Author: JH24
Disclaimer: I don't own this series. Star Wars Rebels and all related Star Wars properties are owned by Disney. This series is created by Simon Kinberg, Dave Filoni and Carrie Beck. Based on Star Wars created by George Lucas.
Spoilers: The story takes place after "Zero Hour."
Pairings: No Pairings
My sincere thanks to FelinaTheDevil22, Quillfang, levelwhat and H. J. Hunter for beta-reading. Thank you so much for everything. I'm really grateful for all your help. Without you I would never have been able to post this fanfic or even finish it.
My sincere thanks to Moomkin. Thank you so much for all your advice, patience and support. I'm really grateful. Thank you for giving me a chance and the motivation to try and write something again. I could never have done this without you.
Star Wars Rebels one-shot
"Hey."
Kallus opened his eyes and gasped. For a moment he had to focus his senses, pushing back the dizziness and black spots that were clouding his vision. He found himself leaning against a metallic wall. Faint sounds of people shuffling and talking around him reached his ears. Suddenly he remembered where he was.
He was on the Ghost. He escaped... He had made it. He—
"Hey, Kallus?" A bit more forceful this time. He recognized that voice...
Kallus blinked again. Finally the lightheaded feeling retreated and his vision slowly came back. He looked up from the floor. An orange hue the first thing that registered in his eyes. A figure stood in front of him, someone he knew all too well.
"Ezra?" Kallus said, surprised to hear how weak his own voice was.
The teen shuffled his feet, and one hand was rubbing the back of his neck. He briefly looked at Kallus before lowering his gaze. Kallus noticed something was different about him. That spark of energy typically radiating from the boy, which had annoyed him at times during their past encounters, was surprisingly absent. It had changed the entire demeanor of the usually energetic and optimistic teen.
The boy's eyes were half-closed, his posture slightly hunched forward, a tired look lined his features. Ezra seemed only a shadow of his former self. It was obvious he had been through a lot, they all had been through a lot, and it had taken its toll on all of them.
Seemingly realizing how he must have looked like in front of Kallus, the boy steeled himself and looked directly at him. A small smirk appeared on his face.
"Good job in getting out of there."
Kallus let out a low huff in amusement. "You too."
Ezra smiled, but Kallus could tell it was forced. After years of working at the Imperial Security Bureau he had learned how to read other people, to look for those little signs and find out how they really feel, or what they're really hiding. It was a skill that had come quite in handy during his career, in particular during interrogations. Kallus cringed as some painful memories came back to him. He suppressed the feelings of guilt and remorse which were now gnawing at the edge of his conscience.
He gathered his thoughts and focused his attention on Ezra. It was clear he was putting on a mask- Kallus frowned upon noticing it. Something didn't feel right about this. How sincere was the boy in his reaction towards him? Was he actually relieved to see him or was he just pretending? If that was the case, then why did he come to see him?
Ezra rubbed the back of his head, tilting it a little to the right and looked at Kallus with an uncertain and uneasy expression. His left eyebrow was slightly raised. Kallus sighed inwardly; sometimes he wished he hadn't been trained to pick up on someone's body language and facial expressions. And that was exactly what annoyed him about Bridger. He didn't know of anyone else who was capable of sending out so many signals at the same time. Under other circumstances he may have considered it a challenge, but now, it only served to make him feel uncomfortable.
"Kanan told me you were here." The edge of Ezra's mouth curved into a faint smile. There was a momentary silence.
The ex-ISB agent noticed how Ezra's eyes darted sideways a few times when he looked away, complemented with his nervous expression Kallus knew the boy was searching for words. He wanted to say something but decided against it.
The teen looked at him again. "I just wanted to check up on you. You know, to see how you're doing." Ezra removed his hand from the back of his head and then put his hands behind his back. His uneasy smile had vanished, and his expression was now more cautious. From the corner of his eye, Kallus noticed how Ezra was slightly leaning on his left foot. His blue eyes conveyed a hint of vulnerability, which was unusual for someone like Bridger. He could pick up the boy was feeling genuinely uncomfortable, almost timid even, leaving Kallus to once again question the sincerity of his words. He watched the fidgeting Jedi Padawan, his mind trying to find an answer as to why it felt weird he was talking to him. Kallus assumed Ezra would have been the last person on this ship even wanting to talk to him. But here he was...
He realized there was a different tone to his voice, much more dull and humble than he remembered from the last time they'd spoken. His usual cockiness and snarky attitude seemed to have all but disappeared. There was something... odd about it, but he couldn't quite put his finger on it. Perhaps 'subdued' would come closest in describing it.
