A/N: This story takes place right after Kari comes home from the hospital, you know during Tai's flashbacks in the EP 'My sisters keeper'? Anyway, I don't know about you but I loved that EP, it just made ya see Tai in a whole knew way, that's how it was for me anyway. So I got to thinking and boy did Tai ever look sad when Kari came home from the hospital, he looked like he was about to cry, so that's why I wrote this story, about what happened next, so excuse the lame title, I know it sux but it was the most appropriate name I could think of at the time. Anyway the whole things from Tai's POV, and that's all I've got to say so enjoy.
*~What happened next~*
Courage, yeah right, sure that's me, or at least that's what people think of me. They think I'm there fearless leader, full of bravery and strength, when in reality the more appropriate word would be reckless. I've always been that way I guess, though I'd never tell the others, especially Matt, he'd have a field day with that one, knowing that I, his high and mighty leader knew what a reckless idiot I really am.
I've always been that way, reckless I mean, you know maybe if I weren't we'd be home by now, maybe I'd be a better leader, but we're not and I'm not and I above all am to blame for that. Now one might say that it's not all my fault and that I shouldn't blame myself for every little mistake we make, but I'm the leader and there for it's my responsibility to not to make any mistakes.
I probably wouldn't be so hard on myself if it hadn't been for an event that had occurred, oh what was it, three maybe four years ago? Anyway, that's the day when I realized just how dangerous making mistakes could be, just what a reckless idiot I really was, that was the day I nearly killed my little sister.
How I could have done something so stupid is beyond me, it's just something us reckless idiots do I guess. And I remember so clearly just how close we came to loosing her that day, the little sister who I loved so much, the one I'd nearly killed. And I remember how sad I was even when she came home from the hospital.
But wait, you see that wasn't the end of the story. In fact it was kinda like the first half, and it was really the second half that made me realize just how precious life can be, and it was that second half which lead me on the path to someday forgive myself for what I had done.
~~~Flash back~~~Four years ago, when Kari comes home from the hospital~~~
"Tai were home." Mom said as she and dad opened the door, Kari resting comfortably in dads arms. I tried my best to give her a smile but I knew it looked pretty fake, probably because it was.
Kari looked down at me and I could tell she was still weak. "Tai." She began and I stared up at her in anticipation of the words she would say next. I was so sure that her words would be hateful and full of contempt but I couldn't have been more wrong, because what she did say was even worse. "I'm sorry I can't kick the ball good, you'll probably never want to play with me again."
And with that short sentence, those few words my heart was torn in half and I could feel the hot tears welling up in my eye's. I didn't know what to do, all I knew was that this whole thing was my fault and I couldn't just stand there and listen to my little sisters apology. I couldn't let them see me cry and so I used the only option I had left, the only one that would get me away, and that option was to run.
Runaway, far away, far away from my mistakes and far away from the little sister I loved so much. And so I ran, out the still open door as fast as I could, I just had to get away, Just had to escape. "Tai! No! Stop! Come back! Tai!" I could hear my parents yelling from behind, how far behind I wasn't sure, I couldn't turn around, not now, because I knew that if I did I wouldn't have the guts to keep running the way that I was. And then I'd never get away.
I ended up in the park, surrounded by people I didn't know and it was like the eye's of every one of them were on me, I guess people have a habit of staring at a lone seven-year-old crying in the park. Yes, it was true, I was really crying now, and I couldn't stop so I sat down on the nearest bench and brought my knee's up against my chest and hugged them tightly. I couldn't help but glance over at the small play ground where my little sister had nearly died, nearly been killed by her own big brother.
How could I have been so selfish, did I really care more about playing soccer then about my sisters well being, how could I be such a heartless jerk? It was all kind of overwhelming for me, knowing that I'd almost killed my sister, knowing that if she ever got sick like that again it would be all my fault, that if she ever died because of it, it would be all my fault. I don't deserve her, I never did, she's so sweet and thoughtful and caring and yet I let myself take soccer as a first priority over her, I knew she'd never do something like that to me.
