In case you're wondering, I don't own The Bill.

This story is for my fellow Mallie-Mummy, MissLala.

Max's Birthday

DS Max Carter drove home one late winter's evening after a long and frustrating day at Sun Hill. They had come so close that day to resolving a case that had hung over them for several weeks only to have the charges dismissed due to insufficient evidence. And everybody knew the guy was guilty! But despite this Max found himself humming happily as he endured the horrors of London peak hour traffic. Today was his birthday and soon he would be at home with his wife, Millie Brown. He was eagerly anticipating his return home tonight because he was sure she would have a birthday treat in store for him, and he was hoping it would in some way involve lingerie. Few people chose lingerie as well as Millie, or looked as good in it, Max reflected. He felt his hopes were well founded because not only had celebrating with new lingerie become their tradition but he had recently spied some bags from Millie's favourite lingerie boutique secreted in her wardrobe. It wasn't long before the humming evolved into whistling.

There was another reason for Max's confidence that he would get lucky that night, and that was because they had chosen his birthday as the official start of trying to get pregnant. They had been married nearly a month now, and although it was a bit sooner than they had originally planned, the fact that Millie's peak fertile period coincided with Max's birthday was too much of a positive omen for them to ignore. Anyway, Millie had fulfilled the required pre-pregnancy supplement intake and Max himself had endured many a winter's day in draughty boxer shorts to ensure the pieces of him involved in this process were kept at the correct temperature. And now they had gone two days without sex (easy enough to do due to circumstances, but torture when enforced!) because Millie had read that this was the way to ensure that sperm would be at its most motile and of the highest quality. Max blocked his ears to the science of it, but was certainly enthusiastic about participating in any experiments!

At home, Millie was dressing herself in the lingerie she had bought especially for this most special of nights. The last lingerie she had bought had been white in honour of their nuptials, and she had considered continuing with the purity theme for this occasion, as tonight held to her a significance that was almost sacred. However, as great as their first sex as man and wife had been, there was no doubt that Max didn't appreciate white, virginal under-garments as much as anything black or strongly coloured and a bit slutty. So, for tonight she had purchased a fitted camisole and matching French knickers in a tightly woven black net. The fabric was smooth and completely diaphanous apart from the seaming. She decided against stockings. She checked herself in the mirror, then went to her wardrobe and grabbed a very sensible grey woolen tunic, leggings and a jacket. She laid everything out on the bed so that when Max walked through the door she would be able to execute the little tease she had in store for him perfectly.

A still whistling Max pulled into the garage, locked his car and walked up the steps into the side door of their house. There was no sign of his wife in the kitchen, though he did notice a large tin containing what could only be his birthday cake. He realised the room was a bit cold and then noticed Millie hadn't lit a fire. This was perplexing, as they had planned on spending the night, and most of the day tomorrow (which they both had off) indoors.

He climbed the stairs to the master bedroom and swung open the door. Millie took the sound of his feet on the stairs as her cue, so that just as Max entered the door, she had her back to him and her leggings half way on, at knee level. This meant that what Max saw was her bent form and a full view of her bottom clad in the completely see-through black fabric of her knickers. Max caught his breath at his vision, only to be completely disappointed a second later when her shapely and beckoning behind was covered by a pair of boring, utilitarian black leggings. Once the leggings were on, Millie grabbed her button up tunic and slid it on her arms and then turned around with it undone to give him a glimpse of the front view of her camisole before she started to do up each of the buttons, beginning at the garment's hem and completing the process almost at her neck.

Max gapped at her, "Wow! Nice choice! But what the hell are you doing covering up? It's my birthday and I was promised sex!"

After grabbing a pair of knee high boots and zipping them up, Millie walked over the Max and rested a hand on each of his shoulders. Max determinedly put his arms around her middle, hoisted up her skirt and tried to slide his hands into the back of her leggings with a view to removing them. Millie wiggled her hips against his in an attempt to dislodge his hands from this position, but her movement only served to arouse him further. But Millie was strong and after a couple of very pleasant grinding movements against the front of Max's trousers, she resolutely removed his hands and pulled away from him.

"Don't worry lover, all this and more will be yours tonight! But in the meantime, your mother called and is expecting us there in 30 minutes for a birthday dinner. Sorry, but I didn't know how I could get out of it."

The happy, humming and whistling Max suddenly wanted to metamorphose into a toddler and throw himself face down on the bed and pummel it with his fists and feet while howling. Damn his mother!

He made one final attempt to get out of the dinner. "I know, we'll tell her that we are planning on making her a grandchild tonight. That will make her happy…"

"...apart from the fact she doesn't know we're married," retorted Millie. "She would forgive an accidental child out of wedlock, but not a deliberate one!"

Max and Millie had decided to keep their marriage a secret, so no one but their witnesses, Will and Faith and their superiors at Sun Hill knew about their altered status. Millie's family were easy going, and Millie and Max both took a perverse pleasure in the fantasy of telling Mrs. Carter they were pregnant, watching her flail and weep over the thought of having a bastard grandchild, before they calmly told her they were actually already married.

Max resentfully resigned himself to the inevitability of a visit to his family. But before he let Millie know this, he decided to give her a taste of what she was forgoing in the hope that she appreciate the suffering this was causing him. He threw his wife backwards onto their bed, and then held her in position by pinning her arms down over the top of her head with his own. He placed his legs between her own so that she could use neither arms nor legs to displace him. Then he put his lips to work on her neck, mouth, ears, and flicked his tongue inside the scoop-necked collar of her tunic so that it teasingly caressed the soft skin of her breasts. He did this until he felt her resistance against him weaken and her breathing start to slow, then he released her.

Millie hoisted herself up onto her elbows and pantingly looked up at him.

