A/N--This is set during the infamous night before "Jetlag". It's my take on what happened, and if you came here for anything steamy, I suggest you continue looking because my interpretation of that night does not involve Tony and Ziva having sex. In any case, this oneshot is a little shorter than my other two because I wanted to avoid making it angsty or fluffy. Again, I tried to make this as canon as possible, but since it's all based on conjecture, your guess and interpretation of that night is as good mine. And yes, I threw in a reference to Ziva's necklace from my first two oneshots, so technically that isn't canon, but I felt I had to mention it in the context of what I was trying to convey. Anyway, enough rambling from me, and enjoy this short!
The man and the woman slept in the same bed. She was fast asleep, snoring like an asthmatic sailor. He, however, couldn't even close his eyes, and the snoring was not to blame. Sleep was avoiding him, his thoughts keeping him awake. His eyes rapidly flicked around the small Paris hotel room. The small dresser. The small mirror on the wall. The small table under the small window. These European rooms were just too small. There's not even a couch to sleep on, Tony thought restlessly. And he would have slept there, had there been one.
Though his mind drifted, his body refused to relax. He was too tense. Ziva gave a loud snort in her sleep and shifted. Distracted again, Tony looked at his sleeping partner. They were as far as possible from each other, each on the very fringe of the mattress. Still, the bed, too, was small. They were inevitably only about six inches apart. Unconsciously, he shifted closer to the edge.
She was the reason for his restlessness. He turned his head and took in her face as she slept. Even through her snores, Ziva had a softness about her that was seldom seen in her waking hours. His mind began to wander again. He hadn't shared a bed with another woman since...Jeanne. His heart constricted slightly at the thought of her, but only just a little. He was finding as the days, months, and years went by, it was easier for him to think that that part of his life never happened. Or rather, it was easier for him to convince himself to forget her entirely.
As for the other women he'd dated since their disastrous break-up, they never quite reached the "bed" part of the relationship, if you could even call any of them a "relationship" to begin with. Something just wasn't right. Just wasn't fitting. And though he knew Jeanne played a part in why things had not been working out for him in that department, he knew that Ziva might have had something to with it, too.
Right now, however, he wasn't thinking of anything remotely close to sex in regards to her. In the not so distant past, if the suggestion of sharing a bed with Ziva had come up, some rather inappropriate images would cross Tony's mind that Gibbs surely would have head-slapped him for, had he known. Now, however, something was different. To be sure, he was certainly attracted to her. But whereas his early years with her were ruled by this physical attraction, her body was now no longer her major selling point to Tony.
No. What kept him awake was their proximity, and not in a sexual way. He thought of the past four years they had been partners. The last year, their partnership had witnessed devastating rifts both open and close between them. At the moment, Tony's mind was simply overwhelmed by thoughts of her just being close to him. The last time they were this physically close together for any extended period of time was during their undercover mission together in Ziva's first year at NCIS.
Tony squirmed uncomfortably at the thought. We could never pull off a mission like that again. Not now. They had been through too much together. Too much pain. Too much regret. Too much trust. Too much growth. They had been mostly strangers before, but now.... It wouldn't be right. He thought of how much they had changed over the few short years they had known each other. When she first arrived, he was all too happy to flirt with her, attractive as she was. But in the past two years, and especially the past few months, their teasing and flirting had taken on such a very different tone. And he knew the reason.
It had changed because they had. Individually and together, they had run the gamut of the hardships that life could possibly throw at them, from separation all the way to both death and torture. Trust, understanding, and loyalty had grown from the scorching ashes that their relationship and lives had sometimes become. And of those three, the one thing that Tony was the most thankful and appreciative for was their trust in each other. It was her trust in him that convinced her to give him her old necklace a month ago. And it was her trust in him now that allowed her to sleep soundly without worry of either him or anyone else. She trusted him to be the gentleman that he was, that he had become. And at that moment, he was fulfilling his role amiably.
Another loud snore broke him from his thoughts of Ziva, and he once again focused his attention on the real thing just inches from him. He shifted his body to entirely face her. For a while, he just stared at her, and not in the lustful way that he sometimes did to get a rise out of her. He just wanted to memorize the details of her as she slept. Like the way her limbs sometimes fidgeted ever so slightly as she dreamed. Like the way her eyes fluttered in a false attempt to wake. Like the way she murmured and softly breathed on the rare occasion when she wasn't snoring.
He liked her this way. It gave him a chance to see what she was like when her defenses were truly down, and not due to stress or exhaustion, such the case had been after her return from Somalia. What he wanted most, however, was to see her this way when she was awake. Relaxed and open. Because despite the fact that she had granted him trust, as did he for her, she still refused to let herself be completely free in anyone's presence. Though, truthfully, she was closer to allowing this than he had ever seen her before. And he hoped that that day would not be far off. He longed for the day when she permitted herself to be happy, truly happy for the first time in her life. He wanted to see her smile with no strings attached.
Tentatively, he reached for her before stopping himself and slowly pulling his hand back. Someday, maybe soon, but not tonight, he thought with just a hint of sadness in his green eyes. And with that, he closed the gap between them ever so slightly. Not by much, but just enough to make him smile with no strings attached. For the first time in hours since awkwardly slipping into the bed beside Ziva, Tony felt his body finally relax as he accepted the proximity between them. As he began to slip into a grateful sleep, she continued to dreamed deeply. And had Tony been able to read her mind, he would have found that she slept soundly for the same reason he hadn't been able to close his eyes.
A/N--As has become the case, reviews and critiques are always very much appreciated. Thanks for taking the time, and happy reading :D