Suddenly, a wave of unease washed over Kallus. His breathing intensified, and for a moment he wished he could have been somewhere else on the ship. Anywhere else except for the spot he was standing on. The boy's blue eyes, even if they were dimmer than usual, felt like they were piercing right through him- it almost felt like he was being judged in some way.
But then the realization dawned on him. Of course he was being judged. The boy didn't trust him, he never did. And after all the things he had done, Kallus knew he fully deserved it. Even during their last encounter when Ezra had surrendered himself while disguised as a bounty hunter, the teen had made it quite clear he still didn't trust him. While Ezra had seemed friendly towards him, at least more friendly than at the time he had thrown him through a glass monitor –the memory made Kallus flinch in discomfort– there was always that unspoken undertone of distrust, either in his words or through his mannerisms.
Kallus found himself leaning backwards, the boy's eyes still directed at him. He noticed the teen was now leaning on his left and right foot in turns, his body slightly swaying from side to side, and hands still behind his back. Kallus observed Bridger once more while he tried to gather his thoughts.
After they had taken him aboard the Ghost, and while he was waiting along with other rebels in one of the hallways until they would reach their destination, he had silently hoped someone would notice him. It was a selfish thought, he knew, but for a moment he longed for a confirmation, an acknowledgement, as if somehow he needed to hear he had made the right choice. It was a selfish desire, and he knew he was undeserving of any kind of praise. In fact, he would have been far more deserving of being arrested and put on trial for his past crimes. There are some things that just can't be forgiven.
Someone like him would never deserve a second chance.
And then came Kanan. Kallus remembered that moment vividly. He had not intended to speak when the Jedi Knight walked down the hallway, but his words came out before he could stop himself. No matter how he would react, Kallus wanted to make sure that at least they knew he was grateful.
"Kanan, thank you. For taking me in."
Kanan halted, and gently placed a hand on his shoulder.
"Thank you. For risking everything."
They were only a few words. But those few words changed everything. It felt as if on that moment, a ray of light shattered the darkness around him. It felt as if on that moment, the weight of his past, the weight of his actions, fell off his shoulders. When Kanan placed his hand on his shoulder, it was as if the Jedi's kindness and warmth coursed through his body. At that moment, Kallus felt more gratitude and happiness than he ever would be able to express into words.
A short while later Zeb came to see him. Zeb had been in a meeting with Hera and the others but after he was finished he immediately came to check on him. Kallus desperately tried to put into words how grateful he was for everything he had done for him, for giving him a second chance. But unlike with Kanan he couldn't find the right words.
They weren't needed.
Zeb gave him a warm smile and placed his hand on his shoulder as well. At that moment Kallus knew. The message was clear. They were friends, buddies... They were family. Kallus wished he could have talked longer with Zeb but the Lasat was called away. However, he didn't leave until making sure Kallus was okay, worriedly checking his body and injuries. And while his body was aching all over, Kallus had assured him he was alright. Zeb promised he would check on him as soon as he could.
He smiled fondly at the memory.
It was ironic. He wished he could have talked longer with both Kanan and Zeb, but now he found himself with Bridger, he couldn't help but feel he wanted to be somewhere else.
Realizing he still had to give an answer, Kallus finally broke the awkward silence. His answer came out harsher than he intended. "I'm fine. It's nothing."
There was a kind of finality in his words, and he immediately regretted it.
The teen frowned. "You don't look fine to me." It was blunt. It was direct. It was so Ezra.
Kallus sighed. The boy wasn't wrong though. Now the adrenaline was wearing off, he could feel a wave of exhaustion coursing through him. He could feel sharp twinges in his arms and legs, a constricted feeling in his chest, heavy and painful cramps in his legs and feet, a throbbing and dull pain in his back. He only now began to notice how weak his legs actually felt; they were trembling and if it wasn't for the fact he was leaning against the wall he could very well collapse on the floor right at this moment. As he tried to change his position a sharp jolt shot through his battered body, making him double over in pain. He groaned. Ezra stepped forward but Kallus instinctively raised his hand to keep the boy at a distance.
Once again, he immediately regretted it.
Kallus recovered and leaned himself back against the wall; he grimaced and winced as he put his left hand on his aching right side. As he looked up his eyes crossed those of Ezra. There was a hint of disappointment within them and Kallus immediately averted his gaze. His conscience filled with regret, and he clenched his right fist in frustration. What was wrong with him? Why was he acting like this?
