Break up the Concrete
It was a moment, almost like any other moment in her life. An encore of sorts to a story which had never really been written to end. The words almost made her eardrums burst with the imaginary blood trickling down her Eustachian tube, leaving the bitter taste of regret and disappointment in what she assumed to be the curtain call.
"Why won't you forgive me?"
The question was bluntly posed but desperately needing an answer Ellie was not sure she wanted to give. If there was nothing left to say but the pure truth would it not be better to stay silent than to break a heart?
"I love you! You're my daughter!"
The words were burning like fire in a room filled with oxygen.
But I am not, she wanted to scream. She did not. She did not believe this to be true. She was his daughter, too. If she were not Ellie knew she would not be feeling this hurt and betrayed by everything that had happened in the last couple of years.
She desperately wanted to run to him, cry against his broad shoulders and lose herself in the version of him she grew up with. But that was no longer possible, he could no longer be this Peter. As much as it hurt they would be forced to wait it out until Ellie could reconcile the two versions of Peter she had in her head and heart.
She blinked back a tear which was threatening to roll down her cheek and remembered, tried to remember who he was to her before all of this. The lies. The betrayal. The heartache.
–
"I got picked to play the angel!" Her voice was loud, too loud Peter thought, but she was excited and he did not feel like reprimanding her for it. Not tonight, anyway. He smiled at her, nodded and asked her to explain further.
"At school! We're doing a play for Christmas and I'm going to be the angel! I get to wear a white dress and halo! No wings, though! Miss Patmore says that the angel who came to Jesus doesn't wear wings! I do! But Miss Patmore says no! Alec is one of the three wise men! Balthazar!"
Peter thought she was a little too old to speak in exclamations only, but he smiled at her nonetheless, proudly. Ellie smiled back at him toothily. Another tooth missing, Peter noticed. He leaned closer and put his hand under cheek to lift it a little higher.
"Did you lose another tooth today?" Peter asked and let his thumb softly run over Ellie's chin.
"No! Yesterday! Alec and I were eating and it was very loose. It hurt a little. Alec said to take a bite from his apple. I did. It got stuck and then it was out."
Peter lifted her up off the ground and placed her in his lap, cuddled her closely against his chest and kissed the side of her head tenderly.
–
Ellie sighed deeply, sincerely because she did feel sad and heartbroken for him, too, despite everything. Then she swallowed hard, feeling the vibrations in the back of her throat. She blinked back a tear and straightened her shoulders.
"I'm no longer six years old. It takes more than a kiss and a cuddle to make up." Ellie shook her head lightly, closed her eyes briefly and breathed in deeply.
She looked up and at Peter again. It caused her a great amount of pain to see him like this, but what hurt even more was that Ellie could not even tell him how to make it better. She was broken into a million pieces in a hundred different places and Ellie had no clue at all how to fix this.
"Could you maybe tell the others I had to get back to Chicago?"
Peter nodded his head lightly, disappointment and hurt visible on his features. It almost made her reconsider her decision to leave Springfield. He laughed out bitterly then.
"You're never going to forgive me, are you?"
Of course you won't, Peter thought, because I'm not your Dad.
Ellie could see it in his eyes, this underlying envy Peter had been showing ever since her mother started to work for Lockhart/Gardner. She wanted to hit him over the head then, hard and bruising. She wanted to yell at him from the top of her lungs, wanted to scream that he had fucked prostitutes long before her mother started working for her Dad's firm. For once she wanted to be blunt and selfish, hurtful even. Instead she straightened her shoulders more, walked over to the closet to get her coat and without turning around she walked out the door.
She heard footsteps behind her and without looking over her shoulder Ellie said sternly.
"Don't bother. I'll take the bus."
–
"Will you drive down with me for Grace's birthday?" Alicia asked hesitantly, holding the phone tightly to her ear, afraid to lose contact, afraid that Ellie could be slipping even further away than she already had if only Alicia let go of the phone.
