Being with Magnus had been a dream and not a dream he could have made on his own. So when the dreamed ended, he didn't feel it was right to mourn the loss. He had been the light in the tunnel. Sure, his life was hardly the hell that Magnus had and his parents never raised a hand to him. So why was he so sad in his life? Looking back, he should have seen it coming and he really should hadn't said "no" but how does one really know when heaven's gates will shut and lock you out..?
It had been a huge blur, running and screaming. Blood and rust filled the air. He had stood beside the warlock and he had hurt him. His words had cut deeper than he had accepted. He wanted to know everything but he wouldn't let Magnus near the memory of Max. he was being unfair and cruel, but he didn't have the time to see it or did he?
Even Jace had stood, shocked at his words. Alec looked at him then Magnus and he knew he should take them back. But he didn't want to use the warlock or allow him to get dragged into the mess. Why hadn't he just taken his hand? Why had he been so selfish? He wanted to kick his younger self but it was too late and he had nobody to blame.
Magnus was shocked, hurt and pissed. He had heard it all during his long life but this took the cake for sayings sorry wouldn't fix. He was a freak? A monster? Sure he was. He only heals and fixes everyone's fucking mess but he was the devil. Please. He threw his hands up in disgust and sat on the couch in full sulk. Sure, he looked like a child and he looked childish but he wanted his pity party.
Alec picked up his bow and walked away from the best thing in his life. Isabelle gave him a sad smile as she followed after her brother. Magnus watched everyone walk away from him. He felt dirty and unwelcome. He cursed himself for fooling himself he belong. He knew Alec would be mad but he followed after him anyways.
Alec cursed that, he wanted to be strong without Magnus and here the warlock was doing what he secretly wanted him to do. But it was all too late. A loose footing, a hand too weak to hold on and a bad fall. he heard the offer in his mind and he knew better, knew what Magnus would say. Why did he have the be the weak one? The one always scared? Why did the deal have to be so ideal? Give up being gay and you'll live…isn't that what all gay teenagers secretly desire?
Magnus just stood there and his perfect world shattered inside of him. Alec looked at him. Why couldn't the warlock be happy for him? Then it hit him, a world without love was his fate. No he screamed inside, he didn't mean it! He didn't want this! He wanted Magnus back…
He jumped in the covers. He winced at the ceiling light and looked to his side. Magnus was asleep in the chair, a lazily thrown blanket over him. He placed a hand over his own heart and felt it race. So..it was just a dream? He wondered.
Jace and Isabelle hugged him and he was so confused on what had gone on. "so..what did you see? You were having some sorta fit and Magnus got the marks to prove it, bro" Jace said. "see what? What do you mean..?" Alec asked. "you went against a fear demon and lived, the only 'death' was Magnus's fancy jacket" Jace said. Alec looked over at Magnus. He hadn't seen it at first, but now that his eyes adjusted to the light, he saw the bruises up and down Magnus's arms, the cut on his face. Why didn't he heal himself? Alec wondered.
Alec walked beside Magnus afterwards. He hated his fear, his fear was his weakness was so strong he would sell apart of himself just to survive. Why did Magnus always stay beside him when he deserved so much better?
A/N: 6th try at trying to write for Magnus. Only 2nd one posted here. I want to cry, I'm not sure how good it really is... T_T