He forced himself to look at Ezra again, the disappointment on his features now replaced with a worried but also a slightly annoyed expression. The boy's arms were now hanging at his sides and he was leaning heavily on his right foot, his left foot and leg slightly raised.
Kallus scolded himself inwardly. He finally realized where his frustration was coming from. He couldn't read him, he couldn't read Ezra. After all those years of experience at the ISB Ezra was one of the few persons in his career he was unable to get a reading on. The teen was sending out so many signals, but that was just what they were- signals. Nothing more, nothing less. Kallus couldn't grasp the meaning behind them. He didn't even know why the boy was here, or why he even wanted to see him.
It wasn't if they were good friends or anything. It was more of the opposite. It was true Ezra had risked everything to save him when his identity as Fulcrum was about to be revealed. But even then the teen had clearly made it known he still had doubts about him, accusing him of playing the long game to set them up. Afterwards Kallus couldn't help but wonder if Bridger had voiced reservations about saving him during his mission briefing. It was odd, really. He knew he shouldn't be affected on how the boy felt about him. He knew he deserved his doubts and distrust. Yet, he couldn't help but feel hurt by them. Hadn't he proven after all this time that he could be trusted, that he had risked everything just to help them?
Kallus kept his gaze towards the floor, silently hoping the teen would just go away. Ezra had put one hand behind his head, and was nervously looking around, lightly tapping his left foot on the floor in an irregular rhythm. Just another signal he couldn't do anything with. The boy was now faintly whistling a tune in discomfort, as if meekly waiting for something. And that was just it. Waiting for what? The man felt disgusted with himself. The rebels had taken him in with kindness, and this was how he repayed them?
Why were he and Ezra acting in this way? Was there something he missed? Something he overlooked? His mind was racing, but he could not find an answer. Yet he couldn't get rid of that strange feeling the answer was staring him right in the face.
When Kanan came by earlier, he could feel the man's gratitude and respect. When Zeb came by, he could feel his friend's relief and concern. But with Ezra... with Ezra he couldn't feel anything. He knew the boy was a Jedi in training, a Padawan, so most likely he was shielding his emotions. That would be a valid explanation as to why he couldn't pick up anything from him. At least, that was what he wanted to believe.
Ezra was the one who broke the silence again. "Mind if I stay with you for awhile?"
The ex-ISB agent cringed. He forced himself to look up. The boy had taken the defensive. Disarming smile. Hands behind his head. Kallus sighed inwardly, but supressed the urge to say "yes." Instead, he gave the teen a curt nod. He tried to smile, but didn't know if it registered. Even the muscles on his face were hurting, which was no surprise after receiving several blows from Thrawn's Death Troopers during his interrogation.
Ezra moved forward and positioned himself to the left of Kallus, filling a spot left by another rebel who was about to leave as he was called away. Kallus noticed the rebel had removed his helmet and visor, but even more that the guy was teary-eyed, struggling to keep himself composed, a look of grief etched on his features. It made Kallus realize how much of an impact this last battle had made on everyone. Not only did the rebels lose, but many of them had suffered personal losses as well. He could only wonder what this poor man had lost. Friends? Family? A wave of sympathy welled up inside him, but he knew there was nothing he could do. Kallus suddenly realized how difficult it must have been for the rebel to stand next to him, still wearing an Imperial uniform. They had all been informed by Hera the former Imperial agent was on their side but it still must have been a troubling experience.
Ezra gently placed his hand on the man's shoulder and gave him a comforting smile. Kallus could see the eyes of the rebel brighten, and while faint, he nodded and gave Ezra an appreciative smile in return. As he walked down the hallway, another rebel joined up with him, offering his support and not letting him go alone.
After watching the two men leave through the door Ezra turned around and let out a helpless sigh. The boy leaned against the wall and crossed his arms.
For a while neither of them said anything. Both simply gazed at the floor or at their feet. An awkward silence hung between them.
"I'm sorry."
Kallus blinked in surprise. Ezra gave a sideways glance, his expression solemn.
It took a moment to register. How much time had passed? He had almost fallen asleep from exhaustion. "Sorry for what?" He finally replied, uncertainty and tiredness lining his words.
Ezra looked at him before lowering his gaze. This time Kallus could pick up on an emotion. There was a sadness in the boy's blue eyes, and when the teen looked down he could see it clearly now.
He was feeling guilt.
Before Kallus could say something, Ezra continued. "For not trusting you." He gave him another sideways glance.
