And a Hell of a Halloween!

For the one million imaginary people, and to a few real people: here's to you, a happy Halloween gift!

Un: Hello to Your COCK!

`~. oh hai .~`

Ya know, I really don't usually question what happens in my dreams; but this was getting ridiculous…

"Battler onii-chan~! Don't do it! You'll be suspended by Coach Krauss!" The girl who was pulling on my arm looked like an older version of Ange, and she was obviously upset with my behavior.

"Sounds like a vacation to me!" I spat all macho-like. I'm a total badass in my dreams!

"OH JYEAH!"

Kool-Aid man appeared out of nowhere, and I don't know how (physically) or why, but he was wearing the same school uniform as me (I can't even tell you how he fit through the classroom door).

Outside the window of what appeared to be the most-ghetto high school in existence, there was a storm beginning to form up. 'Coach Krauss' wasn't in the damn classroom, so I figured class ended at 2:30 (the clock was at 2:25).

I practically stripped out of my red-blue plaid and white uniform shirt, balled it into my bag, and hit it through the door.

Senile old Principal Kinzo (how did I know he was the principal?) and what I assumed was me and Ange-girl's friends were talking out in the hallway. "You should have as many people fight you as possible!" "Mammon! Don't talk him up," Ange yelled at the girl closest to her. Jeez, these girls look like the Stakes of Purgatory.

"I agree with Battler! Kick his ASS," Satan yelled with a smile on her face.

"Fighting is way too much work, let's go sleep in Mr. Rudolph's music class," the slothful sister Belphegor suggested. "Yeah, you'll get your clothes all dirty; it's rainy and muddy out there," Lucifer told me; always the proud fashionista police. "Let's not got to Rudolph's class, Natsuhi has cookies in Home Economics!" Their gluttonous blonde sister suggested.

"LOVE AND PEACE!" Asmodeous claimed while Principal Kinzo hollered: "I HEART AMERIKA!"

Whoever I was about to fight was in a world of trouble!

Then the Seacats' Hi-Skool dismissal bell rung and me plus an excited posse rushed out to a deserted area near an abandoned…chapel? It sure did look familiar. Everyone wandered inside the building behind Principal Kinzo who for some reason was singing: 'yami wo kirisaku oh desire~' and 'sacrificing to go!'

Not long after (it was raining men by this time) my opponent appeared.

"Ya sure you wanna go through with this!" I asked him in a dangerous tone, though he did look like a silent killer and it scared me a little. "Pu ku ku, I've been waiting all day for this. I just love these types of situations, don't you?" The slightly older guy was teasing me, which got me hot easily. I mean, angry…

"Aargh! Take this~~! Justice Kiiiiickk!" I charged at him, ridiculously emitting sparks of magical energy, and he easily side stepped my out incoming attack… and I felt my self being grabbed by my outstretched leg. The weird guy slammed me in the mud, and politely stepped back and waited for me to recover.

"Tired yet?" He asked me. I was slightly dizzy from that spinning move, but I hopped to my feet anyways.

"Never! RADIANT TRUTH OF SPAGHETTI!" I think that was a name of a secret attack, because then a golden ray of light blasted out of my hands. In the air above us stood Weetrice; (again, don't ask me how I knew what that thing was) it's that sixth sense you have during dreams. Needless to say, this attack knocked him to the dirt; but I won't give him the chance to recover! I dashed forward immediately, the only sound was of raindrops singing a beautiful requiem…!

And then I slipped in the mud… sorta… It was cool because it was me: The Goddamn Battler.

By now, that guy came over to where I busted my ass, kneeling to see if I was alright. "Battler-kun, why do you dislike me so much? And how come you didn't use your Oppai Finger attack thingy as well?"

"I don't hate you… And plus when the author began to type this, Ougon Musou Kyou didn't come out yet…" I felt bad for some reason, for he genuinely seemed heartbroken. He leaned closer, over me so that the rain was blocked from my face.

Whoa… he was kinda smexy under inspection. "Are you okay?" He asked to be sure. "Yeah, I just gotta hear Lucifer tell me 'I told ya so' later about my clothes. But that's nothing." I smiled to let him know I was joking, and so did he. I made a movement to sit up, but a gloved hand gently pushed me back to the earth.

"Huh? I…um," I couldn't really reply as he slowly pulled my undershirt upwards, slightly exposing the area up to my chest. I moaned when he lightly ran his index finger down my abdomen, then on my belt buckle which he fondled and teased.

He hovered over me completely, his blue eyes easily seducing me and 'I' ran both hands across his firm chest, pulling him closer by the collar.

*****Of course ha ha, 'I' didn't do, ihihihi: the Battler in my dream was doing all of this…yeah…*****

"Battler, I want to…"

"Yes?" 'I' urged him to continue.

"I want to COCK-A-DOODLE-DOO you…" I stared and gave him a 'wtf' type of look.

"Then I want you to COCK-A-DOODLE-DOO me too, Battler," he reached for 'my' 'gun' and squeezed it firmly.

"With your big COCK-A-DOODLE—"

"Ahhh!"

Battler awoke angrily from his (dream?) turned retarded nightmare. For a moment, he forgot where he was.

"Where… am I?" Correction: he still forgot where he was. The 'cock-a-doodle-doo' sound must have been from the alarm clock beside him which he began to seek to silence (slap) out of habit. Which he eventually did. Eventually.

Battler's aim was paefeckto! His right arm randomly knocked down what seemed to be an alarm clock (which made a nice sound once broken) and that was the end of the 'cock—

"COCK-A-DOODLE-DOO!" Battler couldn't even get angry at the loud interruption; it was just too… loud …AND wrong. He decided to find out about the noise later. He stretched and slipped out of bed, only vaguely remembering that – "COCK-A-DOODLE-DOO!"- today was Halloween.

"Hmm? Ronove's jacket…" While feeling his way around in the darkness, he found the older man's favorite jacket, which was slightly torn. "What the hell… How was someone able to come close enough in a fight to touch Ronove?" He stared at the jacket for a moment longer, succumbed to the desire to sniff it, and finally realized that in fact, this was Ronove's room.

"Well, guess I'll take a shower then," the teen decided. Ronove probably wouldn't mind if he used his bathroom. Or his special lotions. Or his laptop…

"Still, that dream…" It felt as though it had some meaning. That and the massive bulge in his— "Oooh, a giant blue marker!" Battler found a mysterious jumbo Crayola marker from his pocket as he went to the bathroom. Then, he voiced a very important question (plot-wise):

"WHAT THE HELL DID I DO LAST NIGHT?"

The question went unanswered for a few seconds.

And then those seconds turned to minutes.

Finally, Battler stepped over Kool-Aid man who was passed out on the bathroom floor.

`~.oh bai.~`