A Not-So-Wonderful Life, Chap. 1
Disclaimer—Not mine, just taking them out for another playdate.
Summary—After the events of Kingdom Come, Hawke comments that Caitlin would be safer, and her life would be better, if she had never met him. But one night changes everything.
A/N #1: This is an idea I've been tossing around for a while now, loosely based on the famous It's a Wonderful Life storyline. Hawke and Caitlin are not together at the beginning of the story, and this will be a one-shot. Enjoy!-robertwnielsen
"Sometimes, Cait, I think you'd be a helluva lot safer if you'd never met me!" Stringfellow Hawke said angrily. He and Dom had rescued Caitlin from Ken Sawyer, the man who had seduced her to get to Hawke and Airwolf, in order to smuggle a dozen stolen nuclear detonators out of the country, and the three of them had gone to Hawke's cabin to relax for a while after the rescue, but Hawke's comment had increased the tension a thousand fold.
"Is that how you really feel, Hawke?" Caitlin snapped back, equally hurt, and angry herself. Hawke winced at the tears in Caitlin's eyes, but pressed on. Now that I've said it, I can't very well take it back, he thought, so I might as well tell her the rest of it.
"Yeah, Cait. It is. Let's face it—you never would've met Sawyer if you didn't know me, and you wouldn't have wound up as his hostage to get to me and Airwolf! Not to mention, you wouldn't have met Villars, either! Or been with me on that island, or run into Dom's psycho cousin Holly. And, you wouldn't have been on that plane that got hijacked, because you never would've left Texas in the first place! I-I just think that your life would be better, and longer, if you didn't know Stringfellow Hawke existed."
"I-I can't believe you said that to me, Hawke." Hawke winced at the tears glistening in Caitlin's hazel eyes. Does he have any idea how much those words hurt? Does he even care? Without thinking, Caitlin turned and fled from the cabin, out to the dock where the helicopter stood waiting. Dom stayed behind for a moment, angry.
"Dammit, String!" Dom bellowed. "I can't believe you said that, either! You really think Cait's life would be better if she'd never met you?"
"You're damned right I do, Dom. I mean, think about it logically for a minute, not like Caitlin's a friend of yours, someone you love like a daughter. Caitlin never would've been flyin' Holly up to the cabin, or flyin' Carter Anderson III to that meeting and almost getting shot out of the sky, or she never would have met Ken Sawyer, if she didn't know me. Not to mention bein' on that island with me and almost dying, either from exposure to that virus, or a nuclear explosion, and, like I said, she never would've been on Flight 093, because she never would have left Texas, in the first place! I think that's pretty cut and dried, don't you?"
"Well, String, I guess that means that you would've been dead, too, if Cait had never met you," Dom shot back. "'Cause I sure as hell wasn't in any condition to help you when you pumped those tranquilizers into my gut after Horn brainwashed you, was I? Cait saved both our asses that time, not to mention saving Airwolf! Dammit, kid, you really have some weird ideas! And I'll tell you somethin' right now, kid. If Cait winds up leaving because of what you said to her tonight, I will never, ever forgive you for it!" Dom put his red Santini Air ball cap back on his head, then glared angrily at Hawke. "I'll be back in a couple days, String, and I want you to do somethin' for me while you're up here alone. Think—really think—about what you said, and whether Cait's life would really be better if she'd never met you. Can you do that for me?"
"I will, Dom, but I seriously doubt it's gonna change my mind, no matter how much I think about it."
"Don't be so sure, hotshot," Dom said as he turned and walked out the door of the cabin. He climbed into the pilot's seat of the helicopter and prepared to head back to the hangar. "Sorry that took so long, Cait," Dom said as the engine started. "I was just tryin' to get String to understand what a dumb comment that was. Personally, Cait, I think you're the best thing to happen to that stubborn jackass in a long time—maybe the best thing to ever happen to him—even if he does refuse to acknowledge it!"
"Thanks, Dom. I just wish..." Caitlin cut herself off as a fresh wave of tears overwhelmed her, and Dom turned his attention back to flying, the anger he felt at String mounting as he glanced at Caitlin again.
Dammit, kid, you might've really done it this time! Dom thought angrily. Cait might just go home after what you said, and I wouldn't blame her if she did. Like I said, I'll blame you, String!
"No, Dom," Caitlin said, jolting him out of his thoughts, "I'm not goin' home. At least, not yet."
"How the heck did you know what I was thinkin', Cait?"
"It's written all over your face, Dom. Don't worry. Like I said, I'm not leavin', yet. Maybe, maybe String will come around, eventually." Besides, I don't want Mom to have the satisfaction of bein' able to say, 'See? I told ya so, Caity girl!', or somethin' like that, she thought.
"I hope so, kid. I sure as hell hope so. 'Cause you're a great mechanic, and a great friend to both String, and me." But I'm sure as hell not counting on it, he thought.
"Thanks, Dom." Caitlin smiled at him. "That really means a lot."
"Anytime, sweetheart. I'm just glad today's Friday, and String gets a couple of days alone up here to really think about that stupid comment of his. Maybe the time alone will do him some good."
"I hope so, Dom," Caitlin said. But I'm sure as heck not countin' on it, she thought.
Hawke had watched Dom's helicopter leave the dock, noticing that Dom didn't wave good-bye to him like he normally did. Dom's really upset, Hawke thought as he walked back into the cabin, and I guess I can understand why. He loves Cait just like she was his daughter, just like he loves Saint John and me like we were his kids, and he'd like to see Caitlin and me together. But, that can't be, and he knows why! And, he knows that I'm right, even if he doesn't want to admit it. Caitlin's life would be better, and longer, if she had never met me. I, I just wish Dom, and Caitlin, would understand that. Sighing again, Hawke walked back into the cabin to get his fishing gear, so he could catch a trout for supper.
Later that evening, Hawke lay in his bed trying to go to sleep, but the vision of Caitlin's tear-filled eyes refused to leave his mind. Why can't I get Caitlin out of my head? He thought angrily. She knows her life would be better if she'd never met me, dammit! Even if she refuses to admit it, just like Dom. Slowly, he felt his mind clearing and sleep finally claiming him.
"String? String?" A voice startled Hawke out of his sleep, and his eyes slowly adjusted to the dim firelight, to see a vision he never thought he would see again.
"Kelly? Kel, is that really you?"
"Yeah, String," Hawke's high school girlfriend said, "it's me. I'm here to show you something. You said Caitlin's life would be better, and longer, if she had never met you, but I'm here to tell you that you might not know everything you think you do."
"Kel, that's ridiculous." Hawke quickly climbed out of bed, thankful he'd pulled on a pair of sweats when he went to sleep. "I know Caitlin's life would be better, not to mention longer, if she'd never met me."
"Come with me," Kelly said, holding out her hand, "and you'll see." Hawke threw on a sweatshirt and reached out, surprised when he felt Kelly's fingers curl around his hand. The next thing Hawke knew, he and Kelly weren't in the cabin anymore—Hawke had no idea where they were, but he recognized Caitlin immediately.
