A/N: Ah, back to the days of stories that don't have multiple chapters! Anyway, this is a silly little one-shot that occurred to me randomly. No slash.
There were a lot of ways to annoy Scott Summers, because Scott was just so uptight. Move around the papers on his desk and his mouth would twitch in the way that told you he found you irksome, but couldn't quite find anything to punish you for. His pure essence was basically a sign that said, 'COME ANNOY ME.'
At least, that's how Logan saw it, because he was kinda sorta invulnerable to anything Cyclops would try and do to him.
Aside from stealing his bike (which never got old, because Cyclops never let up about it), Logan had gotten in the habit of hiding One-Eye's shoes, rearranging the books in his classroom, which were carefully alphabetized, and jamming the door hinges to his room. There were a few other things that happened on the fly as inspiration struck, but those were his regular activities.
Oh yeah, and Logan occasionally used a bike lock to shut the door of Cyclops' classroom, with or without Scott in it.
It was usually Jean who found reasonable solutions to these problems while Scott stormed off in search of the Wolverine. This was normally a fruitless endeavor, and Logan would have hoped that by now Scott would know not to storm in on him in the morning. He'd be damned if he remembered where he'd hid/replaced/broken things. There were simply too many.
The students only catalyzed this pitifully one-sided prank war. Logan left gifts for them sometimes—Cyke's fully-graded tests from another period, for example, or his schedule, until a) Scott had sworn bloody murder and b) the Professor had arranged a serious talk with Logan about how this was now extending to the students and should never have left the two adults. The latter had been much more effective. The students were now only spectators. As were the other teachers.
Logan only doubled his efforts as midterms rolled around. Now he not only hid Scott's shoes but he hid them separately, he left the gas tank on his bike empty and the bike itself tied to Scott's own car door, and attempted to spray paint his glasses black before the Professor had once again intervened.
The second-to-last night of midterms rolled around with as much mania as each before it. The staff room was buzzing with teachers. Well, not buzzing, but full of teachers, all sitting in silence and marking grades on exams before tallying it all up and transcribing it in their gradebooks.
Logan walked in empty-handed. The one exam not yet taken by the students was history.
He found himself a seat at the table occupied by Scott and Ororo. The man in the red glasses was absorbed in the papers covered in pencil and eraser marks. The weather witch was contemplating an abstract answer thoughtfully, twirling a red pen in between her fingers. She greeted him with a nonchalant, "Hey, Logan."
Cyclops looked up and scowled.
"Heya Storm, Cyke." Logan took a swig of beer, which Scott watched with clear disdain, even though Logan couldn't see his eyes. His eyebrows did all the work. "You already gradin'?"
"Of course," Scott said. "I've got about a hundred of these to get through before Monday."
"Yours are easy," Ororo scolded him. "All of your answers are set numbers. I have essays to grade."
Scott pondered this before ceding the point. Logan looked under the table and grinned slyly. "No shoes, One-Eye?"
Scott frowned at him again. "Where the hell did you hide them this time?"
The Wolverine shrugged. "Someplace good, I hope. Along with all the other pairs."
"Logan," Ororo reprimanded, but her tone was far too light.
"I could get Jean to read your mind," Scott warned, clearly thinking this was a threat.
"Oh, please, I'd love to have your girlfriend poking around in my head." Logan grinned suggestively. Scott's glasses glowed brighter. "Speak of the devil," he added as Jean maneuver around chairs to join them. "Take a seat, Red."
Scott looked like he was going to blow a fuse.
"Stop it, both of you," Jean said, whacking them both lightly on the arm before turning away and opening one of the cabinets. "There isn't a single person at this school who isn't tired of you two fighting. Including myself." Ororo mumbled something to the contrary but Jean glared at her. "Found your shoes, Scott," she added as she pushed aside a box of cereal to reveal a pair of black leather shoes.
Scott took them gratefully and Logan sighed. "I guess someone was gonna find those eventually."
"How about the locations of the other four pairs?" Scott snapped, bending over to tie the laces.