Alicia knew that a parent had to let go eventually, had to set their kid free to find their own path in life, but Alicia also knew that the general concept of letting them run for themselves was only a fraction of the truth in their situation. She had felt Ellie distancing herself from everybody else in the family. Ellie talked to her, but it never was more than polite conversational duties to her daughter, or at least that was how it felt.
"I don't know, Mom." I'm busy, Ellie wanted to say. It would not have been a lie, but it would not have been the truth either. "I'll try." She said instead. What she meant was 'I will try to try'.
It's too much, Ellie wanted to say, too. She did not, though. She did not tell her mother that no, she would not be coming down to Springfield with her to celebrate Grace's birthday while her world, her life, her family was falling apart at the seams. We are your family, Alicia would say, Ellie knew. But that was only a fraction of the truth and Ellie did not feel like dragging somebody else down with her, not today, she thought.
"Ellie?" Alicia's voice was gentle, pleading with Ellie to talk, to open up to Alicia.
"I'll try, Mom. I promise I'll try. I gotta go now. Bye." Ellie said sternly before hanging up the phone.
A dial tone had rarely felt like such a definite answer, Alicia realized sadly.
–
It was almost midnight when Kalinda's phone rang. She turned carefully in order not to disturb the person next to her in bed. She grabbed the phone from the nightstand and pressed answer.
"Hello." Kalinda replied sleepily.
"Oh, Kalinda! Kalinda, Kalinda, Kalinda. How are you these days?"
Kalinda took the phone from her ear to look at the caller ID. Number withheld. She was about to hang up the phone when she heard the person call out for her again.
"Kalinda? Are you still there? I think I'm gonna be sick." There was a moment of silence on the other end, Kalinda heard some ruffling noise before somebody else picked up the phone.
"Hello? Who am I talking to?" A male voice asked in irritation.
"Who the hell am I talking to at 11.58?" Kalinda replied in annoyance.
"Markus. I'm a bartender at Danny's Bar and Bistro on E Gardner St, Gardner, Illinois. There is a girl here, Elizabeth Gardner, who says she needs to get to Chicago tonight. But there aren't anymore buses and she's trashed and well she can't stay here for the night and I don't think she should be wandering around with her current alcohol level. Oh, hey she's coming back. I'll pass the phone to her. Just, someone needs to pick her up."
Kalinda sat upright in her bed, kicking the blankets off of her body and stood up to walk over to her closet.
"Hello?" Ellie said on the other end of the line. She did sound intoxicated, that much Kalinda could tell.
"Ellie? You stay where you're at, alright? I'll come pick you up!" Kalinda pressed the phone between her cheek and shoulder to put on some jeans and socks.
"Aw, you don't need to do that. I'll just walk home. That's alright." Ellie sat and tried to stand up but felt incredibly dizzy the moment she did so. "On second thought, I'll just wait a little and rest my eyes."
"Elizabeth! You cannot walk home! You are seventy miles away from the greater area of Chicago! You cannot and you will not walk home! You'll stay where you are right now and I will come pick you up!" Kalinda said sternly.
"Alright, alright. No need to get mean. So, I'll just sit here with Steve...well, I think that's what his name is. Steve and I, we'll just sit here and wait for you, have a few more drinks." Ellie replied calmly.
"Ellie? Can you please let me talk to Steve for a minute?" Kalinda said, searching for her car keys.
"Okay." Ellie said handing the phone to Steve.
"Hello," a male voice replied.
"Steve! Do you know how old this young lady next to you is? 20. That is still a year away from legal drinking age and as luck has it her father is one of the best lawyers in the state of Illinois, so if you value your freedom you won't buy her anymore alcoholic beverages. Instead you will order her a bucket of water and as much coffee as she wants and by the time I get there you will be long gone. Do you understand?"
"Eh, my name's Pete," the guy said defensively.
"Pete! Do. You. Understand?" Kalinda asked him angrily.
"I do. I do. Water. Coffee. Leave." Pete stuttered. "I understand."
