Trigger Warning: Miscarriage
Whiskey Lullaby
It's probably ten o'clock at night and fifty degrees outside but this is her favorite place to go when she is angry or irritated with Robin. It's her favorite place to just think. For her there is no better place to think than the park down the street with the high swings she loves. The back and forth motion is so calming for her as she breathes in the fresh air of the night. With her earbuds in she takes deep breaths in and out.
As much as she loves him, there are days when she wonders why they ever called each other soulmates. Tonight is one of those nights and it breaks her heart as she stares up at the moon with tears streaming down her face. No relationship is perfect and she never expected her relationship to be perfect. There were fights that she always expected to happen. When they moved in together it was always about his disorganization and her obsession with folded laundry. Sometimes they would fight over the remote or who paid the bills if the electricity or water went out. But no matter what they always found a way to fall asleep without being mad at each other, most of the time. This last year hasn't made their lives any easier. In fact they drown themselves in whiskey and wine when they aren't at work.
Tonight she is not sure if she wants to forgive him after what he said and she's not even sure he will forgive her. She slammed the door on her way out and didn't think twice about whether she wanted to come back tonight. Love is such a crazy and wonderful thing. But love also leads to misery and as she stares up at the stars she wonders if maybe her mother was right. Does misery borrow company and is love weakness instead of strength? Even though Cora is no longer in her life, Regina still hears her voice echo in her mind as she reels over her and Robin's fight. Are they even meant to be after all that has happened?
XXXXXX
He sits on the couch in the living room surrounded by the silence of the house to keep him company. Well the house may be silent but his head isn't that's for sure. All he can hear are the echoes of the constant fighting and the strings of constant insults both he and Regina hurled at each other. He stares down the hall where there is shattered glass from the hallway mirror all over the floor. He doesn't have the heart to clean it up because he feels just as broken as the pieces of glass on the floor. What he wouldn't give to turn back time; to turn around and take back the words they said, hell take back the entire last three years. If only he could bring their son back.
Robin stands up from the couch and walks around to the liquor cabinet situated in the corner of the dining room. If he is going to feel this way then alcohol is going to be his only comfort for the remainder of this dreadful night. Not needing a glass he grabs the first bottle of Jameson he sees, twists the cap and tips the bottle back as he lets the liquid slide down his throat causing that burning sensation he is in such desperate need of. Keeping the bottle securely in his hand he leans against the entrance to the living room wishing he wasn't seeing the emptiness of it all. This isn't a home. It's a place full of lost memories and broken hearts.
He misses the smiles and the pure joy that used to echo off the walls as he and Regina and him were newlyweds. He misses the times where he would sit at the piano, Regina opposite of him, while he played anything his heart desired. He goes to sit on the piano bench now and smiles just a little bit just remembering what life was like. But as he takes another swig of the alcohol he just wants to cry because most of all he misses Henry. His son whom he never got the chance to meet.
XXXXXX
She has to have been gone for at least an hour. She hasn't checked her phone at all even though she has felt it vibrating for about 15 minutes straight. Robin probably wanted her to come home but she wasn't ready to face him. Both of them said things out of pain and hurt and she didn't want to fight with him again. What was said cannot be undone but tonight isn't about her or Robin. Tonight is about her little Henry. No matter what she will be with Robin for Henry.
She sighs slowly and pulls her phone from her back pocket. Looking at her phone she sees that Robin has left her almost a dozen messages and two voicemails. All the texts were just multiple apologies and requests of her to come home so they can talk and he can explain. She dialed her voicemail as she starts walking out of the park she had walked to earlier on; only trying to get rid of the annoying blinking on her phone showing she had missed voicemails. Not planning to listen to them she waits for the familiar voice recording to tell her to hit seven to erase the message. But she stops as she hears his voice and starts to cry at what she hears him say.
"Gina. I know you aren't answering the phone because I said things that I never should have said. We both know this isn't the day to pick fights with each other and I never should have said you didn't miss Henry. I know you miss him and so do I; more than anything. I know you may not want to come home tonight and I don't blame you. I'm drunk and nothing like the man you need me to be tonight. I understand if you want to not come home but please I want to blow out his candle tonight like we had planned, together. If you don't want to stay I understand but I need to see you and apologize. But really I just don't want to be alone blowing out his candle on a day that is meant for both of us. I'm ashamed of how I treated you and I know Henry isn't proud of me," she hears him sigh slowly knowing he is tearing up when he finishes the last sentence, "Baby please come home. I love you."
