A/N: This is a short oneshot I wrote to one of my new favorite songs :D Don't forget to review! And since all the italics can become a little confusing…
Bold Italics = Song lyrics
Italics = Fang's thoughts, or emphasis on certain words
Underlined Italics = The Voice
I watched Angel and Nudge laughing at something Iggy said. I saw Dylan run a hand through his hair and flash me a grin, which I did not return. Gazzy was talking to Ella, and my mom was smiling as she mixed the chocolate chip cookie batter. But even the scent of chocolate that was starting to make its way into the living room couldn't cheer me up. I glanced around, looking for something to concentrate on, to get my mind off the stress. My eyes met Fang's, and I realized he'd been watching me for the past few minutes. He raised an eyebrow, his way of saying, "What's up?"
I shook my head, smiling, but I knew it wasn't the kind of smile that reached all the way up to my eyes. Because his eyes narrowed and he continued staring at me. I couldn't take it anymore.
You turned away when I looked you in the eye,
And hesitated when I asked if you were alright.
Seems like you're fighting for your life,
But why, oh why?
Wide awake in the middle of your nightmare,
You saw it comin' but it hit you outta nowhere,
And there's always scars
When you fall that far.
I just couldn't take it anymore. Before anyone could say another word, I got up and left, closing the side door so quietly behind me that I was sure no one could hear it. I ran as fast and as far away as I could, holding back the sobs that threatened to overwhelm me. I was running through the forest, as if I was running away from my problems, as if I was running from everything I had ever feared.
I dropped beneath a tree, hugging my knees to my chest, my head against my knees. My blond hair shook as I sobbed, trying to stifle the sounds.
A dark shadow fell over my body, but I ignored it. My nightmare never ended, it was never over. How could I go on? Angel was trying to kick me out of leader position. Dylan was trying to convince me that he was my "perfect other half". Fang had been acting distant, and the others were not supporting me like I'd expected them to.
Suddenly I felt a hard, calloused hand on my shoulder, but I didn't acknowledge it at first.
"Max, you don't have to do this alone."
I shook my head, continuing to let the tears fall. He didn't understand.
The silence went on endlessly, but I couldn't bring myself to end it. Fang's hand never left my shoulder, but he understood that I needed to be alone with my thoughts. I looked up at him, his face blurry through my tears. His face was expressionless, but his eyes seemed to say, "I'm here. Don't worry, I'm here."
We lose our way,
We get back up again.
It's never too late to get back up again,
One day you will shine again,
You may be knocked down,
But not out forever!
Lose our way,
We get back up again,
So get up, get up,
You're gonna shine again,
Never too late to get back up again,
You may be knocked down,
But not out forever.
If it had been anyone else, I would have tried to hide my tears. If it'd been Gazzy, Angel, Nudge, or even Iggy, I would've wiped the tears away and said, "I'm fine, really." But Fang knew better. Fang knew that even when I was strong, I was crying inside. I looked up at him again, wondering what was going through his mind.
I buried my face in my arms again, and then I felt his strong arms surround me. Fang held me as I cried, his face buried in my hair and kissing my head. I just needed to know that he was there for me.
After a few minutes, I pulled away, wiping my eyes on my sleeve lamely. Fang dried the rest of my cheek with the pad of his thumb, and then leaned in to kiss me. He said so much in that kiss, I could read everything he was saying. Don't ever forget that I'm here, Max. You're never going to be alone, not as long as I have breath. Two sentences. Two sentences that meant more to me than anything else ever could.
"You have to get up," Fang whispered softly when we broke for air.
You're rolled out at the dawning of the day
Heart racin' as you made your little getaway,
It feels like you've been runnin' all your life
But, why? Oh why?
So you've pulled away from the love that would've been there,
You start believin' that your situation's unfair
But there's always scars,
When you fall that far.
"Okay." I pushed him away so I could stand, but he pushed me back down.
"No, I mean you have to get up and do the right thing, even when so many things are pushing you down. You might lose your way, you might get knocked down, but you have to get right back up again."
I stared at the ground, aware that Fang was still gazing at me. And he was right. I needed to suck it up and just keep going.
"Max," he whispered exasperatedly, his face set determinedly. "I'm not talking about 'sucking it up'." He could be pretty scary with the mind-reading sometimes. There were times when I wondered if he had acquired Angel's "gift".
"Max, I'm not talking about pretending nothing's wrong. I'm talking about knowing that I'm going to be right there, at your back when you get up. You're falling, Max. But when you get up, no matter how hard that'll be, I'm going to be right behind you to make sure you don't fall again. You have to count on that."
And I thought that little speech back in Virginia was huge.
Max, that's not the point.
Thank you, Voice, for being so helpful.
But Fang's right. You need to get back up, not in the "suck it up and pretend nothing's wrong" way, but in the "I know I'm not going to fall again because there are people who care about me enough to hold me up" way. When are you going to see that, Max?
Remember the fifteen dozen times in the books, where I said that I hate emotions? Well, I was feeling so many emotions at once that I felt like I might lay down and die.
Fang was still holding me, watching me, waiting for me to understand. My eyes met his, and the look I gave him must have convinced him. He pressed his lips to my forehead, and then to my mouth once more. He pulled away, and I took his hand, allowing him to help me up. He wiped away the remaining traces of tears on my face with his thumb, and together we walked out of the forest, hand in hand.
And I wondered if Mom had finished those chocolate chip cookies yet.
We lose our way,
We get back up again.
It's never too late to get back up again,
One day you will shine again,
You may be knocked down,
But not out forever.
Lose our way,
We get back up again,
So get up, get up,
You gonna shine again.
Never too late to get back up again,
You may be knocked down,
But not out forever.
You may be knocked down but not out forever!