Then I started to think about the present, and what I was doing now. I was making Kari worry, I was being that jerk of a brother yet again. Maybe I should go back, maybe I...But no, I couldn't go back now, not while I was still crying, not while the crying thing was still a risk. No, I would wait, and I dried my eyes as best I could on my sleeve, but still I was not ready to go back. I guess I needed some time alone or something. But when I heard a familiar voice, I knew I wasn't going to get it anytime soon. "Hey Tai, what's up?" Sora asked as she approached the bench where I still sat. "Ya wanna come play soccer with me?"
I couldn't help but sigh as I stared up at the red-eyed girl in front of me. Sora had been my best friend for as long as I could remember, but soccer! She wanted to play soccer, I never wanted to play soccer again. If it hadn't been for soccer, I would have kept a better eye on Kari, I would have.....No wait, now I was blaming my own reckless actions on a game, a game I loved. Man, I really was pathetic. "Nah." I replied finally as I looked back down at the ground.
Though the fact that I was staring at the ground kept me from seeing the look on her face, I could tell that Sora's expression had gone from that cheery welcome look she'd given me upon her arrival to a concerned frown. "Oh, OK, um, I heard about Kari coming home from the hospital today, isn't that great?" She asked, and I once again looked up at her, not knowing what to say. Yeah, it's great, I thought, It's so great that I nearly killed my little sister.
"Yeah." I said. "Great." Why did Sora have to be around now, now of all times? I mean, normally I would have welcomed the help of my best friend, but now, not this time. This time I needed to figure things out alone.
"Tai what's wrong, I thought you'd be happy?" Sora wanted to know, and I really wanted to tell her, and I would have, had I known what exactly it was myself. She was right, I should be happy, Kari was home and I'd just run off like the reckless idiot I was, and Kari probably really needed me right now. But it was those words, those last words she'd said to me, how could she apologize, how could she put me before herself, how when I'd just put her in the hospital, how?
Questions, so many questions filing my mind, so many questions I couldn't answer, so many how's, and whys, and what ifs, that I felt like my head would explode if I didn't find an answer. "Tai." Sora was beginning to look impatient. Not that I could blame her, it was obvious that she was really starting to worry about me, like I deserved anyone's sympathy.
"Nothing." I lied. "I'm fine." Yeah right, real fine, but I couldn't tell her that.
"No, your not!" She said with a note of anger in her voice, she could tell I was lying to her. "You still think it's your fault don't you? Tai when are you gonna get over that, nobody blames you for it!"
"Yeah." I said with one of those 'Yeah right whatever' little laughs. "Well, my Mom sure does." I couldn't help but remember that day, less than a week ago when my Mom had arrived at the hospital and slapped me so hard across my face that it made me feel dizzy. I do believe her exact words were 'Tai, how could you do something so stupid?' or something along those lines anyway. Yeah, I'd thought at the time, how could I do something so stupid?
"Tai." Sora said bringing me out of my memories and bring me back to the conversation we were having. "You know she didn't really blame you for that, she was just so upset at the time"
"Yeah, well wouldn't you be if you knew your son nearly killed your daughter!?!" I snapped at her surprised at the amount of anger I heard in my own voice and I could tell that Sora was too. Why was I yelling at Sora now, hadn't I done enough damage lately, loosing a friend was the last thing I needed right now. And so with a deep sigh I calmed myself and said, "Sorry Sora, I've just been so, oh I dunno......" I trailed off not knowing what to say.
"Depressed, sad, alone, what Tai, no matter what it is you know I'll be there right?" She said and I knew it was true, Sora had always been there for me, but still, I was just at such a lose for words right now, I just didn't know what to say.
"I dunno." I said finally. "It's just that I've been such a jerk lately, I mean how could I do that to my sister?" I asked feeling way to sorry for my self, I really didn't like feeling so much self pity. "I just wish that there was something I could do for her."
