-So..a couple things to know about me before delving into the brilliant masterpiece that is my fiction (Insert heavy sarcasm here, I promise I'm not even remotely cocky despite that preface)..first off I completely butcher grammar and punctuation. Pretty much always and despite how many times I reteach myself the basics, I forget a minute later and am going comma happy. So I apologize for that in advance. Secondly, I tend to destroy all the tenses in which you can write a story until they are all combined into one big pot, that I pick and choose from sporadically. Meaning don't be surprised if my stories go from first person to third person, to past tense to present tense, etc..Again, I try to reteach myself the basics, but still end up with a muddled piece of work that I think is still easy to interpret and possibly love, but you'll be the judge of that. Lol. If you can suffer through all my mistakes and still walk away wanting more, then this is the story for you. As an avid Linstead shipper, I walk away from each episode every week wanting more. I'm that dork that's daydreaming about how they spend their lighter hours off the clock, and that's the premise for this story. The title will become clear in just a few short chapters, so hopefully you'll stay with me for the duration of this ride. Enjoy and please review!
The first thing she noticed upon reluctantly cracking open an eyelid was the fact that she was upside down in bed. The second was that her TV was offensively loud and apparently a toddler had infiltrated her apartment, because Elmo's voice was booming obnoxiously through the speakers. And the third thing she noticed, which women everywhere would berate her for overlooking so quickly, was her shirtless partner sitting upright near her headboard, dribbling milk down his chin while absently shoving spoonfuls of Honey-Nut Cheerios into his mouth.
"Why the hell are we watching Sesame Street?" Erin Lindsay asks in an unhappy tone. A tone that indicates it's more of a pointed accusation as opposed to an actual question. She sits up quickly, and immediately regrets that decision when a case of vertigo hits her hard, and she puts a hand up to her forehead in an attempt to quell the nausea.
" Good morning to you to sunshine!" Jay's smile is bright and his voice is an octave higher than it needs to be. She knows that he's secretly enjoying her self-inflicted misery.
"Please stop talking...you have a terrible voice." She's lying of course. Jay has a sexy voice. It's the type of voice that's charming enough to elicit answers from petulant criminals but also masculine enough to evoke the right response when whispered breathlessly into a women's ear. Or so she imagines. She's never personally tested this theory herself, but she's woken up from many, MANY dreams where that exact action has sparked a range of activity that leaves her cheeks flushed from even thinking about it.
"Aw, did somebody have a little too much to drink last night? It's hard to enter the big leagues and go shot for shot with the big boys isn't it?" Jay teases her as he relentlessly reaches over to rumple her bed head, an action he's well aware that she despises. Erin smacks his hand away and stares curiously at the article of clothing that covers her arm. Judging by the length of the sleeve, she quickly recognizes it as belonging to Jay. She shrugs and starts crawling towards her headboard. Breathing in and out through her nose, she tries to remain in control of the inevitable sickness that's about to overpower her.
"Shut up and give me some cereal." He holds the bowl high above his head in an attempt to be cute and coy, but she's not really in the mood to engage in his antics, no matter how inviting the offer normally tends to be.
"If you want it, come and get it." Jay wiggles his eyebrows suggestively. She hears the implication behind his flirtatious words and accepts his challenge. Batting her eyelashes, she maneuvers dangerously between his outspread legs and sits upright on her knees to reach the item, fully knowing that her jacket is riding up and giving him an eyeful of her toned stomach and lack of lower region clothing. His eyes widen and he sputters on the food that he's chewing. She uses the opportunity and momentary lapse of concentration to steal the bowl and settles herself happily beside him with her prize.
She's two bites in before she's able to place that rancid smell and before she can stop herself, the contents from her mouth are spewed all over her pretty, white duvet. She barely has time to acknowledge Jay's bewildered expression, because her stomach has angrily declared war and she knows she's going to vomit.
