I don't own any of Jhonen's character, nor do I own the song. The song belongs to System of a Down, and the song is ATWA. Very good song :thumbs up: NOW READ

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Hey you, see me, pictures crazy

All the world I've seen before me passing by

I've got nothing, to gain, to lose

All the world I've seen before me passing by

The noise drifted up to the top of the hill like a haunting ghost call to Johnny C. He sighed as he closed his little black journal, wondering when he would indeed return to this place, this hill, and this city. Of course, part of him didn't want to return at all after this night. That city held too many horrible memories for him, memories he could do without. The same can be said for the hill where he now sat. Too many memories. Her face loomed in front of his mind's eye as he remembered. Devi D.'s vibrant, green eyes staring at him. His own eyes burned with tears as if they were on fire. Would he ever see her again?

After blinking the tears away a few times, he reminded himself why he was sitting on that hill. Why those tears could not come.

"Must not feel... no emotions... don't feel," he muttered. He didn't really mutter it to himself, nor to anyone in particular. He just muttered.

You don't care about how I feel

I don't feel it anymore

You don't care about how I feel

I don't feel it anymore

You don't care about how I feel

I don't feel it anymore

You don't care about how I feel

I don't feel it anymore

Johnny slipped off the hood of his car and walked to the edge of the hill where a tiny wooden fence had been put up. It wasn't as though it did much good though, so many drunken teenagers had fallen off the hill it was pathetic. He looked down at the sea of lights and sound, without thinking of what he was going to do next. Abruptly he slid a knife out of his boot, watching it glint in the moonlight. And then, he drew his arm back and forward in a quick succession, flinging the knife out into the cold air. He watched it fall down, down, down, into the corrupt city below. He didn't even flinch when a blood-curdling scream reached his ears, an indication that his knife had impaled someone in the face. He closed his eyes, feeling a bit incomplete without that piece of metal. Throwing that knife was like throwing a piece of his life away. Johnny felt through that knife, felt hate, pain, and almost love. Love never actually flowed through that knife as the other emotions had. The source of that particular emotion had kicked his ass and ran for it. But he had to rid himself of that weapon, that tool-- it had to be done.

He was on a quest to rid himself of emotions, and killing awakened so many. To kill was to feel hate, to hate was to feel pain, and pain would restart the cycle all over again. He shook his head to rid all the new thoughts that had exploded inside his mind, and turned to get inside his car. As he sat down, his gaze happened to travel to the rear-view mirror and he saw his pale reflection in front of him, from his sunken, brown eyes, to the ringlets around them, to his untidy black hair. So ugly in his eyes.

Hey you, are me, not so pretty

All the world I've seen before me passing by

Silent my voice, I've got no choice

All the world I've seen before me passing by

You don't care about how I feel

Johnny turned his beat up car around and made his way down the hill, the trees around him casting eerie shadows on the ground. He half shivered, making his way to the little dirt road that would eventually somehow lead to the main highway, the main highway that would eventually lead to God knows where. God. That was a funny thing to think, for Johnny. He had met him once before, he remembered, and he wondered whether or not he was watching him. Then again, he figured he must be asleep. Then he remembered meeting Satan. He didn't seem much of a devil to Johnny, and Johnny had even considered trying to kill him.

I don't feel it any more

You don't care about how I feel

I don't feel it any more

You don't care about how I feel

I don't feel it any more

You don't care about how I feel

I don't feel it any more

I don't see, anymore

I don't hear, anymore

I don't speak, anymore

I don't feel

Johnny watched the dust from the road erupt around the sides of his car. He watched as they rose, expanded, then slowly fell back down, and he watched their motion all the way to the main highway. Somehow their motion reminded him of lungs, breathing in and out, in and out. He sighed slightly as he entered traffic, ignoring calls from other drivers, ignoring assholes cutting him off, ignoring everything in an attempt to keep him anger-free. Anger was an emotion, an emotion that he could not allow. And so as he drove on, the traffic thinned, and there were maybe four cars on the road. At first, Johnny expected more, and then he glanced at the watch on his bony wrist, and saw that it was 3:30 in the morning. Yet no thought of where to stay occurred to him, for he could just keep driving, keep driving until the sun shone, and then maybe he would stop. Maybe.

Hey you, see me, pictures crazy

All the world I've seen before me passing by

I've got nothing, to gain, to lose

All the world I've seen before me passing by

Pictures formed in his head as the drove, pictures of little Squee lying in bed waiting for the tap on his window that would never come. Pictures of Devi looking out the window obsessively, then slowly realizing Johnny was not going to bother her any longer. His eyes burned again. Quickly, he tried to put his mind on the road, but yet her face kept coming to the front of his mind. She would be the hardest to get rid of, and he would indeed work at it for years to come. He shook his head. He suddenly looked around at his surroundings, a series of trees and signs for food, rest areas, and gas stations. He turned on an exit to a gas station, now noticing that the tank was dangerously close to empty. He parked the car, turned it off, and got out. His legs were numb from not being moved for a long time. He limped slightly as he walked inside the little gas station and up to the counter to pay. He handed his money to the elderly lady, resisting two urges, one to kill her for the nasty look she gave him, and one to get a Brain Freezy. Not only was he to rid himself of emotions, but also physical needs and desires. He would eat when he absolutely had to, and now he still had a well full stomach. Or as full as it could ever get with Johnny C. A crossword puzzle book caught his eye though, and he figured that it couldn't hurt to get it. Whenever he did indeed stop to rest, it would give him something to do, something to take his mind off emotions.. of of Devi. so he bought it along with two pencils, in case one broke. He walked out of the gas station and was almost immediately stopped by two men, both smirking.

"Where the fuck you goin', faggot?" one of them hissed. He had a raspy sort of voice, and rather shorter than Johnny. Johnny ignored him, cast his eyes down, resisting urges, and tried to push his way through. The other man, taller than Johnny this time, grabbed him by the shoulder and pushed him back a bit, and the two advanced.

"Excuse me, we're not quite through with you, pussy!" he said in a deep voice. His bald head shined in the dim daylight. Johnny tried to keep calm, tried to control his emotions and urges.

"I don't want any trouble--", he started, but was cut off by a slap in the face. Somehow, slapping him was more hurtful and offensive than punching him, and Johnny couldn't resist this time. Without realizing what he was doing, he took the freshly sharpened pencils out of the paper bag he was holding with the book, and shoved one up the bald man's nose. He screamed as blood spurted out, showering the concrete below. Johnny stabbed the shorter man in the eye, pulled the pencil out, and stabbed the other one. He made a run for it, their screams growing louder no matter how far he ran. Panting, he started his car, furious with what he had done. He drove away, leaving the two men.

"Well... it wasn't as bad as usual. I could have pulled that guy's eyes OUT and tied them together or something," Johnny reasoned with himself. It was going to be a long, hard road out of feeling.

I don't feel it any more

You don't care about how I feel

I don't feel it any more

You don't care about how I feel

I don't feel it any more

You don't care about how I feel

I don't feel it any more

I don't see, anymore

I don't hear, anymore

I don't speak, anymore

I don't feel

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End of chapter one. I know this was way too long, but my hands wouldn't stop typing ;; Anyway, r&r, and please don't flame. It's my first fic, so I know it's not that good. Shabam :P