"There is Tai." Sora said and I stared at her thinking that maybe she actually had the answer I was looking for. "Go home, go home and tell her your sorry, I know Kari and she's probably really worried about you right now. So go home Tai and just tell her how sorry you are instead of telling me, I know it'll make you feel better."
Yeah, I had to go back, I had to let Kari know how much I care, how sorry I was and what a great sister she'd been, even at the risk of letting her see me cry. And so with that thought in mind I gave Sora a nod and said, "Yeah, your right, I'll go tell her right now." And so I got up and started running, giving Sora a small thank you smile but not saying another word. Sora smiled back sweetly, she didn't say anything either but I think that's because she knew how much she'd helped me just now.
I reached the street in a matter of seconds and though my eye's were still red I was no longer crying. I guess I wasn't really paying attention cause the next thing I knew Sora was screaming something at me that I couldn't quit make out. So I stopped and turned around, not a good idea I realized as I figured out what she was saying. "Tai!" She screamed at me. "Look out!"
It was at that very moment that I first saw the head light's, immediately realizing what Sora was talking about, but by then I had no hope of escape. I don't really remember much after that, I do remember that the car was red, funny the little things one remembers from times like these. Upon impact I was sent flying, hitting the ground all to hard and rolling for what seemed like forever before stopping completely.
After that everything seemed to go in slow motion as I barely held onto consciences. I could see Sora still screaming as she ran towards me, and the man who had been driving the car had gotten out and was saying something, and then suddenly all I could see was darkness.
~~~The next day~~~
When I first opened my eye's everything was a complete blur and the sounds I heard were muffled and made no sense. When things finally got a little clearer I could see that I was in a bed and Mom was in a chair next to me, after further inspection I realized it was a hospital bed. "Mom." I said and I was surprised at how tiny and weak my voice came out.
"Tai!" My Mom exclaimed jumping up from her seat, apparently she'd fallen asleep and it made me wonder how long I'd been there. "Oh honey your awake! " She said excitedly. "I'll be right back." And with that said she ran out of the room and I could hear her yelling, "He's awake! He's awake!" And the next thing I knew Mom was back in the room with me as well as dad, Kari, and a doctor who I recognized from when we'd brought Kari to the hospital.
"Tai!" Kari said excitedly with a big smile on her small face, and looking a lot better might I add.
"Hey son." Dad greeted. "How are you feeling?" And for the first time it seemed I noticed just how much pain I was in. My right leg hurt and it felt extremely heavy as did my left arm which I could see was in a cast.
"All right." I said though the pain was immense. I gave him a weak smile which seemed to satisfy him cause he smiled back and then turned to the doctor.
"So is he gonna be OK?" Dad asked the doctor who was writing something on a clipboard at the bottom of the bed.
"Well." He began with a tiny smile. "You guy's sure don't seem to be having much luck with your kids lately." He said referring to the fact that Kari had been here only a day before, then upon seeing that we weren't at all amused continued. "Anyway." He cleared his throat. "It seems that Tai has fractured his right leg, from the looks of the X-rays I took it should heal nicely within a few months, however the damage to his left arm will be a little more permanent. It looks like he must have used it to try and cushion his fall and it snapped on impact with the road. I'm afraid it got pretty cut up so there'll be some scaring there. Other then that he has a mild concussion and a few minor cuts and bruises so I think he'll be staying here a little while."
"Oh." My Mom sighed nervously playing with her hair. "But he'll be all right wont he? All that matters is that he'll be all right!"
"Well, that arm of his is gonna be pretty weak but other then that he'll be perfectly fine." The doctor replied. Yeah I thought, fine, physically anyway.
Mom turned back to me tossing me one of those weak smiles we'd all seemed to have mastered so well. "Don't worry honey, everything'll be OK, you'll see. now can I get you anything?" She asked. Her questions and comments flooded my mind and seemed to mix with the others giving me a horrible headache. I don't think that I was fully comprehending what everyone was saying to me, I think I was kinda lost in it all, and the only thing that was clear in my mind right now was that I still wanted to talk to my sister. "Tai?" Mom said when I didn't answer her a worried expression fixed on her face. "You OK?"