"Caitlin?" Hawke asked, but Kelly tapped his shoulder. "Hawke, she can't see or hear us. We're observers only. And besides, here, she has no idea who you are. Now, watch," Kelly said, as the front door of the house opened and Caitlin turned, smiling as she saw the man walk in.
"Hey, handsome," Caitlin said as she walked over to the man and wrapped her arms around his neck. The man wrapped his arms around her waist and gave her a quick, but passionate kiss. "How are you, Mr. Villars?"
"I'm good," Robert Villars replied. "How are you, Cait?"
"Fine, especially now that you're back." Caitlin moved into Villars' arms, and kissed the man Hawke now knew as her husband again.
Hawke turned angrily to Kelly. "Kel, this is just proving my point! Caitlin's married, and she seems happy. It looks like she's got a wonderful life, not like the life she has knowing me!" But why, and how, she's married to Villars, I'll never understand, Hawke thought, because she met him here in California.
"Everything isn't what it seems, Hawke," Kelly replied. "Watch." Hawke nodded, as he and Kelly turned back to the vision unfolding in front of them.
"Caitlin," Villars said, "I lied a minute ago, when I said I was good. There's—there's somethin' I need to know."
"What is it, Robert?" She asked, worried.
"Who the hell have you been screwing behind my back?" Hawke blanched and turned to look at Kelly, who simply gestured back to them. "Listen," she said.
"Robert, I haven't been 'screwing' anybody, as you so colorfully put it, but you! You're my husband, in case you've forgotten! Why the hell would I be screwing anybody else, when I'm married to you?"
"Why don't you answer that question, you little bitch?" All the charm Hawke had seen when Villars walked into the house had evaporated. Hawke felt himself growing increasingly angry when he saw Villars calmly punch Caitlin straight in the face.
"That sonofabitch!" Hawke snapped, moving toward Villars. "What the hell did he do that for? I've got a good mind to tear him apart!"
"Hawke," Kelly said, "neither Caitlin, nor Villars, can hear or see us. Remember what I said before? We're just observers. Now, watch some more," she said, forcing Hawke to look at Caitlin's face, which now bore a large, ugly bruise just under her left eye.
"Robert, please. You know I love you, and you know you're the only man I've ever slept with! What in the world makes you think I've slept with anybody else? Or that I'd step outside of our marriage vows?" Hawke noticed the fear creeping into Caitlin's voice, and felt his ire and anger rising equally.
"Lots of things, you little slut. For one thing, the fact that we haven't had sex in almost two months, and for another, the outfits you've taken to wearing, just to name two off the top of my head." Villars glanced disgustedly at the short, tight dress and high heeled pumps that Caitlin wore. "You never used to dress like that!" I hate agreeing with the sonofabitch, but in this case, he's right, Hawke thought, picturing Caitlin in her typical coverall, or sweater and jeans, Caitlin never did dress like that. At least, not in a dress that tight-fitting, or that revealing, Hawke thought, catching a glimpse of Caitlin's cleavage through the plunging neckline of her dress. Just then, Hawke heard Caitlin saying something, and forced himself to listen.
"I've been dressin' like this to try to get your attention, you dumb bastard! For God's sake, Robert, you haven't even touched me in over a month!" Caitlin snapped, and was rewarded when Villars punched her in the face again. Hawke growled silently as he saw the bruises forming under both Caitlin's eyes.
"The only reason we haven't had sex in so long is because you haven't been payin' attention to me, you asshole!" The anger and venom in Caitlin's voice were both painfully obvious to Hawke. "I guess I have to wonder who in the hell you've been screwing behind my back!" She wasn't surprised when Villars shoved her angrily, causing her to smash her head into the wall behind her.
"How the hell long has this been going on?" Hawke demanded. Something's very wrong here. The Caitlin O'Shannessy I know would never cheat on someone she loved. Even if he was a bastard like this guy. He even makes Sawyer look like a decent guy. Almost. And something else is bothering me—Caitlin knows karate, so why the hell isn't she defending herself?
"Six months," Kelly replied. "And they've been married seven. And in case you're wondering, Hawke, Villars is the one who's cheating, not Cait. Like she said, she's only dressing like that to try to get her husband's attention again. He's been cheating on Cait, and basically ignoring her, for the past six months."
Not to mention beating her whenever he goddamned feels like it, Hawke thought as he saw the bruises under Caitlin's eyes. But I knew it. I knew Cait would never cheat on a man she loved, Hawke thought. "My God," Hawke said, shocked at the violence he'd seen. Or as Caitlin might say, 'God in Heaven!' Hawke felt his stomach turn over in disgust as he looked at Caitlin cowering in the corner, more frightened than he could ever recall seeing her. Even when she ran to Dom and me after she got off the ship, she didn't look that terrified. "Goddammit, I've seen enough." Kelly nodded understandingly, and a moment later, they were back in the cabin, alone.
"Do you see, Hawke?" Kelly demanded. "Do you see what Caitlin's life would be like if you'd never met her?"
"Yeah. I see that Cait fell in love and got married, but that the guy she married is as big of a jerk as he was before I killed him, in reality. But the point is, she's not in danger of bein' killed, like she is now, in reality, because she knows me!"
"Don't be so sure about that, String." Kelly calmly took Hawke's hand again. A moment later, they were back in the Villars' residence. Caitlin was alone, and Hawke could see she'd been beaten again. Just then, she heard the front door opening, and saw Robert walking in, looking even angrier than he had when Hawke saw him earlier. As Robert advanced on Caitlin, Hawke immediately recognized the look in his eyes, and understood why Kelly had said 'Don't be so sure about that.' I don't believe it. He's got the same look in his eyes that I had in mine when I found Moffett, after Gabrielle died in my arms. That rotten bastard's going to kill Cait, Hawke thought, and there's not a damned thing anybody can do to stop him. However, Hawke felt an enormous sense of relief when Caitlin turned toward him and pointed her gun at his head, firing two quick shots and dropping him instantly.
Good riddance. Hawke felt a grim, smug satisfaction as Villars collapsed. He watched as Caitlin calmly put her gun back in its safe and locked the door, then went to her bedroom. Cait won't have to worry about him anymore. I know she's an expert shot, so that bastard's dead. Hawke tried not to smile as he watched Villars fall to the ground. "Well, she'll be able to be happy again someday, now that Villars is out of her life," Hawke said as he turned to Kelly. "And more important," he added, "she'll be safe. But I don't get something, Kel. Cait knows karate, so why the hell wouldn't she use it to defend herself against him?"
"Don't be so sure that Cait's going to be safe, String," Kelly said again as they turned back to Caitlin. Suddenly, Hawke heard police sirens outside the Villars home, and saw officers break down the door and rush into the home. Caitlin came downstairs from the bedroom, saying, "Is there a problem, officers?" She noticed one of the officers checking Villars' body, then looking up and shaking his head at the officer Caitlin presumed was in charge.