"EXPIRED!" She yelps out while running to the bathroom. He hears the door slam shut behind her, and then the unmistakable sound of her retching. He knows from experience that she prefers to be alone in these moments of vulnerability so he resists the urge to go to her. He's been the guy who holds back hair and soothes with a towel, but not to her. She's fiercely independent. Alone but not lonely. And that spirit is one he finds a kinship in and a reflection of himself. It's why they enjoy spending time together. It's why their partnership is balanced and works.
Jay drags his body up and out of the sanctuary that is Erin's bed. He grabs the cereal off the nightstand, and heads for the kitchen. When he returns with a water bottle and an aspirin, she's opening the door and aggressively brushing her teeth with one hand.
"Why am I not wearing pants?" She skeptically asks him with a raised eyebrow as she takes the pilfered gifts from his outstretched hand. She spits and rinses, a routine that he has watched her perform countless times and she doesn't even flinch when he squeezes by her to turn on the shower. The two move rhythmically around each other in a synchronized fashion, vaguely reminding an outsider of the familiarity you'd expect out of a married couple that comes from years of practice and observation.
"Be thankful that you aren't completely nude. I practically had to bribe you into keeping that hoodie on. You can imagine what a struggle that was for me considering I'm never opposed to a hot girl getting naked all too willingly." He tests the water tentatively with his hand before stripping off his sweatpants leaving him in nothing but a pair of charcoal briefs. Erin turns her back, as he removes the last barrier of clothing, and doesn't open her eyes until she hears the shower door shut behind him.
"WHAT DID YOU BRIBE ME WITH?" Erin shouts over the spray of the water.
"Why with Blackhawk tickets of course." He sticks his head out the door and gives her a wink as she chews on a fingernail while balancing precariously on one foot. She looks adorable. Hair tossed haphazardly up into a messy bun, arms drowning in the excess material of his sweatshirt, face completely void of even a trace of makeup; and he has to really focus on anything other then her to avoid an uncomfortable predicament.
He's always been attracted to his partner. And he knows that the feeling is mutual. He can feel it when her gaze lingers longer then a few seconds any time his chest is exposed. Can almost taste the tension in the air when their fingers graze while reaching for the same piece of popcorn. Knows that the carnal instinct to seize and conquer is alive and well when she bites her lower lip and he feels a stirring in his nether regions. But they've never acted on it. Not because their scared of Voight and the repercussions he's constantly threatening them with. But because they know that if they cross that line, there's no return. There's no in between for them; no happy medium where they can live contently after exploring that territory. And Jay values the late night slumber parties, the easy banter, the stable companionship and security it provides to much to jeopardize that. Erin is his best friend, and that fact alone is why he resists the desire to kiss her senseless, even when she's making it look so tempting.
"Best believe I'm cashing in on that. Drunk or not, a bribe is a bribe. There's a code buddy." Erin pumps her fist victoriously and purposefully turns the hot water handle on to wash her face. Less then a minute later, Jay shrieks out in an embarrassing pitch that rings in her ears even after the water's run cold.
"Listen lady, if anything, you owe me. I'm the one that had to carry your ass up all those stairs because you decided to pass out at the landing. And let me tell you, huge 6'5 guy, carrying a petite half-naked and attractive girl up the staircase while she's unconscious, not the best look. I'm lucky that your neighbors know me." He scoffed while shutting off the water. She tossed him a towel from the rack and went back to fixing her face while he dried off.
"Please. You love playing the gallivanting hero that swoops in and saves the day. And for the record, I have a nice ass, so I'm sure carrying it up the staircase wasn't as unpleasant as you make it sound. Especially considering it was covered only by a measly excuse of fabric." Erin pats his shoulder affectionately and winks before making a beeline for the shower, and Jay has to take a breath to compose himself. He adjusts the towel around his waist, and grabs his toothbrush that he stores there for emergencies. She can be such a tease, but he can't exactly scold her for that because he knows that he dishes it out equally.
"You know we'd only be helping the environment, and could really do our part when cutting back on water usage, if we just showered together." Jay innocently shrugged, and Erin paused in the middle of unzipping her sweater at his words.