"I dunno, I guess I'm just kinda tired." I replied finally but Mom still looked a little worried as did the others who occupied the small room.
The doctor smile at us in a reassuring way. "He's all right, he just need's some rest. We're probably overwhelming the little guy with all of these comments and questions. Why don't you guy's go get some rest yourself, you look exhausted?
"Yeah, your probably right." Dad said to the doctor as he turned to Mom and Kari who was now on the floor. "Lets go for a little bit, I think it would be for the best.
Mom sighed and looked down at Kari, she knew my sister needed her rest after what I'd put her through. "OK." She said a bit reluctantly. "But we'll be back soon, OK honey?" She asked me and I nodded.
"Yeah." I said as they headed for the door and I remembered something. "No wait!"
"What's wrong?" Mom asked as she whirled around nervously.
"Can I talk to Kari for just a minute before you go?" I asked and my little sister came running over and jumped into the chair by my bed.
"What is it Tai?" She asked, that smile still on her face, I don't think she fully understood the whole situation, all she knew was that I was awake and that was enough for her.
"There's just something I wanted to talk to you about." I said giving the others a 'go on' sorta look which actually made them leave closing the door behind them.
"Well?" Kari asked a little impatiently probably because she was only four years old and when your that young seconds can seem like minutes and hours like days.
I sighed, I knew that I wanted to apologize, to tell her what wonderful little sister she was but I couldn't seem to find the words. "Well, I just wanted to say..." I trailed off and I could tell Kari was getting a little annoyed, but it was hard to find the words I wanted especially with this pounding headache I had. "I'm sorry Kari." I said knowing I probably sounded dumb. You'd think I could come up with something a little more personal to say to my own little sister.
"For what." She asked and I was shocked that she wouldn't know immediately.
"For everything." I began. "For getting you sick, and then running off like that, and just for being such a jerk! And for never being the great brother you deserve, you deserve that and so much more, so much more then the reckless jerk you got for a brother." It was strange really, the way the words which only seconds ago I couldn't find at all seemed to pour out so freely now, but was even stranger to me was the look Kari got on her face as I was saying them.
She looked like she was about to cry, and the first thing that I thought was that I was being that jerk of a brother yet again. Even when I tried to apologize I seemed to do something wrong, what kind of idiot couldn't even apologize right!?! And her expression changed a little and she smiled at me as she said something I didn't really expect her to say.
"Tai." She began. "Your not an idiot, and I don't blame you for what happened, I went outside with you because I wanted to play with you not because you told me to."
"You really mean that?" I asked in total shock that someone so young could be so sincere.
"Of course I do!" She smiled jumping on the bed and giving me a big hug, causing half of me to want to cry out in pain because she was practically sitting on my arm and the other half of me in total and complete bliss knowing that she didn't blame me for what I had done.
~~~Flash back ends~~~
That experience really changed my life, for better and for worse. That's probably why I get so upset when one of the others get hurt, and even though I knew that Kari didn't blame me for that I couldn't help but continue to blame myself. And I still carry a physical memory of that day not only every time I look at my sister but every time I use my left arm which is still a kinda weak to this day, that's why I wear that black brace on it, to cover up those scares I got when I got hit by the damn red car.
It really is funny what you remember most from experiences like these, like the color of that car which I remember more clearly then where it happened, and how much my arm hurt when Kari gave me that hug. I guess that's just one of those things you can't really explain, one of those things you don't even care to, all I really care about right now is that Kari's OK, that we all are, and that we all stay that way.
And though I'm still just as reckless as ever maybe I'm not really such a bad leader after all, because though we've had our fair share problems in the past we're all still here, and we're all still fighting and that's really what matters the most. That life can and will go on, and that eventually we'll get passed those little mistakes, and that as long as we stick together and help each other through those hard times, that we can always service.