The man noticed the boy was feeling more and more uncomfortable, his body was now slightly swaying from side to side in a nervous rhythm. At this point Bridger was likely not even aware he was doing that, his mind occupied with something else.
The young rebel looked down again, but only for a moment. Kallus could tell Ezra was forcing himself to maintain eye contact. Ezra steadied himself before he went on. "I should have trusted you. You've done so much for us, you risked everything for us. But you know... back then..." He paused and lowered his eyes, but he composed himself once more. Kallus began to wonder if the boy was actually afraid of looking at him. No, he took that back. It wasn't fear. It was something else.
"When you told us you were Fulcrum, there was a part of me that never wanted to believe someone from the Empire, especially someone like you, would ever be able to change." Another wave of guilt washed over his expression. "I felt that you were nothing more than an Imperial spy, waiting for the day you could hand us over to Thrawn."
Kallus swallowed nervously. He wasn't really sure where this was going.
"That feeling of distrust always stayed with me. Even when I let myself be captured to get you out, I still believed you would turn on us." The teen chuckled bitterly. "I had so many arguments with Zeb about you, you know? He always defended you whenever the issue was brought up, and I never could understand why Zeb had so much trust in you."
"Ezra..." Kallus started awkwardly after a moment of muted surprise. "I—"
"Please, just hear me out." The boy's eyes were pleading. Kallus went silent. He couldn't help but slightly lean back. Those eyes... Those blue, radiant eyes... Why did they feel so powerful? Why was it every time he looked into them it felt as if they were staring right into the core of his very being? Why did it feel he couldn't hide anything from them?
His thoughts were interrupted as Ezra continued. "I... I'm sorry. For all those things I've said to you. For all those times I didn't trust you... For using my powers on you."
Kallus quickly smothered his laugh. "You mean when you pushed me through that window back on Lothal?" Ezra looked at him regretfully as he put his right hand on the back of his neck. He couldn't hide a faint, but playful smile.
"Yeah, about that..."
"Don't be. I deserved that."
"No, you didn't!" Kallus was taken aback by Ezra's sudden change. "You've done so much. You've risked everything for us. And the only thing I ever did was doubt you." The teen averted his gaze, now looking at nothing in particular.
Yes, that was definitely some kind of embarassment. He could still pick up the boy's eye movements. The young rebel was again searching for the right words. Whatever he was going to say next, Kallus knew it was going to be important.
They were interrupted as an astromech moved towards them, his characteristic grumbling sounds echoing down the hallway. Kallus recognized the droid immediately.
Chopper.
The one astromech that had become quite well-known among many Imperials throughout the Outer Rim, having succeeded in a long list of infiltration and spying missions. The issue had become of such importance that Thrawn had send out a memo with a reminder to remain vigilant and with instructions to increase security.
Ezra looked up from his thoughts, he raised a hand and gave Chopper a tired but warm smile. "Hey Chop."
The droid raised an arm and chirped something in return before turning his attention to Kallus and moving towards him.
The astromech halted and proceeded to silently stare at him, its only movement and sound the focusing of a lens. The ex-ISB agent felt himself quickly becoming uncomfortable being subjected to the droid's scrutiny. Not wanting to appear impolite he decided to follow Ezra's gestures. He awkwardly raised a hand and waved. "Hey..eh...Chopper." Kallus winced. That didn't came out as smoothly as he had hoped. He heard Ezra chuckle.
Chopper made a few noises, which seemed higher-pitched than usual. He waved, turned around, rolled through the door and into the cockpit, only to be scolded by AP-5. Kallus remembered him from their last encounter; the meticulous inventory droid with his distinctive voice.
"Chopper, where have you been?" A few wub-wubs followed, leading into an argument between the two droids, quickly fading away as the door closed behind them.
Normally Kallus was quite experienced in understanding and translating droid language but his head was spinning right now, and he couldn't muster the energy to even give it a try. Luckily he didn't have to as Ezra filled in for him.
"Chopper likes you. He liked you since you helped us escape back on Lothal." His smile fell. "Along with Zeb, he always defended you. He believed in you. They believed in you."
Ezra's emphasis on the word "they" didn't escape Kallus' attention. "The droid... I mean, Chopper, defended me?" He asked, incredulous.
The teen nodded. "Chopper usually isn't one to trust people easily, but he really took a liking to you."
"I had no idea." It was the only thing Kallus could bring himself to say. Ezra had averted his gaze once again, his eyes downcast, his expression thoughtful.