"Caitlin Villars," one of the officers intoned, as another officer walked behind her and grabbed her arms, pulling them behind her back and placing handcuffs on her wrists, "you are under arrest for the murder of Robert Villars. You have the right to remain silent. If you give up the right to remain silent, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed for you by the court. If you decide to answer any questions now, without an attorney present, you still have the right to stop answering at any time, until you speak with a lawyer. Do you understand these rights as I've explained them to you?" Caitlin nodded, sheepishly.
"Yes. I've given that speech enough myself, y'know. I'm an officer with the Texas Highway Patrol, in case you didn't know." The officer nodded at Caitlin in recognition before leading her outside. She was put into the back of the police car and driven away.
"The neighbors heard the shots, and called the police, so she's been arrested," Kelly said, "and you do know Texas is a death penalty state, don't you, Hawke?"
"Yeah, I know. Cait's told me about it." Hawke shook his head at everything he'd just seen, "But Cait shot Villars in self-defense, for God's sake. There's no way any jury on this planet would sentence her to die."
"Careful, Hawke. After all, you know what they say about assuming things."
"Yeah, yeah. I do know. Dom tells me that all the time. 'Never assume anything, 'cause it just makes an ass out of you and me.' But I think in this case, I'm pretty safe. Cait might serve a few years for manslaughter, or even life without parole, but the fact that it was self-defense should keep her alive."
"We'll see, Hawke," Kelly replied as they moved out of the cabin, and Hawke found himself in a courtroom. Caitlin's trial. Hawke nervously glanced at her, wishing she could see him. But it wouldn't make any difference if she could see me, because she doesn't have any idea who I am, or how I-how I feel about her. Kelly spoke up again. "Oh, and by the way—to answer your question, Caitlin never used her karate training on Villars because of the simple fact that up until the night she killed him, she really thought they could work things out. And she would never hurt someone she loved without a damned good reason."
"That makes sense, I suppose." Of course, it makes perfect sense. Hawke remembered Caitlin's expression when he woke up in Horn's compound. She had explained to him, later, about how he had attacked her and she fought back, injecting him with the counter-agent to Horn's brainwashing drugs. Caitlin also told Hawke how she hadn't wanted to fight with him, and more importantly, how she hated to inject him with the counter-agent, knowing the risks, as Michael had explained them to her. Was there a reason she felt like that? Just then, Hawke heard the district attorney begin to speak, and he forced himself to listen.
"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury," the district attorney was saying, "the state has proven, in our opinion beyond a reasonable doubt, that Caitlin O'Shannessy Villars planned to murder her husband Robert, in order to cover for the lifestyle that she had been leading, and also to collect the nearly $10 million in life insurance that Villars had on him. The case is clear, ladies and gentlemen, and we urge that Mrs. Villars be found guilty of the maximum crime possible—first degree murder." Hawke felt a chill at the DA's words, delivered so callously and coldly. That cold-hearted bastard could even give Horn or Sawyer a run for their money, Hawke thought, then forced himself back into the moment when he heard another voice.
"Ladies and gentlemen," Caitlin's defense attorney began, "there is reasonable doubt as to Mrs. Villars' intentions on the night of her husband's death. We have shown that Robert Villars had a history of being physically violent to his wife, along with being unfaithful to her, and in her eyes the only way she could defend herself from another night of violence and abuse was to shoot her husband. And if anyone had a lifestyle that needed to be covered, it was Robert Villars, not his widow. My client has faithfully served as an officer, and a helicopter pilot with the Texas Highway Patrol for five years, ladies and gentlemen, and I know of her reputation as a member of that organization. Caitlin Villars does not have a spiteful or vengeful bone in her body. What Mrs. Villars did that night was not done in cold blood, ladies and gentlemen, nor was it planned beforehand. It was self-defense, pure and simple, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, and should be viewed as such." The defense attorney sat down as the judge dismissed the jury members to begin debating their verdict.
"She'll be all right," Hawke said. "Like I said, there's no way she'll be convicted of murder. Manslaughter, maybe, but not murder. And the fact that it was self-defense should help her, too."
"Don't be so sure about that, Hawke," Kelly said, shaking her head. "Villars was a very powerful and well-regarded figure in business and politics in Texas. His name was even being tossed around as a possible candidate for lieutenant governor. He was highly respected all around the state. And, Caitlin's lawyer wasn't that great, and the DA is one of the most ruthless in the state of Texas. Not to mention, he launched an anti-spousal abuse campaign, hopin' that he'd be able to ride it to the Governor's mansion next year, with Villars as his lieutenant governor, like I said." Hawke couldn't help but smile when Kelly said, 'Don't be so sure about that, Hawke.' Dom told me almost the same thing when he left earlier, Hawke thought.
"But Villars was an abuser himself, for God's sake. The jury heard what he did to Cait, and they saw the bruises. They'll have to take that into consideration."
"We'll see, Hawke. We'll see. But we won't have to wait much longer. It looks like they've made their decision," Kelly said as she saw the jury filing back into the courtroom.
"Has the jury reached a verdict?" The judge asked.
"We have, Your Honor," the foreperson said, standing.
"Mrs. Villars, please rise," the judge said as Caitlin and her lawyer stood up. "Foreperson, please read the verdict."
"Yes, Your Honor. We, the jury in the above entitled action, find the defendant, Caitlin O'Shannessy Villars," the foreperson paused and took a deep breath, then continued, "guilty of murder in the first degree."
"No!" Hawke shouted, anguished. He knew that in Texas, a conviction of first-degree murder carried a maximum sentence of death. "This can't be happening, Kel! There's, there's gotta be some way out!"
"Sorry, Hawke." Kelly shook her head. But, like I said before, Villars had a lot of friends on both sides of the law, not to mention a lot of money, respect, and power. And in a place like Pope County, that's all that matters."
"But that doesn't mean Cait's going to die." Hawke felt himself relax, knowing what he'd said was true. "She might get a sentence of life in prison without parole, but she's not going to die."
"We'll see, Hawke." Suddenly, they were back in the courtroom again, and Hawke knew the sentence was about to be read.
"Texas Inmate 1457," the judge intoned, "do you have anything to say before I pronounce sentence?"
"Just that I don't regret what I did," Caitlin snapped, "and that if I had to, I'd do it all over again, after everything that rotten bastard did to me. 'Cause I knew when I saw him comin' at me that night that he would've killed me if I hadn't stopped him."
"Very well. I understand. Texas Inmate 1457, I sentence you to death by way of lethal injection. You're a cold-blooded killer who has no place in our society, and I won't rest until your sentence is carried out! I'll see to it personally, if I have to!" The slam of his gavel sounded like a gunshot to Hawke's ears.
"No!" Hawke shouted, anguished. "This can't be happening! Caitlin can't be going to die!"
"I'm afraid so, Hawke. Cait's going to die, even though she has no idea that you even exist, because you never went to Texas to help her with Bogan. Do you understand? And let me give you something else to chew on, String. Think for a minute about all those incidents you talked about earlier. In every one, Caitlin survived. And think about the time when she was flying home for her sister's wedding, and the plane got hijacked. Do you really think she would've survived, if she hadn't known you? And those people didn't pick that plane to hijack because Caitlin was on it, or because she knew you. It was just bad luck." Kelly seemed to stare a hole right through Hawke, and he suddenly realized that his late girlfriend was absolutely right.
