More Fiends of Mineral Town

Claire was having a rough day. Oh, wait, no, I'm sorry, I mixed this up with most of the other Harvest Moon More Friends of Mineral Town fanfics. So sorry. So, let's restart, shall we?

Claire was having a GREAT day. The sprites were working for her, taking care of her animals and all that jazz. She didn't have to work for AGES. That and she was partly hyper, but that's another story, my dears.

Anyway, Claire walked into the inn, lighter than air. She had oodles of money, not because she was born rich or whatever you see in those OTHER fics, but because she exploited the horse races and spent most of her money betting on herself, she won, then she bought brooches which she sold. For a LOT of money. LOADS. So, anyways, she walks in. "Dooug!" No answer. "Doug! C'mon, the writer stinks at writing your name! First you were 'Dough' then you were DUCK! I mean, c'mon, Koi. You need typing lessons."

..Ignoring the obnoxious farmer, we see our favorite innkeeper (Not really. RUBY'S BETTER) walk out of the kitchen, clearly angry. "What is it Claire, you filthy excuse for a farmer?! I WAS BUSY!"

Claire pocketed her hands, and with a sly smile, she said breezily, "Fine, I just made a bucket load of cash, however. More than a bucket load, really. Try a truck load.. Oh wait, you people in Mineral Town are too poor to understand what trucks are. Fine, more than a chicken coop full." She then walked out, she had better things to do than deal with an orange haired guy who loved her for her money. Sounds like Rick. Joking..

Speaking of Rick, she decided to pay a visit, and taunt him with her wealth. Oh how Rick loved her. Him and every other fool in the town. I mean.. HIM AND DE UTHR TTLY HAWT GUYZ IN DA TOWN!!!!!1111! LOLZ. ..That's so not me..

Anyways, she walked into Rick's house, and was then glomped by everyone's FAVORITE orange haired chicken farmer man with glasses, RICK!

"OH CLAIRE I LOVE YOU! MARRY ME CLAIRE! YOU AND I ARE AS PASSIONATE AS TWO CHICKENS..."

Claire quickly cut him off. "That's wonderful, Rick. Anyways, I've decided to flaunt my wealth infront of your poor family. Let me do so."

Rick nodded, the love in his eyes slowly scaring Claire minute by minute. "Mommy! Popsie! Claire recently tried a get rich quick scheme and it worked!" Popuri and her mother slowly came downstairs.

"Really, Claire?" Lillia asked questioningly. "What'd you do?"

Claire smirked and shook her head, and modestly answered, "I gamble."

Popuri nodded. "Ohh, I wanna gamble. I'm over eighteen, but they still say no. Not only that, I look EVIL in Harvest Moon Island That Grows With You. SERIOUSLY. MY EYES ARE SO RED IT'S SCARY!"

Claire nodded wisely and patted everyone's favorite pink haired freak's back. "It's okay, Popsiepies. Butwhatever. I'M RICH."

Perhaps she yelled it a bit too loudly, but every guy in Mineral Town (well, not every. The marriable ones. The regular ones, mind you. No Gourmet, Kappa or Won here, I'm afraid.) ran into Rick's house, each grabbing at Claire. "GIMME!" It was mostly Kai and Cliff, however.

Claire screamed and ran out. They then resumed their normal schedules. Sighing, Claire went to my favorite bachelor's place, the blacksmith! ..No, the blacksmith isn't my favorite. Gray is. Anyway, Claire walked in and saw Gray in the corner. "Gray?"

Gray was sobbing. Yeah, he was. To tell you the truth, I feel terrible for making fun of him, seeing as he's my favorite.. Anyway, Claire sat down next to him. "Graay?"

Gray sobbed. "WHY DOESN'T MY GRANDFATHER LOVE ME?! I'm only mean and cold and cruel so I can get fangirls! I have so many! I don't even blacksmith anymore, they took my job so they can drool over me and my hawtness! But that's not the point. I try to be the best jerk I can be!"

Claire backed away and ran off. She ran into the safe haven that is the Clinic. Poor Claire. The doctor was there, alright. Ready to make Claire feel good. Poor girl. She walked to the Doctor's office. "Dr. Nofirstorlastname?"

The doctor turned around in his spinny chair, a fat white persian cat in his arms. He stroked the cat and said "Welcome to my lair, Agent Blond."

Claire tilted her head. "You spelled 'blonde' wrong. Or are we playing James Bond again?"

The Doctor sighed. "You never think about me and MY needs, Claireypie!" With that he chucked the cat at her. You ever get a fat white cat thrown at your face? Don't. It hurts. Claire then ran off.

"This whole town's nuts!" The church, one of her last hopes.. "Ooh, the church has Carter in it. I don't care what you say, Zelda, I WILL marry Carter!" With that she dashed into the church to be with her 'beloved'. He wasn't there. But emo Cliff was!

Emo, emo, EMO little Cliff. The clingy, lost little puppy that many only marry because they feel terrible for him. Cliff looked at Claire with these big, sad, puppy like eyes and Claire melted. Poor, poor Cliff, he has no money, the girl he's paired up with STINKS, and he spends like, 600 hours in the church. So, Claire was under Cliff's spell and he slowly advanced to her, arms outstretched. "Oh Cliff!" She yelled, running into his arms, eyes tearing up. "I've always loved you! Let's murder the author so she never writes bad about you again!"

Cliff nodded. "Claire, my love! I return your feelings! Yes, I agree, let us murder the writer!"

Claire realized what she was doing and ran off, leaving Cliff fairly confused before he decided he'd go take a nap in a cardboard box like he normally does.

"One more bachelor to get attacked by," Agent Blonde and Mary-Sueish said, running to Kai's shack. Thankfully it was summer, so she could get terrorized by Kai. Only one who wouldn't go on and on about his emotions, thank Goddess.

Once she was in the scary little shack, Kai greeted her with a perverted grin. "Okay, Kai," Ms. No InGame personality said, glaring at the tan, purple bandana'd guy. "You get pervy with me, I kick you, I leave happy, I spend the money I got. Deal."

Kai then glomped her and whispered some disturbing things to her. She then kicked him off, and left happy, then spent the money on some box lunches from Doug's Inn.

(HAHAHA. End. Don't expect a chapter two, please. I've got tons to write and little writing awesome to fabricate everything. Yes, everyone's horribly out of character. I don't care. Flame me all you want. Yeah, this was pretty rushed. Sorry. I don't even think this remotely funny, but whateeveer. And yeah, about that whole 'I don't care Zelda I will marry Carter' thing, that's dedicated to my good friend Zelda who won't stop crushing my dreams of marrying Carter. I don't CARE that he's a priest! ..and yeah, I know, he's unmarriable. But I can pretend, can't I? Anyway, Review if you'd like, good things or flames. D If you hate my fic so much to flame it, I feel special that I took a few minutes out of your time with this fic which you claim is a waste. ANYWAY, I'm like Manna, I rant.. Just.. Review, please.)