A/N: I had this idea so I decided to try my hand at a fan fiction. this is my first so please be kind. Love to have your thoughts on if I should continue or stop now, so please read and review.

Disclaimer: I own nothing all these characters belong to the great Charlaine Harris

What if Pam had issues with Sookie. What would Eric do if he was stuck in the middle of his two favorite blonds?

Chapter 1

"Pamela what have you done" Eric growled at his child

"I have done what was needed, to keep you safe master" Pam answered being sure to keep her eyes down to not provoke Eric more than she already had.

"Leave me Pamela, do not return till I call you to."

As she turned to leave Eric remembered "Oh and Pam, leave all credit cards and cash in your office safe."

Pam huffed and took off before he could command her not to use what credit card numbers she had in her memory. She figured this was a small price to pay to get the blond headed vermin out of their existence forever.

THREE MONTHS AGO ...

"That woman infuriates me Pam. She has so much going for her yet she chooses to be stubborn to a fault." Pam listened as her master ranted about his little blond pain in the ass once again. This had been going on since he had decided to have them married by the knife.

That was when it hit Pam, she needed to do something about it. At first, she thought she could be friends with the little telepath. The more rants she had to sit through and miss out on her nightly fun she knew she had to do something. It was time for her to put a plan together to get the vermin out of their life.

Pam thought that maybe a visit to Sookie might be a good start. Yes, that is where she would begin it is best to know your enemy.

"She just doesn't listen when it is for her own good" Eric continued, pulling Pam out of her thoughts.

"I am over a thousand years old and she acts like we are equal." That did it for Pam, the disrespect to her master was going to stop.

The next night was her night off. She knew it was a perfect time to go see Sookie. Eric had sheriff business till 2 am and it did not require her. She rose knowing that she would have to do this carefully. She could not upset Sookie or Eric would be there and discover what she was planning. Damn blood bond.

She arrived at the farmhouse an hour after sunset. Oh, how she hated this place. Sookie could at least take Eric up on his many offers to fix it up, but no she was to good for Eric's money. Sookie constantly insisting that she was not a "kept woman". What bullshit Pam thought.

Plastering on her fake smile, Pam knocked on the door to begin her secret mission.

"Hi Pam, what can I do for ya? Or are you here for Mr. High and Mighty again?" Sookie stated as she swung the door open.

"Well, hello to you too Sookie. I am here to visit with you. It has been so long since I have had a female acquaintance. Dear Abby says it is good to try and relate to your in-laws, so here I am. Let's relate." Pam said while walking past her and into the living room.

"So tell me step mommy, what has dear old daddy done to piss you off this time. Offer you another credit card, pay one of your bills without you knowing, ooh did he do that thing with his tongue that makes you scream so loud that Bill can hear you all the way at his house? I always loved it, but to each their own I guess."

"What are you talking about Pam? It really is none of your business what Eric does with his tongue or my body and how do you know Bill can hear? Oh never mind, why are you here?" Sookie said as she crossed her arms at her chest and began to tap her foot impatiently.

Knowing she needed to calm her down before Eric picked up on Sookies anger she tried a softer touch. "Sookie I am here as, what do you humans call it, an ear to lean on. Yes, I believe that's it."

"It's a shoulder, Pam"

"Well, whatever body part I am here to listen. What has you and my master butting knees this time."

"Heads"

"Why on earth are you guys arguing about heads?"

"No Pam, butting heads is the saying" Sookie said while rolling her eyes

"OK thanks for the lesson, now what is going on? What are you so afraid of when it comes to Eric?" Pam got to the point she really didn't have the time for smalltalk but it got the bitch to relax.

"I am not afraid of him Pam. Eric just doesn't understand about modern marriage, even though he's not really my husband."

"Well then explain to me what a hypothetical modern husband does, being that I have never been married"

"Why? So you can go run and tell your master how he can manipulate me more." Sookie said sarcastically.

Now Pam was becoming angry. How dare she think herself better than them. She was a blood bag, albeit a telepathic one, but a blood bag all the same. That's when her phone went off. A text from Eric.

"Sookie, for being from the south you are lacking in your manners. Do you have any blood in the house?" Pam asked needing to get rid of Sookie to answer the text.

"Oh my god, sorry Pam. Yes let me get you one" As she walked out to the kitchen Pam pulled out her phone

What r u so angry about?

nothing the lady cut my nails to short during my manicure business going well?

Boring as usual although you might have a new pair of fang earrings soon

oh goody :) see u l8r ?

yes try not to kill over a nail this time

Yes master I will try

Sookie came back with that vile red bottle just as Pam had put her phone away. "Thank you for the drink. Now where were we, ah yes what is a modern husband?"

"Fine." Sookie huffed knowing Pam was not going to let this go. " First, he has to realize I'm an independent woman. I can take care of myself. I don't want anything from him. Secondly, he has to understand that part of that independence is me having a job. Third, I am not to be ordered around like a pet. Fourth, he needs to make time for me on a regular basis. I am not a toy that he can pull off the shelf and play with whenever he feels like. Last, but not least he must be faithful. Is that to much to ask of him?"

It really wasn't, but Eric was a vampire not a stupid human. Sookie had to see that, but none the less this was the list that Pam was hoping Sookie would give her. She needed a starting point to end this and this was it .

"Well Sookie if Eric cannot do this for you what would you do? If you stayed he would just harass you. Eric always gets what he wants, he has the time to wait you out or the power to force you. Have you ever considered moving?"

"He wouldn't do that look at Bill, he and I are not together and he lives right next door and does not bother me."

"Please, do not compare my master to that worthless excuse of a vampire. Master always gets what he wants. Think about it. I must go now. It has been a nice visit, but the night is young and the pussy is still fresh out there. So it was nice to see you Sookie. Think about what I told you. Please don't tell Eric I was here I do have a reputation you know." she said as she left the house at vampire speed.

Pam hoped she had planted some type of seed of fear in Sookie. She now had a list that she needed to get started on. This may take some time to get done.