"Now, give the phone back to Ellie. I need to talk to her again."
"Hey, Kalinda, Kalinda, Kal-"
"Ellie! The young gentleman will order you some water and coffee which you will drink, all of it. You will not leave this bar until I'm there, understood?"
"Yes, okay. Drink water and coffee and wait for you." Ellie said nodding her head in understanding, sitting up on her bar stool.
"Good. I won't be long." Kalinda said, putting on a sweatshirt and silently apologizing to the woman in her bed for leaving her alone in the middle of the night.
"Kalinda?" Ellie said quietly.
"Yes." Kalinda said while walking toward the door to put her shoes on.
"Can you maybe...not tell my Dad?" Ellie said banging her feet softly against the wooden wall of the bar counter.
"I'll come pick you up now, okay?" Kalinda did not make promises she knew she could not keep, but she did help however, whenever she could to make the fall less spectacular.
"Thank you." Ellie replied quietly, but sincerely.
Then Ellie hung up the phone.
Kalinda shook her head in amusement. It sure as hell would be a night to remember, she thought as she walked out the door of her apartment.
–
"Grace, I'm home!" Alicia said as she walked over the threshold of their apartment.
"I'm in the kitchen, Mom." Grace called out.
Alicia put down her briefcase on the chair next to the shoe closet. She shrugged out of her coat and hung it on the coat rack.
Alicia could smell the scent of freshly cooked food coming from the kitchen area. She walked into the kitchen and saw Grace sitting next to a plate of leftovers, bent over what Alicia assumed was her homework. Alicia kissed the side of Grace's head and took a peak over her daughter's shoulder to see what she was working on. Algebra.
She stepped past her daughter and towards the plate of food, Indian curry from what she could tell.
"Ellie cooked that. We didn't know what time you'd be home, so we didn't wait. It's so good!" Grace said with a smile on her face.
Alicia raised one eyebrow while taking the cling wrap off the plate and putting it in the microwave to heat it up.
"Ellie stopped by?" Alicia asked curiously. She had not talked to her eldest in well over a week. Alicia had not had much time on her hands lately, she was swamped with work and had not seen much of her kids – kid, Alicia corrected herself, who actually still lived at home. Alicia had tried to call her a few times in the last couple of days, but had been unable to reach her.
Grace nodded. "Yes. She's in the living room, but I think she's on the phone." The way Grace pronounced the last three words made Alicia wonder who Ellie was on the phone with, from the way Grace tried to sound casual Alicia presumed Ellie was on the phone with a male, a boyfriend perhaps. Kids do grow up so fast, Alicia thought and poured herself a glass of wine before making her way to the living room.
Ellie was sitting on the couch with her legs crossed underneath her and her phone pressed tightly to her ear. Alicia walked around the couch, bowed down to place a kiss on the crown of Ellie's head and walked further down to take a seat next to her first-born and set the glass of wine on the coffee table.
"No. Don't worry about it. I'll see if I can get a ticket but you shouldn't pass up on that chance. I just, with stuff going on, you know, I just forgot about Muse coming to Chicago. It's alright, you go. Ben, Ty and Lilly are going, too." Ellie nodded and laughed out loud at something the other person said, Alicia noticed. It had been a while since Alicia had seen Ellie laugh and make jokes. "Haha, aren't you quite the wordsmith, Sheridan? Yeah, keep telling yourself that. Gotta let you go, my Mom just came home. Talk to you Friday? Alright. Bye."
Ellie hung up the phone and put it down on the coffee table with a smile on her face. She turned to greet her mom, when Alicia leaned over to give her daughter a hug. A tight one and Ellie complained jokingly, holding her shoulder in fake pain.
"Someone's happy to see my pretty face." Ellie said and smiled at her mother.
"And such a pretty one it is." Alicia said while trying to pinch her daughter's cheek who evaded her mother's attempt skillfully by raising her shoulder to trap Alicia's hand in the space between her cheek and shoulder. They both started laughing.