"You know, during the meeting... when we were discussing the plan on how to get you out, I was the only one being against it." He glanced sideways, a sad look lining his features. "I was so convinced you were planning to betray us. I was worried that by helping you escape, you would somehow lead the Empire to our base. That it was all part of a plan to set us up."
Kallus gasped. The reality of the situation finally hit him. Now he understood why the boy was feeling guilty. His unusual attitude towards him wasn't about him, it was about Ezra himself. It was about the guilt the young rebel was feeling about what he believed he had done.
He wanted to leave me with the Empire. Even if it meant my capture and execution. The ex-ISB agent inhaled sharply at this realization. He never knew the location of the rebel base before Thrawn found it, so even extensive interrogation would have revealed nothing. The rebellion would have had much more to lose by rescuing him. The former Imperial had to admit Bridger's reasoning carried a certain logic to it.
He felt anger swell inside him. He flushed and gritted his teeth, overwhelmed with resentment and bitterness. He had done everything for them, and this is how Bridger repaid him? He felt a sudden urge to lash out at the boy, to make him feel even worse, to break him into pieces and to savour every second of his misery. Horrified by the sudden onset of these thoughts his anger deflated. No, he was no longer that kind of man. He knew he had no right to be angry. Not after all he had done, after all he had done to them.
He suddenly realized Ezra was looking at him. The boy had noticed his change in emotions and he scolded himself inwardly for allowing him to see his resentment. The teen had taken a step back, holding up his hands in a placating gesture, and Kallus could actually see him squirm. During the earlier days he would have fully enjoyed seeing Bridger in this state, but those days were over. Instead, he felt a pang of pity, and believed Ezra couldn't look any more miserable as he did now.
Kallus sighed. "My apologies."
"You're mad at me."
"It's not about that, I—"
"You should be."
"I have no right to be—" The former Imperial shook his head, frustrated, almost irritated by Bridger's sincerity. "Stop doing that. You don't—I don't want this. I don't need this. You don't need this." A feeling of resignation swept over him. "You don't know me. You don't know the things I've done. You should never apologize to someone like me. I've hunted you and your family and put your lives at risk so many times." He no longer could keep the emotion out of his voice. "So would you just stop apologizing? You owe me nothing. I don't deserve—"
His voice drifted away in mid-sentence, as he realized what he was saying. For a moment, he just let the thought hang there in the air between them, unfinished and unwanted, wishing he could take the words back, yet he knew they had to be said. Ezra hesitated as well, or at least it seemed that way.
Finally, after an interminable silence, Kallus spoke, almost like a whisper, "I don't deserve your apology. I don't deserve your kindness."
"You're right..."
The ex-ISB agent lowered his eyes. Bridger finally understood.
"...if I was looking at such a person."
That made Kallus stop and think.
Ezra was looking at him curiously, there was something different about his expression this time, something Kallus hadn't picked up on before. It was something odd, unusual. And as much as he tried, he couldn't place it.
There was a silence, as though Ezra were waiting for Kallus to say something more, something significant, something helpful. He was just standing there, averting his eyes and biting his lower lip as he tried to appear humble and contrite. Seeing him silently squirm, Kallus searched for words, but couldn't think of a single thing to say. He wanted to, even if just to make the fidgeting teen feel a little better, but he just couldn't.
Ezra turned towards him, looking him directly in his eyes, his expression solemn. "You've done so much for us. We owe you so much, if it wasn't for you..." He rubbed the back of his head. Kallus noticed it was a habit of the boy whenever he was feeling nervous. Ezra seemed to realize this as well as he sheepishly lowered his hand.
There was a faint, sad smile, and it slowly changed into a regretful expression. "I'm sorry... I was wrong..." His shoulders slumped, his tone of voice humble. "Thank you... for everything."
Kallus' eyes grew wide. Suddenly he could feel it. Suddenly he could pick up on his emotions. It was as if the boy had dropped his guard, and judging by his relieved expression, most likely because he had finally been able to put his feelings into words, Kallus knew he wasn't far off.
He could feel it. He could finally feel it.
Forgiveness. Gratitude. Trust.
Those were the emotions radiating from the young rebel standing in front of him. He could finally read them. And as Kallus did, he could feel a sense of peace well up inside of him. He was surprised when he realized how much Ezra's words meant to him. He didn't understand why it affected him as much as it did but he didn't care anymore. He smiled and stepped forward, wanting to convey his gratitude. Before he realized it, he had placed a hand on Ezra's shoulder.
