This is a disclaimer to all future chapters in this story: I do not own Twilight, only in my dreams is Edward and Jacob fighting over me...

One day...

Chapter one

I got into my Chevy trying and failing to unsuccessfully hold back tears that where escaping. Once the comforting, mind numbing roar of the engine started I let the tears fall, blurring my sight.

I had another nightmare, I woke up screaming louder then normal, even Charlie checked to see if I was being murdered. Once he saw no one killing me he got ready and left. I never stay long after Charlie leaves it reminds me to much of when Edward used to pick me up and that thought sent me over the edge and I a new wave of tears takes over.

I was really deep in thought I didn't notice the trees surrounding me, I recognized this was the route to Jacobs house, he never visited me anymore or even call me. It was depressing me more. Charlie was right I was suicidal.

I soon arrived to Jacobs house to find Jacob staring out the window looking confused.

By the time I cut the engine and opened the door Jacob was standing next to the car frowning.

"Why did you come?" He asked looking a bit harsh.

"Well, Jake I missed so much!" I cried hugging Jacob around his waist.

"I miss…I mean…" Jacob looked pained when I let go to look up at his face, he looked really unhappy.

"What? Did you want me to leave?" I felt tears in the corner of my eyes, I didn't want to leave but if I wasn't wanted I would leave, to make Jake happy.

"No! Please stay, come with me to my garage," Jacob sighed.

I knew he wanted to say something but I wouldn't push it, I just shrugged and followed him the the garge, tring to forget the good old days when we used to spend the day here having fun and being so happy, those days had passed… It was sad to say goodbye to the times when I used to be happier after Edward left.

As we walked I took note of Jakes clothing choice, a pair of faded jeans and sweatbands that covered his forearms.

Jacob opened the door of his car like old times and he grabbed a chair to sit opposite from me. I bite back tears as it also reminded me of a happier time that seemed like a lifetime ago.

"I'm sorry, I would have called but I didn't know what to say and I thought you were kinda annoyed at me about me being rude…" Jacob trailed off.

"I would never be annoyed at you! I missed your smile that used to brighten this pathetic darkness that is my so called life!" I sighed.

"Bella! I missed you so much, I am sorry! I didn't know what to do or say they don't exactly tell you what to do in this situation!" Jacob said with a bitter laugh at the end.

I was starting to feel a bit to warm so I rolled my sleeves up.

"Bells! Oh! My God! What happened?" Jacob exclaimed as soon as he saw my blood soaked bandage.

"Never mind!" I pulled down my sleeves.

Jacob grabbed on of my arms and pushed up the sleeve.

"What happened Bells?" He asked clutching my hand, his eyes held a look of frighten and concerned.

"Well, I kinda tripped and fell on a knife?" I lied, but being me an awful liar Jacob saw through my lie.

The look on his face said it all.

"Do don't believe me do you?" I asked guessing the answer.

"No!"

"What do you want to know?" I asked, annoyed about him wanting to know my business.

"Bella, the truth would be nice," Jacob said half smiling, his eyes pleading.

"Jake I don't want to lose you, if you only knew… I don't want to think of your reaction!" I sobbed into Jacob chest as he wrapped his arms around me, I felt comfortable here, I just wish I could stay forever and be happy, but that is wishful thinking.

"Bells, you own my heart, and I don't want it back I love you and I know your heart is else where, I would never ever leave you like Cullen" He said as he ran his fingers through my hair, I liked the feel. He growled as he mentioned Edward, he hurt both of us, me because he left me, he hurt Jacob as Edward has my heart; Jacob wished he owned my heart.

"Promise you wont ever hate me?" I asked looking up at him as my hair fell in my eyes.

"I could never hate you Bells, I love you, even if you hated me!" Jacob promised tightening his arms around me.

"Well… Um…" I swallowed loudly and I looked down as my voice shook. "I have been depressed about Edward and your silence, so… I…I…I c-cut myself, to ease the pain and it works sometimes, I inflict pain on the outside to ease the pain on the inside…" I broke off into sobs, as I knew I was about to lose a friend because I felt hot.

"Oh! Bells," Jacob breathed.

"Great, I lost a friend, Jake will now think I am a suicidal freak! And is disgusted by my pain and depression, why couldn't you believe the lie, it makes it less painful on both off us!" I yelled as I tried to get out of Jacobs arms, but I was trapped like they were a cage.

"You have lost nothing, I am your friend, I am so sorry its all my fault," Jacob whispered.

"Not, fully yours… Now are… You gonna go… Tell everyone… Bella Swan is… A freak who… Cuts herself?" I asked as I gasped and struggled to escape Jacobs iron grip.

As I was struggling I accidentally pushed a wristband down and I gasped.

"How…Why… Huh?" Was all I could stutter as I stared as long healed scars across Jacobs arm.

Jacob pushed me away and muttered something as he adjusted his sweatbands and ran off into the forest.

I got up from the ground where I landed and ran into the forest calling for Jacob as tears ran down my cheeks once again blurring my vision. I wish I didn't come here, Jacob wouldn't know about this, but I wont leave Jacob mad at me I will apologize and never come back.

Soon enough I was lost in the forest, with no sign of Jacob, I felt I sense of De Javu. It was like when Edward left me… That thought sent my to my knees holding myself together, I was broken…I gasped for air as I felt a hole appear.

"I was right, I lost my Jake and its raining!" I screamed in frustration. "I hate this!!!"

I curled up like after Edward left, hoping for deaths claws to take me away…