He was cruising along the road which ran parallel to the beach. The sunset always looked beautiful, but he discovered after years of early morning and late night surfing sessions that yes, all sunsets where beautiful, but only the right combination and alignment of your thoughts, feelings and a haphazard splash of colours on the horizon truly made a sunset breath taking. As he thought about this speeding down the coast, he reasoned that this same metaphor could be applied to women. All women are beautiful, and he wasn't just one of those sleazy guys who said that to get into a girls pants. He genuinely knew that all girls, all women were beautiful. How could something that preciously carries life around protecting it with all they have for nine months then goes through sheer agony to spend the rest of their lives protecting and nurturing this creation not be beautiful?
But much like the sunset, it was only the perfect structure of your thoughts and your feelings along with that beauty that makes a woman breath taking. And he had found that; god had he found that. Kensi Blye. One little name that when said made his heart rate spike and his chest convulse.
Special Agent Kensi Blye was his perfect sunset. Not just because of her exotic and hypnotic looks, but her personality too. Her fierce loyalty that would lead her to the wrong end of the gun more often than not, her unbreakable desire to help and protect those that she loves and cares about, the way she'll fight and scrum with the best of them just to prove her worth in the agency, only to then seek reassurance and acceptance from those around her, to know that she is a deserved member of this team, of this family. Her pathetic attempts at humour that despite his best efforts still manage to put a smile on his face, her innocence at seeing the very worst that the world has to offer but still being able to recklessly drive back home, slump onto her couch with a couple of beers and a burger and laugh and do that cute little snort that he loves so much at her favourite reality shows. Her junk food addiction, always having a stash of sugar hidden somewhere, no matter how much she denies it he can always tell by the small smudge of chocolate at the corner of her mouth or the distinct smell of peanut butter when she returns from the 'toilet'. Everything about her drove him crazy. That's why he said what he said, he reasoned. How could he not when she does all these lovable things? He hadn't meant to, it was all in the heat of the moment and it just kind of slipped out. His sunset suddenly turned into a raging storm as soon as she'd clocked what he'd said. The panic in her eyes was the thing that struck him first. If he hadn't of been as shaken as she was he would have laughed at the look on her face. But he didn't laugh. Instead he opted for stuttering like a little boy who just got told off and was trying to explain himself. Right after the panic had come the anger. He doesn't recollect her exact words but he's sure it went something like: "You asshole, I can't believe you, not only do you act like a complete jackass to me but then you tease me and play with my feelings by saying that? Well congratulations! Now you have even more stuff to tease me about, well you know what? I'm done. I'm sick of this…of this…this 'thing'! In fact it's not even a 'thing' anymore, not that it ever was, why would I want a 'thing' with a selfish, arrogant idiot! I hate you! You've ruined everything, can't you just leave? I never even wanted another partner, then I get landed with you of all people, and things were progressing nicely, then you go and do this?! As if this partnership wasn't doomed enough. You know what? Why don't you just go? Leave. That's what you'll do eventually so why prolong the agony of being paired up anymore." Then she'd stormed out of his apartment and sped off and out of his life forever, leaving nothing but a couple of empty beer bottles and a half eaten burger for him to remember her by. He hadn't meant to lecture her like he'd done; he just couldn't stand the fact that yet again she had put herself in unnecessary danger, all because of her stubbornness. If he was being honest with himself, it was his own worry and stress of the day being taken out on her. But even now, despite the harshness of the words exchanged, he believed his words were justified. She needed to stop doing this, carelessly putting her body on the line when it would have been perfectly fine for her to take a step back. But no, it wouldn't be Kensi Blye if she didn't throw herself into oncoming traffic to catch the bad guy, resultantly being clipped by a car he's positive was speeding. He had been able to contain his thoughts all through the drive back to OSP and then when he forced her to let him drive her to his place for their usual Friday night beers and burgers, but he couldn't contain the words any longer when he caught the way she winced and gripped her side with urgency that gave away just how much pain she was really in. And it had all gone downhill from there.
That where he found himself now, scouring the city for any sign of that familiar silver Cadillac. But no such luck, he'd been driving none stop since she'd left four hours ago and he could find no trace of her. He'd been to her house, the beach, her favourite mall, the donut shop and their favourite take out store, but nothing. He was a detective for god's sake. Detective Marty Deeks. That's him. Detective Marty Deeks LAPD liaison to the famous and elusive NCIS no doubt, yet he couldn't even find his damn partner. Because that's what he was going to do, he was going to find his partner and he was going to fix this.
