Pain... Suffering... Hate... Love... Torn... Into... Half...
The agonizing pain never left Matt even once...but it wasn't just the pain that you feel when you are scathed with an ordinary injury...
He feels it in him...lingering...his soul repeatedly slashed. He couldn't comprehend himself. Even his coherent mind couldn't explain why.
He once thought of the reason he should live when everything in this world is meaningless...as meaningless as toys that were beyond repair.
He focuses on his one true purpose of living... But...it seemed like false hope...he should have never left Wammy if he knew his future would crumble like this...
And who was to blame? He growl angrily. Mello.
He should have never followed his friend in the first place! He knew he'll regret it if he follows! But why did he? He knew the consequences...but why did he still follow his blond haired friend with the overly powerful ego?
...Why?
He look up at the mirror, no...Mello isn't to blame...he was the one that stupidly follow Mello...he know his loyalty to his blond haired friend is what made him throw aside everything...he can regret all he want...he can leave but his loyalty to Mello will always make him come back...unless...
He shake his head like he's trying to shake out his dark thoughts. No! He can't do that! He promised Mello! ...But does it matter?
The redhead lights a cigarette meekly while staring at the cold ground, he pull up his goggles and let his tears flow down his face. "Mello, I-I'm so sorry...I don't think I can take this anymore. I'm sorry. I hope you can find someone who is better than me. I hope you can find someone who won't hurt you..."
He walks out of his bathroom, he took out his gun and aims it at his head "I'm sorry Mello...I'm so sorry I'm not strong enough..."
Just as he was about to pull the trigger Mello walked in "Hey Matt-" Mello stop as he stare at his redheaded friend pointing a gun at his own head.
Matt's eyes widen as he turn towards Mello and stare at him with wide eyes, shaking slightly as he saw his eyes narrow and he clutch his fists.
"Matt...what do you think you're doing?" He asked calmly but his eyes locked onto Matt's, that predatory glint shining in an angry passion. "Were you trying to kill yourself?" He walk towards Matt and knock the gun out of his hand.
Matt couldn't evade the punch that suddenly collided with his cheek after the gun was knocked to the other side of the room. The newly lit cigarette flew from his mouth and on the ground.
Matt wisely stood silently, not making a sound as he was thrown aside, his back colliding with the wall, he winced and moaned softly, trying as hard as he could to stay quiet as Mello's deathly grip on his shirt made him fear for more sharp blows.
No...please...Mello...no more... He couldn't look up...he couldn't look Mello in the eye... He can't stand seeing the disappointment, angry and sadness his eyes hold...
"Look at me you bastard! Why the fuck were you trying to kill yourself? Answer me!" Mello yelled angrily as he shake him, like it's going to make him talk.
Matt stays quiet, looking at anything but Mello and that just pissed him off even more, Mello throw Matt onto the floor and started kicking him. Matt whimper softly but was otherwise quiet, he curl up in an attempt to soften Mello's kicks.
Mello growl angrily as he pull him up by his hair "Had enough? You insensitive bastard!" He grab the front of his shirt again with one hand, the other grab his chin roughly and force Matt to look at him.
Matt shut his eyes tightly as his body shake in pain, afraid of what his blond haired friend have in mind.
"Mail..." He whisper softly.
He froze in shock, a slight sniffle was heard from his friend...and out of an excruciating curiosity he open his eyes...
Mihael?
He held his breath... Never...he has never seen Mello shed tears... Tears that roll down his face...he has never seen Mello cry before...
"Mihael..." He whisper softly and frees himself of Mello's grip, to wrap his arms around him in an embrace...
He is still like before...Mello couldn't help but smile...
"Don't die, Mail..." he begged softly, burying his head on his friend's chest. "Please don't die...please... Promise me you won't die..."
"Mihael, I'm...sorry. I can't promise you anything...I won't promise you anything I am not 100% sure I'll be able to keep..."
Mello narrow his eyes "Tch fine. Then I'll die if you do. I may be smart. But my stubborness exceeds it."
Matt couldn't help but groan "Don't be stupid, Mello. I'm not worth it."
Mello glare angrily. "You're the one that's stupid! You're my best friend and you've helped me without question, without asking for anything in return and I can't even return the favor! Not once am I able to help you with anything!"
Matt's eyes soften as he look at Mello "Mihael...you don't have to do anything for me." He smile softly "You're friendship is more than enough."
"Is it really? If it is then why did you try to kill yourself?" Mello snapped angrily "If it is enough then why did you try to take your own life, Mail Jeevas!?"
Matt close his eyes and look away, not saying a single word, making Mello angrier. He grab his shirt again as his other hand pin Matt against the wall, making Matt look up at him, he look down at Matt, he hair cover his eyes as tears run down his face.