"I guess that was only fair," she said sulkily. "But now we really should get going."

Max moved forward to kiss her, then held out a hand to help her up.

"Come on then," he said. "And we have to remember not to eat so much that we're too queasy for vigorous fucking. Is that a deal?"

"Hey, your capacity to eat Polish food is far greater than mine, so I think you're the more likely candidate for indigestion!" said Millie, slightly miffed at Max's implying that she could be a bit of a pig.

"Point taken," agreed Max. "Now brush that hair, you red-headed harlot! You could at least try and look respectable for my mother."

Millie's hair certainly needed to be tamed after their little wrestle on the bed. She brushed it while she glowered at him. Impulsively, she reached out and gave the front of Max's trousers a bit of a squeeze.

"I dare say my hair looks a bit more respectable than that!" she said defiantly.

"Oh don't worry, another word spoken about my mother and it will be gone. Provided you don't provoke me again, that is," replied Max, standing in such a way to make it clear that he was keen for further provocation.

Millie snatched her hand away. "I promise, I'll be a good girl now," she sighed, "but we really better go. The sooner we're there…"

"…the sooner we can come back here and make babies," said Max. "And even if we don't succeed at that the first time, we can have fun practising!"

Millie gave her husband a smile. She had such a good feeling about tonight. They had prepared everything perfectly. She was sure it would be a success.

Max's Birthday Celebrations

Mrs. Carter was regaling the family who had gathered around her dinner table that night with the story of Max's birth. Millie sat beside her, so Mrs. Carter was directing her anecdotes mainly Millie's way, which she underlined by frequently reaching over and touching Millie's hand. Max was seated on the other side of Mrs. Carter opposite Millie, and had taken off his shoe so that every so often his socked foot reached under the table and attempted to make its way up Millie's skirt. This made it difficult at times for Millie to keep a straight face as Mrs. Carter talked. She looked over at her husband and gave him an admonishing look, at the same time marvelling to herself that apparently there was not a part of his body that he couldn't use to give her pleasure.

"… of course, he was such a big baby," continued Mrs. Carter. "But you forget the pain once your baby is laid in your arms for the first time. Ah, but now, it's been so many years since we've had a baby in the family." Mrs. Carter sighed and looked off into space. Everyone knew at whom her comment was directed.

"Time for cake!" said one of Max's sisters brightly, having found the perfect way to deflect the conversation away from this contentious topic.

"Yes indeed," agreed Mrs. Carter. "Millie, seeing you're the cook, do you want to get the cake ready?"

"OK," said Millie. Then she turned to Max's nephews and nieces. "Anyone want to come and help me with the candles?"

"Yay!" said those of the children who were still young enough not to find the whole idea of feting their ancient uncle embarrassing. They followed Millie and Mrs. Carter into the kitchen.

A few minutes later the lights were dimmed and Millie returned proudly bearing her thickly butter-iced lemon poppy seed cake (Max's favourite) with rather too many candles blazing and placed it before Max. She and everyone else sang an enthusiastic rendition of Happy Birthday as wax began to dot the icing. Max wasn't quite pleased that she had given him as many candles as he had years and not just because he had concerns about creating a fire hazard!

"So, who wants to help me blow the candles out?" Max asked once the singing had finished. He pulled his youngest nephew and niece onto his knees and their joint effort extinguished all the candles in one go. Everyone cheered. Millie whisked away the cake and removed the wax from the icing and served the cake. The kids moaned it wasn't chocolate, but all the adults agreed Millie was a first rate cake baker. Max was clearly chuffed at the effort Millie had gone to to make the first time they celebrated his birthday together extra special.

Soon after the cake was eaten, it was time for everybody to leave. As Mrs. Carter farewelled Max and Millie, she said significantly, "May this year be a special one, Son. Who knows, maybe there will be some sort of celebration?"

"Maybe there will," replied Max, returning his mother's kiss. His words gave Mrs. Carter hope and she smiled as she watched her son walk out to the car with the woman her loved. They were a handsome couple she thought, and would surely give her handsome grandchildren.

Max and Millie drove the short distance home.

"Right," said Max. "It's quarter to nine. That leaves me roughly three more hours of birthday, and I plan on spending most of that time horizontal. OK?"

Millie made a face, "Well if you only want to do it in one or two positions, that's fine. I just had a few vertical ones in mind but…"

"I see what you mean," agreed Max, putting his mind to the task of visualising the various choices they had. "Well you are the one in charge of tonight's entertainment, so I'll leave it to you."

Max drove into the garage and turned the car off. He and Millie entered their house and turned on a few lights. There was very little for them to do before they made their way up to the bedroom. Max sat on the bed and waited.

"Well then," said Millie, sitting on the edge of the bed and seductively swinging her feet. "Should I start unwrapping your present for you?" She placed her hand on the zipper of the boot and waited for his word.

"Mmm, yes please," Max said, settling himself back against a pile of pillows.

Millie unzipped one of her boots slowly, and then the other. She shook them both off onto the ground. She stood up and carefully undid her tunic, one button at a time. She decided she would perform this strip tease to the tune of 'Happy Birthday' which she started to sing.

Millie turned her back to Max and looked over her shoulder at him as she shimmied her tunic off. She peeled off the leggings and stood before him dressed only in her transparent black camisole and knickers. She made her way over to the bed and let Max admire the feel and look of her attire, while she commenced removing his shirt, pants and underwear. Max slipped a strap off her shoulder and started to kiss the newly exposed area. Millie threw her head back so he could move his mouth wherever he wanted.

He paused for a moment and Millie put her lips to his. "Happy Birthday, husband," she whispered to him between kisses. And together they made sure that it was Max's best birthday ever…