"Four pairs?" Ororo asked incredulously.
"Not everyone likes to go barefoot, Ro," Scott pointed out. Storm shrugged.
"I'm not staying long," Jean said, in response to an unspoken part of their earlier conversation. "Hank's just got some new equipment for his lab and he wants help setting it up. Something about magnets and their uses on different metals."
Scott's glasses suddenly went darker but no one noticed, especially Logan, who was still sipping his beer. "Does he need any more help?"
Jean shrugged. "A Beast and a telekinetic should do it, but if you want to, we'd be glad of the company."
"Good," Cyclops said abruptly, standing and stacking his half-graded tests neatly. "Let's go."
Ignoring Jean's bewilderment at his sudden eagerness, which the others passed off as simply being in proximity to Logan, Scott dragged his girlfriend from the room.
The next day heralded the stampeding of feet as students rushed to their exam rooms, conscious about being late and hoping dearly for any amount of time to cram beforehand. They parted readily for Logan, though, who took his time walking to the room in which he'd be the proctor.
He turned the corner sharply and collided with Cyclops, who was hurrying the other way. The other man stumbled, ruby glasses knocked slightly askew.
"Sorry, Cyke!" Logan said with false cheeriness, whacking Scott on the shoulder in a gesture that could have been taken as 'friendly' if he hadn't hit so hard.
"No problem!" Scott replied with equal falseness. He clapped a hand on Logan's shoulder with all the force he could muster which, Logan had to admit, was impressive for a man of his size.
They went on their way. Any attempt to antagonize the other, no matter how brief, was always accepted. This was par for the course.
It wasn't until he got to the room that Logan began to think that something was wrong. He was proctoring with Ororo, who was filling in for Mr. Maybee. She immediately engaged him in a discussion on whether or not the students were allowed to bring water bottles into the exam or not, a topic about which Logan couldn't have cared less.
There were a few snickers from behind him. He ignored them.
"But not all the students have them…" Ororo trailed off. "Does that make it unfair?"
"It's water," Logan said. "As long as they aren't hiding laminated notes in the bottles, I don't care."
More snickers. Someone tapped Logan on the shoulder. "Sir?"
It was Kitty Pryde. She was biting her lip to keep from laughing.
"What?"
"Sir, you have… ah…" Kitty gestured to her shoulder.
Logan frowned and reached behind him. His hand met something round and metal. He pulled it off. It was a disk about the size of a campaign button with a picture of a little furry animal captioned, WOLVERINE.
"Hilarious," Logan said dryly. He had taken worse hits and this wasn't even funny. He remembered Scott grasping his shoulder in the hallway. "Thanks a bunch, Cyke. Go sit down, Kitty."
"Yes, sir," she said, still grinning.
Logan showed the disk to Ororo, who grinned. The exam started.
With nothing else to do, Logan examined the button. There wasn't a clasp on it, or a fastener or anything. It was smooth metal. He wondered if it was something Hank McCoy had cooked up last night when Cyclops and Jean had abruptly left. Pressing it to his shirt, and noticing that it stayed, Logan confirmed this. Hey, the blue fur ball had done crazier things. A metal that stuck to clothes, maybe with some discrete adhesive, wasn't at all out of that man's league.
The exam passed without incident, much to Wolverine's disappointment. One of the kids could have at least tried to cheat. It would have made his life much more interesting. But with Xavier's moral standards, Logan supposed, the kid would have been toast.
As soon as all the students had left, Logan and Storm set about collecting the exams. The top sheets were colored coded to correspond to teacher and class. The doors flew open, and something whooshed through the air. A blunt object hit Logan's forehead and stuck there until he pried it off, needing a surprising amount of force. It was a metal button like the one stuck to his back by…
Scott Summer stood in the doorway, holding a fistful of metal disks. His grin was a mile wide. "Magnets."
For the first time in his life Logan cut and ran from Cyclops, sprinting out of the room and through clumps of astonished students, Ororo's laughter ringing down the hallways and Scott chasing after. There would be no mercy.