Of course, if I didn't know Cait, she wouldn't have been on that plane in the first place, because she never would've left Texas. But otherwise, Kelly's absolutely right. If I hadn't been so worried about Cait, and gone and gotten Airwolf the minute we heard that the plane had gone down, Cait would be dead, along with everybody else aboard. It was only a damned miracle that Airwolf's scanners spotted the plane, so I know if we hadn't gotten involved, they would have died. And, her piloting abilities saved her both when Villars tried to shoot her down, and when old 4-4 Charlie entered that flat spin after Cait knocked Holly out. If she hadn't been the kind of pilot she is, Cait never would've made it. How could I have been so damned stupid?
"I, I suppose you're right. No, wait. I know you're right, Kel. And, I understand what you're trying to tell me. But, Cait's not going to die right away. I know enough about the death penalty to know that the appeals process takes years, so she's not going anywhere for a while."
"Hawke, you haven't listened to a damned thing I've said, have you? Villars has—had—very powerful friends. And those friends are going to do whatever they can to get Caitlin's sentence expedited. I promise you that. Especially since one of those friends was the judge in this case. Remember how he said he'd personally see to it that Caitlin was executed, if he had to? He said that because of his friendship with Villars. Not to mention the fact that it seems like she felt no remorse for what she did—not that I blame her—but that doesn't bode well during an appeals process."
"Oh, God," Hawke mumbled. Just then, he felt Kelly take his hand again, and he found himself in the witness room of an execution chamber as Caitlin was led in. Hawke winced when he saw the chain around her waist and the cuffs on her wrists as she was led to the gurney and tightly strapped onto it. Hawke felt tears forming in his eyes as he saw two people inserting needles into Caitlin's arms. This, this can't be happening! Hawke felt more fear and helplessness than he could ever recall feeling in his entire life.
"Kelly, there's got to be some way to stop this," Hawke begged. "I'll do anything, I swear! Anything! Just don't let Caitlin die!" Hawke felt a terror gnawing at him that he hadn't felt since he woke up in Horn's compound, and saw Caitlin staring at him, her eyes full of tears.
"Hawke, I can't stop this. There's nothing anyone can do now, except for the governor, or the attorney general. They're the only ones who can stop this," she said, nodding to a red phone. "Cait might still have a chance, because that red phone is a direct line to the governor, and the white one connects to the attorney general. If either phone rings, there might still be hope for her. Otherwise," she stopped as a man stepped in front of the gurney Caitlin was strapped to. Hawke winced when he saw the needles in both of Caitlin's arms.
God, please stop this. Hawke felt himself praying harder than he had in a long time. "Caitlin Villars," the man in front of the gurney was saying, "do you have anything to say, before your sentence is carried out?"
"Like I said the day that judge pronounced sentence," Caitlin said, "I don't regret what I did, and if I had it to do over again, I would've done exactly the same thing! I know what Villars did to me in the past, and what he would've done that night, if I hadn't shot him! He was a dirty rotten bastard, and I'm not sorry he's dead!"
"Very well," the man said. Just then, Hawke heard a phone ring. Thank God! Hawke felt his hopes rise, then fall immediately as he saw the man he presumed to be the warden moving toward a white phone, not the red one. "Yes," the warden said, "I understand. Thank you." God, please let someone have seen reason, and decided not to let Caitlin die! Hawke thought desperately, remembering that the image of Kelly had told him that white phone was connected to the attorney general's office.
"It's a go," the warden said tersely, reaching into his pocket. Hawke saw the warden nod, and knew that the flow of drugs into Caitlin's bloodstream had been started. No, dammit! There's got to be some way to stop this! God, I'll do anything you want, anything! Just please, don't let Cait die! He watched, terrified, as Caitlin began resisting the drugs that were being pumped into her system.
C'mon, Caitlin! Fight it! Hawke tried to will the drugs not to take effect, but he could already see Caitlin's resistance waning. Finally, he saw her eyes slowly close as the first of the drugs, sodium thiopental, took its full effect. She looks so beautiful, even this way. Hawke felt a wave of tears wash over him. A few minutes later, Hawke saw Caitlin's eyes open, and he knew it was over. Her muscles have totally relaxed, now that she's dead. Hawke knew it was over when he saw Caitlin's eyes open, since he'd seen too many people die on the battlefield in Vietnam. Another man with a stethoscope checked for a heartbeat, then shook his head and slipped Caitlin's eyes closed for the last time as he said, "Time of death, 1815."
"I can't take this anymore, Kelly," Hawke said, barely able to control his anger. "Get us the hell out of here."
"There's nothing more to see, anyway, String," Kelly replied, taking his hand again.
"Kelly, no! It can't end this way, dammit!" Hawke shouted angrily, realizing they were back in the cabin. "She can't be gone, Kel, she just can't be!"
"She's not dead, Hawke," Kelly insisted. "She's back at her house crying, like she's been doing ever since she and Dom left the cabin, because of what you said, but she's alive. What you saw was what would have happened, if you hadn't met her. Do you understand, String? Caitlin's life would not have been better, or longer, if she had never met you! And, like Dom said, if she hadn't been there when Horn kidnapped you, you would be dead right now!"
"I understand, Kel," Hawke said, more ashamed than he'd ever been in his entire life. "I'll, I'll apologize to Caitlin, even though I don't think she's going to accept my apologies. But something's really bothering me. How the hell did Villars wind up in Texas? Cait met him here, in California."
"String-Bean," Kelly said, shaking her head and smiling, "You are still the stubbornest person I think I ever met in my entire life! Haven't you learned anything from what you've seen tonight? I swear, you really need to stop assuming everything. If you talk to Caitlin with that attitude, I can guarantee you, she won't accept your apology. But if you go to her and apologize—really, sincerely apologize—then I think you know what's going to happen, don't you? And, let me ask you somethin' else, String. Why the heck can't you see how much Cait loves you, anyway? Everybody else can. Including Dom, and including me. I've been watchin' you two, String, and even though you seem to be completely blind to it, I can tell how much Caitlin loves you, y'know?"
"Yeah, Kel, I, I do know," Hawke said. "And, thanks. I don't understand why you're helping Cait, though." Cait loves me? Hawke was surprised at Kelly's comment, and tried not to let his reaction show on his face. How the heck does Kelly know that? I guess it shouldn't surprise me, though, considering everything else Kel obviously knows. Then, Hawke forced himself back into the moment when he heard Kelly saying something to him.
"I'm not helping Cait, you stupid, blind ass. I'm helping you. Helping you understand that for once in your life, you're wrong. I'm trying to make you understand that Caitlin's life wouldn't be any better, or longer, if she'd never met you. In fact, it would've been a helluva lot worse. And, if getting you to see that helps Cait in some way, then so much the better."
