her reverie.
Emily laughs. "You've got a thing for pregnant women, McCullers?"
Paige stops, leaning up on her elbow. "Nope, just one," she says, her voice serious. She throws an arm over Emily's side, her body now hovering over Emily's. "I love you."
Emily smiles. "I love you." She rubs her hands up and down Paige's arms.
"And you make me so happy."
Emily's smile widens. "And you make me so happy." She wraps her arms around Paige's neck and firmly pulls her wife's body down onto hers. She kisses the spot behind Paige's ear, lingering to whisper, "the happiest I have ever been."
They know it's still early. Things could still happen. Or not. But Emily is sure Paige is going to burst if she can't talk to someone other than her about this. It's cute. It's a good problem to have. So three in a half months into the pregnancy, Emily mentally makes a list of people they could possibly tell – trustworthy, quiet people - and waits until Paige gets home from work to let her decide on who exactly.
Emily figures the list isn't necessary, that there were really only two people Paige would want to confide in. Spencer, who she's unsurprisingly grown close to. Or Caleb, her right hand man. The guy who knew all to well what it was like to be part of the group, but not quite in the group. Paige surprises her though, brings up Emily's parents, who weren't even on the list. Says, 'it would make them happy.' Emily can't and doesn't really want to argue.
So the next day, after much deliberation(on the how) and a pit stop at the local book store, they make the nine hour drive to her parents house.
Her parents are all smiles and more than a little excited to see them. A 'happy surprise,' her mom says. 'Took you long enough,'her dad grumbles.
Her mom makes them coffee (Emily politely declines) and pulls out some well timed, freshly baked cookies. Her dad pushes them towards the dining table, where the sit and talk.
And talk and talk some more, until Paige's bouncing leg beside her becomes too much. So she pulls out the "gift" she quickly wrapped in the car and hands it to her mom. Paige covers Emily's hand resting on the table and squeezes. Emily wants to offer her a smile, but she's afraid she's going to cry, so she just squeezes her hand back and watches as her mom carefully unwraps the wrapping paper.
A confused expression takes over both her parents faces as the book lies bare on the dining table. It's quiet for a while, until her dad's laugh, loud and warm, takes over the room.
And thank goodness for him, she was worried for a second that they wouldn't get it. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
"Where the Wild Things Are? Trying to keep us young Emy?" Her dad grins.
Well never mind.
"Thank you sweetie. I...I don't really know what to say." Her mom frowns, looking between the two of them.
Paige chuckles, releases Emily's hand and grabs the book. "We were thinking you could put it away for a little while. Bring it back out in like, six months," she says as she casually waves the book around. "You might...meet someone you want to read it to then," Paige finishes, smirking. She places a pointed finger on the book and slides it back across the table.
"But this is a kids book. Who exactly would we me-" Her mom gasps and jumps from her seat. "Oh my god," she cries, tears instantly falling from her eyes.
Emily nods her head, answering the question her mom didn't have to ask. Her blurred vision and damp cheeks letting her know that she's crying too. She's vaguely aware of Paige kissing her head and her mom hugging them, that inexplicably happy feeling taking over her body again and making her numb to everything else.
"Wait, what? Who are we meeting? Someone please tell me what's going on."
After a little bit of coaxing from Emily, Paige paints the spare room a neutral yellow (they want the sex of the baby to be a surprise). She would help, but Paige has always taken the over-protective significant other role a little too seriously, more so since she's been pregnant. So Emily sits just outside the door (Paige doesn't want her breathing in any toxic fumes) and listens to Paige grumble on and on about how ugly the color is. How sick it makes her just looking at it. How sorry she is and okay, she'll shut up now, just please sit down.
Paige is so meticulous and precise about every line and stroke of the paint brush because she, in her words, 'wants this ugly room to be perfect.'And two hours into the listening and watching, Emily falls asleep, her head cocked against the side of the door.
She wakes up in their bed, groggy and disoriented. She's not sure how long she's been out, but it's long enough for Paige to finish painting the room and apparently buying and putting together a crib. (Emily will find out later that Paige bought the crib on a whim a few days ago and has been putting it together in the garage whenever she had time). Right now though, Emily cries for what feels like the hundredth time and she's sure it won't be the last.
"Em, what's wrong? Do you not like it? We can take it back and get another one. I'm sorry. I was just trying to-"
Emily shakes her head. "It's perfect, Paige."
"Then why are you crying?"
"Because it's perfect, Paige."
"We're having a girl," Paige says suddenly during dinner.
Emily chokes on the water she was drinking. "What?" Paige couldn't have said what she thought she did.
Paige scoots her chair out, going around the table to where Emily is and pulls her chair out, kneeling down in front of her. "We're having a girl."
Emily opens her mouth, only to have it covered by Paige's hand.