"How are you, Ellie?" Alicia asked.
"Good. School just being school. Not much else going on." Ellie shrugged her shoulders and crossed her arms in front of her chest.
"So, who were talking to?" Alicia said, raising one of her eyebrows.
"Oh, just a friend. I started hanging out with this group on campus. We just jam a little together occasionally." Ellie replied nonchalantly.
"What about Helena? How's she doing?" Alicia asked, hoping to get a little more information about what was going on in her daughter's life besides the usual 'good', 'nothing much going on' and 'I'm okay'.
"She's good. We had coffee the other day. She moved in with her boyfriend."
So much for digging deeper, Alicia thought.
"Mom! Come get your food, it's ready." Grace yelled from the kitchen. Alicia stood up, walked around the couch and over to the kitchen to get her plate of Indian curry.
Ellie stepped into the kitchen a few moments later, stepping around the counter to grab her backpack from one of the chairs.
"Aren't you going to stay the night?" Alicia asked, looking at Ellie who put the bag on her back and tied her hair back in a ponytail.
"No, I can't. Gotta finish up some stuff." Ellie said and walked over to Grace. Ellie kissed her sister's temple. "Next time I'll make some pasta. Lasagna maybe."
"Oh yes!" Grace replied excitedly.
"Bye Mom!" Ellie said before walking over to kiss her mother's cheek.
"Oh God, this is good!" Alicia exclaimed as she brought Ellie closer to hug Ellie to her side for a moment.
"Alright, guys, gotta go." Ellie turned and walked towards the door.
"Love you!" Alicia and Grace both yelled at her retrieving back.
"Love you, too." Ellie said and walked over the threshold, closing the door behind her.
–
"I was on the bus, you know." Ellie said quietly, staring out of the window on the passenger side of Kalinda's car. "I was on the bus to Chicago, but I had to get off. I just couldn't go back. I was stuck in between. Story of my life." Ellie laughed out bitterly.
Kalinda just looked ahead, eyes on the road, she sighed. She knew that face from all those times she had looked in the mirror. She knew that voice, too, the sound of sadness and anger.
"I'm so angry...all the time, Kalinda. How does one stop being angry?" Ellie paused for a moment, collecting her thoughts. She checked her phone silently. Four new messages, Ellie read. Her parents must be pissed, she realized, but Ellie just could not find a way to care. "I'm ready to leave and just go somewhere for sometime, not forever, just for a while, you know."
"What about your Dad?" Kalinda asked calmly. "What would he do without you?"
Ellie pinched the bridge of her nose to keep herself from crying. Ellie was no longer willing to shed anymore tears, almost like she forced herself to run dry, like she had exceeded the quota of tears she could cry for this mess her parents – all three of them, had made out of their lives.
Ellie swallowed hard, closing her eyes she said quietly into the darkness of the night.
"If I keep looking at him, keep being around him, Kalinda, I will never be able to forgive my Mom or Peter."
Ellie brought the phone to her ear and pressed the button to access her voice mail.
Message #1 (Alicia):
Elizabeth Adrienne! Peter told me that you decided to get a bus back to Chicago? What is going on? Where are you? Call me back, please.
Message #2 (Grace):
What the hell, Ellie? It is MY birthday and you go and screw it up again! I can't believe you! Why does everything always have to be about you, you're so selfish!
Message #3 (Will):
El? What's going on? Where are you? Your Mom called and said you left Springfield and got a bus back to Chicago. What's going on? Just tell me where you are and I'll come pick you up. Call me, okay? I love you, kiddo!
Message #4 (Alicia):
It's 10.30, Elizabeth. You're not at your Dad's or your dorm room. You're not at home or answering your phone. What is going on and where are you? I'm worried, Elizabeth. Call me, text me or even just let your Dad know you're fine if you don't feel like talking to me. Either way we'll have a chat about this once I'm back home.
Home, she thought, what the hell.
Ellie put down her phone, turned her head to look at Kalinda and sighed. "You sure I can't have another drink? Just a tiny one?" Ellie asked.