"Kel, I've been wrong before," Hawke said, smiling, "I just never liked to admit it, you know that." And I guess I can't argue with what I just saw. That proves I was wrong to say that to Caitlin. Hawke felt more embarrassment than he could ever recall feeling in his life.
"Yeah, I do know that, Hawke," Kelly said. She was about to say more, but Hawke interrupted her.
"Kelly, the only argument I have against what you showed me is—everything that's happened to Caitlin, except for her plane being hijacked, has happened to her because she knows me, like what happened recently, with Ken Sawyer. She never would have met Sawyer, and wound up as his hostage, if she didn't know me. And if you really stop to think about it, Cait would never have been on Flight 093 if she'd never met me, either!" She'd either be married to Villars and letting him beat the hell out of her every night, or already dead, depending on when what you just saw happened, Hawke thought.
"No, I'll agree with you about that, String," Kelly said, "but somebody else would have been in Cait's position. Maybe Dom, maybe another woman, I don't know. But Sawyer would have used somebody to get to you—Caitlin just happened to be that someone. And think about this, String—if you'd acknowledged your feelings about Caitlin before Sawyer met her, I'd be willing to bet that she wouldn't have fallen for the line of BS he was spouting, and things might have been different. And as far as you saying she wouldn't have been on Flight 093 if she'd never met you, how do you know that? You don't know whether Caitlin wouldn't have left Texas anyway, and still been on that plane, do you?" Kelly paused, and Hawke thought about what she had told him.
She's right, again. "Yeah," he replied. "You're right, Kel. About everything." Hawke smiled at the image of his late girlfriend, and was relieved when she smiled and nodded at him.
"Now, you're starting to get it," Kelly said, smiling. "As for the hijacking, I guess I can accept that Cait might not have been there if she didn't know you, String. But here's the flip side of that—if she hadn't known you and been on that plane, everybody else who was on that plane, including that little girl, would be dead right now, because you wouldn't have spent so much time searching for them!" Hawke had to admit that once again, Kelly was right. I remember Cait telling me about Amy, and how scared she was, and how Cait helped her feel better, Hawke thought. And anyway, Caitlin told me she'd thought about leavin' Texas even before I showed up, in between the harassment she was getting from Bogan's boys, and her mom buggin' her about getting married and starting a family, so she could have left, and then wound up on Flight 093 anyway. And anyway, even though Caitlin does get in danger now and then because of being around me, Dom, the Lady, and I are always there to back her up.
"Well, I really need to go. Just remember everything you saw tonight, okay? And do what you have to do. You know what you have to do, String. Oh, before I forget, to answer your question, it seems that in that altered reality, Villars left California and moved to Texas about a year ago. Something about a family member telling him that the politics there needing to be changed, or some such nonsense. His marrying Cait was more a marriage of convenience than love, at least in his mind. Villars knew that it'd be a lot harder to be elected to high office if he wasn't married, and when he met Caitlin out at a bar one night, he knew what he had to do."
"Well, that makes sense, I suppose," Hawke replied. Who am I kidding, anyway? It makes perfect sense. He saw Cait, realized how beautiful she is, and things just went from there. So much for me thinkin' I'd never understand why she was married to him. But if I've got anything to say about it, things won't happen the way I saw them tonight.
"I do know what I have to do. Correction. I know what I want to do, and what I need to do. I mean, Cait gets me, Kel. More than just about anybody I've ever met, except maybe you. And I do understand what you were trying to do, Kelly. I swear it. I-I want to thank you for showing me what Caitlin's life would have been like if she'd never met me, but please—I don't ever want to see what my life would have been like, without Caitlin." Hawke gazed into Kelly's eyes, and she nodded, satisfied that Hawke was telling the truth.
"Kel, I've gotta ask—will I ever see you again?"
"I don't know, String, but never say never. I might drop in on you and Cait sometime. I want to know that Cait's takin' good care of you, y'know. And, as far as what your life would've been like without Caitlin, I'll just say you're right, and we'll leave it at that."
"I know, but I wouldn't worry about it, Kel. She always has taken good care of me." Probably a lot better than I deserve, considering everything I've done that's hurt her. Hawke felt a tinge of sadness as he considered everything he had done that had hurt Caitlin since he met her. But no more. And, he thought as he considered what Kelly had said about what his life would have been like if he'd never met Caitlin, that's what I was afraid of.
"I know, String," Kelly replied. "You two take good care of each other. You have ever since you met her, and I think you look good together. Well, the time has come for me to say good-bye. Take care, Stringfellow Hawke. And, do the right thing for once in your life, okay?"
"Okay, Kel," Hawke replied as the image of his late girlfriend faded from his eyes. "And, thanks. For everything," he said to the disappearing image.
When Hawke woke up the next morning, his first thought was of Caitlin's face the previous night, after he made that stupid comment. I know what I have to do. No, wait. What I want to do. And, like I told Kel in that...vision, or dream, or whatever the hell it was...what I need to do. Because I never, ever, want to see Cait looking like that again, especially because of me. I just, I just hope that it isn't already too late. Hawke quickly dismissed the thought that he'd lost Caitlin forever from his mind. Quickly, he moved to the CB radio. "Dom? Come in, Dom."
"String?" Dom's voice came through the radio. "What's goin' on? I wasn't planning on comin' up there after you until Monday, dammit!"
"Dom," Hawke said, "I need you to come up here and get me. Now. There's, there's somethin' I want to do."
"I'm on my way, String," Dom said, and Hawke winced when he heard the chill in his surrogate father's voice. Well, maybe he'll change his tune when he hears what I've decided. Hawke allowed himself a smile as he went to get dressed.
A half-hour later, Hawke walked out anxiously as he heard Dom's helicopter landing on the dock. He smiled at Dom as he climbed into the helicopter. "Dom, I'm sorry for askin' you to come up here and get me, but I've been thinking about what I said to Cait last night. Remember when I said that spending the weekend thinking about it wouldn't get me to change my mind? Well, I was wrong. I made a decision because of something that happened after you and Cait left, and assuming she hasn't already gone back to Texas, as soon as I can, I'm-I'm going to apologize to Caitlin. And," he added, "if I find that Cait has gone back, then you and I are headed to the Lair to get the Lady, so I can go find her and apologize personally."
"Are you admitting you're wrong?" Dom asked. Hawke noticed the anger in Dom's tone had softened, a little. At least, I think it did.
"I will when I see Caitlin, but if you absolutely need to hear me say it, Dom, then yes, I admit it. I was wrong. I am wrong, about everything, especially what I said to Caitlin. I know that her life wouldn't be any better, or any longer, without me. In fact," Hawke shot a worried glance over at his surrogate father, "her life would have been a helluva lot worse, not to mention shorter, without me."
"Worse?" Dom asked. "In what way, or do I really want to know?"