Because when he thought about it, it really wasn't that bad; not really. He hadn't called her a bad name, or bad mouthed her Dad, or lied to her, all he'd done was tell her the truth. Three little words said in the heat of a passionate argument. All he had done was acknowledge the years of pent up emotion that he has been forcing to the back of his mind and ignoring, their 'thing' as it were. All he'd done was tell Kensi Marie Blye, his partner, best friend and only family he truly has that he loved her. That's it. "I love you". As soon as he'd said it, much to the shock of even him as he hadn't even admitted that to himself much less her. He'd expected fire, but just not for the burn to hurt this much.
Deeks had gone through the exchange over and over in his mind and had finally come to the conclusion that it was about time it was said, and really there was nothing said that can't be fixed or explained. Because when you're in love with someone all the hateful things they say to you, all the pain and heart ache can't compare to the euphoria when that love is recognised and returned. And despite what Kensi said to his face he has spent three years as her partner learning to read her and understand her better than he understands himself. And looking back he can see with startling clarity the faint blush that rose to her cheeks when she first heard the words, at first he'd wrote it off as the anger but upon a more careful assessment he recognises it as a gentle appreciation of the words he'd said to her, and the sheen that glossed over her eyes told him of the wave of emotions that hit her at that moment, the slight furrow on her brow telling him that she was trying to digest it and figure out the right reaction to give, the one that he would have been expecting, because that's the problem that their partner-no, relationship had run into. No matter what was implied or noted the relationship never grew, it remained comfortable and unchanged, stuck in the ways that they had grown accustomed too. They each went out of their way to give the reaction that the other would be expecting so as not to give away too much.
But now that had all changed. Now Deeks himself new with such sincerity what he felt for Kensi and thanks to his big mouth, so did she. He'd got through the difficult part of admitting it and the backlash of Kensi Blye, so why give up now. He knows deep down that she feels something akin to love for him too, he just has to stick around long enough for her to let him in, and when she does he's never going to let go.
So here he was with this brilliant plan to stride up to her grab her face in his most probably clammy hands and kiss her senseless. The only problem, he finally admitted with an air of defeat, is that he has no idea where she is. He pulls the car up outside a rundown convenience store taking a calming breath to slow his hammering heart down, its sporadic beats having begun as soon as his thoughts had drifted to Kensi. Deeks rests his head on the steering wheel desperately racking his brain for a clue as to where she could possibly be. Just when he was about to give in and drive back to his apartment, depressingly empty, Monty still leant out to the kids foster home downtown, having spent some years in foster care himself Deeks knew the importance of what something like an non-judging, always loving dog could offer to a child who has nothing, Deeks remembered a titbit of information that Kensi had let slip yesterday at lunch. Dinner. With her Mom. He was sure of it; she was all excited to be reconnecting with her Mom but nervous as it was going to be just her and Julia. He hated even considering crashing her and her Mom's meal, but really what other option does he have, their relationship is in dire need of an intervention. Crashing dinner it is. With his renewed determination Deeks sets out driving a little too much over the speed limit than Hetty would be happy with.
Only now with his plan in action did he start to second guess himself, what if he's misread her completely? What if she did actually hate him and want him to leave? God, this whole thing was such a mess. Why couldn't Kensi be easy? Like every other relationship, couldn't she just smile that secret smile of hers that drove him wild, thank him sweetly and return those sacred words to him, they'd embrace and live happily ever after. But then, if she was easy she wouldn't be Kensi he resolved, she wouldn't be that badass Blye he is so head over heels for. No, it wouldn't be Kensi if he didn't have to fight her for it, that's how their relationship worked, he pushed, she pulled, but unbeknownst to her him pushing and her pulling meant that they were actually going in the same direction. So he just has to wait it out, she'll see eventually; he hopes.
Now pulling up to the quaint little restaurant his hope was slowly diminishing. She was going to kill him. This was it; this was where he was going to die, not at the end of some thug's gun, not saving innocent lives, not by the hands of his shitty Dad, not in an impromptu explosion or diving into the line of fire to help his team out, no, none of that. He was going to die at the hands of his partners rage, and he'd never felt so terrified.
He took what felt like the hundredth calming breath that day before stealing himself and striding out of his car to the restaurants entrance, passing a very familiar silver Cadillac with what Deeks was certain were Twinkie wrappers scattered on the dashboard. This isn't good news for him; if she's had sugar then she's more affected than she let on.
He peers through the windows hoping to catch a glimpse of Kensi and try to get a read on her but no such luck. He reaches for the door with uncharacteristic shaking hands, "Clammy," he mutters to himself pulling the door open. He's greeted with the warmth and delicate murmur of families and the like enjoying their respective meals out, somehow this calmed him, the normality of everything around him reminded him that despite how disastrous the results may be life goes on, and he should always take time to slow down and grab a bite to eat.
