Pick Up Lines
A/N: Random story. Just had to type it up.
Lily walked away from James Potter for the fifteenth time that day. (James, Lily)
Hey aren't you forgetting something?
What?
Me!
Right. Petrificus Totalus! Toodles!
Did it hurt?
Did what hurt?
When you fell out of heaven?
Did it hurt?
What?
When you fell on your head and crushed it.
Excuse me, but I think I dropped something!!!
What?
MY JAW!!
Shut it or it's be cracked instead of dropped.
I must be lost. I thought paradise was further south.
I must be lost. I thought hell was further under.
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together.
If I could rearrange your brain, I'd put shut and up together.
If I followed you home, would you keep me?
If you followed me home, Azkaban would be sure to welcome another prisoner in.
Wouldn't we look cute on a wedding cake together?
Wouldn't you look cute in your coffin?
You're like a dictionary, you add meaning to my life!
You're like a cigarette. Addictive but evil and harmful.
So you DO like me!
Not talking about me, (points to fan club drooling behind him)
Hello. Cupid called. He says to tell you that he needs my heart back.
Hello. Satan called. He says to tell you that he needs his prisoner back.
It's my birthday! How about a birthday kiss?
Is it really your birthday?
No, but how about a kiss anyway?
It's my birthday! How about you go kill yourself!
If stars would fall every time I would think of you, the sky would soon be empty.
If someone was born every time I would wish you were mute, the earth would soon be overpopulated.
Hey, is it just me, or are we destined to be married?
Hey, is it just me, or am I destined to kill you?
Can I take your picture?
Why?
Because I want Santa to know exactly what I want for Christmas.
Can you stick a pole in your ass? I want you to know exactly what I want for my birthday!
Well, here I am. What were your other two wishes?
One, die. Two, an owl.
Do you have a Band-Aid? I just scrapped my knee falling for you.
Yeah, sure. Here you go. (summons a band aid out of thin air)
I was so enchanted by your beauty that I ran into that wall over there. So I am going to need your name and floo network for insurance purposes.
I was laughing so hard at you bumping into that wall over there, that I fell and sprained my ankle. Name: GO KILL YOURSELF Network: Hell.
Well, I AM telepathic, and I can tell that you love me. Right?
Yeah, and I'm a Death Eater in disguise.
Really?
Yeah and you died yesterday.
No I didn't I'm right here.
Oh, sorry must have been a dream.
(holding out his hand) Would you hold this for me while I go for a walk?
(grabbing it and shoving him into the lake) Walk? Looks more like a swim to me.
Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?
I believe in hate at first sight, I found it. Now walk away.
Hi, I just wanted to give you the satisfaction of turning me down; go ahead say no.
No.
I have had a really bad day and it always makes me feel better to see a pretty girl smile. So, would you smile for me?
I've had a really bad day and it always makes me feel better to see an annoying prat leave. So go make out with girl number 43!
43? I only got to 21!
Does your watch have a second hand? I want to know how long it took for me to fall in love with you.
Does your brain have a second thought, about asking that question?
What's your name?
Piss off, Potter. You know its Lily; Evans for you.
Oh... I thought it was Aphrodite.
Hey, don't frown - you'll never know who might be falling in love with your smile.
Hey, don't talk to me – you'll never know who might be wishing you were talking to them instead.
I envy your lipstick.
Really?
Yeah…
Oh, here you can have it.
If beauty were time, you'd be an eternity.
If dumbness were grains of sand, you'd be a million beaches.
If you were a library book, I would check you out.
If you were a puppet, I would punch your guts out. (although your current state also works)
It's not my fault I fell in love. You are the one that tripped me.
It's not my fault you tripped. You were the one not looking where you were going.
That's because I was looking at you!
And I care…why?
When God made you, he was showing off.
When God made you, HE CLEARLY MADE A MISTAKE!
And Lily stormed off, tired of being followed around the whole day by him and his stupid pick up lines. Stupid Git.
A/N: Ok, I know. I'm not good at making up funny remarks. Ok, fine, I SUCK!!! Please let me know if you would like a second chapter, and what it could be about. I can'r just leave James and Lily without getting them together, right?
Love, Ale