PART ONE

December 7, 2014

I'm afraid of a future without everyone.

I'm terrified of losing my friends, of having to go on without them.

I want to stay here with everyone. I don't care if it's just an illusion in the fog.

I've already had my share of loneliness! I don't want to be alone anymore!

I wake up in a sweat, those words from so long ago still ringing in my head. Still ringing true, actually, all these years later. God, what a terrible time to remember that. I wipe the sweat from my brow, noticing how quiet it is. Normally Yosuke's snoring in the other room could be heard from across town, but tonight, just silence. He must be out, again. Leaving me here all by myself, again.

That dream's going to keep me up all night, isn't it? I know I should, but I just can't bring myself to lay back down. I need to get up, move around, do something. So I open the door, go into the living room, and turn on the TV. There's nothing on worth watching, of course, it's like three in the morning. Whatever, I just need some kind of sound to fill the nothingness in here. Heading into the kitchen, some trashy late-night celebrity show comes on, and I hear a familiar name.

"A shocking scandal! New photos show idol Rise Kujikawa getting a little too close with her new college boyfriend! Her fans are in an uproar, can Risette's career possibly recover from such a disaster?!"

Ugh. I feel sorry for her. She's a sweet girl and a great friend, but the idol business is a rigged game. If she acts like anything short of a perfect, virgin angel, the media vultures descend on her like fresh meat. Even if she could keep that act up, every idol has an expiration date. One day she'll be old and busted, and some younger girl will be the new hotness. Disgusting. I should give her a call, but she's been impossible to get ahold of lately. She's probably asleep now, anyway.

So I make some instant noodles and sit on the couch. The clock keeps ticking relentlessly. Speaking of girls I should call… no, don't bother her, she's probably asleep, too. I sigh. I'd hoped that filling my stomach might make me tired again, but nope, no luck. I stare into the TV mindlessly, its senseless chatter my only company.

—

It's been three years since I met them.

I wasn't a social kid, quite the contrary. Mom and dad were always off on business, so I spent a lot of time by myself. Constantly moving from school to school meant I never made friends for long. I've always been quiet, reserved, alone. So what made Inaba different? Why did everyone there welcome me with open arms? Sometimes I wonder if what Izanami said back then was true, that the power of the Wild Card is what drew everyone to me. A depressing thought, but I'm fearful that it makes too much sense.

After I moved back to Tokyo, I didn't really make any new friends. Just tried to cling on to the ones I already had. We'd call each other all the time, I'd come visit during Golden Week, that sort of thing. But that's never enough. You might think that being such close friends makes it easier to keep a long-distance friendship alive, but really, it's exactly the opposite.

It seemed like a blessing when Yosuke called me to say he planned to attend college in the city. We could go together, be roommates, bro it up. Sounded like a good plan at the time, right? So that's what we did. But… I don't know. Maybe he was always this way and I just never noticed, but I swear he changed. He goes out all the time, comes home smelling like alcohol, brings home girls that I never see again. It's not really my scene, so he leaves without me. Maybe he's trying to catch up on all the city life he missed out on in Inaba, I'm not sure. But it doesn't sit right with me.

You know, I say he leaves without me, but it's not like he doesn't invite me along. But I never take him up on it. I always make an excuse, shrug him off. What is it? What am I afraid of? Where do I get off judging Yosuke when all I do lately is sit around the dorm? Why am I sitting on the couch thinking about all this at four in the morning? My head aches, telling me to stop. I stare into the TV, the blather of the show hosts buzzing in my ears like flies. I get up and walk over to it, and just as a test, I put my hand on the screen. And sure enough, it still goes in. So at least I've got that going for me.

Sigh. I walk back to my room and fall out on my bed, staring at the ceiling. Not one of my finer nights. I roll over - my phone's laying on the bedside table. One missed call. Hmm? I flip it open to take a look, and my chest sinks. I look at the clock again, a quarter past four in the morning. I can't call her back now. I want to, badly, desperately. I wanted to call her before I even noticed that. But I can't. I can't.

I call her. Ring. I can feel my chest tightening. Ring. Ring. She picks up.

"… Yu-kun?" Her quiet voice sends sparks straight through my heart.

"Hi. I hope I didn't wake you up." She lets out a roaring yawn.

"You did, but it's fine. What's going on?"

"I don't know. I just can't sleep, and I saw you tried to call, and I feel like an asshole for calling you so late, but I'm losing my mind over here and I miss you and I just really needed to hear your voice." I think I heard her choke back a tear.

"… I miss you too. And don't worry about it. Really. I'm glad you called."

"How are you holding up back in Inaba?"

"Haha, to tell the truth? Not great. I feel like I'm in way over my head, but it's too late to change my mind now." I just kind of lay there for a moment, not sure what to say. She speaks up first.

"So, um, how's Tokyo?"

"Lonely."

"You always say that, but it's so hard to believe! The Yu-kun I know could make friends with anyone. To be honest, it kind of scares me when I think that you might meet new girls out there. Smarter ones, prettier ones…"

"Don't say that."

"I can't help it! I mean, you saw my Shadow. I think I've gotten a bit better since then, but it's still so hard not to think about stuff like that…"

"You know, maybe you are kind of a misfit."

"Gee, thanks."

"But maybe I am too. Maybe that's how we fit together." It's quiet for a moment until she responds.

"Yu-kun?"

"Hmm?"

"I love you."

"I love you too, Chie."

"Well… it's really late. Or early, or something. Try to get some sleep, okay?"

"I will. Thank you."

"G'night!"

I clap my phone closed and put it back on my bedside table. I think I needed that. All of a sudden I feel so tired, more tired than I can take. My eyelids collapse under their own weight. I think I'll finally be able to go back to sleep.