"You wish." She said while glancing back at him over her shoulder, before ostentatiously unhooking her bra. She threw an arm over her bare chest and tossed the discarded item towards him in a humorous attempt before giggling and hopping into the shower.
Jay caught it easily with one hand, and mumbled incoherently under his breath, "I really do.'
"Remind me why I agreed to this again?" Jay whined while pulling aggravatingly on his tie. He had been trying to wrestle it into submission for over five minutes now, and as frustrating as it was making him, it wasn't responsible for the root of his aggression. No that catalyst would be one very sorry, yet very pretty detective partner of his that had conned him into attending yet another event of hers that forced him into feeling like a dancing monkey.
"Two words" Erin said, while coming around the corner, "Open bar."
It was easy to forget about his mounting attraction for his partner when she spent most of her days fully covered in jeans and puffy, winter coats. Both tended to conceal her feminine figure, and made it easier for him to establish their relationship as that of friends instead of full-blown lovers. Their calendars didn't really allow much room for any social events unless they were planning on staking one out while undercover, so it was rare for Jay to see Erin outside of comfortable work attire. But when he did, it never seized to amaze him.
Tonight her hair was curled and pulled loosely into a side ponytail. She wore a long-sleeved dress that dipped dangerously low in front mimicking a deep V, and left little to the imagination besides the creamy texture of the skin that ran between. It was royal blue and cinched delicately at the waist, and then flared out accordingly until it reached the floor. It was elegant and classy enough to remind him of a Grecian Goddess, but with a slit running provocatively up the front to mid thigh, sexy enough to make him reconsider his previous discontent about accompanying her to this wedding.
Jay whistled appreciatively, and Erin smacked him on the shoulder before moving in to adjust his tie. Her eyebrows knitted together in concentration, and she started nibbling her lower lip as her fingers fumbled with the useless object in between them.
"Stupid, stupid thing. No wonder only idiots and douchebags wear these." She said exasperatedly, while tossing her hands up in the air in defeat. She suddenly was aware of their proximity and that fact alone, combined with the nerves she was already experiencing, was enough to rattle her core. Jay sensed her agitation and immediately regretted his childish behavior that he was exhibiting just minutes before. Clearly he was just being stubborn and her emotions about this wedding ran deeper then that of a boy who simply just didn't want to put his shiny shoes on his feet.
Jay clasped her petite hands in between his much larger set, and cleared his throat in a vain attempt to garner her attention. Erin's eyes stayed fixed on that fascinating spot on the ground, and didn't acknowledge his vocal outburst. So he tried again..
"Uh hummm". He grunted a little more aggressively, and when she didn't even flinch, he stamped his foot in protest.
"Do I need to take my shirt off, in order to gather your full attention?!" Jay taunted, as Erin's eyes snapped up in surprise, looking at him as if he had just appeared. She rolled her eyes, snatched her hands back out of his warm grasp, and started walking towards her makeshift bar. Jay trailed after her, knowing he had to probe if he was going to get more out of her about her quiet demeanor.
"Don't flatter yourself playboy. The only thing that would accomplish is you catching a cold from the winter chill in the air because you don't have the appropriate muscle mass to protect you." She rebuffed before pulling out a bottle of tequila from underneath the counter that she usually only reserved for especially difficult days. Jay watched as she lined up two shot glasses and poured. He hesitated briefly, questioning whether he should engage or not in this less then constructive alternative, and then shrugged. Maybe she'd open up after a round or two.
"Whoa whoa..slow down lady. You're completely defeating the purpose of an open bar." He explained when she went to pour them their third shot. She hadn't even bothered to bust out the salt or slice up a lime, which usually meant that this was going to be the kind of night where the both of them woke up in the morning and had to piece together what happened in the time between.
"You don't know my mother. She tends to drive a person to drink." She said in a somber tone. The kind of tone that evoked unpleasant memories for her and left her feeling sad and bleak.
