The Not-So-Secret Files of the Marauders

Name: Sirius Black
Crime: Levitating Professor Flitwick out of the window. Luckily, he was unharmed.
Suggested Sentence: 25 points off Gryffindor.
Additional Comment: Good work on that charm. Watch where you're pointing.
Signed: Professor Flitwick

Name: James Potter
Crime: Threatening to poke students with Transfigured needle.
Suggested Sentence: Since only threat, 20 points from Gryffindor.
Additional Comment: You got off lightly Potter.
Signed: Professor McGonagall.

Name: James Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew.
Crime: Hosting a house slumber party.
Suggested Sentence: Half a week's detention. Each. – re-writing the files of the caretaker's cabinet.
Additional Comment: -
Signed: Professor McGonagall

Name: Sirius Black, James Potter.
Crime: Lining up all of the suits of armour outside, animating them and declaring war against 'Saruman' in middle earth.
Suggested Sentence: A week's worth of detention – polishing all the suits of armour until they're clean.
Additional Comment: Don't get your ideas from a book, boys.
Signed: Professor Sprout.

Name: James Potter, Sirius Black.
Crime: Starting a food fight in the middle of breakfast.
Suggested Sentence: Detention, 20 points off each – Cleaning up the mess.
Additional Comment: Try not to make such a big mess next time, boys.
Signed: Professor McGonagall.

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Sirius is bold, Remus is italics, James is bold italics, Peter is underlined.

(During Potions)

Hey Prongs… I'm bored. Why do we have to sit on either sides of the room?

Cos Slughorn is an idiot, Prongs, I thought you knew that. But why do we need to know this stuff anyway? Who would want to know a potion to do whatever it does?

I have no idea. Hey… do you think I could hit Snivellus with a hex from here?

Maybe… try it!! Too bad I can't from here… Lily flower's blocking him.

Ok I will. Watch out Snivellus!

5 minutes later…

Name: Sirius Black.
Crime: Hexing Severus Snape
Suggested Sentence: Detention – write an essay on why you shouldn't hex people in class.
Additional Comment: -
Signed: Professor Slughorn

That was brilliant Sirius! Haha. And Slughorn hasn't even noticed Snivellus' cauldron simmering away…

I know! Hey is it just me or does it look like its going to explode??

Yeah I'm not really sure. Actually-

[insert large glob of green slime here]

Yeah it did.

That's gross Prongs… Couldn't you have at least have used a different piece of paper?

No. Why couldn't you have? I see all that parchment next 2 u!

Nah that's Remus'. He's defending it with all of his might.

…Really?

No. But I tried to get some from him… He's a bit cranky.

Yeah, it must be his 'time of the month'

5 minutes later…

That was close! Slughorn is getting smarter – he's watching us.

Name: Sirius Black, James Potter
Crime: Passing notes in class.
Suggested Sentence: 20 points off.
Additional Comment: -
Signed: Professor Slughorn

I can't believe that you two put my 'time of the month' on that parchment!

Hey, don't look at me; that was Prongs.

No it wasn't… Look, it wasn't my fault he decided to read it in front of the class!

Sure whatever.

I knew you'd understand!

…That was sarcasm, James.

Yeah… you keep telling yourself that. And by the way Moony, do you know what we're doing?

Yes.

Are you going to tell me?

No.

Why not?

Do you seriously think that I would tell you after that extremely embarrassing situation?

…Yes?

Think again. And I'm not replying anymore, Slughorn's looking this way.

Ditto that.

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Detention Essay #143 – Why I shouldn't hex people during class

By Sirius Black

It wasn't my fault, I swear! Ok, no I didn't swear. But really, Snivellus – I mean Snape – really did deserve what he got. It's not my fault that he had an allergic reaction to the hex that someone else who I have no idea about and will never know, cast! Personally, I think this other person in the equation is quite smart, as he hexed Sniv… Snape, and also framed me! The nerve of the man! But if you do happen to find some contradicting evidence that I was the caster of the hex, then I have a valid alibi. You see, I was simply stirring my cauldron innocently, when all of a sudden, a fairy by the name of Sparkles knocked on the window… I mean door that I was close to, then told me that a Blast-Ended Skrewt was ravaging her sacred tree in, no near, the forest. So naturally I went with the little fairy to help them get rid of the Skrewt. Obviously, I destr… banished it from their sacred tree, which by the way, had many other little fairies inside it. Yes, it was hollow. So you see Professor Slughorn, that is why I could not have possibly have hexed dear Snivellus at this period of time, since I was saving the fairy world. If you need any proof that I was doing this, I have a burn mark on my left butt cheek, you could have a look to see if it's authentic if you want! So that means, if I was actually near the forest banishing that Skrewt, then I could not have been hexing Snivellus. True, I might have an evil identical twin brother that I have no idea that I had, that had hexed Snivellus. That could've been why. But, to underline what has been said before, I didn't do it.

Oh and before I forget, to answer that question, I shouldn't hex people because I will be made to do useless essays. Did I say useless? I meant, of course, wonderful, ravishing, interesting essays. Of course.

By the one and only, Sirius Black.

Comments: Half of it wasn't too relevant, but I guess this one was better than last week's one. –Professor Slughorn.

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Excerpt from Peter's Journal:

Dear Diary,

I can't believe I missed out on all the fun. Stupid Slughorn wouldn't let me continue in Potions, he said that I wasn't good enough. Don't mind me, I've just been having a bad day. In Care of Magical Creatures, this Niffler bit my watch off. Now it doesn't work and is covered with Niffler slobber. To top it all off, 2 Hufflepuffs joined the SBFC, AKA the Sirius Black fan club. All of the Marauders have a fan club, minus me of course. Why not? I'm not that bad looking… Am I?

Well on the bright side, the Slytherins have stopped being so mean to me. Subtract Snape from that equation, I think he'll always hate me. Actually, they all hate me, but at least they don't go out of their way to hex me or something. Not like before. Before what though? I'm not sure. Anyway, Remus is getting out of the shower now. Off to breakfast we go!

-Peter.

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, or any of the Marauders. :(

A/N 28th March, 2009: I'm officially declaring this story as FINISHED. If I do ever write any more, I'll just add it onto the end. :) I hope you liked this!