Wind chimes rang through the wood-lined halls, echoing through the very recesses of the dojo. Their sounds reached the ears of a masked figure, standing in front of a large jade statue.

The figure glanced around, then fixed their one uncovered green eye on the statue. Bowing, the masked person lifted their head and said n a muffled voice, "Honorable master, what is my next assignment?"

A voice came from the round mouth of the statue, masculine and commanding. "You have progressed to the final plateau of your training. You will now roam the endless plains of the Realm of Fantasy, carrying out your God-given right to exercise your skills on any immoral you may find. Now go in peace and return when you have the proper amount of muses."

The voice died away and the cloaked figure adjusted the short katana at their side, picked up a sharpened, elaborate steel pike, and exited the temple with an air of duty about them.

………………………

"You know, I don't think you're quite my type!"

Buffy flipped the advancing vamp on its back and pulled out a stake. "I mean, I like them tall, dark and handsome. But I also like them with a pulse!"

She slammed the wood down into the monster's chest, then pulled it out and watched the dust blow away. Sighing with exhaustion, she cracked her neck and tucked the weapon away. "I guess that's enough slaying for one night! Time to head back and get dressed for the Bronze."

She straightened her jacket and took three steps, right before running face-first into a certain neutered vampire with peroxide-dyed hair.

"Spike, what the hell are you doing here? Haven't I told you, like, twenty billion times to leave me alone when I'm working?" she snarled.

"Sod off, Slayer. For once, I'm not stalking you. It just so happens, I'm the one being stalked." He looked around warily and stayed close to a nearby tree, glancing around uneasily all the while.

"Do tell." She put her hands on her hips and gave him a condescending eye.

"I'm serious! There's a whole bunch of…um…well…"

"What?!"

"There's a whole lot of girls on my tail!"

A beat of silence passed. The Buffy cracked up. "What?" she laughed, wiping away a tear in her eye.

"I'm not telling fibs! I just started noticing them. They're always turning up whenever I want to go to Willie's, or when I try to check into the Bronze, or even when I go back to my crypt! These random vampire chicks and human girls. Some are even demons! And they all know who I am!" He kept looking around nervously, as if expecting the axe to fall any minute.

"Spike, what the hell are you talking about? What cult did you piss off now?" she demanded.

"I didn't do anything! They're all…er…well, you see…"

"Spike, spit it out!"

"They're all after me because they WANT me!"

Another long beat of silence. And Buffy cracked up again.

"What?"

"Listen, I just talked to Angel, too. Don't ask, but the trouncy bugger shows up at my crypt last night and asks me if I've seen any rampaging teenaged girls around Sunny-D. I tell him I might have and he says he's gonna see you about it. Has he talked to you?"

"No."

"Well, he's gonna. He's-…"

But Spike was cut short in that instant by feminine cries of, "Look, girls! There he is! Grab him!"

The vampire tensed up and panicked. Very feline-esque, the poor man scampered up the tree and clung to a high branch for dear life as a mob of very diverse females came into the cemetery and all grouped around the tree, looking up and throwing catcalls.

"Spikey! Come down and let me borrow your duster!"

"Come on, honey! You have to get to know me! I'm just perfect for you!"

"You know you're better off with me than with that butchy blonde!"

Buffy stood, frozen and speechless, watching the girls try to get up the tree, but failing miserably as Spike resorted to frantically throwing down acorns at them, hitting their heads and causing them to fall back down.

"Hey!" Buffy finally demanded. The girls all turned around to give her dirty looks.

"What do you want?" they demanded.

"First of all, don't you dare give me those ugly looks, not in my town. Second, who are you?" she spat.

"Why, we're all characters made specially for William up there! We just love him-…!"

Suddenly their speech halted and what took its place was the frantic screeches of the wounded. Buffy only caught sudden flashes of light and glimpses of metal, and made a grossed-out sound when she saw that a splatter of dark blood had stained the front of her white sweater.

"Ugh! That's gonna take forever to get out!" she whined, grimacing and sticking her tongue out. Looking up, she laid eyes on a black-suited figure with a mask covering all of their face save some peach-toned skin, the left green eye and one brown eyebrow. The figure was holding a bloody pike and was wiping the intricate blade on the grass to clean off the body fluids.

"Um, hello?" she began, taking in the scene of all the bodies lying around in various positions of gore-filled death. Spike was sliding down the tree trunk, straightening his jacket and lighting up.

"Thanks a million for that, mate," he said, taking a deep puff. "I didn't know how I was gonna get rid of the little nightmares."

"I don't need your thanks," the person returned, finishing up with the weapon and pulling out a small dagger. To Buffy's and Spike's amazement, the warrior began slicing through the corpses and pulling out small different-colored beads, one from the chest of each dead girl. The person placed the pearl-sized balls in a small leather pouch attached to their belt.

"What the hell are you doing, desecrating those girls' bodies?" Buffy demanded, suddenly snapping to. She was still a human and still the Slayer, and knew a crime when she saw one. "Put those…balls back!"

"These things are not human," the figure returned, ignoring the blonde and continuing until every single one of the bodies was looted. "They are fictionally created demons that infect the Realm of Fantasy, messing up the course of history and diverting the flow of fate."

"What?" Buffy demanded.

"They're Mary-Sues."

………………………

"What the hell is a Mary-Sue?" Buffy spat, getting anxious to get the bottom of the whole situation. Spike was still half-interested; after all, if his problems were over with, why bother to care all the way?

"They aren't real beings. Just the flights of fancy created to convey a hard-pressed author's interest in a fandom, or a plane of reality."

"Keep talking."

"These little monsters were made for this world, specifically to stalk this vampire. There are undoubtedly more already here and thousands more to come. Usually they'll stay in the shadows and won't interact with the real occupants of this world. But sometimes they'll group together out of desperation and will transcend their mortal bounds and actually enter this world. That's what you just saw."

"And you killing them? What was that all about? I mean, I understand they're a threat, but what's with the little colorful beads?"

At this, the figure didn't speak and went to pick up their pike.

"Hey, I'm talking to you!" Buffy demanded.

Spike reached out and grabbed the cloaked person's shoulder in an attempt to halt them. But the person reached out, grabbed Spikes wrist, and cleanly snapped it and broke it. As Spike hissed in pain and waited for it to heal momentarily, the person gave Buffy the evil eye.

"My mission is none of your business. Don't interfere with me when I'm in this world, or I'll be forced to undo you as well, even though you serve as a useful magnet for all the Mary-Sues."

The masked figure picked up their weapons and reached into another purse on their belt. They pulled out some white dust and threw it down to the ground, disappearing in the puff of smoke and light that flashed up instantly.

Buffy coughed and waved her arms, trying to clear the mist.

"What in all the hells was that?"