Extreme Possibilities

"I'm 53." Blurted out of my mouth as I lay on the still body of the man I had been intimate with for the second time in the course of ten hours. A man I hadn't been intimate with in many years, but had known for nearly half my life.

"So, I'm 56." He blurted in return before shifting to redistribute my weight – out of practice.

Closing my eyes, I turned my head before opening them to look at him, "Having another child is definitely not in the cards."

"Are you really still obsessing over that?"

"I've been obsessing over it for years. A lot of women obsess over their ability or inability to conceive. Besides, the only person I'd want to have another child with doesn't have any interest."

"And who would that be?"

I gently slapped his bare chest as a response.

"I honestly didn't think I was a contender." He replied, "Considering."

"Considering over the last ten hours we've practiced what generally – naturally – results in the conception of a child?"

"I honestly couldn't have predicted that. Considering, it's been a while. Like first term Obama presidency awhile."

I couldn't help by smirk, then turned my head on my right side under his chin, "It's been a very long time since my toes curled like that."

"Mine too." I felt his throat clear before he continued, "You know, if you moved back home you could experience toe curling as much as you wanted or needed."

"You know that can't happen…not now at least."

"And why is that?"

Instant flashes of memories I'd rather forget came rushing to my mind and it took all the strength I could muster to fight back tears, "Have you ever loved someone so much that watching them wither away causes you pain so unbearable you can't be around them anymore?"

I realized in that moment that I had never been openly honest about why I left. Given the silence that filled the room I couldn't help but wonder if maybe I shouldn't have been honest.

Sighing, I lifted my head and looked at Mulder, his eyes focused on the ceiling above, "Leaving was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, Mulder. I just couldn't save you, so I had to save myself." That may have also been too honest.

He cleared his throat and looked down at me, "Was it really that bad?"

I nodded, "I'd get up, go to work, come home and you'd either still be in bed, or in that room staring at the walls. You lost a tremendous amount of weight and the light in your eyes just…vanished. I tried so hard to rationalize that it was just a phase, but you refused to see a doctor, you refused to even leave the house…every day I was terrified I'd come home and find you dead."

"That wasn't going to happen."

"How was I to know that? We shared a bed for twelve years and in the last ten hours have touched each other more than we did the last two of those years. I guess I hoped leaving would force you to snap out of whatever self-destruction you were going through."

"I guess you could say it has." He gave a small smile, "So…I mean you've been there nearly every night the last few months anyway. You just generally leave after dinner."

"It's different now."

"You mean now that I actually have a reason to get out of bed every morning and put on a tie?"

"And we now, again, work for an agency that doesn't take kindly to its employees living together…"

"Regardless of the cost savings of sharing rooms, rental cars etc. which you would think they'd be all for given the needless government spending so many complain about."

"As it is we will have to explain the one room on our expense report."

"I slept on the couch…well, when I actually…slept."

Rolling my eyes as I rolled myself off of him, I focused my eyes on the moonlight reflected on the ceiling, "As it is, the bureau has much more important things to worry about rather than whether their agents are sharing rooms."

"And beds."

"But, I feel it's best that we maintain separate residences. For appearance reasons."

"And what about dinner?"

"What we do in our off hours is no one's business but our own."

Mulder turned and picked up his phone, "And four am is definitely off hours." He said before placing it back on the table by the sofa bed, "And it's Friday…"

"And a four-hour drive back to DC." I couldn't help but groan.

"Time clock doesn't start clicking till nine, so we have a couple hours to sleep…" I could sense Mulder's eyes on me.

"I'm not tired."

"Me neither…I do have one question though." Mulder turned on his side facing me, "When you left nearly four years ago due to this depression diagnosis by Doctor Dana Scully, I hardly saw you - beyond a weekly checkup phone call that was nothing more than small talk. When we started working together again a year ago you were distant and guarded; even if you did come home it was only for an hour or so – no dinner. Once you got out of the hospital the bi weekly dinners started and I was happy for that at least, but why did you suddenly feel the need to crawl into bed with me. Twice. Not that I'm complaining, just curious."

"Because..." forming feelings into words being much harder than I realized it would, "in the last few weeks I've seen you return to the man I fell in love with so many years ago." Turning and looking at him, "I fought it as hard as I could. That's why I left after dinner, because I knew if I didn't this would happen."

"But why did you fight it at all?"

