Complicated Mating Rituals

by riga789

In which Zay is sick of watching Lucas and Maya dance around each other, and wants to do something about it. But Smackle counsels patience and non-interference. Meanwhile, there's one love life he didn't foresee popping into existence: his own.

It's the summer before junior year, and Maya, Lucas, Zay, Smackle, and Farkle are spending the last couple of weeks of their holidays at Farkle's parents' beach house in the Hamptons. Riley and the entire Matthews clan are vacationing in Maui, and Mr. and Mrs. Minkus are in Europe. So it's just the five of them in the huge oceanfront mansion that has more than ten bedrooms, breathtaking views from every window, balcony, and porch, and a private beach.

In the week that they've been here, they have taken full advantage of the house and its amenities. They've devoted most of their days to the beach, lazing on deck chairs under big blue and white striped umbrellas or swimming in the sea, returning to the house for big, wholesome lunches made by the housekeeper-cook, Mrs. Grady (whose husband is the butler. The Gradys are the live-in caretakers at the beach house, and their chaperones for the duration of this vacation.).

The five of them have played video games, pool (where Maya kicked everyone's collective butts), binge-watched TV shows and marathoned movies, tried their hand at tennis, relaxed by the swimming pool, and gone for midnight walks on the beach. Smackle has spent nearly all her non-group time in the library, Maya is on a mission to draw, sketch, paint, and photograph every view from the house, and Lucas, Zay and Farkle are halfway through a prolonged game of CoD involving a zombie invasion.

It's exactly what they need: a nice, relaxing, uneventful holiday before the madness of school, classes, and extracurricular activities takes over their lives again for the rest of the year.

At least, it should have been a nice, relaxing, uneventful holiday. So far, for Zay, it's been anything but. And it's all thanks to his two best friends, Maya and Lucas.

Zay is usually pretty patient when it comes to his friends. He's content to sit back and watch the shenanigans ensue, the drama unfold — and there's no dearth of either with his group, especially when Riley is around. It actually makes for quality entertainment.

But he has been watching this pining and angst-filled drama between Maya and Lucas play out for three years. And though he's generally a sucker for slow-burn romances, he has to admit it's infinitely more frustrating in real life than it is in books or TV shows or movies.

So Zay is fed up. He can't take it anymore. He's reached the end of his tether. It makes him want to tear his hair out.

"You have mentioned that," Isadora says, not looking up from the brick-thick book in her lap. "Fourteen times in the last nine minutes and forty seven seconds."

They are in Mr. Minkus's study/library, where Isadora ensconced herself a little while ago, and Zay came looking for her to vent his frustration after witnessing yet another bout of stare-at-them-longingly-but-look-away-before-they-catch-you-looking between Lucas and Maya.

Zay has spent quite a lot of time with Smackle in the recent weeks, especially after they arrived in the Hamptons. It's mainly because Maya and Lucas are being Maya and Lucas, and Farkle is spending a lot of time by himself watching space documentaries. (Zay thinks this is because Farkle misses Riley, with whom he had some sort of a fight before she left for Maui, and now he's feeling sorry about the fight and sorrier for himself because he and Riley aren't exactly talking, while she and Maya call and text each other all the time.) In short, Isadora is the only sane one around, not to mention she's quirky and funny and has a great sense of humour. Zay has always got along well with her, and lately they seem to be getting along like a house on fire, so he's not complaining.

She looks at him and raises an eyebrow, and he realizes he's been staring at her. He quickly looks away, thanking his stars that his blush doesn't show on his skin, (though he's not sure why he's blushing), and returns to the topic of his pique: Maya and Lucas.

"That's because it's true!" He exclaims a tad dramatically. He stops his circular pacing around Mr. Minkus's desk and chair (currently occupied by Smackle) to stand and gaze out of the large window behind her.

It's drizzling outside — it's been raining for the past couple of days — and after being cooped together indoors for so long, everyone has wandered off to spend the afternoon by themselves as they please. Which Zay is fervently thankful for because he doesn't think he can handle another minute of Maya and Lucas's charged silences and tense faces.

"I just can't see them hurting like this anymore," he says. "All I'm saying is we should lock them together in the pantry, or in a closet or something — god knows there's enough of those in this house! — and not let them out until they tell each other how they feel."

