Warning: In case you missed it in the summary, this is gonna be a sad story. But I'm trying to get a point across about self harm and suicide! You should read it anyway, cause it's gonna be good and I know a lot of people can relate to it in some way! Enjoy! :)

Dear James,

I'm sure you hear this all the time, but I'm a huge fan. If you're reading this now, thank you. I know you have a lot of letters to read and I'm glad you chose mine.

I guess the main reason that I'm writing to you is because my mother told me to. Well… It's hard for me to talk about, but she and I were huge fans of you. Well, my mom has cancer. Had cancer… And on her deathbed, she took my hand, smiled up at me, and said "Cici, make sure you tell James I love him." We used to listen to Big Time Rush and sing along in the car. We even went to a concert together last summer.

That was the last thing she said to me, other than "I love you". I had always been too chicken to write to you. But what was I supposed to do?

So hi. My name is Sierra and I'm fifteen years old. And my mom loved you. And I love you, too.

Lately I've been having a really hard time coping with my mom's death. We were really close, obviously, and she always told me that she would get better. That death wasn't an option in her book. Well, in that last conversation I had with her, she told me "I'm sorry I lied to you." But I don't consider it lying. She had no way of knowing that the cancer would ultimately lead to this.

Anyway, your music helps me a lot when I'm feeling down. Sometimes I'll just randomly start to cry and I'll turn on one of your songs. I listen closely to the lyrics and they make me feel so much better.

So thank you for being you.

Love,

Sierra

Sierra wasn't sure that James would read her letter. She hoped so. She hoped that he would send her a letter back, giving her advice on how to feel better about her mom's death. But she also knew that he was a busy guy with mountains of fanmail. She doubted that he read ALL of it and responded to all the letters.

James Maslow was a member of a boyband. Big Time Rush. There were four other boys in the group- Kendall, Carlos, James, and Logan. Of course she loved them all, but James was her favorite. It was probably something to do with the fact that he was the tallest of them all, the most muscular of them all, and the prettiest (although it was tough competition). He had dark hair that changes every year. Over the four years that they have been a band, James has gone from a long, girlish look to a slightly shorter look that still covered his ears to a short do that was cut above his ears, and now it was short and pushed back, completely out of his face. He had the dreamiest hazel eyes. Only fans knew that they were hazel: anyone else would think they were just brown. But all fans knew that if you looked close enough, they were green, too.

After putting the letter in the mailbox, kissing it for good luck, she slowly walked back into her house. Her house which was messy and gloomy and just all around depressing. She didn't want to be home anymore. Her dad just locked himself in his room all the time, only coming out for food and to use the bathroom. Sierra hadn't seen him for days, but last time she DID see him was a bad experience. He had sunken eyes, a full beard, unkept hair, and a horrid odor that followed him everywhere.

It had been a month since Sierra's mom passed. Sierra was slowly picking herself up and doing things- mostly going on walks to get out of the house. But her dad, who had been married to the woman for 25 years, hadn't been so lucky. He didn't talk, didn't cook, didn't clean, didn't even check on his daughter. Just sat in his room and did God knows what.

Sierra decided to try to clean up a little around the house, but found it to be a difficult task. Her mom's stuff was everywhere- that's why it hadn't been touched. Because it was too painful to throw away that plastic spoon that Sierra's mom had used, or to wash and give away that hoodie that her mother had worn and left on the couch.

Sierra finally gave up and went outside, laying on the hammock and feeling the cool Kentucky breeze and the birds singing. It was summer, but it was a cool day. Kentucky weather was weird sometimes: extremely bipolar. She wondered what James was doing at that moment. Three o'clock? Hmm... Maybe he's just chillin' with Fox. Seems like it's the only thing the guy does.

Fox was James Maslow's dog. An Alaskan Klee Kai with one brown eye and one blue eye. Although James had a steady girlfriend, Fox seemed to be the only being he loved unconditionally. Sierra wished she could spend a day with James and Fox. They were adorable together and Sierra knew that she could wow James with her awesome dog skills.

She sighed, closing her eyes. She would never know what he was doing at that moment. And he would probably never read her letter.

"Fan mail." James sighed as Halston Sage, his blonde girlfriend, dropped a huge bag of envelopes and packages on his floor. "Fox doesn't like fan mail." Fox, who was laying on his chest, looked up at his daddy and cocked his head at the sound of his name.

"I think YOU'RE just too lazy to read it." Halston said, cocking a brow.

"Read them to me." James pouted. "Pwease?"

Halston sighed and took a seat on the floor, opening the bag.

"Dear James," Halston read in a mockingly lovey voice. "I really really really really really love you. Marry me, please? I want to have your children-"

"Okay, maybe this wasn't a good idea." James laughed, making Halston give him a "no shit" look. James really liked spending time with Halston- she was a great chick- but he wished they had what Carlos and Alexa had.