"I-I can't really explain it, Dom," Hawke said, shaking his head, "mainly 'cause I don't think you'd believe me if I told you. And to be honest, you probably don't want to know anyway. But last night I saw, something that convinced me that knowing me doesn't put Caitlin in danger. In fact, like you said, knowing me has saved her life, just like she saved mine, and yours, with Horn. And, I'm ready to admit somethin', too. Something that you've been trying to get me to admit for a long time now."
"What's that?"
"I'm ready to admit, that I love Caitlin, Dom. And not just like a good friend, either. If she'll accept it, and accept me, then I'm ready to admit that I'm in love with Caitlin, and I have been for a long time. And after what I saw last night, I know that she wouldn't be in any more danger if we were together." In fact, what I saw last night convinced me that Cait's a lot safer knowing me than she would be if we'd never met.
"All right!" Dom said, a huge smile finally breaking through on his face. "I don't think you'll have anything to worry about, String. I think everything's gonna be just fine. And by the way, String, I'm sorry for everything I said last night, and for my attitude when you called earlier. I was just worried, and mad, after what happened."
"I hope so, Dom," Hawke said as the hangar came into view. "I sure as hell hope so. But remember what you always told Saint John and me about 'assuming' things. And, apology accepted, Dom. It's not like I didn't deserve you getting mad like that." I would've deserved a lot worse, if Cait had left, he thought, ashamed.
"Yeah, yeah," Dom said dismissively, "I remember, buddy. But in this case, I think I'm safe." Hawke stifled a smile as he remembered saying almost the same thing last night. And I turned out wrong. I sure hope like hell you're not gonna be wrong, Dom. When they'd landed, Hawke quickly got on his motorcycle and roared off, more determined than he'd ever been about anything. As he drove toward Caitlin's house, thoughts of what she would say when she saw him ran through his head. I just hope she can forgive me for the way I shot off my big mouth, and I hope I haven't completely ruined our friendship, or any chance that it might be more. But first, I need to make a little stop, to get something I can hide behind. And, maybe it'll help smooth things over between us.
Caitlin O'Shannessy's hand hovered hesitantly over the phone. Ever since she came back from the cabin, after what Hawke said to her, she'd been debating calling the airport and making a reservation on the next flight to Texas, then calling her mom to tell her that she was coming home. But if I did, the first words out of Mom's mouth would probably be somethin' to the effect of, 'See, Caity girl? I told ya so!', or somethin' like that, and I damned sure don't want to give Mom the satisfaction of bein' right. She's been tellin' me for weeks that Hawke doesn't feel the same way about me that I do about him, and what he said just proves it. Not to mention the fact that she and Erin would both probably want to hightail it right back here and beat the snot out of Hawke for what he said. And, Hawke would deserve it, too.
I mean, I guess I can understand why he thinks my life would be better, and longer, if I'd never met him, but doesn't he understand how much better my life is because I met him? And more important, how do I get Hawke to understand how much what he said hurt me? She felt tears flood her eyes when Dolly Parton's I Will Always Love You came on the radio. That's about the last song I want to hear right now, because even after what he said, I-I will always love Hawke, but I can't stay here anymore. Not after what happened yesterday. Her thoughts were interrupted when she heard someone knocking on the front door. Caitlin quickly dried her eyes as she walked to the door.
If that danged idiot salesman's out there again, I swear, I'll kill him! A very persistent vacuum cleaner salesman had been making several visits to her house recently, and Caitlin had begun thinking that he was trying to sell her on something other than a vacuum cleaner. "How many times do I have to tell you, I'm not interested!" She said, throwing open the door. Caitlin stopped when, instead of the obnoxious salesman she'd been expecting, she saw only the largest bouquet of roses she had ever seen in her life, along with a teddy bear holding a red heart, with the words I'm 'Beary' Sorry across the front. Um, okay. This isn't that idiot salesman. The question is, who the heck is it? Who do I know that needs to apologize to me for anything, except for Hawke? "Who's there?" Caitlin asked, hesitantly.
"Cait, it's me, String. I, I wanted to apologize. For everything."
I should've guessed. As soon as I saw the flowers, I should've guessed it'd be String. She felt tears flood her eyes again as she took the flowers and bear out of Hawke's hands. "String? Are you all right?" She asked, noticing Hawke's expression. He looks scared of something, like he's just lost his last friend. Which he definitely hasn't. At least, not while Dom and I are both still alive and kicking, if he's really here to apologize like he said he is.
"Not really, no." Hawke forced a smile at her. "But hopefully, once I say what I have to say, then I will be all right. Caitlin," he said, his expression turning serious again, "I, I apologize from the bottom of my heart for what I said yesterday—that your life would have been better, and longer, if we hadn't ever met. I, I know how much that hurt you, and all I can say is that I was wrong, and I hope like hell I haven't ruined our friendship. And most of all, that I'm very, very sorry for saying that to you." Or I could've said 'beary' sorry. Hawke stifled a smile when he pictured the words on the stuffed bear he'd bought along with the roses earlier.
"Thanks, String, but you're not tellin' me anything that I haven't been tryin' to tell you ever since the day my plane back to Texas got hijacked, y'know." Stringfellow Hawke, actually admitting he was wrong? I have got to write this down! And, the next time I run the engineering station aboard Airwolf, I'm logging it into the computer. Might come in handy someday! Caitlin worked to stifle a smile. But at least, now I know why String looked so down when I saw his face.
"I know, Cait." Caitlin took her flowers and found a vase, putting them in water. "And I don't expect you to forgive me for what I said. Like I said, Cait, I know it was a stupid thing for me to say. It was wrong, and I know how much it hurt you. In fact, I'm kinda surprised you're still here."
"Oh, really?" Caitlin asked. "What'd you think, that I'd gone runnin' back home to Mom, like some kinda little kid?" How the heck did he know what I was thinking, anyway? Well, now that I think about it, I shouldn't be surprised. I've seemed to know what Hawke was thinkin' more than once. And besides, it was probably written all over my face.
"That's exactly what I thought, Cait. I figured you'd either caught the first plane back to Texas, or that you'd just gotten on a plane, and you were just gonna keep on goin' until the money ran out, then walk, like you said you were gonna do before." After I shot Villars down. Hawke felt a small air of satisfaction at the thought that had crossed his mind.
"I remember, String." Caitlin finished with her flowers, set the bear in front of the vase, then walked over to Hawke and took both of his hands in hers, "and I'll be honest with ya, I've been sittin' here thinkin' about doin' just that—packin' up my stuff and heading back to Texas, at least, along with cryin' so much that I don't think I've got any tears left to cry—practically since Dom and I got back from your cabin last night, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I couldn't do it for two reasons. Number one, I don't want to give Mom the satisfaction of bein' right, and bein' able to say, 'See? I told ya so, Caity girl!' or somethin' like that. Not to mention the fact that Mom and Erin would both want to be on the first plane back here to either give you a piece of their minds, or beat the living crap outta you for what you said!" And I wouldn't stop them, because they'd have every right to do it. Hawke felt his reverie broken when he heard Caitlin saying something else.
"And number two, well," She hesitated, and Hawke felt his heart leap into his throat.