Giving up on getting any peaceful reading done when Zay is so worked up, Smackle sighs and closes the book, leaving her finger in between to mark her page.

"Did you know that when researchers, documentary filmmakers, and wildlife photographers study a natural habitat, they are not supposed to interfere or influence the flora and fauna? They must only observe the manner in which the subjects function and interact, because the deliberate introduction of any external factor will cause a change in their natural response — their normal behaviour — to the situation."

Zay turns around to face her, hiding a smile. Trust Isadora Smackle to use a science analogy to present her argument. "Don't you think the natural response of our fauna so far has only been to fuck up their situation worse?"

"They have had a significant amount of external assistance," she reminds him. "I am sure you are aware, even if you were not present, that on New Year's in eighth grade my former arch-lovesis and once again platonic arch-nemesis decided he knew the correct solution to the triangle based on the value of only one side, with complete disregard for the values — the feelings — of the other two sides of the triangle when he announced that Riley still liked Lucas."

Zay winces at the memory of Lucas recounting that night to him. Well intentioned or not, that was definitely a pretty bad fuck-up on Farkle's part.

"Or Riley insisting that Maya only liked Lucas because she had 'become Riley'," Smackle continues, curling her fingers to make air quotes.

There's no missing the sarcasm in her tone.

"And that putting Maya 'back in her place'—" (more sarcasm and more air quotes) "—would automatically solve the triangle problem. As a straight A student, Riley should have been aware that such a hypothesis has no logic, and no basis in fact and reality. No individual can become another person. Such a phenomenon is scientifically impossible, even when the individual is cloned, in which case they would be genetically identical but still different individuals. And Maya and Riley have zero genetic similarities. Of course, the only solution to the triangle Riley would have accepted back then was where Lucas chose her and not Maya. And since she correctly perceived that was an unlikely possibility, her brain constructed such an absurd theory."

Zay has to really concentrate to follow what Isadora's saying, but when he works it out, he has to admit she has a point. But— "Actions and problems based on human emotions don't always have clear scientific solutions like a math or a physics problem, sugar," he says gently.

"I am aware of that," she replies. "Science does not dictate feelings. Emotions cannot be quantified into scientific equations. I am learning that more and more from you guys every day. But neither Farkle's nor Riley's actions in those two instances were correct, Isaiah. You do not disagree with me on that, do you?"

"No," Zay admits.

"Which is why non-interference is our best and most favourable course of action."

Izzy is right. Farkle and Riley's meddling has caused enough trouble for Maya and Lucas in the past. And as much as Zay wants to lock Maya and Lucas together in a small confined space until they confess their feelings for each other, he knows it's not the right thing to do.

Smackle pats his hand. "I am aware that this frustrates you. But just think of it as observing a complicated mating ritual. That is what I do."

Zay snorts in laughter at the image her words create. But then he notices her tapping her finger on the iPad she carries everywhere to make notes and record observations, and suddenly he isn't sure she meant that as a joke. And he's even more unnerved by the fact that he finds the idea of Izzy carefully documenting their friends' behaviour quirky and endearing rather than weird (and maybe a little creepy). He briefly wonders if she has a file on him too, and what it might say. Deciding he doesn't really want to examine that line of thought right now, he turns his thoughts back to the more immediate matter at hand: Maya and Lucas.

It's just difficult for him not to meddle, he thinks as he starts pacing around the desk and Smackle's chair again, because he's the only one who knows both sides of the story. He knows why Maya believes Lucas doesn't have feelings for her, that he only likes her as a friend (all thanks to some carelessly thrown around words during their ski lodge trip back in freshman year). And he's quite familiar with Lucas's constant refusals (that usually have nothing to do with whatever topic they happen to be discussing at that moment) to tell Maya how he feels about her because he firmly believes "she doesn't like me like that anymore, Zay". No one can fault him for wanting to get his dumb-dumb friends together once and for all.

But he can't say or do a thing because both Lucas and Maya made him promise not to tell anyone, especially Maya and especially Lucas, that they still have feelings for the other person. (On the same evening, at the same event, no less: the sophomore year school dance. But that's another story.)

Since both of them had threatened him with bodily harm — Lucas had gone as far as to threaten to throw him into Tombstone's enclosure, but Maya's chilling "You won't know what hit you, Babineaux!" was far more effective — Zay had agreed to keep his mouth shut even though it's killing him. (Though he's quite offended that they think he can't keep a secret!)

