Song of Solomon 2: the Legend of Pilate's Gold
With a start, Milkman Dead woke up. He opened his eyes quickly, trying to remember where he was. Judging by the texture of the ground below him, he figured that he was lying on concrete, or possible asphalt. The first sight his eyes beheld was that of Guitar Bains, his former best friend, smiling knowingly at him. "'Bout time you woke up, Milk." "What happened to me?" Milkman inquired. "You jumped at me, apparently trying to fly. About killed yourself in the attempt," responded Guitar, "But that doesn't matter right now. What matters is that you help me save the world." "Wait, what?" yelled Milkman, his voice intensified by sheer disbelief that Guitar had said something so..well, so bizarre. "I guess its time I explained some things to you. Remember how I told you the Seven Days murder white folks to keep the population static? Well, that's not really true. See, the Seven Days was actually formed hundreds of years ago to combat a tyrannical necromancer, Nocam the Undying, armed with an ancient weapon known as the Amulet of Morrison. To combat this, our founding member, Pilate Dead, gave to our organization a bag of enchanted gold, which, when held in close proximity to the Amulet, renders it completely inert." explained Guitar, "I'm sorry to thrust you into this, Milk, but you have to help me. The fate of the whole world depends on it." "Well...ah, what the hell, alright. I was planning on dying today anyway." said Milkman.
Milkman's heart raced as he and Guitar ran down Not Doctor Street, holding an off-green bag which, presumably, contained Pilate's enchanted gold. Finally, they arrived at the entrance to No Mercy hospital. "Nocam, show yourself! I wish to challenge you to single combat!" exclaimed Guitar. "WHO DARES CHALLENGE ME, THE GREAT NOCAM?" boomed a dark, echoing voice. From the shadows, a huge, hulking figure emerged. He was shrouded completely by the black cloak he wore, through which Milkman and Guitar could see only a gleaming, golden pendant. "It is I, Guitar Bains, and my comrade Macon Dead III! We wish to challenge you to single combat, Nocam!" yelled guitar, his voice flush with courage and excitement. "WELL THEN, STEP FORWARD AND DIE, FOOLS, FOR THERE IS NOT AN OBJECT ON THIS PLANET WHICH COULD INJURE ME EVEN SLIGHTLY!" boasted Nocam. "Oh yeah?" replied Guitar, "Well try THIS on for size, Undying One!" With that, Guitar threw open the bag, revealing a large, gleaming, solid gold guitar, which Guitar proceeded to pick up. Guitar looked at Milkman, tossed the guitar at him, then shouted
"Milk, start playing!"
"I don't know how to play guitar, Guitar!"
"Don't worry, just put your fingers on the strings and everything else will work as it should."
Milkman followed these orders, and, just as Guitar said they would, the second Milkman touched the strings, things just seemed to fall into place. He began playing twangy, bluesy chords at an alarmingly fast pace, and it also seemed that with every chord Milkman played, Nocam got weaker and weaker.
Meanwhile, while Milkman was busy wailing on his golden guitar, Guitar was engaged in an all-out magical battle royale with Nocam. As Nocam grew weaker, Guitar's spells seemed to become more and more effective until, finally, Nocam was struck by a massive bolt of lightning just as Milkman finished playing a B7-A-E chord progression. "ALAS, I AM SLAIN!" proclaimed Nocam, grieving for himself. "MILKMAN" said Nocam, "LOOK UPON ME BUT ONCE BEFORE I DIE. I WISH FOR YOU TO KNOW THE TRUTH." Milkman, sensing no hint of deception or trickery in the necromancer's voice, dropped his guitar and walked over to the felled sorcerer. Milkman knelt, reached out, and pushed back Nocams hood. The face beneath was none other than that of Milkman's father, Macon II. "Father, its you? How could you do this?" asked Milkman, overcome with sorrow. "I have a secret to confess. I am not a human, but a Mi-go, a cosmic demon from a universe far from this one. I needed the souls of this planet to feed my master, the outer god Nyarlathotep. Now do you understand, my son?" explained Macon. Milkman began to respond, but before he could, the final vestiges of life drained from Macon's body. Milkman turned his head skyward, then unleashed a tremendous "NOOOO!", his sorrow and grief carrying the sound far and wide amongst the cosmos.