A/N: OK, what did you think? I know that Kari was acting kinda, oh what's the word I'm looking for, grown up I guess, you know for a four-year-old anyway, but we all know that Kari's wise beyond her years right? Yeah, I know I'm right, well that's about it, hope ya liked that, C'ya.
*~What happened next~*
Courage, yeah right, sure that's me, or at least that's what people think of me. They think I'm there fearless leader, full of bravery and strength, when in reality the more appropriate word would be reckless. I've always been that way I guess, though I'd never tell the others, especially Matt, he'd have a field day with that one, knowing that I, his high and mighty leader knew what a reckless idiot I really am.
I've always been that way, reckless I mean, you know maybe if I weren't we'd be home by now, maybe I'd be a better leader, but we're not and I'm not and I above all am to blame for that. Now one might say that it's not all my fault and that I shouldn't blame myself for every little mistake we make, but I'm the leader and there for it's my responsibility to not to make any mistakes.
I probably wouldn't be so hard on myself if it hadn't been for an event that had occurred, oh what was it, three maybe four years ago? Anyway, that's the day when I realized just how dangerous making mistakes could be, just what a reckless idiot I really was, that was the day I nearly killed my little sister.
How I could have done something so stupid is beyond me, it's just something us reckless idiots do I guess. And I remember so clearly just how close we came to loosing her that day, the little sister who I loved so much, the one I'd nearly killed. And I remember how sad I was even when she came home from the hospital.
But wait, you see that wasn't the end of the story. In fact it was kinda like the first half, and it was really the second half that made me realize just how precious life can be, and it was that second half which lead me on the path to someday forgive myself for what I had done.
~~~Flash back~~~Four years ago, when Kari comes home from the hospital~~~
"Tai were home." Mom said as she and dad opened the door, Kari resting comfortably in dads arms. I tried my best to give her a smile but I knew it looked pretty fake, probably because it was.
Kari looked down at me and I could tell she was still weak. "Tai." She began and I stared up at her in anticipation of the words she would say next. I was so sure that her words would be hateful and full of contempt but I couldn't have been more wrong, because what she did say was even worse. "I'm sorry I can't kick the ball good, you'll probably never want to play with me again."
And with that short sentence, those few words my heart was torn in half and I could feel the hot tears welling up in my eye's. I didn't know what to do, all I knew was that this whole thing was my fault and I couldn't just stand there and listen to my little sisters apology. I couldn't let them see me cry and so I used the only option I had left, the only one that would get me away, and that option was to run.
Runaway, far away, far away from my mistakes and far away from the little sister I loved so much. And so I ran, out the still open door as fast as I could, I just had to get away, Just had to escape. "Tai! No! Stop! Come back! Tai!" I could hear my parents yelling from behind, how far behind I wasn't sure, I couldn't turn around, not now, because I knew that if I did I wouldn't have the guts to keep running the way that I was. And then I'd never get away.
I ended up in the park, surrounded by people I didn't know and it was like the eye's of every one of them were on me, I guess people have a habit of staring at a lone seven-year-old crying in the park. Yes, it was true, I was really crying now, and I couldn't stop so I sat down on the nearest bench and brought my knee's up against my chest and hugged them tightly. I couldn't help but glance over at the small play ground where my little sister had nearly died, nearly been killed by her own big brother.
How could I have been so selfish, did I really care more about playing soccer then about my sisters well being, how could I be such a heartless jerk? It was all kind of overwhelming for me, knowing that I'd almost killed my sister, knowing that if she ever got sick like that again it would be all my fault, that if she ever died because of it, it would be all my fault. I don't deserve her, I never did, she's so sweet and thoughtful and caring and yet I let myself take soccer as a first priority over her, I knew she'd never do something like that to me.