Deeks smiles lightly to himself as he scans the crowd taking in the happy glow of people's faces enjoying the ebb and flow of mundane conversations, that's when he spots them. Any other person wouldn't have noticed the quiet couple sitting in the dimly lit corner of the restaurant exchanging hushed words and soft smiles. But Deeks isn't just any person right now; he's a man in love looking for the one person he needs to make understand.
It's in his mind to walk towards him and tell her everything she needs to hear, but for one sweet short moment he savours observing her from a distance, storing everything to memory just in case this is the last time he's ever going to see Kensi relaxed and happy. He stores the way her shoulders shake as she laughs at her own pathetic joke, he notes how she smiles her shy smile when her Mom laughs with her, the way her hair cascades down her back, he can almost feel the smooth silk like quality of her hair as he runs his fingers through it, the strands slipping through his fingers like sand, he notes the way she bites her lower lip suppressing a smile as her Mom clearly compliments her on something, he memorises the way her golden skin glows even brighter in the candlelight teasing him with dreams of what the rest of her body could look like in the warm glow of candles. But most of all he takes in her face, every crinkle and furrow, every twitch of a smile that graces her delicate lips, the way her nose scrunches up when she's confused or deep in thought and the way her eyes flick with emotion at every changing second, the mismatched windows to her soul display such a carefree Kensi, one that Deeks prides himself on making show up as often as he can. That's the Kensi he loves the most, don't get him wrong, he loves all of her, every single inch, but this is when his heart murmurs with such a need to love her that he has to catch his breath just looking at her.
And here he is, standing like an idiot ready to storm over there and ruin her building mood. But, as he reminds himself, it wouldn't be him if he didn't push when she pulled. With renewed vigour he brushes passed the surprised waiter and marches straight up to her table standing directly in front of her, her Mom turns in surprise recognising him as her daughters' partner, and as a softness graces her features. 'Kensi's told her,' is the immediate thought now swirling through his mind, he can't decide if that's a good thing or a bad.
As his eyes finally settle on the tense frame of Kensi, her eyes piercing and judging he decides in that moment that it is probably a bad thing. As he senses his courage sinking away, his confident façade begins to crumble. Before he can retreat back to the safety of his car and eventual empty apartment he takes a deep breath standing a little bit taller and squares her right in her eyes. "No." he says with a surprising determination and lack of waver that he was certain would be present. He sees Kensi's own shock sweep through her eyes as they widen ever so slightly, undetectable to an untrained eye, this only encourages him to plough on however, "No. I'm not going anywhere. I'm not just going to leave. You know why Kens? Cause I love you. That's right, I, Martin Deeks, love you, Kensi Marie Blye. Ever since I said it I just can't seem to stop myself repeating it, cause I don't know when and I don't know how, but somewhere along the way between our constant bickering, you checking out my ass, me checking out yours, you cracking lame jokes, me always making you smile despite yourself, you eating the same amount of sugar that could kill a normal human, me claiming that you're Wonder Woman due to this reason and many more, you scoffing at my parenting skills with Monty, me knowing you secretly bring him treats and talk to him like a baby too, you being all badass Blye and me having to come and safe that badass on more than one occasion, much to my annoyance, but somewhere in between all of this, I failed to realise that I had fallen deeply and completely in love with you. And as much as you can try to deny it Kens, I know you. I've spent years learning to read and interpret everything about you and I know underneath all this fear and overthinking, that you love me back, so you know what? I'm not leaving; I'm going to stay right here, just like when you lost Dom, just like when I got fired, just like when you learned everything about your Dad and reconnected with your Mom, I will be here. I'll be here when you punch me with the strength of ten men and then tell me you love me, I'll be there when we have our first date, then when we break your second date curse, and for the hundreds that will follow. I'll be there when we have our first kiss, I'll be there when we tell the team that we're together, I'll be there when Hetty gives us her 'agents involved' speech. I'll be there when we make love for the first, of many, times, cause that's what we'll do first, make love, then I'll smash your doors in," she laughs through the tears rolling freely down her cheeks as she continues to gaze into his captivating eyes, "I'll be there when you get mad at me for flirting with other girls, and I'll be there when I reassure you that you're the only person in the entire world that I will ever love more than Monty. I'll be there when you finally let me drive your car, I'll be there when I take you surfing, I'll be there when you get yourself in another stupid and dangerous situation that I have to save your ass from. I'll be there when you finally share your candy with me, I'll be there when I get down on one knee and make an honest woman of you, I'll be there when we tell the team that we're engaged, I'm not sure I'll be there when Sam and Callen give me the 'big brother' speech, but I'll definitely be there when you walk down the aisle and make me the happiest man that could have ever walked on this earth. I'll be there when we move in together after months of arguing