"Because watching you slowly deteriorate was so painful I never want to feel that much pain again. I know I don't know exactly what you were feeling, and how much mental pain you were in, but you have no idea how it can affect others. Those that would do anything to stop the aching and knowing they can't. All the medical training in the world doesn't prepare you for that anguish."

"I'm sorry I put you through all of that. If you had just told me then…"

"I did Mulder." Now I let the tears fall, "You wouldn't listen."

Mulder closed his eyes and nodded, "But now…"

"Now, thanks to a lunatic and a child's game, all that jealously I felt any time another woman even looked at you just came back. Like a tidal wave in the face."

Mulder chuckled a bit, "Thank you, Judy."

The question I had wanted to ask for months, during every case, every dinner, every quiet car ride had to be asked, "Mulder, were you with anyone else while we were apart?"

"No." He said flat out, "I never even considered the thought. I knew we'd be back here. I didn't realize it would take this long, but I knew it would happen. Eventually."

I smiled in relief, but then he hit me with the same question, "You?"

I shook my head, "I never entertained the thought."

"Not even right-wing talk show hosts?"

"No." I replied in the same tone as his initial assertion. Biting my lip, I rolled over on my side, our faces inches apart, "Maybe, from now on, I will stay after dinner."

"I'd like that." He said softly.

"Me too."

There were only a few seconds of silence before his lips softly touched mine, as his arm wrapped around my waist pulling me closer to him. As the kiss intensified, my lips instinctively parted as I rolled onto my back, wrapping my arms around him.

My pulse began to quicken as my legs slowly widened, welcoming him in deeper with each thrust, my body quickly remembering the pleasure that coursed through it as my nails dug into his back, then his ass begging to go faster, harder, reciting the dance I feared my mind had forgotten. As my own climax neared, Mulder's groans became deeper, his thrusts slower, the need for me to release before him was one of his many assets. Digging my nails deeper into his behind, I pulled him into me as far as my body would allow and held him there. My muscles tightening around his shaft. Opening my eyes, I moved my hands to his face, looking deeply into his eyes. How I could deny either of us this pleasure for so many years was something I would spend years making up to him. And myself. I didn't care if I had to sneak into shady motels, or leave my former home at three am to get back to my apartment to sway suspicion, this was going to happen again…and again…until we were no longer able.

Letting go of the pain and guilt I had felt since walking out on him, I swallowed the large lump in my throat and said those three little words, "I love you."

He nodded, "I've always loved you."

Closing my eyes, I raised my hips, begging him to continue. With each new thrust the pleasure built until it climaxed through me and my hands returned to his backside, digging into his soft flesh as my body shook causing him to then groan one last time and collapse onto me.

I ran my fingers through his hair until his breathing steadied and he rolled over onto his back. Sure, we were old…but we weren't dead.

"That may have beat a record." I said watching him continue to catch his breath.

Mulder shook his head, "Texas. Fifteen years ago. It was over 100 degrees, humid, we couldn't leave the hotel room and had nothing else to do." He said before rolling off of me and onto his back.

"I'm willing to accept that challenge…" I grinned as he continued to breathe heavily.

"You do realize I am four years away from qualifying for the senior citizen discount and am already getting AARP junk mail."

"Age is just a number. You've proven that. We've proven that." I replied feeling like I had about three cans of Red Bull.

He picked up his phone again, "I'll set the alarm for seven, that gives us a couple of hours of shut eye, then we can head back to DC and write up our case reports and then see where the day takes us."

"Sounds like a plan." I replied.

He leaned over and softly kissed me before rolling over onto his side with his back to me. I watched his shoulder muscles move with his breathing for a few moments before sliding my left arm under his chest and locking it with my right, pulling him against me. The feeling of his heart beating against mine lulling me into a much-needed deep sleep.

When that annoying ring tone started beeping I cursed the universe as I opened my eyes and found myself alone.

I sat up quickly, "Mulder?" I called out to no response.

Was it all a dream? I knew that wasn't true, but where the hell was he. Given the clothes I had worn the night before were on the other side of the room and I didn't want to get out of bed naked without knowing where my partner was, I just sat there. I picked up his phone to shut off the alarm and the paranoid part of me couldn't help but need to look at his calls, his texts…

Every text…me.

Every call…me, Skinner and the pizza place we ordered from two nights ago.

Tossing the phone back on the bed I felt guilty, but relieved. And where the hell was he.