"Why go then? If seeing her, makes you feel this way?" Jay genuinely asked, all to curious to hear her answer. He didn't understand entirely because he grew up without a structural unit to form him. He never really had a mom or dad, so he couldn't even begin to fathom the complexities that those relationships formed when they weren't nurtured properly. She paused, as though she was really contemplating her response, and finally opened her mouth to speak.
"Because a tiny, ignorant, naive part of me really believes that people can change if you give them the room to do so. And what kind of hypocrite would I be, if I didn't give her the chance to prove that to me?" She eyed the table distractedly, slightly embarrassed by her admission, until she felt Jay's finger pulling gently at her chin and prodding until she was directly looking into his big, blue eyes. She didn't see pity there, All she ever saw out of Jay was love, warmth, and safety. He placed her shot glass in her hand and raised his in a toasting motion.
"To change then." He said before clinking it together with his and downing his shot. She nodded and for the first time that night, she didn't feel so alone.
Erin didn't know if it was the alcohol that was currently swimming through her system, the general ambiance a wedding provided, or the entertainment her date effortlessly exuded, but something about tonight had her feeling all kinds of warm and fuzzy. This is why she was in a terrific mood when she actually approached her mother to congratulate her. She reeked of goofy grins and optimism, and assumed that her mother would be pleased by the melting of her icy heart.
"Hey moooomm." She drunkenly crooned while holding on dangerously tight to Jay's arm. To an outsider, it looked like more of a romantic gesture when in all actuality it was mostly because she was terrified of falling over without his arm to steady her. Bunny barely even acknowledged her daughter's greeting because she was apparently too captivated by the conversation she was having with a lady who was bouncing a baby on her hip. Ever the gentleman, though, her new husband beamed at her approach.
"Erin! It's wonderful to see you again." Johnny said while moving in for a fatherly hug. She reluctantly stayed statue still while releasing Halstead's arm and prayed that she wouldn't faceplant first into her new dad's chest. He awkwardly patted her back twice before returning to her mother's side.
"You know, I really have got to thank you. You are one of the main reasons why my life is so enriched today." Johnny gushed unexpectedly, expertly filling the uncomfortable silence that had fallen over them.
"I am?" She didn't even have to feign disbelief, because she genuinely was curious as to how this statement was even remotely true. She had only met the guy once before, and she didn't mistake him for an idiot then, so he couldn't be the type who thought that a simple "Hello" meant that they were new best friends.
" Oh very much so. You see, I wasn't always such an upstanding gentleman. In fact, I was a pretty terrible guy. I'm sure your mom has told you, but I've obviously struggled with alcohol in the past and because of that addiction, ruined a lot of things early on in life. Namely my relationship with my children. When I met your mom though, she listened to me without judgment, and then shared her similar struggles with me. She urged me two years ago, to reconnect with my children and encouraged me to mend the bridges I had burnt. She told me about the relationship the two of you shared, and everything you had overcome, and how you were closer because of it. And I thought to myself, that if it worked out for the two of you, it could work out for me too. So I gave it a shot. And now I actually have a relationship with my children and my grandchildren." As Johnny talked, Erin watched as Bunny's attention perked up. She knew it was specifically because he was telling a tale that she knew was untrue. After he finished talking, she waited anxiously for Erin to respond.
" Hmm..that is really, REALLY something." Erin responded, her tone a bit to over-enthused. Jay knew that she was seething under the surface at the blatant lie Bunny had told, and could feel her real reaction to that revelation because it was currently responsible for the nail marks that she was leaving behind in his arm. He gently pried them off, and instead clasped their fingers together so that they were holding hands, in an attempt to relieve himself of some unnecessary pain.
"Breathe baby." He said under his breath, as he brought his free hand up to his mouth in order to mimic a cough. He watched her chest heave up and down and braced himself for an explosion.
"Erin, you didn't even introduce us to this handsome, young gentleman." Her mom's perky, fake voice chided as everyone's eyes landed on Jay. Erin knew she was trying to coyly divert the topic and control the situation at hand. If she didn't tread delicately enough around Johnny's admission, and instead allowed it permeate the air, then it would actually leave an opportunity for Erin to react accordingly. But her mom didn't like that because that left room for unpredictability.