Carlos Pena, James's band mate and one of his best friends, had been dating Alexa Vega, an actress, for quite a while, but not near as long as James and Halston. Yet already they had gone on a cruise together and everything- even lived together. They had a genuine love for each other that anyone could see. James just wished he had that with Halston, but he knew it wouldn't be likely to happen. Halston was young and immature, not quite ready for what James wanted.

Halston tossed the letter aside and sifted throught he bag, searching for one that DIDN'T have hearts written all over the envelope.

Sierra Weston

9022 Greenwood Drive

Georgetown, KY

Halston tore it open and read the letter from Sierra aloud, at first in a mocking tone that slowly faded into a normal one.

"I think you should write back to this one." she said seriously.

"And say what? Sorry your mom's dead?" James asked seriously. "She didn't even ask any questions- she's not expecting a response."

James normally only replied to the ones that had GOOD questions and talked to him in a civilized manor. He loved all his fans, but he could only take so much "I love you! Will you marry me? I want your seed!". His fans knew he loved them and they LOVED embarrassing him when they video chatted on live interviews- asking which one of his bandmates he would date if he could and asking him to marry them and even asking about sex.

"This girl's obviously really bummed about her mom. Just write back and tell her you're sorry for her loss and sign at the bottom! It would probably cheer her up a lot, knowing you care.

"Okay. Put it on the table and I'll write back." James said, turning his attention back to Fox, who was licking his face.

Sierra turned on her iHome as she entered her room.

"Looks good in a dress, even better in a sweatshirt. My car is a mess, but she don't mind-" James Maslow sang immediately. She loved the song, "Amazing", from BTR's new album, "24/Seven". She knew he as probably singing about Halston, but it was okay. James sang a lot in it and his voice always amused her. His talking and singing voices were just so different- she wondered how he did it. "Singin' oh yeah, I'm lovin' that- the way she makes me feel. Singin' oh yeah, she's so rad- this is just unreal-" he sang. Yup- this was a James song. Only he could pull of saying "rad" and "dope" all the time.

She changed into her PJ's and laid in her bed, staring up at the Big Time Rush posters on the ceiling, which was slanted, and the walls. They always cheered her up. Sometimes when she was sad about her mom, she would imagine the guys just jumping out of one of the posters and standing on her dresser, singing "You're Not Alone" to her, from their second album, "Elevate". She liked that song, liked listening to the lyrics and knowing that even if they didn't know her, they still cared about her.

The letter she wrote had probably arrived by now. She wondered if what she wrote seemed like a pity letter. She was willing to bet that a lot of fans made things like that up just to get James to write them back, when in fact their parents weren't dead or they weren't orphans.

"I dunno what to write!" James wined to Halston, who was on the couch playing with Fox. Logan Henderson- James's bandmate- was over now, too. Logan was probably his best friend of all his bandmates- he didn't know why. They just got along really well.

Logan came out of the kitchen with a leftover burger that James had, munching on it.

"What're you talking about?"

"Read this fan letter and tell me how to respond." James suggested, holding the letter out to his friend. Logan took it and his eyes ran over the neatly written letters as he chewed the burger. After finishing it, he sat down beside James at the table and thought a while.

"Dear Sierra, I'm glad that you're such a big fan and I'm sorry for your loss-" Logan began, looking up at James and tilting his head to the paper. James nodded and began writing.

Dear Sierra,

Thanks for writing! Yeah, I have a lot of fan mail, but I try to at least read them all. Yours especially caught my attention and I wanted to reply.

I'm sorry for your loss. I know it's hard to lose a parent when you're so young and I'm glad that you wrote to me. I hope that when you get this letter you cheer up. The important thing to remember is the good times you and your mom had. Like going to the Big Time Rush concert with her and singing in the car. Your love for my band was something you two shared and I hope that you hold tight to that. Treasure it.

I'm glad that you're such a huge fan and I'm glad that my music helps you out. We try to make our lyrics pretty universal so that anyone anywhere can relate it to their lives in some way. I always love to hear when I help a fan through a tough time through my music.

Hang in there! It'll get better! I'd love to hear your story sometime- I'll be sure to look out for another letter. :)

James Maslow

"You did the right thing. I know you don't really like reading through this stuff and responding, but you're gonna make this girl's life a little brighter. And I'll read her next letter to you if it means you actually being engaged." Halston laughed, kissing his temple from behind as she read the letter over his shoulder.

"I dunno- I think I might actually like talking to this girl." James shrugged. "She doesn't gush too much."

"That's what he said!" Logan sang. James and Halston shot him a dirty look, causing Logan to raise his hands in surrender. James secretly wanted to laugh- it was a good joke- but Halston didn't appreciate crude humor. He'd have to congratulate his friend on the joke later.

So this isn't gonna be a long story, but it'll be a sad one. But read it anyway! :)

I tried out a new writing style in this one. Did you like it better than my normal one? I'm just being more detail-y and stuff. Sorry if you don't like reading that much! :)

Review!