Disclaimer:If I own Final Fantasy X,then purple-winged piggies with orange polka dots rule the skies.
It hurts, you know. Seeing you two like that. It hurts, and there's nothing I can do about it now, even if I ever found the courage to. I
could have told you exactly how I felt, and Yevon knows there were plenty of times I could have done that. But I never did. Instead,
I allowed myself to think that maybe just being with you, even when it was simply trudging along the Djose Highroad, or the freezing
trails of Gagazet would be enough for me. But looks like that was the mistake of the century, right?Every second I spent with you just
made the ache become more and more painful, every passing moment making the hurt press in deeper and deeper till I was sure I
would snap. The thing is, I can't even blame you for falling in love with her. She's perfect, isn't she? Beautiful and wise, strong and
powerful to boot. I could never even hope to be anything like her, and for the strangest reason I have no intention of doing so either.
Someone like her is just too different from me, and as much as I want you I will never stoop to becoming her to have you. I have my
pride. Still, it burns, seeing how you two smile after sharing an inside joke. That look you give her when you think she's not paying
attention. The way you have your arm around her as we walked along this trail here in the Macalania woods. It's a useless gesture,
because you know as well as I do that she could easily take care of anything that might rush up from the undergrowth. Don't get me
wrong though, I couldn't possibly hate her for taking you from me. I've known her all my life,and she's become like a sister to me.
Since Chappu died, it was Yuna who brought back the laughter to Besaid. Before that,all we had was blitzball and magic. Everything
became dead, cracked, gasping and wheezing as we struggled through our days only to wrestle with dreamless nights, then repeat the
cycle when the sun rose the next day. Nothing else mattered,but when Kimahri walked into our village with that little girl life seemed to
wake up once more. Most of the memories have faded, but I remember one incident as clearly as the day it happened. The three of
us, around twelve years old, had gone exploring in the caves near the path to the beach. She had wound up lost, and the two of us
nearly killed everything in the place in our worry. While we were frantically looking for her, a sudden glow of light lit up the whole
cavern, and then she just appeared, sobbing while floating down on the back of a creature I now knew to be Valefor. She had been
scared by a coyote, and she accidentally scraped her knee when she tried to hide. Thankfully, the aeon had heard her cries and saved
her. That had been the turning point, the moment where our roles in this story became crystallized permanently. She was to be the
summoner, and we her guardians. I swore to myself that very day that I would never let anything hurt her again, and I intend to keep
that promise. But still, now as I'm sitting across you I can't help but feel a little envious. She has her head resting on your shoulder,
and in the warm glow of the fire before us I can clearly see her smile contentedly as she snuggles a little closer to you. That little
gesture feels like a slap in the face to me, and all I can do is look away, a smile so fake it hurts plastered on my lips. I try to avoid
thinking about the two of you, and instead I concentrate on Sir Auron as he sharpens his blade. It's oddly soothing, the dull scream of
metal on metal,and for a moment I let the sound wash over me. Still, after a while it gets annoying, and I have to get away from the
little clearing we camped in just to drown out the noise. I step over the slumbering form of Kimahri, Rikku asleep as well next to him
and make my way to the lake. I hate that place. It's all so sparkly and bright it hurts my eyes, but I still make my way to the centre of
it. I have to watch my step because of the murky light, and I have no intention of winding up in the water. It took all my concentration,
and I guess that's why I had no idea you snuck up on me.I had no idea, and all I remember was those incredibly blue eyes, and the
feel of your arms around me as you pull me in towards those slighty pouty lips and gloriously warm skin. I remember the feel of your
lips on mine, and the soft moan you dragged from me when you bit into them ever so gently. I can still feel the way your hands
worked their way under my clothes, those calloused fingers dancing like butterflies along my bare skin, surprising me with their
warmth, even in the semi-freezing temperatures of the woods. Why are you so warm? What possessed Yevon to grant you with such
intoxicating heat, till it nearly drives me crazy like this? I could spend an eternity wrapped up in your arms, and yet you choose to let
Yuna into them instead of me. Yuna. I stop, and push you away, and the look of surprise that settles across your face nearly has me
pulling you back to me, but not quite. "Yuna. I can't do this while you're with her." I know it's my voice speaking, yet it feels oddly
detached. The gravity of what I'm asking from you hangs in the air between us. I see the thoughts churning in your head, and for an
instant I think you might say that I'm the one for you, that Yuna was a beautiful mistake, but a mistake nonetheless. I ready myself to
throw my arms around you, but a moment later you look at the ground and say softly: "I'm sorry." Pity. Don't look at me with pity in
those beautiful eyes, because I know if I let you then that's all I'll ever see. I bite back a sob, and push you away. I run into the
woods. I don't care that my clothes are getting wet, or that I have no idea where I'm going, but all I know is it hurts, it hurts and I
want to just run and run and run till everything stops hurting so fucking much. I collapse on the icy ground, the frozen blades of grass
like thousands of daggers slicing through my skin, but I just don't care anymore. Here,alone and half naked, I allow myself the
pleasure of crying. I let the sobs rack my body, the spots where you nearly burnt me with all that warmth but a few minutes ago now
feeling icier than ever. I cry, till eventually I completely exhaust my supply of tears. The blood on my limbs has long since frozen, and
as I move them the dark red rivulets shatter and fall like a shower of rubies, tinkling as they hit the ground. One cure spell later, I
dress silently, then make my way back to camp. As I pass by the lake, I stop, and cautiously make my way towards it. I see you and
Yuna in the water, and for the first time you two appear to be actually kissing.
A part of me died that day.
A/N: Well? This is the first time I've written something non-slash(Or IS it? mwahaha) so let me know what you think okay?