"Go ahead, Cait. What's number two?" Hawke fully expected Cait to say that she couldn't leave Dom, and Santini Air, behind. Not anything about me, personally. Just then, Kelly's voice rang in his head again. I swear, String-Bean, you really need to stop assuming everything. Why the heck can't you see how much Cait loves you, anyway? Everybody else can. Including Dom, and including me.
"Number two, but maybe most important, I can't leave because of the simple fact that even after what you said last night, I, I love you, String. I have loved you, and I've been in love with you, ever since I met you."
Hawke sighed with relief at Caitlin's words. "Cait, I love you, too," he said, smiling. "And in case you're wondering, I mean that I'm in love with you. I've just been too stubborn, and stupid, to admit it before now." I have never been so happy to be wrong. Hawke smiled as he remembered what he had assumed Caitlin's other reason for not leaving had been. Cait does love me, just like Kel said she does. But I'd still like to know just how the heck Kelly knew how Caitlin felt.
"Well, you're absolutely right about the stupid part. And the stubborn part, too." Hawke felt his heart drop straight to the soles of his shoes at Caitlin's words.
But I deserve every one of 'em. "I, I know, Cait. And, you're absolutely right, about all of it."
You're doggoned right I am, String! But I can't stay mad at you, after what you did, and more important, what you said. But, there is somethin' I want to get off my mind. "String, don't take this the wrong way—I really appreciate that you came and honestly apologized to me for what you said and all—but there's somethin' I've gotta tell you. The fact that you think that you know how I should live my life was one of the main reasons I got so upset, and was thinkin' about leaving. I mean, c'mon, String. I may not look like it, but I am a grown woman, and in case you haven't noticed, I am perfectly capable of takin' care of myself! After all, I kicked your sorry butt back in Horn's compound, before I saved it, didn't I?" Her hazel eyes focused on Hawke's, and Hawke couldn't help but remember the kick she'd delivered to his chest, just before she administered Archangel's antidote. Before he could respond, Caitlin continued, "And did it ever occur to you that I like the way my life is? Even the dangerous parts? Sure, it's scary when somebody kidnaps me and I think I'm gonna die, like happened with Sawyer before, but y'know what? I know that Dom, our Lady, and most importantly, you are always watchin' out for me. I trust you with my life, Stringfellow Hawke. And you haven't let me down yet, even with all the crazy things that have happened to me since I came here lookin' for you. Sure, there was that time I got whacked in the head and wound up with a concussion, but you found me and got me to the hospital. And heck, it wasn't the first time somebody knocked me out, and it probably won't be the last, either. You just don't understand how much better my life is, since I met you, String. And that's what hurt me most of all."
"I know, Cait, and you're right. Sometimes I just get overprotective, because of how much I love you and don't want to lose you, like I've lost so many other people in my life. But, I promise I'll try harder to remember just how amazingly capable you really are." All I really need to do is remember the bruise I had on my chest for two weeks after she kicked me. "And, there's something else. You and I have been getting closer recently, and I'll be honest, I was scared. Scared because of everyone else that I've lost, and how much I don't want to lose you." And besides, I remember on the island—if it hadn't been for Cait, I never could have kept it together long enough to shoot down all three of those missiles, and then we both would have bought it, along with the entire crew of that Soviet sub. "Cait, I think I do understand how much better your life is, because my life is so much better since I met you. I just–I didn't think of how much my words would hurt you before I said what I did, and I'm sorry."
Caitlin saw the truth of Hawke's words reflected in his steel-blue eyes. He really means it. That makes me happiest of all!
"Thanks. And y'know what, String? The fact that you admitted that you were wrong, and apologized for what you said, means everything to me. So, as far as I'm concerned, none of what happened matters anymore. I forgive you, String, for everything. All that matters to me now is that we know how we feel about each other, and we can move forward. And, I know you're scared, String. I've been scared as we've gotten closer, too, even though it's for a different reason. I've been scared 'cause I've wondered if you felt the same way about me, as I do about you. But I'll tell you this, String. If you're willing to trust me with your heart, the way I want to trust you with mine, then what I want is for us to move forward—together." Caitlin smiled hesitantly up at Hawke, and Hawke saw the truth of her words reflected in her hazel eyes. The fact that he's here, and admitting that he's wrong, makes me love String even more than I already do, Caitlin thought happily.
"Yeah. I am willing to trust you with my heart, Cait, and I'm glad you want to trust me with yours." Hawke smiled as he slipped his arms around Caitlin's waist, and felt hers going around his neck, "and we'll move forward together, because I know, now, that I want us to be together." He smiled at Caitlin again as he pulled her close to him and kissed her, a deep, longing kiss that became steadily more passionate until Hawke realized he needed to breathe, as much as he needed Caitlin. He gently pulled back, then noticed the tears in Caitlin's eyes. "I'm, I'm sorry, Cait. Too much, too fast?"
Well, so much for thinkin' I don't have any tears left to cry. Caitlin was surprised when she felt her eyes fill again, but I better tell String these aren't tears because I'm sad, or scared, or anything other than extraordinarily happy! "No, String. Oh, God, no! These tears aren't because I'm sad, or whatever else you might be thinkin'. I mean, I have been dreaming of you kissing me, just like that, practically since that day on the movie set! These tears are because I'm happy! I'm happy that you've finally figured out your feelings about me. Um," she said, suddenly realizing something, "you have figured out your feelings about me, right?" God, I hope so, 'cause as great as that kiss was, it wasn't nearly enough, Caitlin thought. I want so much more. That kiss wasn't too much. It wasn't nearly enough. Geez, I'm repeating myself, that's how excited I am! She felt a heat rising from her very core, and was embarrassed at just how much more she wanted. I want String. I'm-I'm ready to give myself to him, and show him just how much I love him.
"Yeah, Cait, I have finally figured my feelings out about you. Like I told you, I'm in love with you, Caitlin, and I have been for a very long time. I've just been too stubborn, and stupid, to admit it before now. But, I can promise you two things. Number one, I will never let anyone, or anything, get in the way of my feelings for you, ever again. And number two, if you'll have me, then I promise you right here and now that I'll spend the rest of our lives making up for ignoring you for so long, and hurting you the way I have been. Because I want to tell you something. You are, without a doubt, the best thing that's happened to me in a long time—maybe the best thing that ever happened to me, even though I don't acknowledge it. But that's somethin' else I want to work on—showing you how much you mean to me. How much, I love you, Cait." But I wouldn't blame you if you didn't believe me, he thought. 'Cause I know how much what I said hurt you.
The rest of 'our' lives, Caitlin felt her excitement grow at Hawke's words. God in Heaven! String must be even more serious than I thought! And he said I'm the best thing that ever happened to him—it's about time he realized that! And most important, I know him. I know Stringfellow Hawke never says anything he doesn't mean. Aloud, she said, "I believe you, String, and I forgive you. For everything. Like I said, it's all over now, and my parents always taught Erin and me not to hold a grudge, especially against someone we love. I think you've had me ever since I saw you back in that jail cell in Pope County, even though it took you so long to acknowledge how you felt. Heck, I was beginning to think there was no hope for you ever figuring out that I love you, String." Hawke smiled as he recalled how many times Caitlin had tried to show him her feelings, and he had rebuffed them.
