The Portal closed with a sizzling sound, much like the one when you spill water on the stove, and they were alone.

The fact that they had no other company than each other seemed to bother Magnus a lot less than it bothered him, Alec observed as he watched the High Warlock of Brooklyn rummage around in a badly sorted bookshelf that must've held the world's largest collection of DVDs.

"Please tell me", said Alec, trying to put on a poker face as he spoke, "Why I have the distinct sensation that this was your plan all along?"

"You mean switching Jace for you?" A smirk was visible on Magnus's face. It was adorable. Damn it, Alec thought to himself, quickly trying to think of something else. "Well, I won't deny anything. That boy might be the worst guest I've had in a few hundred years. He was rude to Chairman Meow."

"Yeah, but why me?" He kept his arms crossed, leaning against the wall and trying to look nonchalant. Why did he have to try so hard? Magnus had found the right DVD, and was inserting it into the player.

"The choice was between you, that redheaded girl and the mundane. The mundane is terrified of me, and Clary…" he snorted. "Clary is Clary. Unbearable in her own way. Asking too many questions. Always out for a favor. You were the only sane choice. You can go with that explanation until you have the guts to accept the other one."

"And what's that supposed to mean?"

"I think you know what I mean, Alexander. Sit down." Magnus gestured to a luxurious maroon futon that seemed to have appeared out of thin air, and Alec sat down, frowning and with crossed arms. "Tea?" A lilac teacup with a pattern of roses, its contents smelling strongly of Earl Grey, hovered in front of him.

"I don't drink tea", he admitted.

"Everybody drinks tea."

"I don't." There was a bitter tone to his voice, and while he was glad for it, he secretly cursed himself for being so impolite. Why?

The DVD had started playing, and Alec used the flat platina screen as a pathetic excuse to avoid eye contact. It didn't help much. He could see the people talking and moving and acting out something that someone else had made up. Yet he couldn't escape into the fictional universe of cinematography, only feel an absolute inability to register a single word of what they were saying. The levitating teacup that flew in circles round his head wasn't helping much either. Repugnantly, he grabbed it. Maybe the bitter taste of bergamot would give him something else to think about.

"So, what is your opinion on these series? Favorite character?" Alec looked up to see Magnus twirling his slim fingers and clearly expecting an answer. Fuck.

"Uhm… I'm not sure."

"Have you even seen this series before?"

"Nope."

"Not to be rude - well, maybe just a little - but you're quite a hopeless case. "

"So I've heard." There was a smile on his face begging to display itself, so he turned his face to the TV screen. This wasn't the situation for grinning."

"You do realise", said Magnus with a more serious tone to his voice that sounded of emotion, "that the reason I'm doing all these favors for your friends…"

"Is only because it's your duty", Alec replied hastily. "I know."

"No, Alexander. I do it because of you."

Fuck, was the only thing he was able to think. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

A thick blanket of tense silence was laid upon the living room. The smile on Alec's lips that'd tried to escape earlier was gone. He could feel his eyes water, and swore silently. Why?

"Yeah. I'm not stupid."

"No, Alec. You're everything but that."

"You don't get it, do you?" He rubbed furiously at his cheek with his temples to wipe away the teardrops. He couldn't cry, wouldn't cry, he was far too high above that.

"What is it that I don't get? Try me. I'm 300 years old - that equals a fair amount of knowledge and experience."

"Nothing. Everything." Alec could fel Magnus eyes on him, but his own gaze was still fastened at the TV screen. "Nobody knows this. Nobody. And you're not just a guy. You're a Downworlder. You're not the ideal choice. My parents would never accept the idea of me being…" He choked on the last word. "It's irresponsible. All of this. I can't afford it." His blue eyes were stinging now, itching, either from tears or from staring at the TV much too intensely.

"Well", said Magnus, very slowly. "I can't tell you you're wrong. I can only tell you that during my admittedly very long experience of being alive, I've found the character traits of love to be quite… immutable. And I have not once seen the kind of true love that would be deemed ideal or responsible."

"Thank you." He doubted his words to be audible, but as he turned around to reassume eye contact, Magnus seemed to have registered them.

"For what?"

"For what you said. I'm afraid it doesn't change anything, but it was nice of you." Alec brought the teacup to his lips in order to be polite, but managed only a sip before he spat it out, sputtering and wheezing.

"Did… you… just… put… vodka in this… tea?" Various fits of coughing interrupted his speech, and Chairman Meow shot him a displeased glance from his chair.