He felt his breath hitch, his smile fell. What had he done? He felt like he had crossed a line, this was way too familiar, way too soon. He wasn't even part of their crew. However, Ezra didn't flinch, nor did he pull back. He glanced at Kallus' arm, then looked up at him. He broke into a smile, and while Kallus spotted a hint of caution in his eyes, he could tell the smile was sincere.
Kallus felt emotion building in his chest. He was both overwhelmed and touched. He wanted to say something... anything...
The words never came.
...Something stopped him in his tracks.
He pulled back his hand, swung around and clenched his fist as a feeling of darkness forced its way inside of him, extinguishing the light he was feeling moments before.
"No..." He whispered. He repeated the word louder. "No..."
"Kallus?"
"Don't thank me," he hissed. "I don't deserve it, not someone like me."
He had half expected the boy to protest in his usual manner. But this time... his reaction was different. "Why not?"
He slammed his fist into the steel wall. "Because you were right not to trust me. I betrayed you, I failed you. It was because of me Thrawn found your base!"
Kallus clenched his eyes shut, all the exhaustion and pain seeming to return by a hundredfold. He felt a wave of nausea wash over him, a wave of guilt almost tearing his entire body apart. It was because of him... Realization fully dawned on him... It was because of him. He remembered the moment when Thrawn revealed he had found the location of the rebel base. And he had played a role in it. He should have seen it coming. He should have known it was a trap. It was all because of him!
He hunched forward, trembling all over, fighting against the nausea and agony that were threatening to overtake him. As an ISB agent, he had been trained to always maintain control, no matter the circumstances. But now, he felt like he was about to lose that control. He was about to lose himself. No, it wasn't because of the pain, not even because of the guilt- but as much as he hated to admit it, it was because of Bridger. For reasons he could not understand, he genuinely feared the boy's reaction, how he would react to what he was about to say to him. Afraid that the young rebel would reject him. And not only Bridger, but that everyone on the Ghost crew would reject him. But he knew there was no going back, not anymore.
Ezra finally spoke. "What do you mean?" There was no judgement in his voice. But Kallus knew that would soon change.
"It was because of me... That last transmission I send you. I..."
"Look, you don't have to—"
"I found out Thrawn had a high-level meeting with Governor Pryce and Admiral Konstatine, a meeting I wasn't allowed to attend. I knew I had to find out what was going on. From that meeting I learned that Thrawn was aware of the rebel plans to attack Lothal. I don't know how he found out but I knew I had to warn you."
"So that's what you wanted to tell us." Ezra's tone of voice was understanding. "But the message we received was incomplete. It was cut off."
Kallus could only nod. He felt beads of sweat rolling down his face. "That's because Thrawn was blocking the transmission. I was recording the message from your tower on Lothal, but Thrawn confronted me, and was using a device to prevent me from sending it."
He chuckled bitterly. "It was a trap all along. He even knew my code phrase."
Ezra didn't reply, but Kallus could feel the boy's eyes directed at him.
"I ended up in a physical fight with Thrawn, but somehow I was able to destroy his jammer and send the transmission, or at least what I had recorded anyway." He clenched his eyes shut. "I just wish I could have done more, if I had—"
"You've already done so much." Kallus opened his eyes in surprise. "If it wasn't for your warning, we would have never stood a chance. If we had attacked Lothal, we would have lost everything." Ezra looked down as if he was picturing something before his eyes. "They would have set up a trap. If we had gone down to the surface as we had planned, they would have captured every one of us."
"But it didn't matter," Kallus interjected. "Atollon—" Ezra was quick to speak up.
"It mattered." His voice was full of conviction. "We would have lost so much more if you hadn't—"
Kallus finally couldn't take it anymore. He spun around, but instantly regretted it as another jolt of pain spread throughout his exhausted body.
"Kallus!" Ezra moved closer seeing the ex-ISB agent writhing in pain, but again he held up his hand. "D-don't help me. I don't deserve it, you don't understand..."
Ezra's eyes widened and Kallus realized how desperate he must have looked to the young rebel. "Don't you understand!? I led Thrawn to your base! Thrawn used the trajectory of my message. It's all my fault! So many brave rebels died today, your Commander Sato, he—" A saddened look spread along Ezra's features. Kallus felt his heart sink. No longer being able to look at the teen he turned around, defeated. A wave of dizziness overwhelmed him and his legs finally gave way. He fell to the floor, but was able to use his hands as support. Sitting on his knees, panting heavily, he felt like a broken man.
