The haunting voice of the pink female anime skunk kept pestering the alien in his sleep, "Roger, you need Kratom!" said the whispery voice.
"Why?" asked Roger.
"You all is jelly if you don't have no Kratom" replied the voice. The night before she had told him he needed many other substances, some of which he borrowed from Haylee's room in the middle of the night. Roger woke up and went downstairs. He tried telling everyone
about his dream, but gave up after seeing their lack of interest, perhaps because he had kept telling the family about the same skunk dream day after day, forgetting he had repeated it over and over. He decided to sit by Stan, who was watching TV.
Needless to say, Roger was in a very strange mood from all the random recurring dreams. Roger had been demanding
that Francine make him pancakes for over a half hour, and when he was finally presented with them he placed the pancakes over
his right eye, and using sticky adhesives from his home planet he was able to make them stay there.
"Finally, my new look is complete. The name is Jack Flapkinson, I own many pancake houses nationwide. I had an accident
that required extensive surgery and various workings, and now I have regained the right-side of my face almost completely" said Roger,
explaining his new persona.
"Roger, get that pancake off your face" said Stan.
"No, that was essential to my brand the whole time" replied Roger.
"You mean it's always been there? I have a hard time believing that" said Stan, attempting to pull off the pancake from Roger's face.
"Naah-aaah-aah. Don't do that Stan-o, that pancake is my livelihood" said Roger. Stan sighed. "Very well, it's your livelihood!"
"Yes. I like pancakes. And pancakes like me. It is nature's way" replied Roger. He began applying jelly, butter, and
syrup respectively to the pancake assigned to his face.
"Now what are you doing?" asked Stan, who heard the sloshing sounds of jelly and syrup.
"I'm making the lady pretty" said Roger.
"Go make her pretty somewhere else, I'm watching a very important documentary on the Cuban Missile Crisis" said Stan.
"Missile Crisis? I'll have you know I took part in the Bay of Pigs Invasion. My job was to seduce Castro!" insisted Roger.
"Was this before or after you became a world reknowned pancake house owner?" asked Stan.
"I'm over that now," said Roger, attempting to pull the pancake off his face. He was able to get it a few inches away
from his head but it came back smack dab over both of his eyes, blinding him with slophouse pancake syrupy goodness.
"Stan, you're gonna have to be my eyes from now on" said Roger. Stan came over to see what Roger meant, and was horrified.
"Oh great, now I'm gonna have to take you to Area 51 just to get that pesky pancake off your face" said Stan.
"Look on the bright side, Stan. You and me get to get out of the house" said Roger.
"Well, at least it's a sunny day in our great country. The sun almost seems to have a smile on its face, shining a salute
to the American race. Wow, I really cannot believe I just said that" said Stan. Suddenly, Klaus joined the conversation.
Klaus was reading from an excerpt from a book:
"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. It was the age of wisdom, the age of foolishness. The epoch of incredulity, the season
of light, the season of darkness. we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way— in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received,
for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only"
"Klaus, what are you reading?" asked Stan.
"I'm reading a Tale of Two Cities out loud. I find the constant contradictions and nuances soothing, like German milk and cookies" explained
Klaus the orange fish.
"Klaus, Charles Dickens just always eluded me. I don't know why. I just couldn't ever get through anything written by
that guy, even the Prisoner of Azkaban failed to impress" said Stan.
"Stan, zat is JK Rowling" said Klaus.
"Oh...oh. Okay" replied Stan.
"Could be worse. Yesterday Klaus was reading Mein Kampf out loud. He stopped doing that at least! Anyway, come on Stan, let's go paint the town blue, or green, or red!" said Roger.
Later, after the trip:
"Thank God we got that pancake off your face Roger. I never knew how incredibly handsome you were until you
got that horrible thing off your head" said Stan. "How would you like a tall glass of apple juice on the rocks?"
"Apple juice, you're joking right? I'm an alcoholic. Oh it's fermented I guess it'll do" replied Roger.