Kalinda laughed. "Positive."
"It was worth a shot." Ellie replied dryly before turning her head to look straight ahead.
"Where do you want me to drop you, El?"
Ellie shrugged her shoulders, keeping quiet for a moment. "Nowhere. Anywhere. Whatever."
–
"Owen?" Alicia asked one night after dinner and shortly after opening the second bottle of red wine. Grace was at her dad's place. Zach and Ellie were no longer living at home. Alicia thought it would be a good time to talk to Owen about Ellie and their relationship. Maybe, just maybe Alicia thought Owen knew or could at least find out what was going on in her daughter's life.
"Yes, sis? I knew you didn't just ask me over for my excellent company." Owen joked, but he also saw the seriousness in her eyes and the tenseness in her body and he knew that something important was bothering his sister.
"How is Ellie?" Alicia asked.
Owen raised one of his eyebrows in confusion. "Wouldn't you know better?" It did not sound like an accusation, but Owen was surprised by the question and did not know how to respond.
"No. Yes. I mean. No. Ever since...the thing I-"
"You mean, ever since you left her dad's firm to start your own?"
"Owen." Alicia pleaded with him.
"I didn't mean it like that." Owen apologized, but when his sister raised one of her eyebrows in return he admitted. "Well, I did. She's just hurt...and confused. You'll have to wait it out."
"But I miss her." Alicia said quietly and sighed.
"You need her, Leesh, that's different. You want things to be good again. You want everything to go back to the way they were before...I mean way before. Before the affair, before Peter being Peter."
"Owe-" Alicia interrupted.
"Alicia. You once said that your kids loved their father and they would do anything for him. Ellie loves Will. She adores him. She would do anything to protect him."
"What about me?" Alicia asked sadly.
"She's angry with you, Alicia. Ellie is the kind of person who would cut off her tongue before she said or did anything hurtful to anyone. She's a good kid, but she's still just a kid when it comes to her parents. She's hurting and her keeping to herself is her way of being able to be around you. She doesn't want to hurt you, but she is hurting and still all she does is protect everybody else. Eventually it's going to blow up in her face." Owen explained calmly, patiently, trying to make his sister understand that living up to Alicia's expectation was not always easy or uncompromising. "Now, I need more wine."
–
Kalinda parked the car in front of Will's apartment building. She turned off the ignition and looked at Ellie, waiting for her to make a move, to say something, to do something. They just sat there silently for a good twenty minutes without either of them moving even an inch.
"Can you drop me off at the firm instead?" Ellie whispered insecurely.
Kalinda did not reply anything, just turned the key in the ignition and put the gear into drive.
"You can call my Dad once I'm there. Just give me half an hour. I need to think. I just need a moment to clear my head."
"What about your Mom?" Kalinda asked curiously.
"Don't worry. My Dad will take care of that." Ellie laughed out bitterly.
–
Ellie could feel his eyes on her as she stood inside the room that used to be her mother's office. She turned around slowly and looked up to meet his gaze, for a moment Ellie felt like she might be friends with him. Eli had not treated her any differently, still did not treat her or look at her like she was fragile. Right now Ellie was a lot of things, but fragile certainly did not rank high enough to warrant all the empathy and apologies she had been getting in the last couple of weeks.
When she looked up at him she caught him staring blankly at her still. Ellie raised one of her eyebrows, but then so did he. It almost made her laugh out loud. Almost. If there were a winning and a losing team, Ellie thought, Eli would be on the winning side, but Ellie also knew him well enough to understand that Eli rarely ever thought in categories of black and white.
Even the finest sword plunged into salt water will eventually rust.
The Art of War came to Ellie's mind and it made her smile. There was no safety in the present comfort, no matter how definitive it may look. For in life and love change was unavoidable.
She walked over to the threshold, turned to look around her mother's former office once more and stepped over it, walking towards the elevators. She nodded lightly at Eli.
