A/N: Hi everyone! Okay so this is my first ever story so please try and be kind. However, all constructive criticism is welcome :). Enjoy!

You'll Find A Way

Chapter One

'Mama, look!'

I took the orange juice out of the fridge and turned around to face my four year old daughter who was excitedly waving a damp sheet of paper at me.

'That's great, Talia!' I said as I inspected her picture. Through the mountains of colourful glitter glue, I saw three stick figure drawings. 'And who are they?'

'This one is me and this one is Sophia and that one is Amelia,' Natalia told me proudly as she pointed to each of the scribbles. Sophia and Amelia were my friends' daughters. Sophia was the youngest daughter of Finn and Rachel Hudson while little Amelia Rose Anderson was the apple of Kurt and Blaine's eyes. Together they were a bunch of terrors. 'Do you like it, mama?'

'I love it, baby. You can show it to your mommy when she gets here,' I replied as I softly stroked her hair. I quickly glanced at the clock. 'In fact, she'll be here soon so go and get your stuff ready.'

I watched Natalia and she ran into the living room and started shoving her toys into a bright pink rucksack. I know I'm biased but she is by far the cutest kid I've ever seen. She was the perfect mix of her parents; tan skin, long dark hair, bright blue eyes, high cheekbones and plump lips. I don't know how the doctors did it, those IVF people are geniuses.

Natalia's 'mommy' is Brittany Pierce, my lifelong best friend and girlfriend since senior year. After high school, we'd both gone to Ohio State. I graduated with a Law degree, Brittany with a Teaching degree with a specialism in Special Needs Education. We decided together to move back to Lima. It was home and maybe it wasn't as bad as we'd once made it out to be. Brittany got a job at an elementary school and I started working at a law practice in town. Eventually the majority of our friends from high school moved back to Lima too and it felt like one long glee club practice. Rachel and Finn were the first to marry, followed by Mike and Tina, Kurt and Blaine, Quinn and Puck and lastly me and Brittany. A flock of kids arrived and we were like one big crazy extended family, raising each other's children and vacationing together.

Brittany and I were the last to get pregnant. It wasn't that we didn't want to have a kid; we just wanted to wait until the timing was right. When Kurt and Blaine announced at a summer barbecue in Finn and Rachel's backyard that they were pregnant via a surrogate, Britt and I realised that it was what we wanted too. A couple of weeks and a few cheques later, I was sitting in the doctors chair on my lunch break with my legs spread while the doctor impregnated me with mine and Brittany's specially designed eggs. We were both shocked when one of the eggs took straight away as we'd thought it might take a few tries. But nope, I, Santana Lopez and my overachieving womb, was pregnant with Brittany Pierce's baby. Natalia Rebecca Lopez-Pierce was born on the 17th of May and it was the happiest day of our lives. We'd chosen the middle name Rebecca in honour of Becky Jackson, a friend from high school who'd died suddenly a few months earlier. Since all of our other friends were there in the hospital with us, it seemed right to remember the girl who had always been there but was never really mentioned. Brittany and I brought Natalia home from the hospital two days later and we joined our friends in their play date and long lunch filled lives. It was perfect.

Except for me. I wasn't well. Natalia was all I'd ever wanted and more, but I just didn't feel right. Since it was me that had carried Natalia, I had been given six months maternity leave. Brittany was at home with me for the first few weeks but then she had to return to work. I was alone, all day in a huge house with a baby that only seemed to cry, sleep and cry. I wasn't Santana anymore, I was 'Natalia's Mom'. I couldn't deal with it. I'd always been so independent and strong, my own person, and then suddenly my entire life revolved around this tiny human being. I was Santana Lopez, full-time mother. I freaked out.

It didn't help that I couldn't even mother her properly. It started in the hospital. Breast feeding was excruciating. Quinn had told me it would hurt at first but for me it didn't get any easier. Eventually the nurse told me just to switch to formula. And even then, I didn't know when she needed fed. All her cries were the same. How was I supposed to know whether she needed a hug or some banana gloop? Then there came the matter of talking to her. Unlike Brittany, I wasn't a 'goo goo ga ga' person. I would try but Natalia's huge blue eyes would look back up at me as if to say, what the fuck are you doing woman?

