Diclaimer: Is this an episode on the show yet? No I don't think so.
OOooOOooOOooOO
"Look Sammy!" Dean pointed to a big gray building off in the distance.
"What?" Sam, not appreciating being awaken to look at some big grey building that he had probably seen some place else.
"It's Sam's Club." Rubbing his eyes, Sam looked at the building closer. He saw a big blue board, and on it the words, 'Sam's Club,' just like Dean had said, were written in big white letters.
"Your point?" It was probably a stupid grocery place or something.
"Sam's Club!"
"So?"
"Sam's Club." Dean was starting to sound irritated.
"Can I go back to sleep?"
"Do I have to spell it out for you?"
"Can I go back to sleep after you do that?" Staying up all night to kill some stupid werewolf, and now not letting him sleep after that. . .
"Your name is Sam. The name of the place is called Sam's Club. Your club! I say we check it out."
"Do you even know what it is?"
Dean shrugged, "Some sort of club."
"Can I go back to sleep now?" He didn't wait for an answer, just going back to sleep, while Dean fumed, wondering why his brother didn't want to check out a club named after him. A club that was named after him. Well, he wanted to check it out, and if his brother didn't, too bad. It took him all of twenty minutes to find it, and pull into the parking lot. Parking lot, a big parking lot, maybe it wasn't exactly the kind of club that he was thinking about. And there were shopping carts. When he pulled to a stop, Sam's eyes shot open. Wondering why Dean was stopping.
"Get up Sammy, we're going to Sam's Club."
"Why?"
"Because it's called Sam's Club."
"Tell me how it is." Closing his eyes, he started to nod off again.
"Sammy!"
"What?" He was jerked out of his peaceful sleep for the third time in less than an hour.
"Get your butt up, we're going in. We're, as in you to, because 'we're' is a conjunction for we and are. You can't have we with only one person."
"Use a pet rock, and isn't talking about words more of my thing?"
"A pet rock? Where in hell do you think I'm going to find a pet rock?"
"Pick one up off the ground, and name it. Wa-la. Pet rock."
"Bitch,"
"Jerk."
"Get up! We are going into Sam's Club."
"Okay, chill." Opening the door, Sam got out, stretching in the sunlight, and for the first time taking in what was around them. They were in a parking lot. A parking lot. He glanced at Dean out of the corner of his eye. He had diffidently lost it, and if that wasn't enough, the parking lot had shopping carts. Dean had seriously lost it. The only time they stopped anywhere where there were shopping carts was if, a) they were on a hunt, or b) it was at a Walgreens, or some place like that. When he started to look around for Dean, he was already a few cars in front of him.
"Hurry up Sam!"
Rolling his eyes, Sam jogged a little until he was walking in step with Dean. They probably looked like idiots, or something like that. Dean's face was all set to go into the club, and Sam looked like he could careless, which was true. And, to top it off, the confident looking one was wearing a leather jacket. Scratch that, the part about looking like idiots, they looked more like they were ready to kill someone, at least Dean did.
Dean headed to the closest door, which people were coming out of. Strolling through the shopping carts, he went up to the doors . . . and walked right into them. His head hit the glass doors hard. He stumbled a little dazed, and glared up at the top of the doors.
"What the-!" A little child was looking at him wide eyed, a mother standing only a few feet away, he decided not to finish that train of thought.
Sam stood only a few feet away, laughing his head off. Dean had just ran into a door! A freaken door! Dean Winchester, proclaimed hunter, and jerk, just ran into a door! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
Dean turned to grow at Sam, "Shut it you-" The child was still looking at him, "-weirdo." He finished lamely.
Some people were coming out with carts, and the doors opened for them, and Dean stumbled through the evil doors before they could close on him, Sam following close behind. He started to enter when he was stopped by an annoying little voice. "Excuse me sir, but this is the exit. If you would like to enter Sam's Club, please use the entrance."
Dean twisted around to the little punk, and did a double take. The person was actually like an old grandma or someone like that. She had grey hair, and was short, and plump, and all round old. But he regained his composure quickly. "Well it would help if the doors were labeled." He snapped out. She remained unfazed.
"They were." Now that he was looking at her, the lady's voice sounded so wrong for a little old lady's voice, it was too . . . squeaky. "The word exit was written over the door. I swear, young people can't read these days."
"I can read perfectly fine," He squinted at her name tag, "Alice."
"Humph. I suppose you just can't find the time to then. Just too good for the words are you! I remember in my day we didn't have fancy electronics, we read for fun."
"Well, your life must've sucked."
"The entrance deary, if you like to enter Sam's Club."
Muttering under his breath, Dean exited through the doors, Sam following him, starting to think that getting out of the car, and being awaken from his peaceful sleep was actually worth this. "What are you laughing at sonny?" The door person had turned to look at laughing Sam.
He smiled at her, "Nothing." He said.
The lady squinted at him, and turned to the line that had grown behind her. She took the receipt from the person's hand and started to make sure that everything was on the list. "I say," she said to the person, to make small talk. "they're all so funny now a days." The person snatched their receipt out of the lady's hand. He happened to be one of those funny people, and he didn't appreciate being called funny.
