For the lovely Serendipital. To another great year together!
"H-Hey, Zoro, let's try to refrain from slaughtering fellow crew members, okay? It was an accident, I swear!"
"Yeah. And that means so much, coming from you."
"Eheheh..."
"Look, you got us into this mess. Now get us out."
"Uh, yeah, about that... Oh! Of course! Luffy'll save us; he can definitely punch through all this rock and debris. Come to think of it, why can't you just cut through it with your sword skills and stuff?"
"First of all, who knows how long it'll take for everyone to find us? Second, if you stopped to think, you'd realize that using my 'sword skills' to cut through these rocks would only make the outer layers collapse on us."
"So we're stuck here."
"Yeah."
"Well, this is just great."
"Don't forget whose fault this is in the first place."
"Right. But come on, didn't you see that button? It was just begging to be pushed!"
"You're an idiot."
"Hey, Luffy's a bigger idiot than I am! Okay, okay, don't give me that 'well, obviously' look. I was just making a point."
"Luffy's the biggest idiot on our ship, but you come a close second."
"Feeling the love here, Zoro. Hold on, what are you doing with those two gigantic boulders? Oh my dear god in high heaven, don't you dare drop those on me!"
"Calm down. Since we're going to be stuck here for a while, I might as well do some training."
"Oh. Well, no one ever said you weren't resourceful."
"Hn! Hn! Hn!"
"You know, Zoro, the grunts you're making sound awfully similar to the kind people make during - "
"Don't even finish that sentence."
"Just saying."
"...I think that's enough training for now."
"What I said is gonna echo in your head now every time you lift weights, right? Ha! Eheh, please put the boulders down, Zoro. Remember what we said about murdering one's crewmates? Thank you. Now, where were we? Ah! Since you've finished with that, wanna play a game?"
"I'm not Chopper, Usopp."
"I know, but I'm bored."
"Play with yourself, then."
"You do realize how inappropriate that sounds?"
"Shut up. You know what I mean."
"Aw, is wittle Zoro blushing? Are you a virgin? Oh my god, you are. HAHAHA! This is the best day ever! I, Captain Usopp, have uncovered the greatest blackmail material known to man!"
"If you ever tell a soul, I will kill you in your sleep."
"Comforting thought. Fine. Don't worry, I won't tell anyone...maybe. Okay, okay! My lips are sealed! Geez, you've got 'murderous glare' down to an art. Do you always use threats to get your way in life? That's not healthy, you know."
"It's better than having a compulsive lying disorder."
"For your information, I don't lie! I just tell untruths!"
"How's that any different?"
"It's not, but I needed a comeback."
"I see."
"But honestly, this news comes as a huge surprise. What about Tashigi, that Marine chick who's obsessed with you?"
"Seriously? She's basically a stalker. And she brings back bad memories."
"Gotcha. Well, what about that girl you knew growing up? What was her name...Kuina?"
"Those are the bad memories I'm talking about. Also, we were twelve."
"Hm, a little older than when I had my first time..."
"Right. You're a virgin too, aren't you?"
"I most certainly am not! I've lost it a thousand times over! From buxom blondes to ravishing redheads, I've been with them all!"
"Yeah, you're a virgin."
"Shut it."
"What about Kaya, though? She seemed to like you a lot."
"Please, even if I managed to sneak into her garden, I could never get into her room with that damn butler of hers prowling around."
"That must have sucked."
"Yeah, well, she was kinda in bed all day for a reason. I doubt I could've tried anything with her anyway, considering her condition."
"Are you really gonna go back to her once this is all over?"
"Probably. I made a promise, didn't I? Besides, Kaya's a nice girl. She put up with me all those years, after all."
"Definitely have to give her credit for that. I doubt I could spend a night stuck with you without killing one of us."
"Hey, not cool, man. You managed to refrain from killing me twice already, right? I'd say that's progress."
"That was only possible due to my superior self-control. If you annoy me further, I'm not sure how much longer it'll be until I snap."
"Huh, arrogant and aggressive. What a catch you are."
"Amazing how you're so snarky with me, but piss yourself the moment a big bad enemy comes into the picture."
"That's because I haven't seen those guys get lost on a five square mile long island."
"I didn't even have a map!"
"Excuses, excuses."
"And at least I got on the island, instead of saying that I had a disease preventing me from setting foot on any land for five to six days."
"I'll have you know that I really was feeling under the weather at the time!"
"Who's making excuses now?"
"...Touche. You know, I was talking with Robin once and she told me that the flower you reminded her of was a thistle. I can see why."
"Oh yeah? What flower did she say you resembled?"
"Why, she likened me to the spiny, ferocious Venus Flytrap! A carnivorous plant that lures its prey out and captures it - "
"She said that you were a daisy, didn't she."
"What - how did you know?"
"She told me the same thing, moron."
"Oh. Well, I've also been told that the animal I resemble is an armadillo."
"Are you just spouting out words now for the sake of talking?"
"Pretty much."
"Thought so."
"And the same person said that you reminded them of a shark."
"Is that supposed to be a compliment?"
"Well, depends on how you look at it. On the one hand, they are loathsome, half-blind creatures that, unlike you, have to keep moving to stay alive. But on the other, they're fearsome, fast and agile predators with the strength of fifty bulls. So, take it as you will. Hey, has it occurred to you that it's been at least an hour and we still haven't been found?"
"Everybody must have gone back to the ship. It was getting dark when you got us trapped here."
"B-But they must have realized that we're missing!"