"I know many of us died today." Ezra's voice was solemn and respectful, sadness underlining his words. "Commander Sato, crew members, pilots, soldiers. I knew some of them, but..." Regret filled his voice. "I wish I had known every one of them, that I had a chance to talk to them all. Even if I never had the chance to meet them, they're all family to me. We are all family."
"You know..." The teen hesitated, as if unsure about something. Kallus noticed it. The boy had made himself vulnerable, and was contemplating if he should continue. Kallus knew he was about to share something very close to him, yet something seemed to be stopping him. Seeing Ezra's pained expression, he was about to speak up, to tell him he didn't have to do this, but before he got the chance Bridger continued.
His expression was earnest and thoughtful, as if weighing each one of his words. "It's always on the back of my mind. With each mission I know there's a chance we won't make it back. But I know our rebellion has become so much bigger than we are. It's not easy. We've killed many. I've killed many." He sighed sadly in resignation. "Too many. But there's no other way. It's what we have to do."
Kallus was genuinely surprised. Did he hear a hint of sympathy in his words? Sympathy for his enemies? It made him realize that while Ezra was still a kid, he had already experienced and endured so much. The burden of conflict was reflected in his words. The ex-ISB agent couldn't help but feel admiration. The boy had lost his parents at a young age, he had gone through so much hardship, yet he endured all this time. Kallus began to realize he couldn't have been more wrong about Bridger. However, he didn't have time to dwell on it further as the boy continued.
"My Master taught me we're not fighting for ourselves anymore. He taught me that when we fight we carry the hopes and dreams of those who can't fight. Of those who don't have a voice, of those who are living underneath the oppression of the Empire. They've entrusted their hopes to us, their hopes to live in freedom one day, their hopes for a better future. And it's their trust in us and their hope which gives us strength."
Ezra's eyes were burning with resolve, his blue eyes brighter than Kallus had ever seen before. "If we fall, if we're captured, others will take our place, others will keep on fighting. The will to live in freedom will always be greater than anything the Empire could ever do to us."
A small but warm smile lined his features. "My parents taught me, Kanan taught me... No, everyone taught me. Hera, Zeb, Sabine, Chopper, Rex, AP-5..." His expression saddened, but he steeled himself. "...Ahsoka, Commander Sato, Mr. Sumar..." There was a moment of respectful silence.
Sumar? Kallus knew that name. It was the elderly man who had died during Thrawn's first 'demonstration' back in the Imperial factory on Lothal. He remembered because he had been tasked with writing a report about the events of that day afterwards, including the rebel infiltration and escape. A feeling of regret immediately settled in the pit of his stomach as images of Sumar's last moments flashed before his eyes.
Ezra raised his head and went on. "They've all taught me that some things are worth fighting for. That things worth doing are never easy. That's what it means to fight for something you believe in. We all know the risks. We know that each time we go into battle it might be our last. Myself, Kanan..." Ezra stopped. He bit his lip. His shoulders slumped.
Kallus could only stare in amazement. Did he just witness a glimpse of the nobility and selflessness of the Jedi?
He could see it now. He felt he finally understood Bridger. The boy had opened himself to him, and he knew there was no greater sign of trust than that.
A chill went down his spine. An unsettling and foreboding feeling filled his thoughts and conscience. He knew what Ezra's silence meant. If something would happen to the young Padawan, he would not run from his fate. He would not flee. He would accept it and make his final stand.
And that was just it. Ezra would accept his fate. But he would never accept it if something would happen to his loved ones. His family. He would do everything in his power to protect them. Even if it meant giving up his life.
He remembered how Kanan had surrendered himself back on Lothal to him and the Grand Inquisitor, allowing his friends to escape. He sacrificed himself for them. He never gave in to Kallus' interrogation, and he later found out he had never given in to the Grand Inquisitor either. He finally understood. The Jedi would lay down his life for his friends, for the rebellion. Both Master and Padawan were much more alike than he had ever wanted to believe.
Kallus gasped for air as a sense of panic overwhelmed him. His head was spinning. What was happening to him? Why? Why was he even thinking about this? Where was this feeling even coming from? Was he getting delirious because of the exhaustion? Yes, that had to be it. He grabbed both sides of his head, breathing heavily, beads of sweat dropping to the ground. He just needed to clear his mind. He just needed to focus.
"Kallus?" There was concern in Ezra's voice, but a hint of confusion as well.
"My apologies... for my weakness. I did not mean to be disrespectful."
"No worries." The teen looked apologetic. "You already have enough on your plate, you don't need me to add more to it."