"I shot a man in Reno just to watch him die," Ellie sang quietly while walking down the hallway of Lockhart/Gardner.
In the midst of chaos, there is also opportunity. Ellie chuckled and the pressed the down button of the elevator.
"Well I know I had it coming, I know I can't be free. But those people keep on moving, that's what tortures me." She sang quietly while riding down on the elevator.
Politics may be a dirty business, but Ellie would be damned if she ever let it get her down.
–
"I'm sorry." Ellie said from the passenger seat.
"Excuse me?" Kalinda asked in surprise.
"People keep saying that to me." Ellie elaborated further. "I'm sorry for what happened. I'm sorry you're hurting, I never meant to do any harm. Everyone keeps apologizing, all the time someone is telling me how sorry they are. It just...it doesn't mean anything anymore. I hear the words, but I just don't feel anything."
"Ellie," Kalinda said calmly, turning in her seat to look at the younger woman. "You'll get through this. It'll get better."
Ellie sighed, she had hoped sincerely that Kalinda understood. Maybe Ellie was wrong, she thought, blinking back a tear that was threatening to fall down her cheek. "I know I will, Kalinda, but I'm not sure it will get better. I'm not sure we'll ever be okay again."
Kalinda wanted to groan, to slap this young woman across the face and yell at her angrily. For once, Kalinda thought, just this once think about yourself first. Kalinda wanted to take her by the shoulders and shake her until she realized that just because she had not been planned did not mean that she had to make up for it her whole life, to not be a burden for anybody else, to be second to anybody. Kalinda wanted to tell her that she mattered. Instead, she swallowed her rage, collected her thoughts and chose her words wisely.
"Listen, El. You have to stop denying your feelings! You're angry, so be angry. Punch something if you feel like it. You're hurt, so let it show. If you don't feel like talking to your Mom then tell her that. Tell her that you need some time. Tell her you love her, too, because I know you do. Tell the world to fuck off if you need to, but tell them something! Let yourself feel anything and everything. That doesn't make you a bad person, it makes you real. It makes you human. Stop holding yourself to these insane standards!"
"Kalinda?" Ellie asked carefully.
"Yeah." Kalinda replied, holding Ellie's gaze.
"Thank you!" Ellie said and smiled.
–
Owen was sitting on the couch with his latest conquest Kevin, when the doorbell rang.
"Ignore it." Owen said and kept on kissing his lovers lips and chin.
The doorbell rang again, this time more vehemently.
"You got to be kidding me!" Owen cursed, leaning away from Kevin apologetically.
"Someone's persistent." Kevin replied questioningly, raising one of his eyebrows in annoyance.
Owen stood up from the couch, ignoring Kevin's remark he headed to the door.
"Who the hell...Ellie?" Owen said in surprise. "What are you doing here?"
Ellie leaned against the doorframe. She shrugged noncommittally.
"Took you long enough." Ellie said bending over to pick her guitar case off of the floor.
"Well," Owen said, crossing his arms in front of his chest. "I have company."
"Oh." Ellie replied understandingly. "Ew. You weren't about to...motherfucker...I do have bad timing. I wonder if it's hereditary. Do you think it can be? I just-" Ellie kept on rambling before she was interrupted by her uncle.
Owen held up one of his hands, asking her to shut up for a second. He looked at her carefully. Red eyes, dilated pupils.
"Have you been drinking?" Owen asked curiously.
"Just a little." Ellie said, shrugging her shoulders noncommittally for the second time in the span of two minutes. That got Owen's attention. He had noticed her nonchalant behavior lately, concerning anything and everything illegal. Needless to say, he was worried about her.
"And smoking?" Owen deadpanned.
"Just a little." Ellie said with the hint of a smile on her lips and a carelessness in her voice Owen had not heard in a long time, if ever, he added to that train of thoughts.
He opened the door further to let her step into his apartment. "Come on in. I'll make you some coffee."
"How about a drink instead?" Ellie asked, raising one of her eyebrows.
"I think you've had enough for tonight." Owen said sternly.