He's pretty sure the need for secrecy is redundant, though.

For one, neither Lucas nor Maya are anywhere near as successful at hiding their feelings for each other as they think they are. In fact, the only ones supposedly oblivious to the other one's feelings are Lucas and Maya themselves. Even Mr. and Mrs. Grady, the live-in caretakers of Farkle's beach house, have asked Zay whether Maya and Lucas are dating because of their constant flirty banter and all the not-so-secret glances.

And neither of their two genius friends can have missed the way Lucas's jaw dropped when he saw Maya in a swimsuit on their first day at the beach. (And pretty much every other time after that.) Zay had to nudge his best friend to stop him from being so obvious. "Put your eyes back in your head, buddy."

Lucas had snapped out of his daze. "I'm not staring at Maya."

"Never said who you were staring at," Zay smirked. "Also, close your mouth. You'll catch flies."

(He hopes no one noticed that he had pretty much the same reaction earlier when he first saw Smackle in that green bathing suit!)

A couple of afternoons later, they'd ended up watching The Longest Ride (okay, Zay had deliberately picked that movie when it had been his turn to choose). It hadn't exactly worked the way he'd imagined, though. Instead of seeing themselves in the characters of Sophia and Luke, having an epiphany, and confessing their feelings for each other, Maya sat through most of the movie stony-faced while Lucas couldn't stop fidgeting and glancing at her every two seconds.

But despite his subtle meddling (he can't help himself! And yes, it was subtle!), Zay knows Maya and Lucas need to figure this out on their own. More importantly, they need to want to be together of their own free will, and want it enough to actively work towards it.

Or more accurately, as Zay sees it, this is mostly up to Lucas, since he was the one who screwed up by telling Maya at the ski lodge that he didn't like that they tangled without clarifying what he really meant, leaving Maya under the mistaken impression that she'd misunderstood his feelings for her.

Maya isn't going to believe Lucas still likes her — more than likes her, since by now Zay's convinced his best friend is more than halfway in love with her — unless she hears and sees it from Lucas himself.

The worst part of Lucas and Maya's refusal to declare their feelings for each other is the resulting unresolved sexual tension. It usually takes the form of relentless teasing and bantering, but sometimes escalates to sudden, heated fights, like the one they had just a couple of days ago.

Maya made a passing remark about one of Josh Matthews' college friends being dreamy, which pissed Lucas off enough to make a snarky comment about it. (Lucas's severe dislike of Josh — despite Maya being well and truly over him — is no secret.) This made Maya snap at him about how it wasn't any of his business who she liked and to keep his opinions to himself.

Instead of wisely shutting up and changing the subject, (because Lucas is rarely wise when it involves Maya and his feelings for her), Lucas defended himself by claiming he was only looking out for her, which made Maya really blow up. She'd stormed out of the room, but not before informing him that she neither needed nor cared for his protection, and that he could shove it you know where, leaving behind an enraged Lucas, a resigned Zay, two awkward geniuses, and a ringing silence.

Smackle and Farkle had both showed no outward reactions. But Zay noticed that while Farkle had looked on with narrowed eyes, as if he was trying to solve a puzzling problem, Isadora had watched them closely, as if she was observing a science experiment.

That's when he'd also realized that Isadora's eyes are really beautiful and mesmerising, the deep, dark brown colour of chocolate brownies. And she has really pretty hair, like a river of the melted chocolate that Grandma Gandy uses while making his favourite cookies. But he should probably stop comparing her features to chocolate because it's making him hungry.

Smackle's voice interrupts Zay's wandering thoughts. "Aha!" she exclaims, staring out of the window behind the desk, which overlooks the courtyard with the swimming pool. "Looks like you will not have to wait much longer after all, Isaiah!"

Zay scrambles around the table to join Izzy, whose face is pressed against the glass. There, standing by the edge of the pool and carrying a giant red umbrella, is Maya. And facing her, unbothered by the soft, misty drizzle, is Lucas.

Thanks to the drizzle, and the study/library being a floor above, Zay and Smackle can't see Maya or Lucas's faces very clearly. But the scowl on Maya's face and the smirk on Lucas's lips are unmistakeable. Because of the fixed window, the two watchers can't hear a word of the conversation below either, but whatever Maya says makes Lucas smirk even wider.