Kallus was quick to speak up. "No, that's not it. I'm honored you're telling me this. I just wish I was in a better condition to give you the attention you deserve."
Ezra gave a faint, but appreciative smile. "Thanks."
The ex-ISB agent raised his hand. "Don't—"
The young rebel simply continued. Kallus knew it was on purpose. The next words were respectful and earnest. "When we've arrived on Yavin, we will remember their names. We will remember the names of every one who have fallen today. They'll never be forgotten." There was a moment of silence. "But you can't blame yourself, Kallus. You have nothing to apologize for. The only one who should apologize is me."
Upon hearing these words another wave of nausea hit Kallus full force. Tears were now burning in his eyes. His next few words came out almost like a whisper. "I... I led the Empire to you. I shouldn't have stayed behind." He slowly raised his trembling voice. "Not when you risked everything to save me. If I had just come with you like you wanted... I chose to stay behind." His voice began to crack from emotion. "I should have known it was a trap. I led them to you! I led—"
He felt a hand on his shoulder.
And with that one gesture, everything changed.
He sensed someone kneeling beside him. Kallus looked to his left, and while his vision was blurred he could make out Ezra's form. And suddenly, it was as if all the darkness inside of him, all the guilt and shame weighing on his shoulders, vanished. The young rebel had placed his right hand on his left shoulder, giving it a faint squeeze, and through his hand Kallus could feel it. Compassion, warmth, understanding. A wave of emotions overwhelmed him. Kallus didn't know if he was just imagining things, or if the Jedi was using some form of technique to comfort him.
His vision cleared as he looked at Ezra again, and what he saw next melted away any doubts and fears still lingering inside him. The boy was smiling, though it was different from all the ones before. A kind and respectful smile. A smile of someone who seemed to have completely changed his opinion about a person.
For the first time, he felt truly at ease, he felt truly safe.
They had forgiven him. They had accepted him.
"Welcome to the Rebellion."
He had become one of them. He had become part of their family.
Kallus then understood. Nothing else needed to be said. Except for two words.
"Thank you."
Ezra carefully helped Kallus on his feet. But as soon as he was standing another wave of dizziness and exhaustion overwhelmed him, this one much worse than before. His vision darkened and he felt himself losing his balance. When his vision returned Ezra was leaning against him, supporting him with his entire weight.
"Don't worry, big guy. Everything will be alright."
"Kallus!"
Kallus knew that voice.
Zeb!
He could hear his friend approaching fast. Kallus wanted to look up, but he no longer had any strength left. His vision darkened again, and this time he knew he wouldn't be able to fight against it. He could feel Zeb taking over the supporting role from Ezra.
Faintly he picked up fragments of their voices.
They were going to bring him to their quarters where he could rest. He could hear Zeb asking Ezra to bring some medical supplies. He heard Ezra's footsteps disappear in the distance as the boy sprinted away.
Kallus could no longer see as he was shifting in and out of consciousness. A feeling of gratitude grew within him. He gathered his thoughts, afraid he would lose them forever if he didn't.
He had done so many terrible things in his life. After he became Fulcrum, he had often wondered if he would ever deserve a second chance. Does someone like him, does a monster like him ever deserve a second chance? The crew of the Ghost would have been justified to leave him stranded in space, to never take him in, especially after everything he had done to them. They would have been justified to put him in binders, to lock him up and put him on trial for his crimes. And he would have fully deserved it.
But they did take him in. They did gave him a second chance.
He knew the final decision would come from Rebel Command. But whatever they would decide, he would accept it; he was at peace with it. The Ghost crew had forgiven him; forgiveness he never deserved, forgiveness that meant everything to him, forgiveness that felt almost too complete– too easy. And on that moment he promised himself he would never waste this valuable gift they had given him. He knew it wouldn't be easy. He would have to work hard to earn the trust and acceptance of the other rebels. Even if he would never be able to atone for everything he had done, if the Rebel Alliance would accept him in their ranks, he would do everything within his power to do the right thing.
He would fight for the rebellion. He would fight for freedom and a better future. And he would fight for his friends, his new family; the Ghost crew, in any way he could.
Kallus could feel himself smiling. He had no control over it.
A family? He still couldn't believe it. It sounded so strange to hear himself say it. He has friends. He has a family. A family who truly cares about him.
He felt someone else supporting him from the other side, gently placing an arm underneath him. He faintly picked up a voice.
It was Kanan.
And as Kallus slipped into unconsciousness, a final thought entered his mind.
He was finally home.