" Oh my goodness..how oh so rude of me. Where are my manners that my mother so carefully taught me?" Erin chirped in a sugary sweet tone. One that those who knew her could immediately identify as insincere. She smiled in a manner that frightened Jay, because he knew that no matter how hard she tried to rise above she was still bound to get her feelings across in any way she knew how. Which probably meant, that it would mischievously be at the expense of his dignity.
" This handsome devil, is my boyfriend Jay Halstead." Jay politely offered his hand for Johnny to shake at the introduction, and Bunny beamed at him as if he was going to be her saving grace.
" Your mother neglected to tell me that you had a boyfriend." Johnny said in an amused and somewhat relieved tone, making Erin believe that he clearly didn't think highly of a woman who was single at 28.
" Well he was my boyfriend. You see, Jay here has this annoying habit of blatantly lying to me." Both Johnny and Jay's eyes widened at her words, and he gently nudged her side affectionately before muttering under his breath, " What are you doing?!" But Erin's eyes never left her mother. Both of them communicated silently and Jay quickly realized that this was her way of retaliating.
" Yeah, I thought he was the one. He really put himself on a pedestal. Made me believe that we'd start a family and that his whole world revolved around me.. when come to find out..the bastard already had a wife and child."Erin really was working herself up into a frenzy by this point, and Johnny whistled softly in disbelief. Bunny continued to shoot daggers at her from across the way and Jay had to muffle his laughter and look somewhat ashamed.
"The point is Johnny..I can't stress enough how important it is not to begin a relationship ON A FOUNDATION OF LIES." She punctuated her last remark with a rather obvious glance at Bunny before grabbing a flute of champagne off a passing waiter's tray and walking away.
"It was nice meeting the both of you." She heard Jay utter kindly behind her and could already picture the sympathetic looks her mother was throwing his way. She vaguely heard the two of them quietly conversing about what a mess her and Jay seemed to be, and had to focus very hard on not putting her fist through the nearest wall, cause she knew it would cause a scene.
"Next time warn a guy before you completely start to destroy his reputation." Jay mumbled while catching up beside her in two easy strides. He pulled her free hand towards the bar, and gestured at two empty stools, Erin chugged the last of the champagne in one fluid, less than graceful motion, and slammed the stem down beside her, automatically alerting the bartender to their presence.
"Well good evening beautiful. You sure are a sight for sore eyes." The oblivious bartender flirted, clearly not picking up on the vibe that surrounded her. She couldn't contain the snort that escaped her, as she huffed and sat down. A slightly wounded look crossed his puppy-dog face, and she immediately tried to contain her amusement.
"My thieving, lying, poor excuse for a mother back there, and this guy right here, is exactly why I always come armed to these things." She said a little too loudly, as Jay mouthed apologetically to the bartender "She doesn't mean it". He knew she was fuming on the surface but that underneath all this misplaced anger she was hurt more than anything else. And he didn't blame her. Her mother reached out to her and made her believe that she had changed. That she felt remorse over her actions in the past and wanted the opportunity to reconnect. And Erin had been naive enough to believe it. Her mother always had a way of exposing her weaknesses and then exploiting them for self gain. And that kind of selfishness never really goes away in a person, once it starts infecting your soul.
"So your mom kind of sucks." Jay teased, and despite the anger she felt boiling in her veins, she couldn't help but laugh. Once she started, though, she had trouble stopping and pretty soon the both of them were laughing so hard that they could barely catch their breath. She could blame the alcohol for the laughter, or her tendency to respond inappropriately to emotional situations, but deep down she knew the real reason that prompted this response in her. If Erin didn't laugh about the absurdity of it all, she'd find herself crying, and the only thing tonight proved, is that this woman was no longer worth her tears.