"Good boy. We don't touch the devil's nectar in our family" said Stan. He continued, "Francine, could you get me a Bud Lite from the fridge?" asked
Stan.
Later, up in the attic, Roger collapsed from exhaustion. It had been a long day. And all because of a pancake incident.
He struggled to get to sleep, pulling his purple blanket over his frail fat body. Finally, he began to sleep, but entered
into a strange dream, he dreamt of a long stairway leading upwards. He climbed up the stairway for what seemed like
hours, when finally he reached the top, panting and gasping for dream-air. He looked up to see Charlie Daniels sitting on
a throne.
"Ha-ha-Hi, I'm Roger. I'm trying to get to sleep without the use of aids in a long long time. Can you help me?" asked
Roger.
"Well, I'm a simple man," Charlie replied earnestly. "As far as I'm concerned there's only one solution for folks like you, drug addicts, alcoholics, and such!"
"Only one solution? What the heck would that be?" asked Roger. Charlie Daniels chuckled. "Step on up here, boah"
"Me? Step up? To your level?" asked Roger.
"Yeah you heard me, varmint" said Charlie. Roger sat on Charlie's lap, but Charlie just grabbed him by the neck and threw
him down the long flight of stairs.
"Ya'll stay the hell out of my dream world, ya hear?" Roger was flung so far, he exited Charlie Daniel's dream
and entered another dream...
This time, he was on the set of a TV show. And suddenly, he heard the name of Dolly Parton announced. Roger was a huge fan of the singer.
And there, on stage was the goddess of country music herself..Dolly Parton. Roger watched Dolly singing "I Will Always Love You" in awe, and after the song he raced on to the stage, shocking the audience, and Dolly.
"You wouldn't get in my way EVER. I can make it up to you baby I promise" said Roger, getting down on his knees and begging Dolly Parton to forgive.
"What are ya'll talkin' about?" asked Dolly.
"We WERE made for each other. You said it yourself, that look in your eyes when we first met, don't tell me we're through" said Roger.
"I don't even know who you are. I wrote that song for Porter Wagoner" explained Dolly.
"I WAS Porter Wagoner. You don't understand. You said it yourself, if you wanna see a rainbow you gotta put up with the rain!" yelled Roger.
"Miley Cyrus, can ya'll deal with this?" requested Dolly. Miley Cyrus began twerking, causing Roger and even his giant butt to melt out of
the dream and fade away into another one.
He was now in a swirling tunnel of lights...he heard a light whispery voice telling him he needs an elusive substance known
as Kratom to help him escape the endless dream cycle and get a good nights sleep. He barely slipped by George Washington's
axe as it cut down a cherry tree, when he found himself in a deep dark forest area with a red-tinted sky.
"Wow, the sky is red. That's pretty" said Roger.
"The root beer factory imploded on itself!" yelled a skunk running out from behind a bush.
"Wha-wha-wha-whaat? Huh?" asked Roger, not knowing where he was. He heard cannons being fired in all directions. The skunk
finally approached Roger. Yes, the skunk was female. I don't mean to be graphic, but you could tell. Yeah. You could.
"Roger, you need Kratom, FAST! To stop this madness and save our world!" said the skunk.
"This is all a repeat of before. Next thing I'll be climbing up stairs and confronting Charlie Daniels again" said Roger.
"Exactly, so take this!" said the skunk, tossing a small plastic bag in Roger's face. Roger awoke from his dream.
To his shock, the bag of kratom was literally right next to him.
"Woah, was I already on Kratom? No, I don't think so. This is real. I needed it so bad it came into my room. If I use
it sparringly enough I won't have to go insane again! Though, I'll miss Miss Skunk. Her voice was like ASMR in a way!" said Roger. But then, he heard that pleasant yet creepy female voice again:
"ROGER, YOU AND ME NEED TO GET PLASTERED, NOW!"
The End.