Eventually it all just became too much. By the time Talia was eighteen months old, I was in a dark place. Everyone was worried about me but I just didn't care. Brittany tried her best but I was beyond repair. I would wake up in the morning, wave her off to work, go to the store, take Natalia to a play date, greet Brittany from work, make dinner and go to bed early. Every single day. I was running on auto pilot. I was just a shell, a shadow of my former self and I got to the point where I couldn't be bothered hiding it anymore. Brittany and I's relationship dissolved before my eyes but I couldn't even bring myself to try and save it. All we did was argue. My life had ended up being everything I'd never wanted it to be. I just wanted to rewind to five years ago and start again.

It all came to a head one day in November. Brittany had been given the day off work so she'd taken Natalia to the park with Quinn and Tina and their kids. She'd asked me to come too but I'd declined, choosing to stay in bed. Quinn had eyed me warily when she came to pick up Britt. She'd appeared at the bedroom door, rubbing her pregnant belly with a face full of concern.

'You sure you don't want to come, S? I know you don't feel well but the fresh air might do you some good.'

'No, Quinn. I just want to sleep,' I mumbled as I rolled over in bed and tried to bury myself further under the covers.

'Come on, Santana, you've hardly left the house for the last four months. Come with us and have some fun with the kids, their only young once,' Quinn pressed gently. But not gently enough.

'Just drop it, Quinn! I don't want to come to the fucking park, I just want to sleep!'

'Leave her, Q, I've already tried to convince her but she's not budging,' Brittany had joined her at the door. I opened my eyes to see her looking at me with disgust.

'This isn't good for her, Brittany, she needs to get out. You can't just ignore the fact that she's obviously depressed and expect it to be okay,' Quinn whispered quietly. I knew she was worried. She had been trying to get me to talk about how I was feeling for months but I'd never opened up.

'She's not depressed, Quinn, she's just a selfish bitch,' Brittany spat out.

'Fuck off, Brittany. Maybe I just don't want to publicly pretend to be happy to be with you.' Our arguments had been like this for the last few months. I would be a difficult bitch, she would call me out on it, and I would act like I didn't want to be with her. Except I did, all I wanted was her. I just didn't want the life that came with it.

'Well tough shit, we have a daughter, Santana, and I'm not going to be stupid enough to stand by and watch you ruin her! Don't take whatever our problems are out on her.'

'The only person I'm going to take my problems out on are you, you stupid cun-'

'STOP IT!' Quinn screamed before stepped out onto the carpet in between the bed and the door. 'Just stop it okay, before you both say something you'll regret!'

'The only thing I regret saying is 'I do' five years ago.' I could hear the tears in Brittany's voice as she stormed down the stairs. Once upon a time it would have killed me to know that I was the reason for her sadness but now I was used to it. She was right; I was just one big disappointment.

Quinn sighed and looked at me. I recognised the look in her hazel eyes; she'd given me it before. The last time I'd received it was junior year when I'd announced to the glee club that I was dating Karofsky. It was a mix of disappointment and disbelief, as if she was asking me if I really thought she believed anything I was saying.

'Don't look at me like that, Quinn. You know I don't want it to be like this.'

'I know, S,' Quinn sighed as she came over to the bed. She stroked my hair and kissed my forehead. 'I love you, Santana, you're my best friend. I just want what's best for you. We'll talk when I get back from the park?'

I nodded and squeezed her hand to show her my appreciation. I knew she just wanted to help me. She gave me a small smile and walked back to the door. 'Don't do anything stupid while I'm gone,' she said as she walked into the hall.

But of course I did. Long story short, she and Brittany returned two hours later. They were looking all over the house for me. I know this because when they eventually found me, I was in the bath. I can't remember how long I was under the water. It must have been a long time because I choked when I felt Brittany's hands roughly grab me by the shoulders and pull me to the surface. She was shaking me, shouting in my face but all I could see were the angry tears streaming down hers. When I didn't respond to her she let go of me and stormed out the bathroom. Quinn ran over to me and started rubbing small circles on my back while I began to sob.

I had only heard Brittany say one thing.

'I'm done.'

Brittany had moved out that night and she'd taken Natalia with her. Puck came to the house a few minutes after she left. He'd held me while Quinn packed some of my things. They told me they didn't want me to be in the house by myself and that I'd be staying with them for a few days. I didn't even argue with them, my mind was blank.