Zay knows his best friend, he knows exactly why Lucas is radiating such smug satisfaction.

After their fight, Maya has cold-shouldered Lucas as much as possible. She hasn't avoided his presence or ignored him outright, but she hasn't spoken to him directly for two whole days, and Zay knows it's making him miserable.

Confronting her like this, alone and outside in the rain where she can't ignore him, is Lucas's way of trying to get her to acknowledge him, to speak to him. The smug smirk plastered across his face is because he's succeeded in getting her undivided attention. Plus, Maya seems irritated, which means she's not unaffected by him. Which is why the smirk is wider.

Zay wants to hide his face behind his hands — he knows goading Maya into reacting can't end well for Lucas. But he can't not watch.

Lucas takes a step closer to Maya, and then another.

Zay holds his breath, and suddenly becomes aware that he and Isadora are clutching each other's fingers. Her hand is small in his, but her grip is firm. He is completely distracted for a moment by how nice it feels, how soft her palm is. And he's suddenly worried that his own hand is sweaty.

But just as he's trying to decide what to do, how to react, to think around the way his heart is beating madly fast in his ears, Smackle lets out a huff of frustration. Zay quickly looks out of the window to see that Maya has shifted her hold on the umbrella, angling it in such a way that her and Lucas's faces and the top halves of their bodies are hidden behind it. He swears (a little louder than he means to; Izzy's hand is still gripping his, and he's nervous), cursing the umbrella for obstructing their view.

They can't really tell what's going on now. All they can see are Lucas and Maya's feet. When Lucas's feet move another step closer to Maya's, so that the owners of the said pairs of feet are almost standing toe to toe, Smackle lets out an extremely un-Smackle-like squeal that exactly mirrors Zay's giddy excitement. Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! he wants to yell.

Instead, there's a blur of motion, a flurry of action. Before they can comprehend what's happening, there's a loud splash as Lucas falls into the pool. Maya drops the umbrella and takes off in the opposite direction.

The two watchers just stare.

"Well," Smackle says, releasing his hand.

Zay watches anxiously (and tries not to think about how he misses holding her hand), relaxing when his best friend surfaces, his hair streaming with water and plastered to his head, while Smackle presses her face to the window pane to follow Maya's flight. She sees Maya head for one of the doors that leads back inside the house before turning her attention to the sight of a dripping Lucas as he emerges from the pool.

Zay notices her expression, and feels a sudden streak of pure irritation surge through him. "Will you stop ogling at him! You've seen him shirtless several times already!"

Smackle looks at him as if she's pitying his intelligence. "Why would I deprive myself of such an appealing sight, regardless of how many instances I have witnessed it before? And why does it bother you anyway?"

Zay has no answer except that, for some reason, it does bother him. So he just grumbles as he leaves the room.

.

Zay finds Lucas in the bathroom of the room they share. He's changed out of his wet clothes, but is yet to put on a t-shirt. He's sat on the edge of the bathtub, drying his hair with a towel, scowling at the floor.

"Must you wander around shirtless?" Zay asks, exasperated.

"I didn't know the sight of my bare chest affected you so much," Lucas deadpans.

"Har har." Everybody's a comedian, Zay thinks. "That was just to warn you. You're the one who complains when Smackle flirts with you."

"Why does it sound like you're more bothered by that than I am?"

"Pfft I'm not bothered. Why would I be bothered by Smackle flirting with you? She's been doing it since before I moved to New York. Of course I'm not bothered."

But it does bother Zay, so he changes the subject. "So," he nods at Lucas's state, "What did you do?"

"Nothing."

Zay just raises an eyebrow.

Lucas sighs. "She's so—" He cuts himself off with a snarl of frustration.

"Why? Because she told you she didn't care for your opinion on Josh and his friends? Or did you try to woo her with your horse-birthing story again? Because then if I was her, I'd push you into the pool too."

Lucas flings his towel to the floor in fury and surges to his feet. "I'm just trying to look out for her, why doesn't she get that?"

"Why don't you just tell her you have feelings for her?"

"I don't have feelings for Maya," he says sulkily, being contrary just because.

Zay snorts. "Right. And I'm in love with Smackle."

Lucas gives him a weird look as he pulls on a t-shirt.

Zay notices. "What?"