"Spoil sport."
"Go, wait in the living room." Owen said and turned to walk towards his kitchen.
–
Ellie sat on the couch in Will's office, leaning her head against the top of the backrest. Her right hand held onto a baseball firmly. Not just any baseball, Ellie thought, the one her Dad had caught when the two of them had gone together to her very first MLB game. She had been seven years old then, her dad had still lived in Baltimore and he had taken her to see the Orioles play the Dodgers. She had stayed with him for a couple of weeks during her school break. Life had been good then, Ellie remembered, it had been easier.
The alcohol was starting to wear off, the numbness of liquid oblivion was slowly losing the battle to a splitting headache and the mandatory – or so it seemed to her, piercing pain in her heart.
She sighed quietly, closing her eyes to lessen the pain behind her eyeballs.
There was a soft knock at the door. It almost made her tear up again. He was so gentle with her, so understanding, even when she had fucked up and she sure as hell had done so now, Will was just always kind to her and gentle, Ellie thought.
She sat up straighter and opened her eyes slowly, as if she was afraid to see anybody else standing in the space between the hall and her father's office, anybody else but Will.
She saw him then, her dad standing on threshold with his arms wide open, inviting her to forget, to be a child again – his child, and to let everything else go for once. She stood up quickly while the first tears were falling down her rosy cheeks and walked quickly over to him, letting herself fall into his loving embrace. Ellie needed this moment of security in his arms to forget about the tumultuous months she had lived through.
–
"Owen?" Ellie said after taking a sip from her coffee.
"Yeah." Owen replied, leaning his head against the headrest.
"I like him." Ellie said quietly. Owen turned his head to look at her questioningly. "Kevin." Ellie said pointing towards the door. Kevin had left a couple of minutes ago, leaving uncle and niece to sort things out. "I like him."
"Me, too." Owen said and closed his eyes for a moment. Then he sat up straight, turning his body fully towards Ellie. "What's going on?"
Ellie looked at the guitar in her lap, she shrugged. The shrugging again, Owen thought and wondered how his energetic, charismatic niece had turned into this quiet, sad young woman. He knew, though, but it did not keep him from wondering how the hell it had gotten so bad without anyone noticing and stopping it.
"I had a gig tonight. At this bar just off campus. I was done around 9, but I knew that Lauren, my roommate, had her boyfriend over, so I didn't go back to the dorm. I stayed there and had a couple of drinks."
"And the weed?" Owen asked curiously.
"One of the bartenders." Ellie said quietly.
"Why didn't you go home?" Owen asked, moving closer to his niece.
Ellie laughed out bitterly. "Home?"
"Your Dad's place?" Owen raised one of his eyebrows.
"I couldn't." Ellie said sadly, fiddling with the hem of her shirt.
"Why?"
Ellie leaned her head against the back of the couch. "Because I'm supposed to be driving down to Springfield with Mom on Friday."
"Ellie," Owen said hopefully, for the first time Ellie had actually somewhat let anyone see how she really felt, how hurt she was and Owen wanted and needed her to keep talking to him.
"Can I stay with you tonight?" Ellie asked and crossed her arms in front of her chest.
"Ellie?" Owen moved closer and placed a hand on her shoulder, squeezing it lightly to encourage her to talk to him.
Ellie just looked at his hand motionlessly.
"Can I stay with you tonight?"
Owen sighed in defeat, leaned in closer to kiss her temple. For every step forward, there were two steps back, Owen thought. "Of course, you can."
–
Much later, when they were both home at her father's place, Ellie sat next to her dad on the couch in pajamas watching the sports' channel. She took a sip of the water in front of her and a bite from the pizza they had ordered once they had made it home.
"Dad?" Ellie said quietly.
Will turned around then, placing his right arm on the top of the backrest and letting his right hand massage the muscles of her neck and shoulder.
"I feel...I just want to go somewhere, not forever. Just. I want to get away for a little while. Just go somewhere else." Ellie sighed, holding her father's gaze. He nodded understandingly, squeezing her shoulder in encouragement.