whose place is better and finally settle on buying a new place together, I'll be there when we share our first Christmas together as a married couple at the soup kitchen and then when we share a kiss under the mistletoe at our house. I'll be there when we get a pet dog to keep an ageing Monty company, I'll be there when you get mad at me for naming the dog Fern but you'll secretly love it. I'll be there to watch every corny chick flick and dumb reality show with you just to see you smile, I'll be there to see all of your smiles, the one when you're laughing hysterically, the one when you're smug, the one when you're excited, the one when you're forgiving, cause let's be honest, I'll probably need a lot of forgiving. The one when you're shy and adorable, the one when you're open and happy, the one when you're relieved, the one where despite yourself, you just can't stop your mouth from lifting and the one that I'll wake up to every morning for the rest of my life if I'm lucky. I'll be there when you take the first pregnancy test, I'll be there when we tell everyone that there's going to be a mini Kensi Deeks running around, I'll be there for every appointment, scan and parenting class, I'll be there in the delivery room holding your hand as you tell me you hate me and you're never letting me touch you again, I'll be there when we cry together as we hold our child for the first time. I'll be there as we go through sleepless nights and thousands of diaper changes, I'll be there to get up in the middle of the night or early in the morning just to give you those extra hours, I'll be there when we teach our kid to walk and talk, I'll be there to hear you tell me that they don't shut up just like their daddy. I'll be there for the second kid and the third and the fourth, however many you want, I'm game. I'll be there every step of the way as we build our family and grow old together, I'm going to be there when I call you Sunshine, Kiki, Fern and Princess and for the first time in our lives together you don't hit me. I'll be there every single day, the only goal for me being to make you smile that smile that gets me every time. So no, Kens, I'm not going anywhere. No matter how much you tell me you hate me or that you want me to leave, I'm going to stay right here by your side as annoyingly handsome and charming as ever until you properly convince me that you don't love me back and really want me gone." He finishes with a flush to his face, his breaths slightly laboured.
There is a tense moment where time seems to slow down for Deeks; the entire room once filled with the happy buzz of Friday night is now as silent as a Monday morning. It is eerily quiet, the calm before the storm he thought solemnly to himself. He cautiously glances at Kensi, who was now determinedly avoiding his eyes. Then suddenly as if all the air had just been let out of a balloon ready to burst, Kensi lets out an audible sigh of what Deeks can only describe as defeat and a tinge of acceptance. "Ugh; fine. Would you just shut up and sit down already, you're making a scene." She says tartly, gesturing tiredly to the seat next to her.
He quickly and ,unusually for him, self-consciously glances around, taking in the scattering of both shocked expressions and some openly admiring looks, clearly finding what he'd done more special than Kensi. With a pink tinge of embarrassment rising to his cheeks he quickly takes a seat next to Kensi and opposite her Mom, whose eyebrows had not yet descended from her hairline, but whose smile was beginning to have and air of smugness to it as she shot her daughter a knowing look.
They sit in a tense and uncertain silence for what Deeks has now decided is a reputable lifetime. When Kensi finally meets his eyes she mutters to him quietly, "Well if we're going to be together you'd better not make any more of these sappy proclamations that just winds up causing a scene." It comes out sternly but as he drinks in her face, the softness to her features and shine in her eyes tell him all that he needs to know. He takes her hand in his, entwining their fingers together as a sign of solidarity and plasters the cheesy grin on his face that he was sure four hours ago he would never offer to the world again.
"Well then how would all the lovely people that keep stealing glances at your fine ass know that you're all mine if I don't shout it at every available opportunity, besides, you know you love it Princess" There was the word again, love, but she just snorts that snort and rolls her eyes locking her fingers tighter around his, eyes twinkling in the candlelight with a matched love that he only ever dreamed of seeing in those mismatched orbs.
Not a word is said about that word, and for the first time in what he is sure will be a long life spent together, she doesn't punch him when he calls her Princess. Sitting there, hands joined together he watches her intently as she laughs unashamedly when her Mom comments something along the lines of "I told you so." She turns her gaze to him now, locking eyes, telling him without any words at all, just how much she loves him. And right there in that second as Deeks watches the way the shadows dance across her face softening some features and sharpening others, her cheeks flushed with the red of his still fresh embarrassment and the heat of her love, him knowing that she loves him back encouraging him to release all those caged emotions he had been holding back, he allowed himself to think about everything that they have and would be sharing together, as partners, as best friends and as a couple; together.
Every nerve was wired to her in that second and he knew with more certainty than anything else in his life as he leaned in and pressed his lips firmly but briefly against hers, feeling her sharp intake of breath and smiling as he felt her follow his retreating lips, seeking out a deeper kiss, that nothing was ever going to beat this sunset, his sunset.