"You have been spending a lot of time with her lately." Lucas points out.

"That's because I can't take anymore of your and Maya's drama. It's more painful than a visit to the dentist!"

Farkle enters, a bowl of popcorn in his hands. "What did you do, Freakface?"

"Maya's the one who pushed me into the pool."

"Did you tell her that story again about how you gave birth to a horse, because—"

Lucas growls.

Farkle takes a step back hurriedly. "Just checking."

"How do you know what happened anyway?" Zay asks Farkle, reaching for some of his popcorn. "I thought you were going to spend the afternoon in your home theatre watching space documentaries?"

"I was." For a second, Farkle's expression darkens before clearing up again. "But I went to get a snack, and saw the whole thing from the kitchen windows." He grins. "Maya's a lot stronger than she appears. Did you see how she just shoved him into the pool?"

He mimics the sounds of a yell and a loud splash, then grins proudly, as if he's personally responsible for Maya's feat of strength.

Zay wants to laugh, but Lucas looks seriously unamused, so he swallows his chuckle. "Lucas here needs advice on how to make things okay with Maya again."

"I do not!"

"Well, we're still going give it to you, buddy, because I, for one, am sick of watching you two bicker."

"Why don't you just tell her how you feel?" Farkle asks.

"I don't have feelings for Maya." Lucas lies with much more conviction this time.

"Sure," Farkle nods. "You don't have feelings for her. That's why you looked like you were imagining ripping me apart with your bare hands for dancing with her at the winter formal."

"That was before I knew it was you!"

Lucas's eyes widen the minute the words are out of his mouth. Zay and Farkle snicker at him, and he narrows his eyes.

"Look," Farkle says after a moment, his tone uncharacteristically sombre, at odds with his lighthearted ragging mere seconds ago, "All I'm saying is that if she doesn't feel the same way, you can go back to wallowing in your misery like you're doing right now, except you'll know for sure that she doesn't like you. It's better than being like this just because you're too afraid to tell her how you feel."

There's an awkward pause as Farkle looks out of the window, and Lucas and Zay exchange uncomfortable glances.

It's obvious that Farkle is speaking from personal experience. And Zay, being as astute as he is, doesn't need Smackle-level genius to deduce that this has something to do with Farkle's fight with Riley. He's not sure, though, whether Farkle is urging Lucas to tell Maya how he feels because he has already done the same with Riley himself (and possibly learned that she doesn't reciprocate his feelings, though Zay doesn't believe that for even a second), or because he wishes he had.

Clearly Farkle needs some serious cheering up — whatever has been bugging him, he has hidden it successfully enough so far that no one suspected how much it's really bothering him. But Zay knows his friends. The easiest way to get Farkle's mind off his own problems right now is to focus his attention on something else. And how handy that they have a dumb-dumb friend who desperately needs their help.

Except Farkle's plan has a slight flaw.

"How is telling him that it might be a lose-lose situation supposed to encourage him?" Zay demands.

Farkle turns to Lucas and raises his eyebrows even as he dips his hand into the bowl for more popcorn.

Lucas sighs. "No, Farkle's right. I should just tell her."

What.

Zay stares at him. "I've been after you to tell Maya how you feel before I even moved to New York, and Farkle's right?"

"Hey, I'm his best friend, and I know how he thinks." Farkle beams, seemingly having bounced back to his usual cheerful self.

"Wait a minute," Zay protests, "I'm his best friend."

"If you were his best friend, you'd know that sometimes the only way to get Freakface to do something is to call him a chicken."

"Hey, I don't need a reason to call him a freak or a chicken!" Zay claps Farkle on his shoulder as they share a laugh.

"Okay, guys. Who are supposed to be my best friends," Lucas interjects, "Can we get back to my problem here?"

"It's not rocket science," Zay tells him, rolling his eyes.

"Yeah, listen to him. He hangs out enough with Smackle to know by now what's rocket science and what isn't," Farkle quips.

Zay eyes his two friends suspiciously, trying to decide why that statement sounds like it's poking fun at him. He doesn't buy their innocent expressions, especially as Lucas just tried to pass off a snort as a cough, and Farkle is trying (and failing) to suppress amusement of indeterminate origin. (Shit, he must be spending too much time with Smackle, he's even beginning to think in her words.) But he decides Farkle is merely making an observation, one that is in no way incorrect.