Then I started to think about the present, and what I was doing now. I was making Kari worry, I was being that jerk of a brother yet again. Maybe I should go back, maybe I...But no, I couldn't go back now, not while I was still crying, not while the crying thing was still a risk. No, I would wait, and I dried my eyes as best I could on my sleeve, but still I was not ready to go back. I guess I needed some time alone or something. But when I heard a familiar voice, I knew I wasn't going to get it anytime soon. "Hey Tai, what's up?" Sora asked as she approached the bench where I still sat. "Ya wanna come play soccer with me?"
I couldn't help but sigh as I stared up at the red-eyed girl in front of me. Sora had been my best friend for as long as I could remember, but soccer! She wanted to play soccer, I never wanted to play soccer again. If it hadn't been for soccer, I would have kept a better eye on Kari, I would have.....No wait, now I was blaming my own reckless actions on a game, a game I loved. Man, I really was pathetic. "Nah." I replied finally as I looked back down at the ground.
Though the fact that I was staring at the ground kept me from seeing the look on her face, I could tell that Sora's expression had gone from that cheery welcome look she'd given me upon her arrival to a concerned frown. "Oh, OK, um, I heard about Kari coming home from the hospital today, isn't that great?" She asked, and I once again looked up at her, not knowing what to say. Yeah, it's great, I thought, It's so great that I nearly killed my little sister.
"Yeah." I said. "Great." Why did Sora have to be around now, now of all times? I mean, normally I would have welcomed the help of my best friend, but now, not this time. This time I needed to figure things out alone.
"Tai what's wrong, I thought you'd be happy?" Sora wanted to know, and I really wanted to tell her, and I would have, had I known what exactly it was myself. She was right, I should be happy, Kari was home and I'd just run off like the reckless idiot I was, and Kari probably really needed me right now. But it was those words, those last words she'd said to me, how could she apologize, how could she put me before herself, how when I'd just put her in the hospital, how?
Questions, so many questions filing my mind, so many questions I couldn't answer, so many how's, and whys, and what ifs, that I felt like my head would explode if I didn't find an answer. "Tai." Sora was beginning to look impatient. Not that I could blame her, it was obvious that she was really starting to worry about me, like I deserved anyone's sympathy.
"Nothing." I lied. "I'm fine." Yeah right, real fine, but I couldn't tell her that.
"No, your not!" She said with a note of anger in her voice, she could tell I was lying to her. "You still think it's your fault don't you? Tai when are you gonna get over that, nobody blames you for it!"
"Yeah." I said with one of those 'Yeah right whatever' little laughs. "Well, my Mom sure does." I couldn't help but remember that day, less than a week ago when my Mom had arrived at the hospital and slapped me so hard across my face that it made me feel dizzy. I do believe her exact words were 'Tai, how could you do something so stupid?' or something along those lines anyway. Yeah, I'd thought at the time, how could I do something so stupid?
"Tai." Sora said bringing me out of my memories and bring me back to the conversation we were having. "You know she didn't really blame you for that, she was just so upset at the time"
"Yeah, well wouldn't you be if you knew your son nearly killed your daughter!?!" I snapped at her surprised at the amount of anger I heard in my own voice and I could tell that Sora was too. Why was I yelling at Sora now, hadn't I done enough damage lately, loosing a friend was the last thing I needed right now. And so with a deep sigh I calmed myself and said, "Sorry Sora, I've just been so, oh I dunno......" I trailed off not knowing what to say.
"Depressed, sad, alone, what Tai, no matter what it is you know I'll be there right?" She said and I knew it was true, Sora had always been there for me, but still, I was just at such a lose for words right now, I just didn't know what to say.
"I dunno." I said finally. "It's just that I've been such a jerk lately, I mean how could I do that to my sister?" I asked feeling way to sorry for my self, I really didn't like feeling so much self pity. "I just wish that there was something I could do for her."
"There is Tai." Sora said and I stared at her thinking that maybe she actually had the answer I was looking for. "Go home, go home and tell her your sorry, I know Kari and she's probably really worried about you right now. So go home Tai and just tell her how sorry you are instead of telling me, I know it'll make you feel better."