Dean was waiting by the wall for Sam to come out, and plotting his next move to get into Sam's Club. "I can't believe you went into the exit door, and got shooed out by an old lady." Dean turned to glare at his brother. It was not funny. He started to walk again, to the other door, but not before looking up over the door to see an exit sign. "Stupid, little. . ." he trailed off, a different kid was staring at him this time. Was this like a kiddy hang-out or something? He growled at the little girl, who screeched and ran behind her mother, who turned to glare at Dean.
"Pervert." She all but yelled at him. He glared at the lady, before walking in the entrance. He walked through the doors easily, without them closing on him, and walked into the store. There were stacks upon stacks of food, and boxes, and other stuff. Before he could even take another step into the door, he heard something.
"Excuse me." A nasally voice said. Dean turned around to see another door person. What the hell is it with these door people, are they trying to make the customers not come back?
"I need to see your membership."
"What the hell?"
"The membership to Sam's Club, you need one to get in."
"I don't have one." He growled.
"I'm sorry then, you are not allowed in. Please retrace your steps." Were these people also deaf, and stupid. He growled at the freaken dude! The door person should be falling to his feet and begging forgiveness or something, but no, he just rattles off some script or something.
"So you want me to exit out the entrance door?" No reply. Muttering some more things under his breath, he exited the entrance door. Sam following him around like some sort of puppy. Except this puppy was laughing his ass off. Going back to the Impala, he opened up the trunk, and Sam stopped laughing.
"What the hell Dean? You can't shoot some people to get into a stupid place."
"I'm not going to shoot some idiots, that would be good for the Sam's Club place, and right now, I want them to suffer." He pulled out two wallets, and handed one to Sam. Who opened it and looked at the contents in utter disbelief.
"This is a police badge." Dean said simply.
"I know what it is." Sam snapped back.
"Then close your mouth and look like what the badge means."
"Dean, this is illegal."
"We've done a hell of a lot of illegal things in our life."
"For the good of the world. Not to get into some stupid place, just forget it lets just get back on the road."
"Oh no, we are going to get into this place, and we are going to buy M&Ms. Lots of M&Ms."
"What the hell Dean?"
"I ran out of them," he slammed the trunk shut, "besides, I'm hungry." Dean turned and walked to the entrance, and up to the guy who had just moments before turned them away, and shoved the police badge in the man's face. "This here," he said, "is a police badge, which is something police have." The door person took a few steps back.
"Your point?"
"We're here on police business." Sam spoke up from behind Dean, and coming in front of his big brother.
"What type of business."
"Uh," he hadn't thought that far ahead. Quickly he pushed Dean back in front of him, "Mister, uh, Win- Winter here will be able to tell you." Dean glared at his brother, before launching into the reason why police needed to be in here.
"You see, we are here because the plumping is busted, and it is believed that it is because some thief has, uh, stolen your plumbing, and, uh, we are here to see if we can get an, uh, lead." Dean finished and smiled. Sam hit himself in the head, not even an idiot would fall for that.
"Alrighty, I'll show you were the bathrooms are." Dean's eyes fell out of his head, not literally of course, at the door person. He couldn't believe the idiot fell for it. Sam shared his look of amazement, this dude had to be more than an idiot. They followed the doorperson though now more of a touring person. "They're right over here. Make sure you flush when you're finished." Cheerfully the touring person walked away to become a door person again.
When the dude was out of sight, Dean rounded on Sam, "Mr. Winter? What the hell Sammy? Do I look like a Winter to you?"
"No, you're more of a summer person. Dark colors don't suit you that well."
Dean looked at his brother in amazement. "What? Wait don't even answer that. Are you messed up about your gender preference? Summer, winter colors? What the hell?" Dean watched as his brother started to open his mouth to answer. "Those are rhetorical questions."
"Hey, I'm not the one who came up with stolen plumbing?"
"It worked didn't it?"
"Jerk."
"Bit- Bacon." A little kid was staring at him again. He was seriously wondering if they were possessed here or something. Pulling Sam with him, Dean started to wander around the store. There were little trolley's all over the store, with people serving food, and people taking it. Dean watched the people, suspicious. No store gave out free food, there had to be some catch. Sam moved away from his brother and up to the trolley, and took a cup that held yogurt in it. He thanked the person and went back to stand beside Dean.
"So, you planning on getting some of the yogurt?" Dean whipped around to look at Sam.
"People just don't give out free food."
"It isn't free Dean. People have to pay for memberships, remember?" That was all the encouragement Dean needed, who took some yogurt, then moved on to the next cart. Chicken. Yummy. Two of those. Oo! Pizza at the next one! Five of those samples. Cheese! Ten of those. Oo! More food. He was zipping from one end of the store to the other, taking all the samples he wanted, before he was stopped.
"I'm sorry, but one per customer." Dean looked up, three of the little pie pieces in his hands.
"Excuse me?" He asked, mouth full of other food.
"One per customer."