"Exactly," he says, turning to Lucas. "Listen to Zay the wise! Just take Maya down to the beach tomorrow morning before breakfast, when it's all calm and quiet and peaceful and fresh, and tell her how you feel about her."

"Okay." Lucas takes a couple of deep breaths, like a diver before going underwater, as if he's gearing himself to go find their blonde friend and talk to her immediately. "Find Maya. Take her to the beach. Tell her how I feel. That's it. Easy peasy."

But he looks green, as if he's going to be sick.

"Perfect!" Farkle finishes the last of his popcorn. "Now, I need to go find my former arch-lovesis and once again platonic arch-nemesis—"

"Why?" Zay interrupts, realizing a second later how abrupt he sounds.

"...Because I want to discuss this hypothesis we have about—"

"Oh, just science then." Zay holds up his hand, inexplicably relieved for some reason that he does not want to examine. "Say no more!"

"You should come along, it might interest you."

Zay chuckles. "Since when have I ever been interested in science?"

"I thought you might be, since Smackle's going to be there."

"What?"

"Uh.. nothing?" Farkle edges away nervously.

"Damn right it's nothing!"

.

Zay does go looking for Smackle (and Farkle!) a while later. But he doesn't find them anywhere until they arrive together for dinner, which sours his mood.

.

Contrary to Zay's expectations, Lucas isn't able to lure Maya down to the beach the next morning, or even the morning after that. Consequently, he has to endure two whole days more of Lucas's looks of longing and desperation, and Maya's impatience with everyone, but especially Lucas. And if that isn't bad enough, Smackle seems to have decided that the best way to cover up the awkwardness caused by their two friends' silent feud is by flirting with Lucas as much as possible.

For some reason, this irks Zay more than anything else. His best friend is supposed to be focused on Maya. Instead, he hangs out with Smackle all day, genially laughing off her attempts at flirting instead of discouraging her like he used to, and joking around with her and Farkle, the latter having seemingly decided to hop on the "let's-annoy-Zay" bandwagon as well. Only Maya seems to find them just as irritating, something that is evident from the way she glares daggers at everyone.

So, it's a very grumpy Zay and Maya who make their way down to the kitchen for breakfast a couple of mornings later.

And they arrive just in time to witness Smackle yank Lucas forward by his shirt collar Maya-style, and plant one on him.

Zay gapes.

Everything seems to blur around him. All he can do is stare, horrified, as Isadora Smackle kisses his best friend. On the mouth. He can feel a hot wave of shock — and... anger? — and panic (that one he can identify for sure) flooding through him, because all this time, he thought Izzy was only joking around when she flirted with Lucas. But now, Zay's not sure what to make of the situation at all.

At last, several torturous hours later (though according to Farkle, it was barely ten seconds), Smackle lets go of Lucas, who looks about as gobsmacked as Zay feels. "Huh."

"Smackle!" Zay squawks, finally pushing past his shock enough to manage to get some words out.

Everything rapidly comes back into focus, and Zay is suddenly aware of Maya beside him, frozen like a stone. In the other corner of the room, Farkle, whom he hadn't even noticed so far, stands with his brows raised at the scene unfolding before them.

Smackle and Lucas turn, at last noticing that they have an audience.

"Oh," Maya stammers, "Uh– um– continue– didn't mean to interrupt..."

Zay is too busy staring gormlessly at Smackle to realize that Maya has left, until Lucas, belatedly emerging from his shocked stupor, calls out her name like a desperate, drowning man, and barrels out after her.

"Maya!" He hollers.

"Come on, I don't want to miss this!" Smackle drags Zay after them, and Farkle follows close behind.

The three of them get to the back porch just in time to see Lucas catch up with Maya, who has already reached the beach. It's amazing how fast someone as short as her can move. Even Lucas has had to sprint to catch up with her.

It would have made a pretty picture — Maya with her long golden hair and rust-coloured hoodie, on the beach, a pink rain-washed sky as the backdrop — if it wasn't for the fact that she's storming away.

They can clearly hear Lucas from where they're standing. "Maya! Maya, listen to me!"

He tries to take her hand but she rips it from his, and continues to move down to the shoreline.

"Maya, please! She kissed me, I didn't kiss her, I swear!"

Maya turns and kicks Lucas in the shin. Hard.