Yeah, I had to go back, I had to let Kari know how much I care, how sorry I was and what a great sister she'd been, even at the risk of letting her see me cry. And so with that thought in mind I gave Sora a nod and said, "Yeah, your right, I'll go tell her right now." And so I got up and started running, giving Sora a small thank you smile but not saying another word. Sora smiled back sweetly, she didn't say anything either but I think that's because she knew how much she'd helped me just now.
I reached the street in a matter of seconds and though my eye's were still red I was no longer crying. I guess I wasn't really paying attention cause the next thing I knew Sora was screaming something at me that I couldn't quit make out. So I stopped and turned around, not a good idea I realized as I figured out what she was saying. "Tai!" She screamed at me. "Look out!"
It was at that very moment that I first saw the head light's, immediately realizing what Sora was talking about, but by then I had no hope of escape. I don't really remember much after that, I do remember that the car was red, funny the little things one remembers from times like these. Upon impact I was sent flying, hitting the ground all to hard and rolling for what seemed like forever before stopping completely.
After that everything seemed to go in slow motion as I barely held onto consciences. I could see Sora still screaming as she ran towards me, and the man who had been driving the car had gotten out and was saying something, and then suddenly all I could see was darkness.
~~~The next day~~~
When I first opened my eye's everything was a complete blur and the sounds I heard were muffled and made no sense. When things finally got a little clearer I could see that I was in a bed and Mom was in a chair next to me, after further inspection I realized it was a hospital bed. "Mom." I said and I was surprised at how tiny and weak my voice came out.
"Tai!" My Mom exclaimed jumping up from her seat, apparently she'd fallen asleep and it made me wonder how long I'd been there. "Oh honey your awake! " She said excitedly. "I'll be right back." And with that said she ran out of the room and I could hear her yelling, "He's awake! He's awake!" And the next thing I knew Mom was back in the room with me as well as dad, Kari, and a doctor who I recognized from when we'd brought Kari to the hospital.
"Tai!" Kari said excitedly with a big smile on her small face, and looking a lot better might I add.
"Hey son." Dad greeted. "How are you feeling?" And for the first time it seemed I noticed just how much pain I was in. My right leg hurt and it felt extremely heavy as did my left arm which I could see was in a cast.
"All right." I said though the pain was immense. I gave him a weak smile which seemed to satisfy him cause he smiled back and then turned to the doctor.
"So is he gonna be OK?" Dad asked the doctor who was writing something on a clipboard at the bottom of the bed.
"Well." He began with a tiny smile. "You guy's sure don't seem to be having much luck with your kids lately." He said referring to the fact that Kari had been here only a day before, then upon seeing that we weren't at all amused continued. "Anyway." He cleared his throat. "It seems that Tai has fractured his right leg, from the looks of the X-rays I took it should heal nicely within a few months, however the damage to his left arm will be a little more permanent. It looks like he must have used it to try and cushion his fall and it snapped on impact with the road. I'm afraid it got pretty cut up so there'll be some scaring there. Other then that he has a mild concussion and a few minor cuts and bruises so I think he'll be staying here a little while."
"Oh." My Mom sighed nervously playing with her hair. "But he'll be all right wont he? All that matters is that he'll be all right!"
"Well, that arm of his is gonna be pretty weak but other then that he'll be perfectly fine." The doctor replied. Yeah I thought, fine, physically anyway.
Mom turned back to me tossing me one of those weak smiles we'd all seemed to have mastered so well. "Don't worry honey, everything'll be OK, you'll see. now can I get you anything?" She asked. Her questions and comments flooded my mind and seemed to mix with the others giving me a horrible headache. I don't think that I was fully comprehending what everyone was saying to me, I think I was kinda lost in it all, and the only thing that was clear in my mind right now was that I still wanted to talk to my sister. "Tai?" Mom said when I didn't answer her a worried expression fixed on her face. "You OK?"
"I dunno, I guess I'm just kinda tired." I replied finally but Mom still looked a little worried as did the others who occupied the small room.
