A/N: Edited.
Disclaimer: Don't own it. Unfortunately. XD
So this one is for "goodgirlmikey" to write a Ziva/Ducky friendship fic based off of this quote:
"Every man is afraid of something. That's how you know he's in love with you;
when he's afraid of losing you." – Anonymous.
.::.
How Do I Know?
The doors to autopsy slid open with a whoosh as Ziva entered making hardly a sound. The room continued to be filled with nothing but silence, as Ziva roamed around the corner and then finally settling down on the chair.
She hadn't been down here for awhile now, not alone at least. Because she could lie to herself and everyone around her that what happened that day, those men who laid there on the metal slab did not affect her. It was not the blood and gore of it all that scared her, but rather what it led to.
"Are you okay my dear?" Ducky's peculiar voice pierced through the room. His back still facing her while he examined the John Doe on the table. She didn't reply him and her eyes were filled with different emotions all fighting to break her. It was then that Ducky turned towards her and removed his gloves.
"My dear, what is bothering you on this fine day?" He looked directly into her eyes as she raised her head to meet his.
"I don't know what this is," she turned her head and paused as the silence prolonged, "I've been back for a year now Ducky, and to speak honestly… I don't know what any of this is." His eyes stared at her, analyzing whatever it was that was going through her head.
"Any of what?" He asked just for the sake of letting her muse out.
"Come on Ducky, we both know you know what." She gave him a genuine smile. Ducky matched her smile and moved to remove a bottle of vodka and two glasses.
"Well, what has he done this time?" He asked as he filled the two glasses with the white liquid.
"It's not what he's done, well partly it is… but more importantly it's what I've done," she took a sip and felt the liquid burn her throat, "I'm pushing him away again Ducky; I know I have feelings for him but I'm not strong like everyone see me as, I'm weak. I mean come on Ducky! I couldn't even tell him that I liked him; instead I played the witty part and say something I don't mean." Everything came out so quick that she hadn't quite intended to say all that she did.
"Well from a psychological point of view everything has a reason, maybe you are afraid to tell Anthony your feelings because," Ducky paused contemplating whether it was safe to propose this to her, "because maybe you fear what he might say."
Ziva let out a hearty uncharacteristic laugh as she made an attempt to lighten the situation. But Ducky's face didn't waver at the slightest. Ziva couldn't take this, it was all too much. There was no way that she could come to accept the fact that she is fearful for what he might say. She rose from the seat and made a move to leave. She did not need this, not right now.
"You can keep running my dear, but it'll come back and bite you," She stopped half way, Ducky considered his next words and decided it needed to be said, "I know you think you're not like any other woman, you are an independent self-reliant person, but deep down your inner child is just like any other girl, you want the happily ever after."
"Fine! Yes!" She shouted a little louder then intended, Ducky was really pushing her buttons now and she just couldn't take it.
"Then tell him how you feel," Ducky spoke calmly as he slowly approached her.
She didn't know why but she felt tears begin to sting her eyes. Why was she crying! She will not cry over such a silly issue, but no matter how hard she tried to stop the tears they dropped anyway, "I am so sorry, I do not know why I am crying. This is ridiculous! I guess my father was right when he said I had grown weak."
"Ziva," Ducky sighed, "You are not weak, and being able to feel emotions is not a sign of weakness, it is what makes you stronger." She took a few moments to settle her emotions.
"How do I know…" before she could get her whole question out, Ducky interrupted her.
"Because my dear, Anthony shows how he feels through his fears and actions. His words mean nothing for the most part, he hides behind a mask and we all know that. I've known Anthony for several years and I was there when he thought you were dead, he fell apart; and when he got you back he held on to you like a life line." He spoke softly as he patted her back and consoled her.
"I know what conundrums have been happening upstairs. Anthony does what he does because he is afraid to lose you again. And that is why I know he loves you." He released her and ventured back to the metal slab. It felt like déjà vu as he felt Ziva ponder silently in the corner.
He was glad that she came down here to release everything, because holding it all in will never end well. Knowing Ziva he didn't mention another word about this topic. He was lucky enough for her to let loose, and bringing it up again would just push her away. If she needed help she will bring it up again.
And with that, the doors slid open and once again autopsy fell silent just as if none of the tears that were shed or the secrets that were shared ever happened.
.::.
Well there it is! Apologies for any mistakes.