"Oww!"

Undeterred, he hops after her on one foot as she walks away, and manages to snag her wrist. She shoves him away, which, as he's still hopping, sends him falling on his back in the sand. But he doesn't loosen his grip on her hand, causing Maya to fall too, right on top of him, and sprawl all over his chest.

From their vantage point, Zay, Smackle, and Farkle have a clear view of the spectacle unfolding on the beach.

In the process of struggling to get off Lucas's chest and onto her feet, Maya drives her elbow straight into his gut, winding him. He lets out a strangled "Oof!", but manages to grip her other wrist. They end up rolling so that Lucas is partially on top of Maya, who is swearing loudly and foully enough to make sailors and soldiers blush. Her curses float back up to the trio on the porch.

"This isn't what I had in mind when I told him to have a nice quiet talk with her on the beach in the early morning quiet," Zay states as they watch their two friends grapple.

Suddenly, Lucas collapses on top of Maya with a yell of pure agony. Zay and Farkle simultaneously hiss in sympathy. It's obvious what has happened: Maya just kneed Lucas where it hurts the most. None of the watchers can tell if it was an accident or deliberate.

"Get off me, you big fat oaf!" Maya wheezes. "You weigh as much as a horse!"

She manages to shove Lucas off herself, and leaves him curled up whimpering on the sand as she stalks away. But now there's less stalking off and more weariness in her, as if the fight has gone out of her.

Impressively, after a couple of minutes, Lucas manages to get to his feet and stagger after her, though he's clearly still in pain. He reaches Maya and turns her to face him, and she doesn't resist when he cups her cheek to raise her face. (He doesn't have to make her look up too much; he's still hurting badly enough that he can't stand straight and is hunched over.) His voice is too low for those on the porch to hear what he's saying, but even from this distance, they can see the earnestness (and pain) on his face.

It feels like an eternity, but he finally steps forward, closing the distance between them. Maya doesn't protest, and Zay, Smackle, and Farkle watch eagerly as he leans down, closer, closer... and rests his forehead on her shoulder with a heartfelt groan, clearly still needing a minute to deal with the lingering trauma of Maya's knee making contact with sensitive parts of his anatomy.

Maya winces in sympathy, but there's no mistaking the smile on her face as Lucas finally straightens enough to kiss her.

"Yeesssss!" Smackle shrieks.

Farkle lets out a loud whoop and snaps off a couple of pictures with his phone, which Zay now realizes he's had trained on their friends all along. (He's sure the videos and photos Farkle has taken are already on their way to Riley, a peace offering and a way to make up after their fight. Riley's going to be pretty steamed she wasn't there to witness this historic event in person.)

Zay cheers too, of course he does. He's happy for his friends, and he's happiest for himself. His otp is finally together, after three excruciating years. Damn, that slow-burn was the slowest burn to ever slow-burn!

But he knows this was bound to happen sooner or later. (He would have made sure it did.) Which is why, after jumping up and down excitedly with the others for a few minutes, he turns his attention to the brunette with glasses next to him. "Whatever happened to 'non-interference is our best and most favourable course of action'?"

Smackle gives him a devious look. "I was not interfering," she says primly, with a smug quirk of her lips. "I was merely testing the practical application of the hypothesis Farkle and I have been discussing for the past few days. And as the conclusive results show, our postulation based on empirical evidence for both sets of observations was accurate."

Practical application of the hypothesis... Zay's mouth falls open. "You're unbelievable," he tells the two geniuses, aiming a glare at Farkle.

"And after that, I can safely say I do not comprehend what the fuss is all about." Smackle grimaces and wipes her mouth. "It was like kissing a sibling. It was worse than kissing a sibling."

She pushes off the railing and takes the stairs going down to the beach to join Lucas and Maya, who have finally stopped kissing and are grinning up at their friends happily. (Lucas has finally managed to stand up straight, though it looks like he's trying to avoid moving as much as possible.)

Zay's eyes follow Isadora, not wanting to examine the sheer relief coursing through him that she thought kissing Lucas was worse than kissing a sibling.

Something she said before tugs his brain, and he replays her words in his mind. "Wait a minute. What did she mean by "both sets of observations"?"

Farkle smirks at him slyly.

Shit, Zay thinks as Isadora turns and gives him a coy smile. He's in trouble.