Ways To Anger Soul Society Captains
By: randomemochild
Rated: T (just to be safe)
Genre: General/Humor
Summary: The title is pretty much self explanatory….
Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach, as much as I would love to. There is no need to sue me, I'm extremely broke. Seriously, what's 10 of $0…?
Author's Note: I basically thought of this list while bored on the train, so enjoy! It's kinda like a travel guide….that you probably wouldn't want to follow….lol!
So, you're a Ryoka who's decided to do something daring and intrude the soul society! If you're looking for a good fight and also ready to show those captains whose boss, here are some surefire ways to make an impression:
Shigekuni Yamamoto Genryusai
Tell him founding the Soul Reapers Academy was by far the worst decision he ever made, then proceed to destroy property within the Sereitei.
Soi Fon
Get in her way
Tell her that Yoruichi sucks
Tell her Yoruichi is awesome
Gin Ichimaru
Tell him his face is horrendous
Tell him you'll kidnap Matsumoto
Attempt to engage in a staring contest
Retsu Unohana
Generally a pleasant person, but some things that'll work:
Tell her she couldn't heal a damn thing
Ask: Why does Squad 4 even exist if they can't even fight?
Sosuke Aizen
Go into his office, sit him down and whisper, "I know your secret. I know what you'll do. You'll never achieve your goal." Then, proceed to run out of his office, yelling, "Hey everyone! Guess what I know!?!" (You do not need to actually know any of his secrets to do this)
Byakuya Kuchiki
There are several things that piss off Kuchiki-sama. Let's look at the top 5:
1. Insult his dead wife, Hisana.
2. Ichigo Kurosaki.
3. Tell him he needs to get laid. Badly.
4. Suggest who he should get laid by (guys and girls included).
5. Make fun of his hair piece.
To really piss him off, combine all 5! For example: "Forget Hisana! She sucked! You should get laid by Ichigo Kurosaki. Take off that noodle hair piece. You'll scare him away!"
Saijin Komamura
Call him a fox-man.
Insult the name of Yamamoto.
Shunsui Kyoraku
Take away his sake.
Take away his lieutenant.
Take away his stash of adult magazines.
Tell him from now on, the 13 Squads will be all male.
Take away girls in general.
Kaname Tosen
Yell, "My way's the path of justice, fool!"
See, Sosuke Aizen
Toshiro Hitsugaya
Call him short.
Grab something of his, then hold it up above your head. Most effective if you are very tall.
Make fun of or kidnap Hinamori.
Offer him candy, toys or anything childish. When he refuses, throw it at his face.
Kenpachi Zaraki
All you really have to do is exist to piss him off.
To really piss him off, attempt head to toe makeover, especially in the company of Yumchika Ayasegawa.
Mayuri Kurotsuchi
Offer to donate your body in the name of science, then yell, "PSYCH!" and prepare to run like hell.
Destroy his lab.
Jushiro Ukitake
Eat his food.
Eat his candy.
Most effective if you do it in right in front of his face.
Now that you have completed my list, you should have all of the captains pretty angry at you. In case they should happen to be chasing you through the Seireitei and hurling zanpakutos at you, I do offer a "Ways to Make Amends With 13 Soul Society Captains," but unfortunately, I haven't written it yet, so you'll have to just outrun them. My condolences...
A/N: Ha ha, see what 2 hours of boredom on a train will get you? The list in the last paragraph most likely won't be written, or should it…? Anyway, I felt it was kinda short, so feel free to add more to the list as you REVIEW!!!