When Brittany and I separated, so did our group. Everyone took sides. There were those that felt sorry for poor Brittany, struggling to deal with her psycho bitch wife, and those who felt sorry for poor depressed Santana, struggling to deal with motherhood. Quinn and Puck were my obvious supporters. They were angry at Brittany for not doing more to help me. Mike and Tina went straight to Brittany. Ah, Tina. Brittany and Natalia had stayed with them on the night Brittany walked out. The next day, Tina appeared at the Puckerman's, burst through the door and gave me a mouthful about how she always knew I was an awful person, that Brittany and Natalia deserved better, that I would rot in hell. She had only stopped when Quinn grabbed her by the bingo wing, spun her round and smacked her square across that unfortunate face of hers before throwing her out the house and telling her to never come back. Ever since then, Tina had become enemy number one for Quinn and me. What the fuck did it have to do with her anyway?

Rachel and Finn, and Blaine and Kurt had stayed as neutral as possible. To be honest, Rachel was too busy writing her one woman show to get involved and Finn was occupied by their two little girls who were running circles round him. Kurt decided that he was going to spend equal amounts of time with both of us and Blaine just went along with him. They both thought the whole thing was so sad, especially for all our kids.

And now we were here. Brittany and I were separated, not divorced. We couldn't bring ourselves to sign the papers yet. Natalia spent half the week with Brittany and half the week with me. On Brittany's days she would go to her dance class with Mike who was her instructor and then go back to the Chang's house for dinner and play with Tina and Mike's kids. On my days, we would go to the movies or swimming or the park with Quinn and her boys. The Hudson's and the Anderson's would fit in somewhere in between. It was a lot for a four year old to deal with but she knew how it worked. Mama didn't like it when she was with the Chang's and mommy didn't like it when she was with the Puckerman's.

The doorbell pulled me from my thoughts. I looked at the clock again. Shit, she's here already. I looked over to Talia who was still packing up her things. Brittany hated it when I kept her waiting. We aimed to spend as little time together at hand over's as possible.

'Hurry up, Talia, you're mommy's here!' I shouted quickly as I rushed to the door.

I quickly smoothed over my hair with my hands before smirking to myself. I always made sure that I looked good when Brittany and I swapped Natalia. I wanted her to know that I was taking care of myself. Today, my 'I am sane' outfit consisted of dark blue skinny jeans with black boots and a sheer black shirt which showed off my bra. Accompanied by perfect make up and lightly curled hair, I was hot shit.

'Hi Brittany, she's just finishing packing up her stuff,' I said curtly as I open the door to my estranged wife.

'I told you I'd be here at four,' she sighs, her mouth in a tight, straight lipped frown.

'We lost track of time, Britt, don't act like you've never done it before,' I shot back.

We both stared at each other, the tension between us building. I couldn't remember the last time we had said something to each other that was civilised. Her blue eyes bore into me and I looked back into them with determination. I wasn't going to let her win this, I never did.

Our staring competition ended when I felt a tug on my leg. I looked down to see Natalia, her beautiful big blue eyes full of sadness. I knew it was difficult for her, she must have felt the hatred between her mama and her mommy.

'Don't be sad, Talia, you'll see me on Saturday. We're going to see Auntie Quinn and Uncle Puck,' I said cheerfully as I knelt down to her level. I hated seeing her upset. I wished I could take all the sadness out of those blue eyes and throw it at Tina. I honestly hated that bitch. 'And in the meantime, you'll have fun with mommy, yeah?'

'Okay, mama,' Natalia sniffled as she buried her head into my chest.

'Te amo, mi hija,' I whispered into her ear as I held her closer.

'Te amo, mi madre,' her little voice spoke back. It was moments like this that my heart broke.

I gave her one last squeeze before picking her up and handing her over the Brittany. Brittany smiled widely at her and suddenly Natalia wasn't so sad anymore. Brittany nodded her thanks at me and took her over to her car.

'Oh wait!' Brittany shouted over to me. She ran over to my front door and gave me an envelope. 'These are for you.'

I opened envelope as Brittany drove down the street while Natalia waved to me from the backseat.

I was shocked.

Divorce papers?

Please review! :) x