The doctor smile at us in a reassuring way. "He's all right, he just need's some rest. We're probably overwhelming the little guy with all of these comments and questions. Why don't you guy's go get some rest yourself, you look exhausted?
"Yeah, your probably right." Dad said to the doctor as he turned to Mom and Kari who was now on the floor. "Lets go for a little bit, I think it would be for the best.
Mom sighed and looked down at Kari, she knew my sister needed her rest after what I'd put her through. "OK." She said a bit reluctantly. "But we'll be back soon, OK honey?" She asked me and I nodded.
"Yeah." I said as they headed for the door and I remembered something. "No wait!"
"What's wrong?" Mom asked as she whirled around nervously.
"Can I talk to Kari for just a minute before you go?" I asked and my little sister came running over and jumped into the chair by my bed.
"What is it Tai?" She asked, that smile still on her face, I don't think she fully understood the whole situation, all she knew was that I was awake and that was enough for her.
"There's just something I wanted to talk to you about." I said giving the others a 'go on' sorta look which actually made them leave closing the door behind them.
"Well?" Kari asked a little impatiently probably because she was only four years old and when your that young seconds can seem like minutes and hours like days.
I sighed, I knew that I wanted to apologize, to tell her what wonderful little sister she was but I couldn't seem to find the words. "Well, I just wanted to say..." I trailed off and I could tell Kari was getting a little annoyed, but it was hard to find the words I wanted especially with this pounding headache I had. "I'm sorry Kari." I said knowing I probably sounded dumb. You'd think I could come up with something a little more personal to say to my own little sister.
"For what." She asked and I was shocked that she wouldn't know immediately.
"For everything." I began. "For getting you sick, and then running off like that, and just for being such a jerk! And for never being the great brother you deserve, you deserve that and so much more, so much more then the reckless jerk you got for a brother." It was strange really, the way the words which only seconds ago I couldn't find at all seemed to pour out so freely now, but was even stranger to me was the look Kari got on her face as I was saying them.
She looked like she was about to cry, and the first thing that I thought was that I was being that jerk of a brother yet again. Even when I tried to apologize I seemed to do something wrong, what kind of idiot couldn't even apologize right!?! And her expression changed a little and she smiled at me as she said something I didn't really expect her to say.
"Tai." She began. "Your not an idiot, and I don't blame you for what happened, I went outside with you because I wanted to play with you not because you told me to."
"You really mean that?" I asked in total shock that someone so young could be so sincere.
"Of course I do!" She smiled jumping on the bed and giving me a big hug, causing half of me to want to cry out in pain because she was practically sitting on my arm and the other half of me in total and complete bliss knowing that she didn't blame me for what I had done.
~~~Flash back ends~~~
That experience really changed my life, for better and for worse. That's probably why I get so upset when one of the others get hurt, and even though I knew that Kari didn't blame me for that I couldn't help but continue to blame myself. And I still carry a physical memory of that day not only every time I look at my sister but every time I use my left arm which is still a kinda weak to this day, that's why I wear that black brace on it, to cover up those scares I got when I got hit by the damn red car.
It really is funny what you remember most from experiences like these, like the color of that car which I remember more clearly then where it happened, and how much my arm hurt when Kari gave me that hug. I guess that's just one of those things you can't really explain, one of those things you don't even care to, all I really care about right now is that Kari's OK, that we all are, and that we all stay that way.
And though I'm still just as reckless as ever maybe I'm not really such a bad leader after all, because though we've had our fair share problems in the past we're all still here, and we're all still fighting and that's really what matters the most. That life can and will go on, and that eventually we'll get passed those little mistakes, and that as long as we stick together and help each other through those hard times, that we can always service.
A/N: OK, what did you think? I know that Kari was acting kinda, oh what's the word I'm looking for, grown up I guess, you know for a four-year-old anyway, but we all know that Kari's wise beyond her years right? Yeah, I know I'm right, well that's about it, hope ya liked that, C'ya.