I knew this would happen. I'm not surprised, well I didn't want to be anyways. I may be girly but I was not one of those gullible girls who choose to run around with their hopes up and guard down. For me it was the other way around: I expected the worst to come out of this and only the worst. The beginning was much happier than the end and even the start was still dreadful. Now all I'm left with is a bittersweet memory...

It all started a week before Christmas, I was fine the way I was or so I thought. I didn't need anyone to tell me what I felt or if I was denying my own heart. I'm not the type of person who despises emotions or lied to myself but realizations can really piss you off. Maybe it was because I never took anyones words to my heart. Then I realized in life, words are understood more when they are felt rather than heard. Thats why the saying "You never know what happens" really hit me. To me they were meaningless words used as an attempt to comfort someone which I thought failed. I was told that many times by my best friend May, I often rolled my eyes and moan "ugh, whatever" in response. I thought I was being realistic but really I was doubting myself to the point where I came up with crazy scenarios. I had no idea I was capable of someone having feelings for me, the way I also felt about this particular trainer.

Apparently the Pokemon training academy was selling these things called "candy grams" for a dollar. You pick a card, write a message, stick a candy cane on it and on the day before Christmas break, a Delibird would go to your last class of the day and give it to the person you wrote it to. I didn't really pay attention to the candy gram stands until my friend Zoey told me in the computer research lab she was gonna help sell them and asked if there was a someone I wanted to give one too. I looked up at the roof in thought, the first person that came to mind was Ash's rival in Sinnoh. The image of his face appeared in my head, "P-Paul" I thought aloud, I put my hand over my mouth, "I mean-" my face heated up bright red, I had that "I'm screwed" feeling twisting in my stomach. "You like Paul?" Zoey asked me in surprise, "the guy with purple hair who's in all advanced training classes?" Okay how could she just assume that? I mean, all of the other trainers are sending it to their friends and they don't "like" them. I bet their of the opposite genders too!

"Oh HELL no!" I blurted out, "how could you think that!" I screamed. Why did I say his name? Why did he come to mind when Zoey asked the question? And why was I panicking over it when- "You were blushing" Zoey, interrupted my train of thought, "and nobody over-reacts like that when they don't like someone" the brunette pointed out. I took a deep breath "Well I don't know him enough to like him like that so I don't" I replied calmly. Thats right! I only walk pass him sometimes and he calls me "Troublesome" when ever I annoy him. I can't possibly like that thing! He's so cruel to my friends, he always wears that hatred glare when he sees us and the guy practically abuses Pokemon! Yes, after three years he hasn't changed. I still barely knew him even if I often met him on the road with Ash for that many years.

"It doesn't matter" Zoey said, "you smiled at the thought of him, admit it" she said with a smirk. I growled softly at this, this is ridiculous, he's Paul I don't hate the guy but I can't admit something I'm not sure of, and I'm VERY sure I DON'T like him. I rarely even think of him, but now that she mentions me "smiling" at "the thought of him" there was this tiny piece of memory I had that happened like, two days ago.

It was our annual Christmas concert, everyone in Choir was supposed to participate in it for a major grade and we had to stay to watch the Band and Orchestra since they watched the Choir students.

Flashback

After everyone was lined up on the steps of the stage, we waited for the audience to settle down. I looked down on the corner at the bottom of the stage at all the Band and Orchestra members. Everyone was wearing the same thing and they pretty much looked the same too, except for this one kid with purple hair that stood out of the crowed- wait could it really be? I tilted my head directly at the purple haired kid in the Band section.

Paul?

To my surprise I never knew he was in band. I didn't even knew the dude was musically inclined. I can't really imagine him playing the saxophone...which was the exact instrument he was holding! Now in Ash's eyes this would be hilarious but to me, it was kind of normal I mean its not like this was news or anything. The saxophone kind of suited him in a way, it went really well in that band tux he was wearing which he looked extreamly cute in- wait

WHAT?

I slowly turned myself to the crowed facing everyone. The music began and Jigglypuff was the composer. It tapped its little stick on the stand and whirled it around. Orchestra began playing and I focused all my attention to what I was going to do next.

Next thing I knew I zoned out in the middle of May's solo. I was so dazed I couldn't even hear these loud speakers pumping in my ears! Luckily I snapped out of my daydream and got to hear one last line from her voice before the song ended.