"I admit to have spiked your tea, yes. Though it was merely a trick to see if you'd actually drink the tea. I, myself, think it gives a lovely flavor." With that, Magnus drank the rest of his tea in one swallow.

"It's disgusting", protested Alec, but he was nonetheless unable to restrain his laughter. "Absolutely disgusting. You jerk."

Magnus smiled. Suddenly he wasn't sure if he'd ever seen Magnus smile before. Not like this. The warlock's face lit up like by a thousand fairy lights, glimmering of genuine happiness and contentment. Even though it was the most cliche thing ever to feel, Alec felt his insides melt into a puddle of mush, slowly dripping down on the floor and creating a puddle of feelings.

No. Wait. That wasn't his feelings. That was the tea.

He must've been blushing like a moron as he cleaned it up with a napkin. By the angel. He really was screwed. He was so screwed it wouldn't matter what he did now.

He might as well do the thing he was most afraid to, since he was already doomed.

"You drive me crazy", he spat out, shocked over his own honesty. But there was no going back now. "Absolutely nuts. I can't sort my feelings out. It's just so frustrating, and I detest it, I despise it, I hate it…" Something was boiling in his chest. Rage, and frustration, and something else he didn't dare verbalize. He ran his fingers through his messy, charcoal hair and cupped his face with his hands. "Why am I even talking to you?"

"Alexander?" A thin, soft hand was laid upon his shoulder. It was warmer than he'd thought it be. "I know it's hard to believe, but - it won't be like this forever. Things will get better. You're okay. I promise."

"I don't see how they will", murmured the Shadowhunter under his breath. "I just don't. I had-have-had a crush on my parabatai. My male, straight, parabatai. Who has a crush on his sister, so that's messed up, too. Everyone seems to have figured out my sexuality all of a sudden, even though I've never told anyone but Izzy. My parents will be aware in no time at all at this pace, and then they'll freak out. So excuse me, but I'm really not very convinced they will. Be okay."

"Alec…"

"And then there's you." He was panting now, gasping for breath while his heart beat twice its usual amount of beats per minute. "You're there and I can't get you out of my mind and I should want to but I don't want to and it's wrong and we can't and…"

"And?"

He didn't finish the sentence. He couldn't bear himself to. Instead of speaking, he did the most foolish thing he'd ever done in his eighteen year old Shadowhunter life. He laid his arms around the warlock he felt so many things for, and he kissed him.

Alec had never kissed a boy before. He wasn't sure if it was different, because he didn't have time to think.

Magnus lips were soft, easeful, and he tasted slightly of vodka and Earl Grey, but also of something sweet, luscious, that made him want more, more, more. He wasn't sure if it was some sort of magic or if this was all natural, all them, but he felt like their lips had morphed into one unit with its own will and he couldn't control them, couldn't control anything. It was intense, a hundred times more so than any kiss he'd ever had before, and Magnus hands were in his hair and Alec's hands were on Magnus's upper back, and all of Alec's anger and frustration and lingering feelings were gone with the wind. There was only this. Only kissing. Tender and passionate, sugary and salty, feverish and chilly, rock hard and cottonlike. Only kissing, lovely, blissful, kissing.

Until a cat jumped up onto his lap with a high-pitched screech and the warlock and the shadowhunter broke apart lik they'd been struck by lightning, both of them struggling to catch their breath.

"I think your cat wants something", panted Alec.

"Yes", said Magnus, equally out of breath. "It appears I have received ten voicemails and twenty texts from your sister. There's been a… situation." He gestured to the mobile phone on his couch table. "I thought of ignoring it, but Chairman Meow tells me that's not a great choice."

"We're going, then." He was quickly on his feet, straightening out his t-shirt. "And by the way", he shot Magnus a threatening look. "This never happened."

"The kiss, you mean?"

"It didn't mean anything", he said, much more to himself than to Magnus. "I can't deal with it right now. Therefore, nothing ever happened. Not. A. Thing. "

"Alexander…"

"Not a thing." With that, Alec had left the room. "You coming?"

"Yeah", Magnus replied, weakly.

Praying nobody would notice anything later, he wiped a tear from his cheek with his shirt sleeve. Teenage boys and their feelings. Why couldn't he fall for someone… easier, just for once?

He really hated having human feelings.

Out in the hallway, Alec was scratching his own wrist as hard as he could to keep himself from crying.

Why?