"Not necessarily. They probably thought we got lost - "
"You mean you got us lost."
" - and figured we'd hole up in some hotel until morning."
"So we're stuck here for the night."
"Looks that way."
"You're remarkably calm about this all of a sudden."
"I just realized that this could have been worse. I could have been with Sanji when this happened."
"That's the spirit! See - "
"Then again, I don't think even he would have pressed the damn button."
"Um. Picture yourself in a happy place, Zoro..."
"I mean, who the hell does something that stupid, just for the sake of being stupid?!"
"N-Now, let's just all calm down! How about we take a deep breath and recall some good memories between us?"
"I'm drawing a blank."
"I'm hurt, Zoro. Hey! What about that morning last week? That wasn't too bad."
"What are you talking about? Oh..."
"Get your long nose back here, you sorry excuse for a pirate!"
"HAHAHAHAHA - look, everyone! Zoro's hair is pink!"
"I'M GONNA KILL YOU!"
"AHAHA! Hey, Sanji! Looks like you can't call him 'Marimo' anymore!"
"It took me five hours to wash that out of my hair!"
"No, idiot! The day before that! Besides, I made sure the dye wasn't permanent..."
"Huh? The day before?"
"Morning, Zoro!"
"...So, no prank today?"
"Nah, I figured I'd give you a break."
"That just means you're planning something big, doesn't it? Well, whatever. I'll enjoy a day of freedom."
"...That counts as a good memory between us?"
"Well, yeah. What did you expect?"
"Forget I asked."
"Hey, are you absolutely positive you can't use your swords to get us out of here?"
"For the last time, yes."
"So, let me get this straight. You sliced apart a guy made of pure steel, but you can't cut through this measly wall of earth?"
"I could, but then we'd both be crushed under this measly wall of earth."
"Alas, my awesome sniper skills won't do any good here..."
"You know, it just occurred to me how different our fighting styles are."
"Yeah, you're right! I mean, you go right to the front of every battle and hack and slash at the opponent - "
"While you stay in the back and fire random ammunition from your slingshots."
"Precisely. Isn't that weird, how they contrast?"
"I guess. Anyway, you'd better resign yourself to being trapped for the night."
"I would, but I just realized something."
"What?"
"I'm starving."
"Tough luck."
"But aren't you hungry too?"
"No."
"Hmph, so you don't have any food?"
"Of course not! Do you see me carrying a picnic basket here?"
"Okay, okay, I was just asking. I could really go for some pike right now..."
"I hate pike."
"Le gasp! BLASPHEMY! Wait, do I have any food? Lemme search my pockets to make sure... Holy buckets! Yes! A whole half of a cheese sandwich, and it's all mine! ...Zoro, are you salivating?"
"What - no!"
"Geez, now's not the time for your blockheaded pride. If you're hungry, just say so."
"I'm not hungry! Just eat the damn sandwich already!"
"And this is why people call you irrationally stubborn. Here, have half."
"Shut up! I don't want it!"
"I'm telling you, take the blasted wheat and milk product already or I'll stuff it down your throat myself!"
"I'd like to see you try."
"You should have realized by now that my threats are more for comic exaggeration than anything else. Look, if you won't eat it, I'm throwing it away anyway. So you might as well."
"...Fine. But this is only because I don't like seeing things go to waste."
"Whatever you say, buddy."
"That...was possibly the most delicious thing I have ever ingested in my entire seventeen years of existence."
"That's only the hunger talking, idiot."
"I know that, but it doesn't change the fact that right now I cannot be more grateful for small miracles such as this."
"Comic exaggeration again?"
"Now you're getting it."
"Well, if you're the comic relief, what am I?"
"Isn't it obvious? You're the beefy, aggressive prick of a side character. Kidding, kidding! Nah, you're the tough second-in-command who plays the straight man to a lot of gags."
"Then Luffy would be the idiotic, cheerful glutton of a main character?"
"Yup. And Nami's the token girl character."
"Sanji's the pervert..."
"Chopper's the cute animal mascot character."
"Hn, Robin...Robin would be the morbid femme fatale."
"Ooh! Franky's the eccentric mechanic."
"And Brook would be the old dude with a catchphrase."
"Several, in fact. Yeah, I think that pretty much sums everyone up."
"We have a weird crew, don't we?"
"Oh, definitely."
"That would explain why we always get involved in all sorts of trouble."
"Precisely. I'm not complaining, though."
"Me neither. Hey, do you hear that?"
"Holy bleep on a bleep sandwich! We're being rescued!"
"I hear Luffy laughing up a storm up there, so I guess you're right."
"He really is the idiotic, cheerful glutton, huh."
"Absolutely."
"HEY GUYS! WE'RE DOWN HERE! HURRY UP!"
"Quiet down, they're almost done. Quit being so impatient."
"Well, excuse me, princess. I can't stand another second of being trapped in this tiny enclosure with you! I just realized that I have claustrophobia!"
"Nice knowing that those past few hours together were so unbearable for you."
"Come on, I didn't mean it like that. Actually, spending some time together, even under these conditions, was still kinda fun, if ya know what I mean."
"Yeah."
"Maybe we could do this again sometime?"
"So long as it doesn't involve anything accidental on your part, I guess I'm okay with that."
"Hey, are you gonna hold that over my head forever?"
"No. Just until something new comes up."
"Bastard."
"Coward."
"Marimo."
"Long nose."
"I dyed your hair fuchsia today, just so you know."
"WHAT?!"