"I know you wanted it to be a surprise, but I couldn't wait. So I called the doctor and..." she trails off, removes her hand from Emily's mouth, using it to move the hair out of Emily's eyes. She smiles, big and wide and Emily is sure she's falling in love with her all over again. "We're having a girl," Paige says again. "And I was going to respect your decision and not tell you, but every time I look at you, I picture a little girl with pigtails and dimples that looks exactly like yours and I'm sorry, I couldn't hold it in anymore." The words jumble out of her mouth and she ducks her head down.
It takes Emily a moment to hear everything, get everything she's saying. But eventually she does and it fills her up with warmth and all this love that she has for this woman and this baby that hasn't even been born yet. This baby girl that hasn't been born yet. "We're having a girl," she breathes out.
Paige looks up, brings her hands to caress Emily's cheeks. Nods.
Emily grins and throws herself at Paige, knocking her down. "We're having a girl," Emily says again and begins peppering Paige with kisses.
"We're having a girl."
At exactly four months, Emily decides she's going to tell the girls. With too much excitement and her nerves threatening to get the best of her, she calls them up. She has to stop every few seconds to control her breathing, but apart from a few minor slip ups and one instance when Paige had to take over the conversation because Emily started to tear up, the group phone call is a success, her three very confused friends planning the trip down.
Four days later, the four women are having a much needed catch-up lunch in Emily's kitchen. Paige was supposed to be here, but she told Emily she had 'stuff to take care of.' She couldn't look her in the eyes and she stuttered the entire time and Emily is positive she's lying to get out of it. She doesn't entirely know why, but she decides to let it go.
Sitting here now with all of them, talking and laughing like they don't live hours and cities away from each other. Like everything is the way it always was, which it kind of always is when it comes to their friendship, Emily is grateful to have this time alone with them. Ever since she's been with Paige, any time she's spent with her three best friends, has been spent with her wife not far away. Not that she minds though, she likes that her second family has become Paige's as well. It's just nice having a moment alone with them again.
She tried to think of some creative way to tell them, but anything that came to mind didn't really feel like them. So she settles on simply telling them.
With their tears falling fast and their arms tight around her, she's sure they don't care.
And this, she knows, feels, is them.
They stay like that, just hugging for a long time. Long enough for Emily's 'baby tears' to turn into 'I missed this' tears.
Eventually, they break apart. And her friends waste no time in giving her the third degree.
"Oh my god, I have so many ideas for the baby room," Hanna squeals, clapping her hands together.
Emily winces. "It's already done Hanna."
"What?!"
"I'm sorry."
Aria pushes a still grumbling Hanna aside. "How did you...when..." Aria stops, presses her lips together and takes a deep breath before continuing. "Why didn't you tell us you were trying? We could have been there for you, Em."
Emily grabs one of her hands and squeezes. "I know. We just didn't want to make a big deal out of something that might have never been." Emily reaches out to grab Hanna's hands and pulls her down next to her. "I need you guys now though."
They nod, throwing their arms around her again.
Emily laughs through the still falling tears, her arms still firmly wrapped around two of her very best friends. Her eyes dart around the house, looking for the fourth piece to their forever puzzle.
They land on Spencer sitting in the kitchen, her arms flailing around and her voice loud and mockingly angry floating into the living room. She seems to be 'talking' to Paige. And now, Emily kind of get's why Paige had stuff to do.
"I still don't know why you couldn't wait until I could help with the room."
"Han, shut up. You're ruining the moment."
"No, your tiny Aria arms are ruining it."
"How?"
"Will you both shut up," Spencer yells, hear hand covering the phone. "Em, handle them. This is perfect practice for when that baby is born."
Emily smirks, a glimmer in her eye. "Knock it off or I'm leaving you with your Aunty Spencer," Emily says loud enough for Spencer to hear.
"I heard that."
"I know."
Emily makes a mental note to never wait this long to get together again. She misses them just thinking about it.
"Why can't we just name her Emily?" Paige says, rubbing Emily's feet as she watches Judy Judy.
They've been sitting on the couch for the better part of an hour, going through the 'Big Book of Baby Names' that Emily had bought earlier, in the hopes that they'd either find a name or get the semblance of an idea of one. They've had no such luck so far.
"Because that's my name," Emily says, dropping the book down onto her lap and frowning at Paige.
With her eyes still on the TV, Paige says, "so, she'll probably look exactly like you. And we both know she'll have me wrapped around her little finger as much as you do." Paige stops when a commercial comes on and looks at Emily. "She'll basically be a mini you, might as well have your name."
Emily pulls her feet out of Paige's lap and grabs the remote from the coffee table, turning the TV off, before she turns back to Paige. She crosses her legs and glares at her. "Paige, no."