After a few more minutes of being naked and alone, I heard the door in the room where I was supposed to be sleeping open. Bringing the covers up to my neck I sat and waited…thankfully the next face I saw was Mulder's carrying a tray of coffee and a paper bag.

"Breakfast run." He said placing the bag on the table and handing a coffee to me, "You can let the sheet down, I'm well aware of what's under it."

I smirked and took the coffee, letting the sheet fall to my lap, to which he nodded in approval.

"I got a couple of muffins, cranberry and blueberry. Not much to choose from around these parts, but we can always stop somewhere on the way back."

Nodding, I took a sip of the very hot and much needed liquefied coffee bean and sighed, "Thank you."

Mulder nodded as well and sat on the edge of the bed with his own cup, "Am I wrong in assuming we're back together now?"

"I'm sitting here naked in your bed…"

"That doesn't answer my question."

"You're not wrong." I smiled and took another sip, "But given everything else happening we can't be obvious, or used as a distraction."

Mulder nodded, "We've done this before."

"Yes, but we were younger and didn't have a tyrant running the country."

"True. So, not on the desk…this time."

"Stop it." I couldn't help by smile at the memory, "That happened once…and I'm not even sure my body could bend like that anymore."

"I'm willing to try…"

"Shouldn't you be getting packed?"

"Well, I need to shower….and I figured…"

I knew where this was going, "I'm not sure my body could bend like that anymore either."

"I'm willing to try."

I shook my head, "Rain check."

"I'm good with that." He patted the sheet over my leg and walked into the other room, closing the bathroom door behind him.

The water started running and I still sat there, intrigued…and curious and a bit excited at the thought.

I placed the cup on the nightstand next to the muffin bag and got out of the bed, walking to the bathroom door I slowly pushed it open and there he stood in front of the shower. Smirking.

"How long would you have stood here?"

"As long as I needed to."

"I do like to conserve water."

"That's what I was hoping for."

I closed the door and watched him undress, before opening the shower door "Ladies first."

It was a small shower, like many I had used in motels in the past, but I hadn't attempted anything other than actually showering in one in years. He stepped in behind me and closed the door, snapping it in place.

As the hot water rained on me, Mulder placed his hands on my shoulders and smiled, "If this has all been a dream please don't ever wake me up."

Placing my arms around his neck I simply shook my head, "It's not."

Mulder's hands slid down my side to my behind, which he then took hold of pulling me off my feet, my legs quickly and instinctively wrapping around his waist. Unlike hours earlier where he was slow and gentle, time and wasting water was a factor so I was completely understanding when he pushed me against the tile wall and thrust into me as his tongue echoed the dance between my lips. My back sliding up and down the tile with each movement, my right hand moving from his neck to my center needing to quickly aid in my own pleasure. My fingers frantically working as his grunts became louder I knew he was closer than I and I couldn't climax without him inside of me so I begged my body to let it come. As my fingers rubbed harder, he thrust harder and as my heels pushed into his ass, the surge came over me, my right hand returning to his neck, my tongue diving into his mouth as I felt his own orgasm begin.

After the intensity passed, and the shaking had subsided, I unlocked my Jell-O like legs and returned them to the tile floor. Mulder parted from me and licked his lips, "This better not be a dream."

I chuckled and grabbed the body wash off the shelf, "It's not." I said handing it to him, "But we do need to get going."

After showering, blow drying, dressing, packing and scarfing down two muffins we were checked out of the hotel and at our respective cars by 8:56AM. Opening the door of my rental, I got in and put the keys in the ignition just as Mulder was tapping on the window and asking me to open it.

"What?" I asked wondering what he could possibly want

He reached in and put his hand on the back of my head, pulling my face to his and kissing me, hard. My hand dropped from the gear shift as this kiss deepened and a beeping suddenly started and he pulled away and tapped his phone. "9AM." He said, "To be continued." He smirked and walked back to his car.

Shaking my head, I rolled the window up and sat there unable to get the stupid grin off my face. This was followed by a honk and a man yelling, "The quicker we get back, the quicker to quitting time."

I waved and watched him drive out of the parking lot from the rear-view mirror. Instantly the fear of letting myself get too close to him, again, took over. The memories of watching him lying in bed for days, that damn beard growing, his pants no longer fitting, the color leaving his face, the light leaving his eyes just came over me. I knew I couldn't prevent that from happening again, but I also knew if it did this time I wouldn't abandon him. I knew this journey, this path I had chosen so many years before, was far from over.