May 15th 2017
Spring had descended upon Las Vegas but not much had changed. The hot desert air still beat down on them relentlessly and would only get worse with the approach of summer. It was in that sweltering heat that Nick trudged all the way up the dry, grassy cemetery on the hill to row nine, plot sixteen, always able to find the headstone by using the crooked tree a few feet in the distance as a marker. The grass crunched as he walked, the remnants of dried up bouquets scattered around other graves, delivered by relatives but left in the hot sun to perish. They were nothing like the fresh bouquet that he currently held. He felt somewhat lame bringing flowers to a dead man who played sports and was an aggressive investigator but what else was there to offer for the dead?
As he approached the grave, he kept one hand tight around the bouquet, the other one intertwined with Julie's. He felt her walking at a slower pace, swaying with each step, hesitant in her journey. He squeezed her hand as a silent reassurance that he was okay despite the sadness this day often brought on. She had asked him several times before they left the house if he was absolutely sure he wanted to do this today. She cared about his emotional state better than anyone he knew and that compassion only lifted his spirits today rather than the usual crushing feeling of loss he normally felt.
They came to a stop now in front of the headstone. They both glanced down at it, Nick out of habit, Julie to avoid his gaze in case he felt overwhelmed.
"Hey man," he uttered quietly "hope you're doing good up there." Sorry about the lame flowers again."
He lifted the bouquet as if he expected Warrick to scoff in annoyance; he could picture that eye roll still even after nine years.
"I uh- I wanted you to know we all still miss you like crazy," Nick continued "but we're doing all right, San Diego is a blast, you would have loved the surf crowd."
As Julie listened to Nick speak, she felt a constriction in her chest, a tightness that made her take sharper breaths which was unwise in this heat.
"I want you to meet somebody," Nick said now, gently tugging on Julie's hand so that she was pulled closer to the grave.
"What?" she said startled.
"It's okay," Nick reassured her, slightly amused that she would be nervous right now.
He turned his attention back to the grave and said "Warrick this is Julie Finlay, my amazing wife and- my best friend."
"He's kidding," Julie said quickly to the grave "you're his best friend still."
She felt awkward and intrusive of this sacred space, of this man she never met nor knew well at all. But this was important to Nick and she didn't want to take that away from him.
"I almost lost her like I lost you," Nick continued "at the hands of someone terrible and violent, but she's amazing, she fought really hard and she's here, she's made my life wonderful and full of love, and we just wanted you to know that we are okay."
He started to choke up and Julie leaned against him, laying her head on his shoulder comfortingly. They stood there under the hot sun, lost in their own thoughts but experiencing the same feeling of sorrow; sorrow for this loss, sorrow that it couldn't be prevented, and sorrow that Julie couldn't have been here to meet Warrick when he was alive. She sniffled now and could no longer suppress the shiver that coursed through her body despite the hundred degree heat. It was a shiver of emotions, one that she rarely felt but had right now. Her heart ached so badly to know Warrick and see his friendship with Nick. She had expressed to him many times, most recently this morning, a secret, a desire longing to be fulfilled.
As they lay in bed this morning, both awake earlier than usual in anticipation of today's events, the sun not quite risen yet but the pre dawn light casting blue shadows across the ceiling, she reached for his hand to hold before whispering "I wish I could bring him back for you, and for Eli and Tina too, I wish I could see him and talk to him and watch him be with his family."
"I know you do sweetheart," he whispered back running his hand through her hair gently, infatuated with her compassion.
"But don't think about it too much okay?" he made her promise him "I love the life we have together and I wouldn't change that for anything."
She nodded, sad that she couldn't give him that gift of more time with Warrick, but she didn't know how not to think about it, and that tore at her heart.
She was bumped back to reality when she let out the sob she had been stifling at the memories of this mornings conversation, making him glance down at her concerned.
"What babe?" he asked squeezing her shoulder.
"It's just sad," she confessed "the way you talk to him is so beautiful Nicky, but it's not fair, he shouldn't have died, he deserved to live and be here and still be your friend."
She had to pause because the tears that threatened had fallen faster than she could stop them.
"I know baby," he soothed her, hugging her tight.
He hated seeing her upset but he felt a surge of affection for her because her emotions right now showed just how much she cared about him and the life he had prior to meeting her.
"Want to put the flowers in the vase now?" Nick asked her.
She nodded and they both knelt down in the grass. They assembled the bronze vase that rested in the metal holder above the grave then undid the plastic surrounding the flowers. Julie placed the delicate flowers into the vase, rearranging them so that they fit nicely. Nick watched her tend to the flowers with such care; his heart ached just looking at her. When she finished with the flowers, she looked at him and offered him a small smile.
"Ready to go?" he asked her.
"Only if you are," she said not wanting to rush his time with Warrick.
"Yeah," he said reaching for her hand.
He helped her up and they turned to walk away from the grave.
"Oh wait, I forgot something," Julie said, turning back suddenly towards the grave.
Nick watched her amble back up to the headstone, kiss her hand, and then place it gently on top of the stone. His heart broke at her affectionate gesture. When she turned back to Nick, he held his hand out for her which she took. Together they descended the grassy hill, hand in hand, hearts heavy but whole.