Paige frowns at the TV for a few seconds, before turning it on Emily. "Why not?"
Emily rolls her eyes. "It's weird and odd and weird."
"It's not that weird."
"Paige, we're not going t-" Emily stops herself, grinning, as idea forms in her head. "Okay, close your eyes," she says, scooting closer to Paige. "Hurry up," she says, patting Paige's legs and waits.
"But..."
"Shhh...just shut up and do it. Please." Emily kisses the still present frown on her wife's face and not being able to wait any longer, puts a hand on Paige's eyes, closing them for her.
"Em, what-"
Emily puts her other hand on Paige's mouth, quickly cutting her off and decides to keep it there. "Okay, now imagine when our daughter is born, right. And it's been weeks since we had any time alone," Emily pulls her hand away and waits to see if Paige was planning on saying anything else. When she was sure Paige would stay quiet, she continues. "So finally she's sleeping and we decide to make the most of our time and one thing leads to another and we're kissing and touching and you're enjoying it and in the heat of passion a name pops into your head."
Paige is grinning and nodding along, clearing enjoying Emily's hypothetical situation. Good, because Emily was just about to blow it up.
Emily smirks. "Is it my name or your daughter's?"
Paige's pulls away from Emily's hand, which is still covering her eyes. "Em-" she stops, her face full of disgust. "Why would you even...? I just..." She blows out a breath. "I can not believe you did that. You're terrible."
"I was trying to prove a point."
"Consider it proven. I'm never going to get that out of my head. I don't think I even want to call you Emily anymore."
As Emily is going through a fit of laughter that even she can admit, is a little too much, Paige abruptly stands up and begins pacing back and forth in front of her.
"Paige?" Emily asks, very confused.
Paige stops in front of her. "What about Emilia?"
"Emilia?"
Paige nods, grinning.
Emilia. Little Emilia. Our daughter Emilia."Emilia could work."
Five months in, she starts having pain. It doesn't bother her too much, but she calls the doctor just to be safe.
"If it gets worst, come in. Otherwise, I'll just see you at your next appointment."
She sees her the next day, the pain too much.
"I don't see anything out of the ordinary, but we'll take some tests just to be sure. It's most likely nothing. You're young and healthy and you shouldn't worry too much."
She loses the baby a few days later.
Emily can't help it, she feels like it's her fault. That it was something she did or didn't do. That she could have prevented it somehow.
She knows what the doctor said. What Paige keeps saying. That it's not her fault. That there was nothing she could have done differently that would've changed the outcome. That sometimes, things just happen that is beyond anyone's control.
That doesn't change anything.
Because she knows. She knows it wasn't her fault, but she feels like it is. And she apologizes to Paige over and over again. And of course Paige is right there by her side. Rocking her back and forth as she cries, holding her hair while throws up because she is sick to her stomach with the loss. The now constant emptiness.
She was pregnant. She was going to have a baby. They had a room. They still have a room.
She breaks down again. "I just want her back. Why can't I just have her back, Paige? Why did they take her away from me?" She turns into Paige, crying into her shirt. "Why did they take her from us? I just want her back."
"I know Em, I know."
She just wants her baby back.
They've been fighting a lot lately. About everything. About nothing.
"You've been working a lot lately."
"I don't like that color on you."
"You're just...different."
"What's going on with your hair?"
"Why don't you ever want to talk about it?"
"What are we going to do with the room?"
"What are we doing?"
"I don't know, Paige."
Looking back, Emily realizes it was all too much. Losing the baby. It was just too much, too hard to talk about. But they should have talked about it. She wishes they talked about it.
Now when they talk, it's all professional.
"She can have the house."
"What am I going to do with a four bedroom house?"
"She can have the car too."
"I don't want the car."
"It doesn't even matter anymore."
"I don't want anything, Paige."
Just you. But she doesn't tell her that. Doesn't tell her how much she still loves her. How much she will always love her. She feels like it's inappropriate even thinking it.
"Em...ily?"
"Paige?"
A breath. "Hi."
A smile. "Hi."
"Today's the d-"
"I know."
"I want to... Can I...can I see you? Please."
"Where?"
End
Sorry. Blame Ed Sheeran. Yeah, I don't know what this is. It just came out. I wish I had something fluffy for you guys after the Paige-less episodes, but what can you do.
This was one of the easier things for me to write as far as content and dialogue and all that. With that being said, Emily POV fics are always hard for me to write and this was no exception. But here it is, I hope you enjoyed it. And hey, if you want fluffy, you can absolutely have them meet up and fall in love again and have a million and one babies. Or not. Do whatever your heart desires with that ending.
(also thanks for all the love for the Big Bad two parter. you people love pet names) (also idk if you can tell, but i love the name emilia. new go to paily bb name)
