Princess Diaries belongs to Disney and Meg Cabot, and no infringement of ownership is intended. This is a work of amateur fiction and I get nothing from it…except a few laughs. Hope you do to.
The Sexiest Man in Genovia
Part 1
"We have to do something!" Priscilla wailed, helping herself to another scoop of sugar. She stirred her tea furiously. "We can't let the hotel girls win- we'll never hear the end of it, if they do!"
"Priscilla's right, you know." Olivia reached for another biscuit, and then decided to take two. "The Golden Pear Hotel staff are always braggin' about how superior they are- as if working in a hotel could compare to being on the palace staff!"
There was enthusiastic agreement around the table.
"We'll have to enter somebody- that's all there is-"
"Enter who in what, may I ask?" the Head of Housekeeping asked dourly, taking her rightful place at the head of the table. The plate of biscuits and pot of tea was quickly shoved in her direction.
The girls exchanged worried glances between them. If Miss Parker struck down the idea, their shame would be double!
Miss Parker took a sip of tea and looked about the table over the rim of her cup. "Well?"
"You see, ma'am," Olivia began carefully, "there's a contest we'd like to enter."
"A contest? Why would you be wastin' your time on something of that sort?" Miss Parker scoffed. "Don't you young girls have enough to occupy your time, as it is? In my day-"
"Oh, we've been challenged…so it's a matter of honor," Priscilla blurted out, cutting off the older woman. When Miss Parker got going on the old days, hardening of the arteries could set in before a body could escape.
"Challenged?" Miss Parker set her cup down and grabbed another handful of biscuits. "Whatever are you girls chattering about?"
Olivia gathered her courage again. "The housekeeping staff over at the Golden Pear Hotel made it clear they are expecting to win. They said-"
"Tosh! Silliness due to lack of proper supervision and enough work! If Mrs. Horne kept her girls busy," Miss Parker declared knowingly, "they would not have time for such nonsense!"
There was dejected quiet around the table. They would never live this down. Never, ever.
"What sort of contest is it they're wasting time with?" Miss Parker asked. She stuffed a whole biscuit into her mouth then lifted her cup of tea to wash it down.
There was a pause before a Third Floor Maid answered. "The Sexiest Man in Genovia."
After several vigorous whacks on her back by the obliging girls, Miss Parker was able to breathe again.
"Mercy!" Gerta Cates said, coming to see who was choking to death in her kitchen. "What's got you all flustered, Miss Parker?"
"…contest…" Miss Parker wheezed.
"Oh, you mean the one for the sexiest man?" Gerta's eyes squinted and flashed with fire. "Those cooks at the Golden Pear sent a message by way of the meat delivery man saying they are going to win, so the palace staff might as well not bother."
Gerta stuck her fists onto her hips. "Said the hotel staff is more so-phisticated than the palace staff, seeing as how they cater to an international cli-en-teel and we simply clean and cook!"
Miss Parker, recovered and back to her normal flushed complexion, slapped her hands onto the table, rattling the dishes. "No common work girls at that city flophouse are going to get the better of the palace!"
White-capped heads bobbed in relieved agreement around the table.
"What we need is a ringer, girls!" Miss Parker settled into her chair, ready to chart a plan of battle. "What are we up against?"
"It's sponsored by the Genovian Times and The Eggs With Elsie Show, and voting will be by mail-in ballots in the Times two weeks from now," Gerta explained. "Haven't heard who's entered, yet."
"Well, the Golden Pear Hotel is sponsoring their tennis pro," the petite scullery maid said with a traitorous blush. "He's pretty!"
Miss Parker humphed in contempt. "Pretty is for girls!"
"The Von Troken Finishing School for Exceptional Young Ladies is entering a soccer coach," another kitchen maid offered. "He's all muscley! Arms like streetposts, they are!"
"Too muscle much makes a man look odd," Gerta sniffed. "Like he's bloated."
The girls kept quiet on that one. They didn't mind that effect on a man at all.
"Who else?" Miss Parker demanded.
"City Services has a fireman entered," Priscilla said, with a touch of wistfulness. "They always look good on calendars."
"They do at that!" Miss Parker and Gerta agreed in unison.
"I heard the Hospital has put up an intern," Olivia said. "He must be smart."
Gerta nodded. "More'n likely. Still, that doesn't mean he has anything else going for him."
"And, the Genovian Guard might be sponsoring a helicopter pilot. You know those flight suits can make any man look good!" The table agreed with Olivia. She added, "The University staff entered an Olympic swimmer, too!"
Miss Parker pursed her lips. "Them men swimmers shave every bit of their hair off."
There was a moment of silence as the crowd considered this distasteful piece of information. "Ew!" someone said softly.
"Indeed," Miss Parker agreed. "Alright, so there might be a few who'll give us trouble. Who can we put up?"
"Well, there's Anton or Hans," the kitchen maid said, giggling. "They're both big and muscley, too!"
"A man is judged on several things, not just muscles, Lydia!" Miss Parker said impatiently. "We need something special."
"The under-gardener sings like a dream," the scullery maid sighed.
"He's so shy he'd turn red as a beet with all the attention," Gerta said, shaking her head. "We need someone who can handle being in the public eye."
"The upstairs footman isn't shy and has a wicked funny sense of humor. He's awfully handsome, too!" Priscilla said, getting incredulous looks from Olivia. "Well, he is!"
"His long hair looks like Mrs. DeLise's over in reception," Miss Parker stated firmly, ignoring Priscilla's pout.
There was quiet for a long moment around the table. "What we need is someone out of the ordinary- a man who'll catch the attention of-"
"Good morning, ladies," a smooth, lightly accentedvoice said from the doorway.
Grins slowly spread across the faces of Miss Parker and Gerta Cates, as well as a blush.
"Now that's more like it!" Miss Parker declared softly, a gleam in her eyes. Then louder, "Well, come in, Mr. Joseph!"
I think the girls just found their man! And what will Queen Clarisse say when she gets wind of the scheme...not to mention Joseph?
As if I need another story going- well, this one is just for fun. It'll be short and I'll mess with it when my muse is being stubborn and not wanting to work on Dreams Fulfilled.
The characters, except for those in Princess Diaries movies/books are my own and are found in my other PD stories.