Okay... please don't laugh at this... it's my first ever fanfic!
Chapter 1 - In which Artemis seems not to have changed at all...
Artemis Fowl had his fists clenched. For once, he wasn't thinking about the manicure he had just got, and didn't worry about ruining it at all, which was very uncharacteristic of him. For once, Artemis Fowl didn't have a thousand different plots in his head, but only one raging emotion. He was staring at one letter to another as his parents forced them under his noses.
It had been two months since the Opal incident, and he had greatly improved in the fact that he no longer stole from any company… he specifically targeted victims who acted in his old way. And, true to his word, he had donated his 'findings' to various places, including one made under the name 'Jon Spiro' which gave the media quite a stir up.
It made Artemis smirk contentedly at their incompetent sentences and phrases in an attempt to describe this act of generosity.
But socially, Artemis Fowl II was still behind by about a gigabyte. For one thing, he made a point to confine himself to the common room whenever he could at his new private day school (Angeline Fowl had stuck to her word and moved him from St. Bartleby's). He had refused to take part in any discussions, and when asked why, he had reduced half his classmates, plus the teacher as an added bonus, to tears.
Are you beginning to get my point?
So, as a last resort, his parents had signed him on to a two-week English exchange trip. The problem was getting Arty to consent to writing back to one of the several letters that had turned up in his favour.
"Here, Arty, Benjamin looks good… he's got such precise handwriting…" Angeline was fighting a losing battle, and she knew it.
"Arty, look at this one from Katie… she even included a photo, and my, isn't she a looker?" Encouraged his father. Artemis Junior considered both, and came to a conclusion within seconds.
"Benjamin may have a good writing hand, but his vocabulary hardly suits a two week stay. His spelling is atrocious, see how he has spelt 'consequently', it's an 'e' not an 'i'! And Katie can hardly string two words to form a coherent sentence, judging by her letter. I refuse to take any part in this ridiculous exchange trip, Mother."
And he was being polite to his parents about this event!
Artemis Senior looked at his wife and they both sighed despairingly. The school had said that if Arty still refused to take part, they would have to find someone with the same interests as he did. Although that would be quite difficult, seeing as Artemis had made it clear that his interests did not even come remotely within the boundaries of usual adolescent activities.
Angeline dismissed her son with a defeated, "Go and play with your computer, or whatever it is you do on that laptop of yours…" and as soon as she was certain that Artemis was out of hearing distance, she turned to her husband.
"Timmy, what on earth will we do with Arty? His intellect is great, I know, but he needs to learn how to associate himself with others."
"I know, Angeline, darling, he just needs the right person to socialize with."
"But will the school manage to find the right person?"
Artemis turned hastily away from the screen he was seeing it all played out on. He didn't like spying on his parents, but sometimes it was the only way that he could find out what was upsetting them.
He had become better, he was just finding troubles somehow expressing his newfound conscience. He was still trying to socialize with anyone below the standard of a potential Nobel Prize winner.
Starting his laptop, he noticed the small icon on the top right hand corner of the screen flashing. He had long ago, installed the communicator Holly had slipped him onto his laptop, and now, almost whenever he opened his PC, he would see that small icon flashing, indicating that Holly was trying to contact him.
Clicking on the flashing icon, he smiled, there were the elfin features, grinning like there was no tomorrow.
"Hey there, Fowl. Just calling in to check how you're doing on the exchange trip."
"Not brilliantly and is Foaly still keeping me under surveillance?" Asked Artemis, smiling warmly for the first time in twenty-four hours.
"Yep, but only under Council orders, otherwise I'd have to force every word about you about your current social life."
Artemis grimaced. It was true that he did not mix well, but at least he was trying now.
"Could you try and get any information on who they're going to team me up with?"
Holly thought about it. It would probably cost another carton of carrots and two litres of beetle juice, but it would be worth it.
"Alright, Mud Boy, but you are going to have to pay for the beetle juice and carrots."
Artemis shrugged. After all, what was money to his insatiable curiosity? "Fine, just try and get the data on the person so that I can torture them so much that they'll be begging my parents to send them home."
Across the Irish border, and in a small town south of London called Fleet, an average sized girl with vivid emerald eyes closed a link with a pout.
She turned to the tall, menacing individual beside her, and muttered,
"Foaly seems to have found the boy who I am to be partnered with."
Artemis was keeping true to his word and exercising on his home gymnasium. Ever since Eleven Wonders, he decided that he needed to start keeping himself in shape if he was ever going to protect himself. So, everyday exactly an hour after dinner, he would spend forty-five minutes on the treadmill, and, with the help of Butler, he managed to complete fifty sit-ups in twenty minutes.
And for those of you that scoff, you try doing sit-ups at a regular pace.
He was up to twenty-five when he heard the slight beeping from his mobile. Leaping up, he flipped the mobile cover and spluttered, slightly out of breath,
"Who have you found?"
"Woah, slow down, Mud Boy…first of all, let me congratulate you on not collapsing yet. I'd never be able to do something like that."
Artemis smirked, trying to picture Foaly ever doing any exercise instead of typing and line dancing (a secret that he had picked up off Detective Short's frequent calls).
"Is it even physically possible for centaurs to do sit ups?" Artemis remarked, giving Foaly a flash of the old vampire smile.
"No, and it's nice to see you too. By the way, we haven't heard from Butler in a while. Anything wrong with the big man?" There was a hint of concern in the centaur's voice. Butler was probably the only person who reminded him of Commander Root now.
"Butler's enjoying a visit to Juliet. At the same time we're giving her the information. It's not exactly fair to miss her out on the action. Last I heard, she's trying to get contact with Holly to give her that disc of some kind of gnome wrestling Detective Short promised her."