"And besides, how in the world could I possibly stay mad at someone who brought me two dozen roses and such an adorable teddy bear?" The impish grin that erupted on Caitlin's face finally reassured Hawke that their emotions were in sync. She does love me, just like Kelly said.
"Thanks, Cait." Hawke sighed with relief. "And, there's somethin' else I want to say to you."
"Uh-oh. This sounds serious."
"Yeah. It is." Hawke gazed deep into Caitlin's eyes. "I promise you, I will never say, or do, anything more to hurt you in any way, ever." All I have to do is remember what Cait looked like in that vision, or dream, or whatever the hell it was, cowering on the floor of her house after Villars beat her, or the way she looked last night, in reality, just before she ran out of the cabin. I never want to see either of those expressions again, and I'll do anything to make sure Cait never feels that way with me. Ever, Hawke thought.
Wow! He must really be serious. "Thank you, String, and I promise you the same." Caitlin's eyes filled with tears again. But, they're happy tears, 'cause finally, String knows I love him, and I know he loves me! "String, I'll tell you somethin—I'd rather hurt myself before I'd hurt you." Considering I already did it once. Caitlin remembered when Hawke hadn't recognized her at Horn's compound, and attacked her. I never want to have to do somethin' like that again.
"I feel exactly the same way, Cait, and like I said before, I'm gonna spend the rest of our lives trying to make up for all the things I've said, and done, that have hurt you in the past, including how I've ignored your tryin' to show me how you felt—how you feel, that is—about me. And I wanted to tell you somethin' else. What I said before that started this whole mess, that's not how I really feel about you, Cait. I mean, I know I can't take back what I said, but I wanted you to know that I'm very happy that I met you, even under the circumstances that I did, and I hope you feel the same way about me." Even though I don't deserve it, and I wouldn't blame you if you didn't feel that way about me.
"I do feel that way about you, String. Even though we definitely met under the least enjoyable circumstances possible, I know that the day I saw you in that cell was, without a doubt, the best day of my life. 'Cause even then, I knew I had feelings for you that were stronger than just friendship. Now, I just have one question. What in the heck happened, String?"
Hawke rubbed the back of his neck nervously before he answered Caitlin. "That's a real long story, Cait, and I'm not sure you'd believe me if I told you, 'cause I'm not all that sure how to explain it, myself. I'll just say that last night, after you and Dom left, I saw, something, that convinced me how wrong I was to say that to you, and that your life wouldn't be better, or safer, if we had never met."
"String, you have no idea how happy I am to hear you say that," Caitlin said, her eyes shining. Oh, I think I do, Cait, Hawke thought, remembering how he'd felt when he saw her die, and remembering again her expression just before she turned and ran out of the cabin.
"Listen, String," Caitlin smiled as she moved closer in his arms, "I know you're scared about the curse. Heck, I've been scared practically since the day I met you—scared that you'd never admit how you felt about me, and scared that you didn't feel the same way about me that I did—that I do, I mean—about you. And most important, I've been scared of how intense my feelings are for you, if you didn't feel the same way about me that I do about you. And I can't promise you that nothing's ever gonna happen to me. Heck, with everything I've been through already, including the stuff I went through back in Texas before I met you, I'm surprised I'm not dead already!" Hawke inwardly winced as he pictured Caitlin's lifeless body strapped to that gurney in his vision from the night before. Caitlin, you don't know the half of it, Hawke thought as he suppressed a shudder and hoped Caitlin hadn't noticed.
"But, String, I believe in you. And more important, I believe in us. And what I can promise is that from now on, I'll love you like nobody else could, with every bit of my heart and soul, for as long as we have together. I think I love you that much already, I've just been waitin' for you to figure out how you felt about me. But I know we can make it, String. I have faith, and I hope you do, too." I can't believe I said, 'I believe in us,' because I was beginning to think String would never pull his head outta his rear end about me, but it looks like he has, finally! Mom is gonna absolutely flip when she hears about this! And I am so gonna enjoy telling Mom that I was right about String, and telling her to apologize to him for every bad thing she ever said, or wrote, to me about him! 'Cause Mom owes him an engraved apology, and I'm not gonna rest until he gets it!
"I do, Cait, and I promise I'll love you the same way for however long we have together," Hawke replied, smiling at her before he kissed her again. As he felt Caitlin's body mold tightly against his, Hawke marveled at how well she seemed to fit against him. It's like we're made for each other.
Caitlin's heart rate jumped as she felt her body mold tightly against Hawke's as he kissed her, and she wasn't surprised to feel a moist warmth coming from her very core. God, I want you, String! Caitlin knew she couldn't contain her desire for him for very long, especially after she felt him against her, which only served to heighten her own excitement as a jolt of pleasure shot through her body. Still, she marveled at how well she seemed to fit against Hawke, and how comfortable she felt in his arms. I could stay just like this, forever. Just then, she felt Hawke separating them. But that's temporary. Caitlin gave Hawke a suggestive smile as she took his hands and began pulling him in the direction of her bedroom.
This time when they separated, Hawke noticed a particular gleam in Caitlin's eyes as she took his hands in hers and began leading him to her bedroom. Hawke hesitated for a moment. "Cait? Are you sure?"
"Yes, String. I'm absolutely sure about this. I'm sure that I love you, and I want you. And, I think I've waited long enough for this, don't you?"
Hawke smiled, nodded, and allowed Caitlin to lead him to her bedroom. He pulled her back into his arms and said, "Yeah, Cait. I think we both have. I have to confess something—I have wanted you for a very long time."
Caitlin was already unbuttoning Hawke's shirt. "Can't be any longer than I've wanted you, String. And as far as I'm concerned, you and I are both seriously overdressed." Hawke finally took the hint and began unbuttoning Caitlin's blouse, and they finished undressing each other and slipped between the sheets of Caitlin's bed, and into each other's arms a few moments later. The kiss that followed dwarfed every one of their previous kisses in both its intensity and passion as the emotions they had both been holding in check for so long finally began to unleash themselves as Hawke showed Caitlin how much he loved her, and he learned how much she loved him in return.
When it was over, as Hawke pulled Caitlin's body tight against his, he thought he felt something change in the air, as if something, or someone, had lowered a blanket of peace over them. Thanks for pullin' my head out of my ass like that, Kel. Hawke felt himself smiling when he heard Caitlin sigh happily. It's going to be a wonderful life. I know that now. Hawke closed his eyes happily as he felt Caitlin pull his arms tighter around her body, and he pondered the future. Our future, Hawke corrected himself with a lightness in his heart that he hadn't felt in a long time, as he pictured their wedding day, back at the cabin out on the dock. Our future, together.
THE END.
A/N #2: I know this is a little darker than some of my previous writings, but I hope someone enjoys it. And, Merry Christmas to all my readers!