These Flowers, These Tears
by Bura-sama
Disclaimer: I do not own DBZ. No money is being made.
Author's Notes: I don't know why I wrote this. I guess I'll try giving other couples a chance. Hmm... I don't think I'll ever write t/p again. ::Shudder::
I leaned over the stone. My fingers felt numb as they traced the outline of the engraving. Tears filled up in my eyes as I leaned against the tombstone and let my knees hit the wet grass. The dawn had just begun, and the sun was barely peeking out over the horizon. Dew was beaded against the cool grass, and the water was soaking into my clothes. The tears fell down against my face. I didn't care. I just squeezed my eyes closed against the inner turmoil that was threatening to consume me whole.
It hurt so bad right after she died. I locked myself in my room and cried for days. I faced the world again at her funeral. Everyone knew, you know? Everyone knew that we loved each other. They all gave me their sympathy, but it didn't help. Nothing helps. Time, maybe? I hope so, for if it hurts like this forever, then I don't want to live. That's a scary thought, ne? Not living. Not being able to wake up, not being able to come to this cemetery. Not being able to cry for her. My fingers reached forward and touched the lettering again. Son Pan.
The sobs racked through my body as I sat there, leaning against the tombstone. I just sat there and cried. Finally, I pushed the bouquet of flowers against the grave marker and started clearing out the dead ones. The tears splashed down onto the tender rose petals as I cried. I finally just stopped and sat in silence. "Why Pan?"
There was no answer, and I didn't expect one. "I've thought this over until my head hurts over and over again. "Why did you leave? Why you?" I started running my hand over the cool stone. "I lie awake at night, imaging you by my side, and it's so real." I wiped at my tears with the back of my sleeve. "But then I turn to see you better, and then you're not there. It's tearing me apart inside." The tears started again, and I started toying with a flower. "I don't want to go on like this. I don't want to go on without you."
"It's okay, Trunks." My head snapped up and immediately looked for the voice. I knew that voice by heart.
"Pan?" My eyes looked for her familiar face. I couldn't see anything, but gradually a flash of light appeared. And there she was. Pan was smiling down on me with sad eyes, and her translucent skin was shining through with a bright glow.
"It's all right, Trunks." She whispered. I reached my hand forward, to touch her skin, to smell her hair, but my hand went right through her body. "It's all right Trunks." She smiled sadly and sat down with me on the grass. "I'd say I love you, but you already know that, don't you Trunks?" I couldn't say anything. I couldn't move. "Don't you?"
I loved her. I knew that much. She had never said that she had loved me. Those words had never left her mouth. I just nodded numbly. Pan smiled wistfully, "I love you, Trunks. With all my heart."
I couldn't find the words to speak. We had been apart for three years, and I hadn't said one word to her. "I love you," was the only thing I could blurt out.
She smiled at me and stopped herself from reaching for my hand. "It's not so bad, you know?" I didn't have to ask. "It's lonely, but there's no pain. There's no hurt." She sighed and her shoulders drooped. "It's just so lonely there. I thought it would kill me all over again." She smiled slowly. "I'm saving you a seat, Trunks."
I reached for her hand, but she pulled away. "Why did you leave me?"
Pan looked down. "I'm sorry. I didn't want to leave. I wanted nothing more than to just stay with you forever. But that couldn't happen. I love you. That's something I wish I had said when I was alive."
She looked up to the still rising sun. Rain clouds littered the sky. She stood and smiled sadly.
"Don't go," I called.
"I have to." She shook her head slightly. "Don't worry about me, Trunks. It will be all right, ne?"
My world faded to a blinding white as she disappeared. I opened my eyes and blinked to rid them of the water. I looked up to the sky. It was impossible to see the sun, but the rain was pouring down heavily. I pushed myself up from the grass and shook my head as the water splattered from my hair. I looked around for some evidence of my love having been there. There was nothing. "... a dream?"
Tears came to my eyes and I looked down to the flowers I had brought. The stems had been broken from the rain. I needed to bring more when I came back. I started to turn away, but something stopped me. There, on the grass next to the tombstone, were two spots where someone had been pressed into the grass. Only one had been caused by my body.
I smiled slightly. "It will be okay, Pan. I love you."