Voldemort's Flying Circus
Part I: The Improbable World
Chapter 1
The Wizarding World was in an uproar after news of the Dark Lord's resignation. How could the Heir of Slytherin give up on his ambition of conquering Britain? Nevertheless, the evidence was irrefutable—the Dark Lord and his Death Eaters had left Britain to attend the Babel School of Performing Arts. It was unbelievable. It was mortifying.
It was calamity.
The sound of incessant bickering could be heard from the dining room of 12 Grimmauld Place.
"Albus, this is definitely a ruse! You can't expect us to believe that Voldemort is giving up all his power to start up a theatre troupe! It's impossible!" Alastor Moody exclaimed, his magical eye rotating wildly, giving the impression that it was about to fly out of its socket.
"Exactly!" A drunken Mundungus Fletcher added, before collapsing into a heap on the floor.
"The Dark Lord has never shown any interest in performing, has he?" Minerva McGonagall questioned, wrinkling her nose at the spectacle that Mundungus Fletcher had made of himself.
Sirius Black scoffed, "Of course not! Try imagining Voldemort prancing around in bloody tights!"
The image of a bald, red-eyed Dark Lord twirling around a stage in pink tights elicited the gag reflexes of everyone in the room.
"As our only spy within the Dark Lord's ranks, I find it… prudent to inform you that the Dark Lord has indeed decided to give up on being a Dark Lord. He believes that his true purpose in life is to take everything that he has experienced and, as he so eloquently phrased it, 'put it into a show'. He has ordered all the Death Eaters to accompany him to that wretched performing arts school, after which we will be expected to perform in his troupe," Severus Snape sneered in disgust.
Sounds of disbelief were heard throughout the room. The bickering returned to its full volume, and soon numerous hexes were being cast across the table, resulting in a scowling Severus Snape sporting a shiny mop of long, wavy, Griffindor-red hair and Sirius Black being dressed in female Victorian garb, causing him to promptly faint due to his inability to breathe in such a tight-fitting ensemble. Fred and George Weasley proceeded to charm particles of dust to clump together and whiz around the room at random, shouting "BAZINGA" every time they hit an Order member.
"SILENCE!"
It was difficult to take Albus Dumbledore seriously when he was dressed in a ridiculously florescent robe with purple bunnies hopping in and out of their rabbit holes. However the Order, which was ironically in disarray, immediately ceased their bickering when the Supreme Mugwump rose to his feet to address them.
"Unfortunately, my friends, what Severus says is true. It is the reason why we have convened today—to decide on the fate of the Order. What will our primary objective be now that Voldemort has stepped down?"
After another round of bickering, the Order finally came to an agreement. To preserve the sanity of the people of Wizarding Britain, the Order of the Phoenix would prevent the Dark Lord and his troupe from performing when they returned to Britain. They knew that the consequences of failing would be catastrophic.
Little did they know that they had not even begun to fathom the implications of this new development.