Eventually they both quieted down, and Jay was able to place a sadness in her eyes that he had overlooked before. It kind of broke his heart a little bit. Erin was so strong in so many ways. The first person you'd call in a crisis because she'd remain calm. The one who was passionate about protecting the innocent and was willing to put herself in the line of danger to do so. She volunteered first, she broke down doors and entered without hesitation ahead of them all, she taught herself the skills she needed to survive so she wouldn't have to rely on others. She was a leader and a fighter, but the one thing Jay often allowed himself to forget, was how lonely a life like that tended to be. And he knew, because he was currently living it.
"Hey. Talk to me." Jay poked. His index finger reached out to tilt her chin until she was looking directly at him. His other hand reached for hers on the bar and he clasped them together in an effort to show solidarity.
"I don't fit Jay." She mumbled uncharacteristically low.
"How so?" Jay's eyebrows furrowed in confusion and Erin sighed before elaborately.
"I don't FIT Jay. Everybody outside of the job has this piece of the world that defines them. It's their families. The people who will remember them and carry on their memories long after they've left the Earth. But I don't fit Jay. I don't have a family, and as much as I try to pretend that Voight and Justin are it, there is still a clear distinction between us that's made apparent by my lack of blood. I don't want to feel this way. I don't want to NEED people, because lord knows that when you do they just disappoint you. But I want a place to belong. Is that stupid?" She asks. Jay can tell that she's embarrassed by the slip of this truth. It's in the way she hangs her head after asking if it's stupid. And in that moment, Jay's finally able to see the solution.
"That's not stupid Erin. It's called being human. Which, despite your in explainable precision with a gun and knack for foreshadowing the future, you are. You're allowed to feel these things. And I know being all super tough is kind of your thing, but it's okay to experience emotion every once in awhile." Jay tells her and for the first time that night, she smiles a real smile.
"And, for the record kid, you always have a place to belong..and that place is right beside me." Jay nudges her affectionately with his shoulder, and she has to consciously resist the urge to kiss him square on the mouth. She no longer feels weighed down by the burden of uncovering her identity and instead has a new-found appreciation for those around her. It's amazing what a little perspective will do for you.
The beginning chords to the Cupid Shuffle begin to thump loudly in the speakers that are strategically placed around the room, and Jay gives her an evil, evil grin. He downs the whiskey that sits in front of him, and hops off his stool. His body starts side-stepping to the music, and Erin suppresses a laugh. He's standing directly in front of her now, and she can't tell if it's the alcohol or his general desire to make her smile that's causing him to dance like he's having a seizure, but he does so despite the crowd that's watching.
"So screw your mom. WE ARE GOING TO HAVE A GOOD TIME DAMNNIT! Because weddings are supposed to be FUN." Jay yells over the music. He grabs her free hand, and drags her onto the dance floor where they proceed to blend in with other guests as the choreography begins. She doesn't know if she should be insulted or intrigued about the fact that Jay knows the moves better than she does, but when he innocently turns the wrong way she completely breaks down into a fit of giggles and has to stop dancing out of fear of unloading her bladder right in the middle of the dance floor. Jay shrugs and awkwardly starts assaulting her with bad MTV moves that she can only imagine he's learned from a Spring Break: Girls Gone Wild tape.
When she looks back on this moment, years from now, she might remember the length of her dress and how she almost tripped on it multiple times that night, partially because of the liquor and partially because the floor was so slippery it kept getting caught under her feet. She might remember the smell of rain and her and Jay getting caught in the middle of it on their brief walk home. But the thing she knows she'll never forget is Jay's departing statement to her mother. As they came down the line, bidding farewell to their guests, Jay grasped her mother's hand, looked her straight in the eye and said "It's your loss. Because, if given the chance, she would've been the best thing that ever happened to you." He didn't think she was listening through the rumble of merriment the other guests displayed, but she had still managed to hear every last word. As they walked away from the celebration, her shoulders covered snugly with Jay's jacket, her arm looped tightly through his, she stood on her tiptoes and kissed him on the cheek.
He smiled down at her through long lashes and said, "What was that for?"
She shrugged her shoulders and said "You are my family."