Foaly smiled, though it was hard. He still missed Holly on the LEP. Although she was doing really well with the PI business, he knew that it wasn't as fulfilling as her old job as a hot-shot Captain on the LEPrecon.
"Yeah, it's still hard to get used to seeing that pig Sool and no Holly to argue with him." Sighed Foaly, then got straight to the point.
"It took the school two seconds to join the two of you together. You two stuck out like white spots on a black background. Although you're lucky that she's this pretty, as Mud Maids go…"
"Foaly… I may have reformed my ways, but my patience is the same as ever and rotting away." Artemis's voice became soft and clipped, threateningly gentle.
"Er… right… name of Ivy Saraswati Kestrel, fourteen next month, five foot three, and here's her Interpol file."
Artemis was nodding expectantly until it came to the last part, "She has an Interpol file?"
"Yes. Quite new, no surprises there, she's not the offspring of an European crime-lord… she's like your clone, Artemis, I've got a copy of her exchange letter. You can see why nobody wanted her…"
"Right, I shall look at that letter in due course. Tell me, Foaly, how is Sool?"
"Fine, at the moment. Why? Why are you asking? Have you done something illegal or even remotely outside the law, Fowl?" Foaly's voice raised its volume, until Artemis exclaimed,
"No! I was just wondering if your Council has decided that he's such a cynical idiot that they've decided to sack him yet!"
Here, Foaly seemed to relax slightly, though from his previous experiences with Fowl, it wasn't easy.
"Nope, but I'm pretty sure that my several complaints will eventually filter through the system."
And, without so much as a goodbye, Foaly hung up. Sometimes, Artemis fumed, that centaur could be more annoying than even his parents acting like teenagers in love.
In Fleet, the girl who Foaly and Artemis had been discussing was on her laptop (which she had won fair and square from a bet her father had with her) and hacking into the Interpol files.
"I'm hoping that Foaly is correct and the idiota does have an IQ of above 200. Otherwise I am going to be spending the rest of my two weeks in utter boredom and you know what I'm like when I'm bored, Nubi."
The tall, light-skinned Chinese girl standing beside her was reassembling her gun. "Boy, do I, Miss Kestrel. Last you were bored you robbed an entire vault from the first bank unlucky enough to stand in your way."
"I chose that place intentionally, Nubi. And for the most advanced technology in Switzerland it was too easy to surpass. Only five pressure pads and at least sixteen blind spots on the cameras even if they could sense us…"
The female bodyguard rolled her eyes, "I have no doubt that all those little blind-spots were all only a few centimetres wide?"
"Why yes, how did you guess?" Smirked Ivy.
Ivy wasn't as much of Artemis's clone as Foaly had made out she was. For one thing, she specialised in several things, one of which was fencing, hence the sword she always had at her side. For another, she didn't go exploiting any unfortunate soul who happened to stumble in on her. She only saved that sport for when she was really bored.
But that didn't mean she was soft. It just showed that she was very respectful of her mother's wishes. Pollyanna Kestrel had been worried about her child, and had verbally forbidden her to go around trying to emotionally scar people for the rest of their lives.
Her appearance wasn't even remotely near to Artemis, either. She was diminutive, short enough to be a fairy (Author's Note: she isn't a fairy… just uncannily like one) and her long hair, when untied, could almost reach the ground. Of course, this was the result of her mother insisting that she followed the traditions of the 'Family'. Her hair was a deep, rich red, and it was always finding some way of abandoning the tight bun that Ivy had grown accustomed to checking every half an hour or so. With the trademark emerald Kestrel eyes, Ivy would glare at even the most insistent of teachers, and they would subside.
At the moment, these jewel-like eyes were pondering on memories,
"Nubi, where have I seen the name 'Fowl' before?"
"Probably from Interpol files… remember, Artemis Fowl the Second, the child prodigy?" The bodyguard had finished assembling the entire gun, and had started on reassembling an LEP helmet.
"No… I mean, yes, I've seen the name on Interpol, but where have I read it in Foaly's database? And he's not the only child prodigy… and I'm more child than he is."
"Why don't you check? I mean, it isn't as if Foaly actively forbade you to go onto his precious computers." Said Nubi, now checking on the locators her charge's mother had insisted upon giving them.
"Alright, but if I have to try and convince Foaly one more time that I am not an amateur in computer hacking, I will…" Then Ivy froze. It couldn't be, could it?
"Shoot! I remember where I read the name Fowl in Foaly's database now!" She yelled, and trust me, it wasn't often that Ivy Kestrel yelled heatedly.
She opened the files on Foaly's various internet sites (which was always a great shortcut to hack into his system) and selected 'Fowl'. If she proved to be right, then she would not be having as much bother as she originally thought she would have.
"Artemis Fowl was involved in quite a number of events the first one coincidentally coming into action the day my powers came into action." Ivy was still sour about that day. She was glad that she had found that at least someone else was having just as bad a day on the neighbouring island of leprechauns… or LEPrecon… she really wasn't bothered which one.
Her hopes were all dashed when Nubi reminded her, "Remember, Miss Kestrel, the boy probably doesn't know about your race. Or where you're from. It's best that we just keep that within the family."
Ivy nodded sullenly, for once defeated by the overly talkative and adolescent mouth of her bodyguard. Or, then again, maybe not…
"I may not be able to reveal myself directly to him, but I can definitely reveal myself to him by accident. After all," she theorised, "he can't suffer from much more psychological damage… not after what it says here that he's been through."
A/N Please reveiw and I may be able to get another chapter up by next week sometime!