A/N: Cosplay-inspired fic, for the first time in a long time, and the photoshoot in question is too epic for words. Which is why I've gone and written some words for them ;D Wow. That was a really bad line :P
Anyhow, inspired by Fatale Knights' SuzaLulu cosplay pics 'With You' and 'Stay With Me'. Set loosely during R2.
Please take a second to glance at the pics that inspired the fic—you don't need them to understand the story, but they're gorgeous :) If you like them, have a look at the whole gallery! (urls below, take out the spaces :-) )
http: / / goldglorfindel . deviantart . com/art/Code-Geass-With-you-99496595
http: / / goldglorfindel . deviantart . com/art/Code-Geass-Stay-with-me-99496651
Hope you enjoy; reviews are very much appreciated :-)
Guileless
"Lulu!"
They both look up and both smile awkwardly as Shirley presses down the button and the camera flashes.
Suzaku has barely blinked the lights out of his eyes before Lelouch is talking, the genteel drawl he always uses on girls. Suzaku can see the fake in the sugary, lopsided smile, but Shirley doesn't seem to.
"That's enough, Shirley. Go ask Millay if she needs any help, would you? Rivalz is incompetent."
Lelouch's voice is low and warm and manipulative, and only Suzaku can see that the camera makes him nervous, though they aren't doing anything all that conspicuous.
Shirley hesitates, and Lelouch's smile widens. "I'd really appreciate it."
The poor girl takes half a step, stops, blushes, looks awkwardly from one to the other for a minute. Her voice is…oddly determined, though a lot about Shirley is odd now. "It's nice to see you two actually here for once. And having fun."
Suzaku squeezes Lelouch's shoulder minutely for silence before he can say anything smart and smiles apologetically. "Sorry, Shirley. It is nice. I'm here as much as I can be, really. I'm sure Lelouch is too."
Lelouch's head is back resting on Suzaku's knee, now the camera's out of sight, and Suzaku can see the expression failing to form, trying to be a casual smirk but coming out too bitter, just by a shadow. Suzaku knows no one else would pick it up, but he also knows that he's not imagining the taint. Lelouch's voice is too light.
"He's a soldier, Shirley, remember? Not just any soldier, either. A knight of Britannia. The Knight of Seven, in fact. Naturally he's very busy."
Suzaku could almost roll his eyes at Lelouch's childishness, but he's too uneasy to brush it off as that, and he doesn't roll his eyes, he just wishes Shirley would leave. He's worse at masking his thoughts than Lelouch is. "Lelouch…"
This smile is as fake as the last, and it hurts that it's still that way though Shirley's being ignored now. "Is something wrong, Suzaku?"
A million things are wrong, and Suzaku wants to shout all of them down into Lelouch's smug, frustratingly neutral face. If he really is just Lelouch now—and he has to be, everything proves that—then why does he hate Suzaku's title so much, and does he mean for Suzaku to notice that? If he really is just Lelouch now—and he has to be, because Zero wouldn't be like this, Zero wouldn't lie here with him like this, like Lelouch, like his friend, like…if he really is just Lelouch now, then why is there so much bitterness, and why is so much fake?
"Suzaku?" And the smile is real now, or it looks real.
Shirley has wandered off somewhere, and no one appears to have a camera nearby, and Suzaku shifts just enough that he can look right down into Lelouch's eyes.
Lelouch's eyes have never looked like a normal person's, so it's hard to really judge much. He used to think they were just about the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. Now they were indisputably the ugliest. It hurt, somewhere deep in him that all of this always would.
Again. "Suzaku?" And that note of concern, the slight frown, the touch of worry in eyes locked fearlessly, shamelessly on his—that couldn't belong to Zero.
So why does it feel like he's losing Lelouch all over again?
Suzaku only feels marginally better when he presses his grip more firmly into Lelouch's shoulders; holding Lelouch here is meaningless, but the connection, the touch, the anchor is comforting.
Lelouch smiles, curious, questioning, lazy and peaceful and good, and shifts his head back further into Suzaku's lap, catlike, basking in the sun.
He's incredibly beautiful, he always is, and so very dangerous, Suzaku knows that. But he's innocent too, idealistic in his own way, kind, always kind, and so…guileless-looking, here, like this.
In his lap, Lelouch shifts again, lifts his head a little, one eyebrow barely arched. For another long moment, Suzaku only stares into those eyes and begs them to be real. They don't answer. They never do. And even though Lelouch isn't going anywhere, he knows the irrational need to kiss him, hard, though he can't out here, to hold him tight against his body and never let go isn't desire, it's fear.
But there's nothing he can do, perhaps there never has been. So Suzaku just holds Lelouch's gaze, and begs something in his life to go right, even if he doesn't deserve it.
"Stay with me."
The whisper is too desperate, too afraid, Suzaku knows that as soon as it passes his lips, and Lelouch's eyebrow raises further, one hand beginning to reach up—to tilt his face down, so Lelouch can examine it, Suzaku knows because Lelouch has done it a hundred times before—before dropping again onto the grass as Lelouch thinks better of it.
"I'm not going anywhere." Smiling slightly—mocking? No, that's the paranoia, Suzaku knows that. Just almost imperceptibly bitter, bitter like always now—and too blank, painfully blank behind the smile.
Suzaku shakes his head sharply, fighting off the fear, the irrational need. He has more self-control than this. "I know. I just meant…" Weakness and stupidity. Idiocy. He can't feel like this. A breath of frustration. "Don't worry about it." But he can't leave it at that. He can't just say nothing, like he's said nothing all along. He can't not try. Not like this. Not when Lelouch is right here. "Just…" Just what?
"Yes?" The artless smile on Lelouch's face makes everything in Suzaku warm, sweet and kind and real and so beautiful, something to trust, something to love, but something in Suzaku's head whispers that it only looks that way, because Suzaku trusts no one's smiles anymore.
Lelouch looks innocent. Lelouch looks…perfect. And Suzaku wishes he could really believe it, but he knows he can't, knows he won't again, no matter how long he has to heal. His voice comes out almost as exhausted as he feels. "Just stay with me. Please. Stay with me, Lelouch."
There is a long moment of silence, and both of them know everything, really, but it's too deep inside each of them for either to see.
"Okay," Lelouch whispers, cheek shifting against Suzaku's leg, eyes kind and harsh and smiling and screaming up into Suzaku's. So wrong and so right. And Suzaku feels ill, and he ignores it, and he nods and pretends he can't see the lie in Lelouch's eyes, because it can't be there, it can't be real; this has to be just Lelouch. There couldn't be a lie, because this couldn't be Zero. All the evidence proves it.
Lelouch can't be Zero, not again.
Suzaku couldn't love Zero like this.