"Okay." Will replied sincerely. "Do you want me to come or should I call your aunt Aubrey, see if she's free?"
Ellie was quiet for a moment, just looking into his eyes she contemplated whether or not she wanted him to come or be by herself and leave everything behind.
"You don't have to answer now. Just take your time and think about it." Will said and leaned forward to place a tender kiss against the side of her head.
They cuddled closer together and continued to watch TV, being comfortably silent in each others company. A half hour later, it was Ellie who broke the silence. It was just one moment filled with words among many more that did not have the need to be filled afterward.
"I want you to come with me, Dad." Ellie said calmly with great conviction in her voice, without raising her head from its spot against the side of his chest.
–
In the end it all came down to who she was or rather who she was not to the people who thought they mattered the most.
"So, how is your father?" Jackie said with a satisfactory grin on her lips and a slight edge in her voice.
Spitefulness was never a very flattering look on anyone, Ellie thought, but smiled politely at Jackie.
"Splendid." Ellie replied with too much cheerfulness in her voice to be anywhere near sincere and a grin so bright it would have given Miss America a run for her money.
Jackie nodded in self-assurance and leaned in closer to whisper into Ellie's ear. "Didn't he get exactly what he deserved, the felon he is?"
"You would know, wouldn't you?" Ellie dared, leaning in even closer than Jackie had before. "Being the mother of a philandering, lying convict."
The next thing Ellie saw was the rest of Jackie's champagne flying in her direction, covering her face in bubbly alcohol.
Ellie laughed out loud, both in satisfaction and relief. People must be looking at them, causing a scene at Peter's in-statement dinner. Ellie wiped the dropping fluid of her face, smiling sweetly at Jackie.
"I see. The truth doesn't sit well with you, does it now, Jackie?"
"Once a bastard, always a bastard." Jackie said viciously before stepping aside quickly and walking away in search for her son.
"Elizabeth!" Ellie heard her mother call out for her angrily. "What on earth just happened? I asked you to play nice, didn't I?"
Ellie turned to face her mother, smiled lightly at her and grabbed the glass of red wine Alicia was holding in her right hand.
"Was to be expected from a bastard, wasn't it."
Then she walked away, leaving her mother at a loss for words standing in the middle of the hall.
–
"Hello?" Alicia answered the phone on the second ring. "Will?"
"Hey," Will replied gently, he could hear the worry in her voice. He had been mad at her, disappointed in her decision to leave, but now that he heard the fear in her voice all he wanted to do is hold her and reassure that everything would be okay. "She's safe. Kalinda called. She'd picked her up and brought her home. She's okay."
Alicia sighed deeply. She swallowed a lump in her throat and pressed the cell phone tightly to her ear. "Thank god," Alicia whispered in relief.
"She asleep now, but I'll have her call you tomorrow, okay?" Will explained, sitting on the bed next to his sleeping daughter. Ellie had her own room at Will's apartment, but she had asked if she could stay sleep in his room instead.
"No. I'll come to Chicago. I'll be there in the morning." Alicia said, getting up from the couch to look for her purse and car keys.
"Stay, Alicia." Will said quietly, albeit sternly. "Just let her call you in the morning."
Will heard her quietly breathing in and out on the other end of line. She was thinking, Will could tell. He felt sorry for Alicia, but right now he just wanted to protect his baby girl, no matter the cost.
"She loves you, Alicia." Will said reassuringly. "Just...give it some time."
"Okay." Alicia said sadly. "I'll talk to her tomorrow then."
"Okay. Good night, Alicia." Will said and was about to hang up the phone when he heard Alicia call out for him again.
"Yes." Will said and brought the phone back to his ear.
"Thank you, Will." Alicia said sincerely.
Then she hung up the phone. Will put the phone back on his nightstand, turned of the light and lay down next to his daughter. He watched her sleeping peacefully and he himself started to fall asleep.
The end.