"And a Jirachi on a pecha berry tree!"""'' Misty finished off. I could tell everyone really did like her performance, everyone except Paul. I looked down at the band section, his face remained emotionless throughout the whole event, I can't tell what he's thinking I mean does he even like being in band the way he likes being a Pokemon trainer? Well I assume he does like training Pokemon anyways, since he works so hard doing it. I just hope he really does take Band seriously because I can't stand people who are in a musical performing arts elective and don't even like being in it. Though I will assume he likes being in it because Paul's not the type to waste time doing something that seems pointless to him.

After the performance of both Band and Orchestra the concert was over and I left. Despite my secret compliment towards his suit and slight attention to him. I didn't think about him the whole night.

Back to real life

I shook my head after that flashback, "Okay snap out of it Dawn!" I told myself. I didn't think too much about what I was just thinking about. I ignored everything Zoey said, until I went to my next class. Which is a Pokemon economics class, the only class I have him, this was my last class I would have throughout the day and I have this class with Paul. I'm not complaining, its just not a way to end my day after being told "you do like him!" like three times in the previous class, now I have to see him which would be hard to avoid sit I sit next to the guy.

Do I really like him? I keep asking myself. Nah, I should know that myself. I mean just because Zoey tells me I do and points out the supposed proof doesn't mean I do. I don't need anyone to tell me that. I cheerfully went on with my day without another thought of Zoey in my head, only a few of them occurred but at least I wasn't looking at Paul several times or admiring the way he looked like I did at the Christmas concert- okay change of subject!

May looked at me in an odd way, "Your not letting Zoey's words get to your head are you? You have to think very carefully about this you know, we've been through it before" Yes its true. I have been through the "do I really like this purple haired weirdo?" thing. See I've been having dreams of him lately and- wait I thought I was gonna change the subject! I shook my head once again because of the thought of him. Anyways the results were the same, I don't like him I really don't.

Despite that I really don't have feelings for him, I'm still going to send him a candy gram since Zoey said I don't have to put my name. I know, I know, why would I be shy about putting my name if I don't like him blah blah blah. Well you see...I actually don't know. My other best friend Misty walked over to me and May. "Look Dawn" the red-head whispered knowing Paul was right there. "I know your not sure about this since Zoey brought it up...damn her, anyways don't give in and believe you have feelings for him because if you do, you might actually start to" Misty said.

I nodded. Misty was right, if I "admit" it then I will and I'm not even there yet. Maybe I do have some kind of feelings for him but maybe it was an infatuation? No. Way to wrong for that. I need time to figure this out.

About three days after that I came to a conclusion, I do like Paul. It was all right there, my heart beats a bit faster when I'm near him, his scent gets me dazed (for like one second anyways, then I snap of of it) and I always smile at the smallest interactions I have with him. Like whenever he calls me troublesome or claims not to remember my name. He always has that smirk that makes me giggle in some way. His smirk was the closest thing to a smile and it was the cutest thing he had worn on his face.

I told May and Misty that I had finally came to my realizations and that I am being fully honest with myself. They weren't surprised, I guess they saw it coming but I didn't, they probably knew more about my own feelings than I do myself! Though its alright, Their my best friends, its only okay if they know more about me than myself. I thought very hard about this and decided that I can only admit it if I am sure and now I am.

The saddest realization I came up with though, is the fact that he will never ever like me back. While it was obvious that I like him it was obvious that he didn't. He's too wrapped up in his own training to acknowledge anyone. I can't even expect him to remember my name let alone return these stupid feelings. This was hopeless, this was ridiculous and this was nothing but a bittersweet crush.

A/N: This is based off real life like it says in the summary, I wasn't going to get happy and hopeful from something useless. Paul is based off a guy I like in RL and the things that happended between Paul and Dawn are the same that happended to me. Except for the fact that Paul is much sexier and colder than him. The guy I like is crazy, immature, a giant smart ass, but he doesn't show emotion and its hard (for me) to read him. Zoey is based off the girl whos my next door neighbor and classmate, she hates that guys guts ahaha. She thinks hes ugly, stupid, and weird, but anyways, May is based off a girl name Angie and Misty is based off Helen. Those two are my best friends in the whole wide world and they helped me write this fic. There was another girl who inspired me to write this but I'll tell ya'll about it in the next chappie. Oh and by the way, those things actually WERE called "candy grams"