"Oh," He fell silent for a moment, till he could swallow the food in his mouth. "Well, for the amount the membership costs. . ." He trailed off, waiting for the person to see his point. She just looked at him. Alright one sample per person. Dean slinked off to where his brother was laughing hysterically. It wasn't even really that funny. But there his brother was, laughing at him.
"I'm going to get my M&Ms." He left Sammy there laughing his ass off. Stupid brother. He came into the store because it was named after his brother, stupid store. Maybe all things with Sam in the name are the same, stupid and annoying. He finally found his M&Ms. There was a big box of them, a really big box. 48 of those nice packets in one box. 48! He got seven of them, of those big boxes. He loved Sam's Club! They were 20.52, compared to the normal 38!! But they were on sale! 15 off!! 17.44 per box! Even better! He carried his seven boxes in his arms up to the cash register, Sam met up with him, carrying a armload full of boxes. They stood in the line for about twenty-two minutes before their turn finally came. When they did, Dean and Sam all but threw their loads on to the conveyor belt thing that moved the items down to the person behind the register. The person rung their things up extra slowly, and the brothers waited patiently.
"So how long have you two been together?" Dean and Sam looked at the lady behind the counter all weird.
"Come again?" Dean asked.
"I mean like a couple. I know that gay weddings have just been legalized, so I want to know how long." People were starting to stare at them, not good.
"Excuse me?"
"I know you people don't like to be known to the world, but don't be afraid. Gays need to show their true colors, and show people that they are no different than straights!"
Dean and Sam both started to turn red and sputter. "We're not- I'm not-"
"I know that it is in human nature to deny it at first, but embrace gayety! Let the world know, it is not right to hide it. Now we are a nation that embraces gayety! I say-"
"I Am Not Gay!" The cashier looked Dean up and down, before continuing.
"Do not deny it! It is something that-"
"I AM NOT GAY!" Dean all but shouted in her face. She looked at him startled.
"Really?" She asked in disbelief. "What about tally dude?"
"I'm not gay either." Sam said patiently, for he had decided long ago that the girl was on drugs, and right now was also drunk, and she deserved some patience, because she didn't know what she was doing.
"Alrighty then, good to know that some of the good ones aren't. Okay, your all rung up, card please." Dean handed her over the credit card. She handed it back, "No, your membership card, you need it to check out."
Shit. "Um," Dean fumbled for his wallet, he finally got it out, flipped it open, and shoved it into the girl's face. "You are under arrest!"
Cheering broke out. What the hell? Dean listened some more. "That is the sound of when you walk by, if you, duh, duh, duh, duh, change your home mortgage loan! You will be worshiped for your. . ." Dean tuned it out, just some stupid radio broadcast.
"For what?"
"Disturbing the peace."
"Really?"
"Yeah. Do you have a Sam's membership? Cause I might forget about all this if you do." She nodded mutely and took out her card. Grinning, Dean took it from her, and then handed it back, smiling, "This is my card." Mutely the girl rung up the amount on her card. "Thanks so much." Gathering up his stuff, he walked out the door, calling over his shoulder, to the group of people who had saw him put the poor girl under arrest, "Just kidding!"
"Goating?" Someone called out, all confused. And a response came back clearly, "No you idiot, kid isn't just a goat, here in America it is also: To mock playfully; tease or to deceive in fun; fool."
"That's stupid."
Dean walked over to the voice, he so did not appreciate his country being called stupid. "American is soo not stupid!" He said to the weird looking kid.
"You're stupid!"
"Why you little-"
"Halt! You are under arrest for impersonating a policeman!" Dean turned around to see a real policeman holding a gun at him. Shit. "Hands in the air!"
"But my M&Ms!"
"You can buy new ones."
"But these were 15 off of 20.52."
"I'll take them."
"No!" Dean shouted out, aghast with the idea of another person claiming his M&Ms.
Sam came up behind the policeman, and whispered in his ear. The man looked at Dean weirdly, then nodded in understanding. "I'm sorry about that. I have the name of a good psychologist if you need one."
"Thank you sir." Sam replied back, smiling earnestly. He went off to his brother and whispered quietly in his ear. "You're mentally retarded, act like it." Dean looked at his brother, he was so not mentally retarded. He brother glared back at him, and Dean started to look stupid. He found it actually wasn't as hard as he thought it would be. He followed Sam obediently out the exit. When they were away from the policeman, Dean straightened up, glaring at his brother.
"Mentally retarded?"
"Hey you needed to have mental problem to explain your behaviors easily." Dean bit back his retort, freaky kids were staring at him again. When he had gotten into the car, and threw all his M&Ms in the back, he finally said what he so wanted to say, but there the creepy little kids made him refrain from saying it. "Bitch."
"Jerk."
"I hate Sam's Club."
"You made me lose my books, because you threatened a cashier."
"Bitch."
"Do you just like calling me that?"
"Bitch."
"Jerk."
"Pass me some M&Ms will you?"
OOooOOooOOooOO
Thanks for reading. Sam's Club is a real place, it's a chain of stores, just for all who don't know. If you look in wikipedia, you can see pictures I figured since they are always out west, and there really aren't any Sam's out there, they might not have seen one yet. And yes I know they are both out of character.