Disclaimer: Don't I wish.
A/N: Well, you asked for angst, ShannonMD. Well, actually, no you didn't, but you planted the idea in my head. So yeah, this is just a cruddy, puny little thing that didn't actually get much revision, so I'm sorry if it's not up to scratch. I just wanted to get it done so that I could move on to my next story… Which actually will /not/ be HanschenxErnst, believe it or not.
Something has changed, and I can't go back or turn it off. I'm different.
There is absolutely no reason why I'm so… resentful, all the time. Nothing is different but me.
Perhaps it's the devil, come to test my will, or my devotion to God? But it doesn't seem that way. I feel neither devil nor God, which leads me to believe that I should become a pastor; so that I may meet this God I have yet to sense.
Melchior didn't believe in God, and look what happened to him.
But Melchior loved Wendla, who was a girl – a woman. I don't think I'm normal, at least where girls are concerned. I just don't feel… anything for them. Everyone else does. I'm frightened. It's Otto and Anna, Melchior and Wendla… Martha had loved Moritz… And of course, there's Hanschen. I sometimes wonder if he really feels the same as I do, or if I'm jus the only one who'll have him. Last one there has to hold hands with Hanschen…
But I feel so right when I'm with him. There really is no other word for it. My being is complete when we are together. How can joy be a sin? Why is it a crime to be happy, to be true to oneself? It seems as though I'm never happy unless I'm with him. Something has changed, and I can't go back or turn it off. I'm different.
A/N: And the circle begins again.