She is crying now as she starts walking back to the house. It is eleven-thirty and she knows she has to get home. She is angry with him and hurting with him. She is upset with him and in pain with him as well. But most of all she loves him and she needs to be with him tonight. If not for their relationship for their boy who is somewhere above. She already suspects Henry is disappointed in them. She feels it. Tonight is for him because she won't have her son be disappointed with her or Robin anymore. It is year two of feeling all of this pain and heartache. She can't live like this anymore; they both can't.
"I love you Henry. And know I love your father too," she whispers up to the moon shining back at her. It glows a little brighter she thinks as she walks faster to make it home on time.
XXXXXX
He hears her opening the door as he sits at the piano playing Kiss The Rain by Yirushima. It's one of the very first songs he played to her when they first found out she was pregnant. He has been sitting there for almost thirty minutes playing the song over and over again. This is the only lullaby that he can play from memory, and it's also Regina's favorite.
She stands in the entryway to the living room and quietly watches him play. Robin doesn't lift his head to look at her but continues to play. He knows she's crying. He is too. If he was here he would have played this for Henry too. He imagines his son and wife laying on the couch trying to get Henry to fall asleep. He sits and plays Kiss The Rain and soon enough mother and son are fast asleep holding each other tightly. That dream never became a reality which only makes his tears fall even faster.
He gets so caught up in his head while playing he doesn't notice Regina comes to sit next to him on the piano bench. He continues with the song as she leans her head on his shoulder, softly crying as he continues. He closes off the piece after the final F note lingers in the air. Words are not said for a few more minutes as they both bask in the silence and comfort of one another. But he knows that it is almost twelve-thirteen and they need to let it all out on the table before they finish the night.
Breathing in deeply, "I'm so sorry," Robin starts but Reigna doesn't even let him finish.
"I know. So am I." She lifts her head from his shoulder to look him in the eyes. "We both said things we shouldn't have. You and I both know this isn't about you or me. It's because we miss Henry. Robin we can't keep living like this. Drinking and fighting only causes more pain and heartache for us. I can't keep doing this to you or to Henry. I can't have him disappointed in me or you," she says softly. She watches Robin start to cry and she just holds him and lets him let go of all the heartache.
XXXXXX
It takes Robin a few minutes to calm down. She feels him start to even out his breathing and looks down at him as he wipes his eyes and slowly stands up from the piano bench. He walks around to the other side of the instrument and grabs the empty bottle of whiskey. He then walks over to the liquor cabinet and grabs the two other wine bottles and three whiskey bottles sitting in the cabinet. He nods for Regina to follow him and she cocks her eyebrow, confused as to what he was doing. She follows him anyways to the front door where he steps out into the freezing cold night air.
"Robin what are you doing? Its freezing out here." She asks him as she watches him walk out to the front driveway down to where the trash cans sit. She looks at him from the front porch and sees him lift the lid of the trash.
Looking back at her he takes each bottle and pours out all the contents on the concrete. Then before he throws all the bottles away he shouts out to her, "This is for Henry and you Regina. I love you both so much." She hears the glass shatter as they hit the bottom of the trash can. She smiles and looks up to the sky. "We love you baby boy."
XXXXXX
"You ready, she whispers to him as they sit next to each other at the kitchen table.
He looks over to her and then lights the number two candle on top of the vanilla cupcake sitting in front of them. He sets the lighter down and grabs her hand. Entangling their fingers together he kisses the top of her hand and whispers back. "Yeah."
They both look down at the fire lighting the candle before them. At twelve-thirteen a.m. they lean forward at the same time and blow the candle out. In unison they whisper, "Happy Birthday Henry."
XXXXXX
She lets him throw the cupcake away and put the candle in the drawer. After tonight they both just need each other and a lot of sleep. His hangover was not going to pretty in the morning.
He grabs her hand and they head upstairs to their bedroom. Usually these last few months they would separate and go to their respective rooms. Tonight though she grabs his hand and takes him to the master. She doesn't have the energy to do anything other than sleep and she wants Robins' arms to hold her throughout the night.
He pulls back the covers and she follows him as they join each other on the bed. Curled in each others arms, everything finally begins to make sense. Today they gave up alcohol and the constant need for drinking. Today they decided to live for Henry. Today they showed each other that life is worth living for. Today on February 14th, Henry's second birthday, they decided to live for him. They both decided to love one another for him.
The end.
Hey Ruth! It's me your Valentine Emmie! I hope you love this story as much as I do. It is pretty much angst but the story came in my head and I couldn't let it go! Have a Happy Valentine's Day Ruth! (LoveFromOQ)